Because it amused me so much tonight
Mar. 8th, 2012 10:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cornerofmadnessDad talks to me. Hey remember your black fan?
Me- not really
Dad- i plugged it in in grandma's basement today and found something inside it. I had to pull it out with tweesers
Me- what
Dad- your Social Security card!
Me- THAT'S where it is? I lost it moving to ELD's in FLorida a decade ago.
Dad- your fan sucked it inside somehow
Me- I would never have looked in there for it.
And More fun with house hunting. Mom calls me up. Mom - get on line, I found houses to look at. (if you only read one or two, make it the last two...)
So I get online and she shows me the Cabin on the Lake
Mom: you get what you want. SPACE and a lake.
Me: it's a cabin with like 2 rooms.
Mom: it's an open plan
Me: I don't like open plans
Mom: LAKE
Dad:(obviously bored) What are you doing.
We get him up and running.
Dad: I'm google earthing this. You can fish
Me: what? guppies?
Dad: your buddies run the wildlife and fish program
Me: So I'm stocking this? Look LP heat. moving on (though it IS a cute little cabin)
Mom: here you go. you get 3 acres of land I’m the Queeeeeen of my doublewide trailer
Me: that'll be the first thing hit when the tornado comes
MOm: it's out on in the country
Me: my neighbors will be AMISH on that street. Oh wait, that's okay. Mom it has a hot pink kitchen
Dad: still on the cabin
Mom: try this. seeing double
Me: it's on West st. If I wanted to live on that cramped st I'd buy the Victorian (it's not a bad street but it is very city). And it's a duplex.
Mom: b ut look at the bed room with all the built in drawers.
Me: WHY is everything in paneling
Mom: no clue. we can fix that
Dad: because it's cheap construction
Me: no, cheap remodeling. it's from 1900.
Dad: you'd have to share a wall
Me: no, it's the whole duplex, I could knock out a wall
Dad: Oh, not bad
Mom: try this, it has potential foreclosure
Me: What the hell is wrong in the kitchen?
Mom: they tore the cabinets off the wall
Me: OMG they did. They got pissed off about the bank taking it and they TRASHED this place. look there's a hole in the bedroom wall with something ripped away.what could that have been. The bedroom is in aquamarine!
Mom: I think ELD must have lived here with these wall colors
Dad: Why in the hell does she need 5 bedrooms? Is each cat getting his own? Is she taking in boarders?
Mom: look at the big back yard. She wants a yard John.
Dad: it's low lying with a creek
Me: do I get a basketball court?
Mom: here try this ranch. it's got lots of space. ranch
Me: I don't like ranches (I know i should get one because of my health but still). Why does ERA have 70's porn music on the virtual tours
Mom: Forget that look at the yard.
Me: not bad
Dad: it's electric heat.
Me/Mom: oh....
Dad: no one can afford electric heat.
Mom- okay she can afford this. where's starr place? hi I’m little
Me- it's a tiny shack
Dad- have you lost your mind.
Mom- You'll love this one I made CoM cry
Dad- that IS nice for an old house
Me: nope that's the one on the crappy street on the bad side of town.
Mom- check with the cops maybe it's not so bad.
Mom- how about this WTF am I
Me: is it a converted quanset hut? a garage?
Dad: i have no idea
Mom: bigger question what is that 'porch'
Me: um storage hall? Wait, was this a U store it once?
Mom: (getting desperate) here, look it has a lot of land and my kitchen isn’t bad
Me: it's ugly
Dad:....
Mom: You dad can fix that
Dad: the hell I can? It's squatty I can't fix squatty
Mom: it's got a nice kitchen
Dad: look at that front yard? I'll get her a 71 Ford pick up truck, she can get a couple hound dogs behind the fence and a sign that says this house is guarded by Smith & Wesson. She'll fit right in.
Me: how did a house that's only 12 years old get THIS bad.
Dad: hey look at this one.
Me: dad it's sold
Dad: yeah I'm looking at what else is down there. NOT MUCH. WOW look at this one. WHY didn’t I start looking a few months ago
Mom: does that say it's nearly a 5000 sq ft house for 36K what's WRONG with it
Me: Hey i know that place. I thought it was a barn converted into a restaurant.
Dad: LOOK INSIDE
We did. we have NO idea if this was converted into 4 living spaces (We think it had to be once because it has 4 electric meters) and if the 36K was for 1/4th this space but that's not what it says. 36K has to be a typo right? no clue but my god, the land alone is worth that much. Was someone murdered here? was it a drug repossession? is it haunted by mean ghosts? I would have bought that in a heart beat. Hell,my parents would have paid cash for that baby.
Me- not really
Dad- i plugged it in in grandma's basement today and found something inside it. I had to pull it out with tweesers
Me- what
Dad- your Social Security card!
Me- THAT'S where it is? I lost it moving to ELD's in FLorida a decade ago.
Dad- your fan sucked it inside somehow
Me- I would never have looked in there for it.
And More fun with house hunting. Mom calls me up. Mom - get on line, I found houses to look at. (if you only read one or two, make it the last two...)
So I get online and she shows me the Cabin on the Lake
Mom: you get what you want. SPACE and a lake.
Me: it's a cabin with like 2 rooms.
Mom: it's an open plan
Me: I don't like open plans
Mom: LAKE
Dad:(obviously bored) What are you doing.
We get him up and running.
Dad: I'm google earthing this. You can fish
Me: what? guppies?
Dad: your buddies run the wildlife and fish program
Me: So I'm stocking this? Look LP heat. moving on (though it IS a cute little cabin)
Mom: here you go. you get 3 acres of land I’m the Queeeeeen of my doublewide trailer
Me: that'll be the first thing hit when the tornado comes
MOm: it's out on in the country
Me: my neighbors will be AMISH on that street. Oh wait, that's okay. Mom it has a hot pink kitchen
Dad: still on the cabin
Mom: try this. seeing double
Me: it's on West st. If I wanted to live on that cramped st I'd buy the Victorian (it's not a bad street but it is very city). And it's a duplex.
Mom: b ut look at the bed room with all the built in drawers.
Me: WHY is everything in paneling
Mom: no clue. we can fix that
Dad: because it's cheap construction
Me: no, cheap remodeling. it's from 1900.
Dad: you'd have to share a wall
Me: no, it's the whole duplex, I could knock out a wall
Dad: Oh, not bad
Mom: try this, it has potential foreclosure
Me: What the hell is wrong in the kitchen?
Mom: they tore the cabinets off the wall
Me: OMG they did. They got pissed off about the bank taking it and they TRASHED this place. look there's a hole in the bedroom wall with something ripped away.what could that have been. The bedroom is in aquamarine!
Mom: I think ELD must have lived here with these wall colors
Dad: Why in the hell does she need 5 bedrooms? Is each cat getting his own? Is she taking in boarders?
Mom: look at the big back yard. She wants a yard John.
Dad: it's low lying with a creek
Me: do I get a basketball court?
Mom: here try this ranch. it's got lots of space. ranch
Me: I don't like ranches (I know i should get one because of my health but still). Why does ERA have 70's porn music on the virtual tours
Mom: Forget that look at the yard.
Me: not bad
Dad: it's electric heat.
Me/Mom: oh....
Dad: no one can afford electric heat.
Mom- okay she can afford this. where's starr place? hi I’m little
Me- it's a tiny shack
Dad- have you lost your mind.
Mom- You'll love this one I made CoM cry
Dad- that IS nice for an old house
Me: nope that's the one on the crappy street on the bad side of town.
Mom- check with the cops maybe it's not so bad.
Mom- how about this WTF am I
Me: is it a converted quanset hut? a garage?
Dad: i have no idea
Mom: bigger question what is that 'porch'
Me: um storage hall? Wait, was this a U store it once?
Mom: (getting desperate) here, look it has a lot of land and my kitchen isn’t bad
Me: it's ugly
Dad:....
Mom: You dad can fix that
Dad: the hell I can? It's squatty I can't fix squatty
Mom: it's got a nice kitchen
Dad: look at that front yard? I'll get her a 71 Ford pick up truck, she can get a couple hound dogs behind the fence and a sign that says this house is guarded by Smith & Wesson. She'll fit right in.
Me: how did a house that's only 12 years old get THIS bad.
Dad: hey look at this one.
Me: dad it's sold
Dad: yeah I'm looking at what else is down there. NOT MUCH. WOW look at this one. WHY didn’t I start looking a few months ago
Mom: does that say it's nearly a 5000 sq ft house for 36K what's WRONG with it
Me: Hey i know that place. I thought it was a barn converted into a restaurant.
Dad: LOOK INSIDE
We did. we have NO idea if this was converted into 4 living spaces (We think it had to be once because it has 4 electric meters) and if the 36K was for 1/4th this space but that's not what it says. 36K has to be a typo right? no clue but my god, the land alone is worth that much. Was someone murdered here? was it a drug repossession? is it haunted by mean ghosts? I would have bought that in a heart beat. Hell,my parents would have paid cash for that baby.
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no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 03:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:30 am (UTC)hahaha well move to
hellSE Ohio and your dream cabin complete with mosquito pond can be yoursno subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 05:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 05:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 05:22 am (UTC)I want that barn house, though. Dammit.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 03:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:25 am (UTC)I have no idea about that music boom chicka bow wow
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:09 am (UTC)Are you sure that Victorian is in a bad part of town? Because that really had potential, I think.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:46 am (UTC)You know it's bad with the house with all the paneling is one of the best of the bunch. and yes, nothing like staring at the wash machine while lying in bed.
yes, sadly I am. It's a very old part of town, literally on the wrong side of the tracks. Maybe if mom shows up down here i'll have her drive me over there and I can take some video of these places. I would take that house otherwise
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:23 am (UTC)LOL! I can picture it.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:56 am (UTC)My older cat took over the guest bedroom and made her own. She'd curl up in her cat bed in that room and howl like the proverbial Crazy Old Woman Down the Block.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 05:10 am (UTC)aw poor old girl. mine have their areas of the house. Soul is with me now because he's so small he fits on the arm of the task chair without a problem
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 07:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 11:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:50 am (UTC)and ha to the porn lure
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 05:48 am (UTC)And that's not real porn music. That's more like Skinemax music. You know, porn that's not really porn because it doesn't show anything good and you're going "OK, HELLO, I can see DAYLIGHT as you're bouncing up and down groaning like a cat in heat!"
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 05:18 pm (UTC)hahaha I'll take your word for it. Oddly enough I've seen tons of real porn but not so much skinemax because I'm too cheap to have HBO and those channels
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 07:50 am (UTC)amazing about your social security card. I wonder if your dad can find mine..
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 05:15 pm (UTC)snort. i have no idea how that happened with my SS card. seriously. Fans blow. how did mine learn to suck
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 09:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 05:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 11:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 05:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 12:35 pm (UTC)And what's wrong with cats having their own bedrooms? You can't really ask them to *share*...
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 05:10 pm (UTC)cats don't share. just ask them
no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 07:31 am (UTC)Wow. How DOES a place get that trashed in 12 years?
Nicer doublewide than my sister's. :-)
no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 04:58 pm (UTC)seriously? what was living in there? animals?
it's not a bad doublewide at all