trying to get back into some better habits

[cornerofmadness]

since I'm sliding into the sit and stare at the wall for hours depression thing again. I'm allergic to the main sorts of antidepressants and don't like them anyhow so I end up in trouble. I need to learn to declutter, plain and simple. I swear i'll be on hoarders soon at the rate I'm going. i hate my place when it gets this messy and then i get mad at myself.

Of course part of this is the usual end of year haunting by the student loans people AND my health is bad...real bad. Like sugar went so high today i nearly blacked out talking to mom. the sugar is out of control even with me losing weight but I think that has a lot to do with the ovarian cyst I'm pretty sure developed in October which has made my whole cycle go off kilter and my emotions with it. Something felt like a knife in my side and then things went back on track last week, probably the stupid cyst popping.

the one good thing that happened today was the landlord and his workers popped in today to fix the damn toilet...just when i had every box in the world scattered all over my living room (for holidays gifts) he probably thinks i'm a fire hazard (well...)

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Well, at least the toilet's fixed. Finally. *sigh*

EEP to the sugar.

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

hugs.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i give this plastic toilet 2 weeks

yeah getting into the scary now

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I thought you were long past scary and into frightening.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

that too

[masqthephlsphr.livejournal.com]

Feel better, hon.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks

[0-mother-0.livejournal.com]

Actually, it doesn't sound like you need an antidepressant of that sort at least.

Hormone weridness R us. Some women really get the shaft on that one. It feels like it changes our tolerance of everything, changes who we are. :(

And so sorry about the sugar stuff - But glad to hear you are losing some weight. That always makes us feel better, eventually at least. *Hugs*

[lejlkwiet.livejournal.com]

:/ It's the season, I guess.

*hugs* I hope you feel better soon, take care of yourself.

[rain-oubliette.livejournal.com]

OK. Let's make a deal. I'll come to your place and help you clean. Anything you want to throw out but I like, I keep. Then, you come out here, help me clean my place, anything I don't want but you do, you keep. Deal?

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

that actually sound good. Hell several things I don't want but thought you might like ARE already giftwrapped for you

[rain-oubliette.livejournal.com]

Awesome! :D

You feeling better?

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks you too

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i've been off and on anti-depressants for years. mostly off. I'm okay with the old time captain tripps and what have you but the new order like wellbutrin and paxil make my lungs fill up with fluid. I think i shall avoid them.

It DOES change who we are and then we get into this rut. I didn't jobhunt once this year. Now, if i try it, it's not going to be much out there and after this, i'm up for tenure and I'm stuck here for life. sigh

now if i weren't paranoid about the weight loss (as in when am i gaining it all back)

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

not really. i've given up the plight of cleaning this place. I honestlyneed to give up my holiday to get this done and that isn't going to happen

[0-mother-0.livejournal.com]

Well, don't think like that - Just tell yourself you're doing great :)

I've found negative, self-hating thinking only makes us turn to 'mother's little helper' even more - So fill your mind with positive things (even if they aren't completely true - Think it, and be it!). I also found that fitday site to be really helpful. Best of luck with it - You can do it!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i try. this is why i started mediation and what have you. However this time of year there gets to be so many outside stressors...

[0-mother-0.livejournal.com]

Feed your soul, Dana. Do something different.

Maybe?

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i am. I'm going home with the parents. Somehow this isn't going to be LESS stressful, is it? I shoudl just take 90% of the shit in my house out to the dumpster. that might help too

[0-mother-0.livejournal.com]

LOL - Maybe not... But it's the holidays, and being with your family will make you feel all warm and homey so that's a good thing.

And three piles. Keep. Donate. Toss. I wish I lived closer - I'd come help. I love doing stuff like that.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

sometimes the family does that. B ut you know ever since 2000, there has been this odd underlying tension that I'm at a loss to explain.

I just took the donate pile to goodwill today

[0-mother-0.livejournal.com]

That's a long time to have big, mysterious tension... Have you asked about it?

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

well i know some of the cause. when my parents hit 60, the liberal minded culturally exploring people who raised me turned into John McCain and Sarah Palin

[0-mother-0.livejournal.com]

Oh crap - they turned into MY parents :/

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

and it doesn't come out unless someone starts talking about politics luckily but that's ALL my cousins want to do. My brother has finally stopped that shit. now he wants to talk investing. I'd rather talk stocks than politics