cornerofmadness (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cornerofmadness) wrote2025-06-28 10:55 pm
cornerofmadness) wrote2025-06-28 10:55 pm
Entry tags:
I have regrets
So yesterday I cut out the saplings (elm and ash) from my garden. I've been fighting the for years. I didn't get a chance before I left and with all that rain, they are more than sixty percent of the garden and the poison ivy from across the way is now everywhere too. Two years ago one of my two roses was half dead and then all dead last year. this year my remaining rose is nearly dead. It'll be gone by next year.
So I came to the sad conclusion I have to strip the garden down to bare earth. I can't win this fight. My disability makes gardening hard enough. Removing a shit tons of stumps and poison ivy is a bit beyond me. I'm waiting for the fall because I CAN save the lilies and I do have a lot of them.
I've been having my exhaustion episodes. Today was so bad I woke up, tried to read, fell back to sleep. Could hardly stand until 1 in the afternoon. I did what I wanted to do, dug into my bedroom closet and I learned nothing from doing the same in the coat closet. At least this didn't take 4 days to undo the mess but the living room is barely passable and my bedroom is barely usable but I put four garbage bags of shoes/purses/belts/clothes in the car for donation. 1 garbage bag of unsalvable garbage removed. two more piles of t-shirts sorted (one I can wear as work shirts the other are ones I want to use to do quilts)
Why did I still have 6 pairs of high heels in there? (argued with my boomer father over them because he's sure a) I'm too old and fat to be attractive b) women wear them for men only and still wear them in spite of me telling him I spend all my days with young women and for the most part they do NOT wear them any more and there aren't that many for sale in stores these days)
Why do I have a sweatshirt from 1987?
Why do I keep so much junk?
Why does cleaning make me so ill. I DID wear my damn mask. My chest is tickling. I'm coughing. My throat is sore.
I also have three giant bags of manga in there for donation. I managed to get most of it back in the closet. You can't tell i took out 5 literal bags of shit. I'm ridiculous.
And I'm not going to clean all the things I wanted to between selecting that closet AND finally opening the utensil drawers to find out the mouse shit in them. Well fuck. Now I have to go get my gloves, bleach, a better mask, new drawer inserts, fire.... I could cry
One of the artists I like for Hazbin's computer died and they were doing a live VA thing with the people they do that with so I chipped in a few bucks. At least there is something I don't regret about today.
I even regret not holding Rocket who was so desperate to sit on me at the computer he managed to tear bloody ruts in my leg trying to get up on my lap.
So I came to the sad conclusion I have to strip the garden down to bare earth. I can't win this fight. My disability makes gardening hard enough. Removing a shit tons of stumps and poison ivy is a bit beyond me. I'm waiting for the fall because I CAN save the lilies and I do have a lot of them.
I've been having my exhaustion episodes. Today was so bad I woke up, tried to read, fell back to sleep. Could hardly stand until 1 in the afternoon. I did what I wanted to do, dug into my bedroom closet and I learned nothing from doing the same in the coat closet. At least this didn't take 4 days to undo the mess but the living room is barely passable and my bedroom is barely usable but I put four garbage bags of shoes/purses/belts/clothes in the car for donation. 1 garbage bag of unsalvable garbage removed. two more piles of t-shirts sorted (one I can wear as work shirts the other are ones I want to use to do quilts)
Why did I still have 6 pairs of high heels in there? (argued with my boomer father over them because he's sure a) I'm too old and fat to be attractive b) women wear them for men only and still wear them in spite of me telling him I spend all my days with young women and for the most part they do NOT wear them any more and there aren't that many for sale in stores these days)
Why do I have a sweatshirt from 1987?
Why do I keep so much junk?
Why does cleaning make me so ill. I DID wear my damn mask. My chest is tickling. I'm coughing. My throat is sore.
I also have three giant bags of manga in there for donation. I managed to get most of it back in the closet. You can't tell i took out 5 literal bags of shit. I'm ridiculous.
And I'm not going to clean all the things I wanted to between selecting that closet AND finally opening the utensil drawers to find out the mouse shit in them. Well fuck. Now I have to go get my gloves, bleach, a better mask, new drawer inserts, fire.... I could cry
One of the artists I like for Hazbin's computer died and they were doing a live VA thing with the people they do that with so I chipped in a few bucks. At least there is something I don't regret about today.
I even regret not holding Rocket who was so desperate to sit on me at the computer he managed to tear bloody ruts in my leg trying to get up on my lap.
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I have been using dryer sheets with some success to keep mice out of my drawers and cupboards.
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good to know. I'll have to buy some (I don't actually use them)
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