Because it amused me so much tonight

[cornerofmadness]

Dad talks to me. Hey remember your black fan?
Me- not really
Dad- i plugged it in in grandma's basement today and found something inside it. I had to pull it out with tweesers
Me- what
Dad- your Social Security card!
Me- THAT'S where it is? I lost it moving to ELD's in FLorida a decade ago.
Dad- your fan sucked it inside somehow
Me- I would never have looked in there for it.

And More fun with house hunting. Mom calls me up. Mom - get on line, I found houses to look at. (if you only read one or two, make it the last two...)

So I get online and she shows me the Cabin on the Lake

Mom: you get what you want. SPACE and a lake.
Me: it's a cabin with like 2 rooms.
Mom: it's an open plan
Me: I don't like open plans
Mom: LAKE
Dad:(obviously bored) What are you doing.

We get him up and running.
Dad: I'm google earthing this. You can fish
Me: what? guppies?
Dad: your buddies run the wildlife and fish program
Me: So I'm stocking this? Look LP heat. moving on (though it IS a cute little cabin)

Mom: here you go. you get 3 acres of land I’m the Queeeeeen of my doublewide trailer

Me: that'll be the first thing hit when the tornado comes
MOm: it's out on in the country
Me: my neighbors will be AMISH on that street. Oh wait, that's okay. Mom it has a hot pink kitchen
Dad: still on the cabin

Mom: try this. seeing double
Me: it's on West st. If I wanted to live on that cramped st I'd buy the Victorian (it's not a bad street but it is very city). And it's a duplex.
Mom: b ut look at the bed room with all the built in drawers.
Me: WHY is everything in paneling
Mom: no clue. we can fix that
Dad: because it's cheap construction
Me: no, cheap remodeling. it's from 1900.
Dad: you'd have to share a wall
Me: no, it's the whole duplex, I could knock out a wall
Dad: Oh, not bad

Mom: try this, it has potential foreclosure
Me: What the hell is wrong in the kitchen?
Mom: they tore the cabinets off the wall
Me: OMG they did. They got pissed off about the bank taking it and they TRASHED this place. look there's a hole in the bedroom wall with something ripped away.what could that have been. The bedroom is in aquamarine!
Mom: I think ELD must have lived here with these wall colors
Dad: Why in the hell does she need 5 bedrooms? Is each cat getting his own? Is she taking in boarders?
Mom: look at the big back yard. She wants a yard John.
Dad: it's low lying with a creek
Me: do I get a basketball court?

Mom: here try this ranch. it's got lots of space. ranch
Me: I don't like ranches (I know i should get one because of my health but still). Why does ERA have 70's porn music on the virtual tours
Mom: Forget that look at the yard.
Me: not bad
Dad: it's electric heat.
Me/Mom: oh....
Dad: no one can afford electric heat.

Mom- okay she can afford this. where's starr place? hi I’m little
Me- it's a tiny shack
Dad- have you lost your mind.

Mom- You'll love this one I made CoM cry
Dad- that IS nice for an old house
Me: nope that's the one on the crappy street on the bad side of town.
Mom- check with the cops maybe it's not so bad.

Mom- how about this WTF am I
Me: is it a converted quanset hut? a garage?
Dad: i have no idea
Mom: bigger question what is that 'porch'
Me: um storage hall? Wait, was this a U store it once?

Mom: (getting desperate) here, look it has a lot of land and my kitchen isn’t bad
Me: it's ugly
Dad:....
Mom: You dad can fix that
Dad: the hell I can? It's squatty I can't fix squatty
Mom: it's got a nice kitchen
Dad: look at that front yard? I'll get her a 71 Ford pick up truck, she can get a couple hound dogs behind the fence and a sign that says this house is guarded by Smith & Wesson. She'll fit right in.
Me: how did a house that's only 12 years old get THIS bad.

Dad: hey look at this one.
Me: dad it's sold
Dad: yeah I'm looking at what else is down there. NOT MUCH. WOW look at this one. WHY didn’t I start looking a few months ago
Mom: does that say it's nearly a 5000 sq ft house for 36K what's WRONG with it
Me: Hey i know that place. I thought it was a barn converted into a restaurant.
Dad: LOOK INSIDE

We did. we have NO idea if this was converted into 4 living spaces (We think it had to be once because it has 4 electric meters) and if the 36K was for 1/4th this space but that's not what it says. 36K has to be a typo right? no clue but my god, the land alone is worth that much. Was someone murdered here? was it a drug repossession? is it haunted by mean ghosts? I would have bought that in a heart beat. Hell,my parents would have paid cash for that baby.

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I am going to have to look at these at my leisure, but that cabin? I DREAMED THAT CABIN. OMG. It was one of my werewolf dreams.

[sonjajade.livejournal.com]

XDDDDDD I'm so sorry you're having a hard time finding a place, but this is very entertaining. That music!!?! WTF!!?

[sp23.livejournal.com]

This post gave me much joy. I'm sorry I'm reveling in your pain of shitty houses to hunt, but my god. That house with all the paneling and ugly carpeting? Truly hideous. And I kinda loved that in the cabin, you could still do your laundry even if you didn't feel like getting out of bed.

Are you sure that Victorian is in a bad part of town? Because that really had potential, I think.

[masqthephlsphr.livejournal.com]

Why in the hell does she need 5 bedrooms? Is each cat getting his own?

LOL! I can picture it.

[bay115.livejournal.com]

Haha quite enjoyed you three discussing those houses. I'm actually kind of a sucker for places next to LAKES. XD; And pfffffft over the porn music. Perhaps that might lure potential house buyers, lol.

[medelle.livejournal.com]

OK, seriously, your parents crack me the hell up!! LOL

And that's not real porn music. That's more like Skinemax music. You know, porn that's not really porn because it doesn't show anything good and you're going "OK, HELLO, I can see DAYLIGHT as you're bouncing up and down groaning like a cat in heat!"

[ital-gal.livejournal.com]

lol house hunting with mom and dad..

amazing about your social security card. I wonder if your dad can find mine..

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

I think I just realized why I've lived in the same place for 22 years.

[0-mother-0.livejournal.com]

hehehe thank you for my morning chuckle :)

[mamculuna.livejournal.com]

Househunting is so much fun for other people.

And what's wrong with cats having their own bedrooms? You can't really ask them to *share*...

[sillymagpie.livejournal.com]

I like the cabin, actually, but why is something with a dock selling that cheap?

Wow. How DOES a place get that trashed in 12 years?

Nicer doublewide than my sister's. :-)