cornerofmadness

Dad called at 7 to tell me he was at the ER with mom. Her bad toe got a lot worse today just as I said it would and in a way it's a good thing. I didn't want her waiting for 3 weeks because the OR is slammed and her doc only has one day a week to do surgeries. I told her last night to go to the ER if it looked worse because they'll roust someone as an emergency surgery and take that toe before they have to take the whole damn foot because this is my specialty and I know how it goes. That said it's been 4 hours and they still haven't called. This ER is slow AF and I'm not sure I've ever been there for less than 8 hours so good luck parents.

In better news, I did get my women of the weird west story edited (thanks evil little dog) but then realized April 1st isn't the deadline, that's when it opens. So yay, I have time.

Fannish 50

Have something happy like the new anime coming out this spring.


to offset the new show I watched HOLLYWOOD DEMONS (caps are theirs) which I don't think I'll watch more of because it's hard enough to see entertainers you like being a monster let alone seeing it for 2 hours. That said I'm not sure that I knew about Stephen Collins' downfall mostly because I didn't recognize the name. I didn't watch 7th Heaven or even glanced at it.

I didn't recognize him as Captain William Decker on the first Star Trek movie or even from a tv show I loved (but honestly had forgotten entirely until I saw it tonight) The Golden Monkey. I realize I do know him (just not his name because I was watching him 40+ years ago)

He was a sick fuck, a pedophile apparently but the reason I kept watching was one of his earliest victims, a girl of 13 who would have been around my age at the time and how he kept exposing himself to her and her talking about how back then we didn't have stranger danger, no one ever spoke to us about what to do if someone did something to you. that mirrored my own experience with something similar happening to me back then. You didn't talk about it.
sigh.

But now I would love to see The Golden Monkey again but wouldn't because of him


ETA - they did keep Mom and will probably operate in a day or two. Giving her IV antibiotics which should have been done in the first damn place.

Even more surprise snow (boy these people are so wrong) that brought a 2 hour delay (this is why I start at 10 AM spring semester)

We got a call from hospice. My uncle is entering the confused stage and they wanted someone to come be with him because it's probably not going to be much longer. Unfortunately everyone but my brother has covid and can't go. (they do not want me to come back. There is not going to be a funeral, probably a celebration of life this summer) Again as terrible as it might sound, I do hope it IS only a few more days. His quality of life is gone. I hate thinking of anyone lingering in a bed, not even control of bowels and bladder. This is not life. My brother has a much stronger belief in an afterlife than I do (I struggle with the concept of paradise but I'm glad at least one of us does not) so I think we're all in the process of letting go.

This is hard. And for me just the beginning when you think about the fact that most of my family is older than me and most of them 75 +

In better news I got my toilet and new floor. YAY. And it's a HIGH toilet, double yay. My old one I swear was 2 inches off the damn floor and everyone struggled to get up from it. This one you barely need to squat. I'm in love with that. The floor is that fake wood stuff that's become popular. It looks great BUT it's much darker.

Then the guy texts and said I didn't realize there was no base trim so I didn't bring that. I'll have to come back. You didn't know? I stood there one day one and pointed it out loudly.


they moved my monthly writers' sprint meet up to Discord. I didn't know this because someone didn't read the newsletter (whistles innocently) until about a half hour before it started. I've been trying to get back into my old discord for almost 2 years. No dice. No password I've ever used works. It will not email or text when you tell it to so I made a new one. I had totally forgotten how to do sprints when I used to do them ALL the time. I am not pleased to have discord back but I will admit it is good for this and we had a great turn out. I wrote a lot.

it's been a day. My uncle has been rehospitalized after falling at home. Mostly he's been noncompliant and has fallen multiple times and now has so much fluid around his brain he needs to have it tapped. Not even sure he'll survive that. His home is two stories with the main house up and the apartment below with a will-kill-you-if-you're-not=careful staircase in between. He keeps going up and down in spite of being on a walker and it's like OMFG why?

In the meantime in somewhat better news we went to visit my favorite older gen cousin who (sigh) has been put in senior living because she has the beginnings of dementia and is a fall risk (she put herself there willingly unlike my uncle who is refusing to go to one)

It was a very nice visit. A puppy tried to eat my necklace and a resident wouldn't stop hugging me (He's a 66 y.o. with down syndrome among other things, barely verbal) My cousin warned me he loves hugging and so he did. A lot. Me, mom, dad, my cousin.

And then it was a nightmare are the pharmacy when my insurance did it again, refused to cover a med they have been covering all year. It doesn't work that well (Januvia) and was 550$. I'm like keep it. I'm not even going to bother with switching it. I'll talk to my endocrinologist and just have her d/c it for me. And somehow I'm out of toujego refills

This will be the OMFG of today because most of this day sucked.

2:00 AM - just ready to go to bed when I hear something that sounds like it's on the roof in my closet/the attic. Never find it.

5:00 AM - my aunt calls. We think my uncle (with the brain cancer) must be dying because we all wake up to the phone telling us they're calling but by the time anyone picks up it's gone to message and she's calling to tell mom happy birthday. (This is the aunt who swears there is nothing wrong with her and refuses all help and her kids SHOULD be putting her in a home because she has dementia but they refuse to admit it)

8:00 AM we all give up on going back to sleep

9:00 AM a cousin calls to tell us her sister's husband was just diagnosed with lymphoma.

1 pm my aunt calls back this time it IS my uncle. He refused to go into hospice but he's also refusing to do anything to help himself and he's getting weaker (he's trying to watch his diet...for what?) Dad goes down, sees he's not as bad as my aunt was making out. Comes back up and gets me and a walker (because the home sent him home with just a cane and he's getting too weak for that) I show him how to a) stand up when you're too weak to raise straight up (i.e. me half the time) b) use the walker. By the time we left he was up and in the kitchen. Also told him if he didn't stay in the house on the first floor (no garage, no outside, no going to the basement, no going to the apartment) I'd be back to kick his ass. He WILL fall if he tries.

Also Aunt claims she never called at 5 AM.

An hour later my brother and his wife arrive for dinner. Things got better then...

She likes to cook for an army. This is the third time she has cooked more than enough food for all of us at a potluck, literally three roasters filled to the tops of food plus an entire crockpot filled with mac and cheese. Made my jello brains and hummus (not together) look sad. But for me the real star was another coworkers apple slaw thing that I ate three helpings of and brought some home. Somewhere in the middle of the day my jello lost cohesion and is now scary to look at.

Mom called this morning. My uncle is now in the hospital (I expected this) Now they're wondering is it tumor or is this an abscess from the first surgery and my uncle is not good at understanding any of this. Sigh.


I am revamping the weekend plans because I forgot I volunteered for a work webinar on friday. It should still work out. oddly if I go to one thing in Dayton it's 2 hours and cuts over from Chillicothe (which is how I know to go) but if I go to the other museum the path on google takes me up to Columbus first and then over 2 1/2 hours and about 50 more miles (and 'roads are restricted/private' um what does this mean Google?)




What I Just Finished Reading:


Four Gathered on Christmas Eve by Eric Powell, Mike Mignola, Becky Cloonan & James Harren four comic artists taking a stab at Victorian tradition of ghost stories on Christmas eve (which I need to remember I wanted to write one)

Bloody Mary vol 3 = yeah I don't need more of this manga

Nightshade by John Saul. This was not his best work

What I am Currently Reading:

Lies on the Serpent's tongue loving it so far


The Nighthouse by Jo Nesbo - this is weird


What I Plan to Read Next: more library stuff

The Very Good News - My young cousin (i.e. the 30 something generation) had her first baby today. The little girl and Mom are doing fine.


The Very Bad news - my favorite cousin in my parents' generation was just diagnosed with dementia. Sigh. The past year I have been wondering, just little things. It's barely apparent and they're putting her on meds but she's the first with dementia related to me by blood (which is an amazing record really) and given her age (early 80s) I'm hoping her last years won't get too bad. (equally awful, the ongoing cancer saga with the new coworker friend is looking grimmer and grimmer, more than I want to tell her when she's asking me because to me it sounds like it has spread everywhere based on the reports I'm seeing)


Today was the Math/Science 'tailgate party' indoors...not for any sports event I can divine. There was more food there than even at our post graduation party. I was stunned. I fixed a nice plate. L actually spoke to me instead of snubbing me and I got some more work done on my project. OMG there was an all female school in Cleveland TODAY was the first day I found that. why? And oh, the food was very good.

What I Just Finished Reading:
A Botanist's Guide to Parties and Poisons by Kate Khavari -- I enjoyed this one

Covenant, Vol. 1 by LySandra Vuong - from webtoons turned graphic novel, really nice art, young exorcists fight demons, hot would be m/m romance, a bit too much religious trauma for me but over all really liked it

The Heir of Bluescale - ugh cliffhanger

The Sacrificers, Vol. 1 by Rick Remender a grimdark fantasy graphic novel, nicely drawn, good writing but might be too dark for me right now

What I am Currently Reading:

Native Wisdom - Ed McGaan, I'm remembering why I put this on a shelf 30 years ago...

a mystery ARC I just won...and can't remember the name of

and another mystery arc - Madrigals and Mayhem which is good so far


What I Plan to Read Next: something on pirates

( Did you know Taps had lyrics. They're under here )

I knew it because, wait for it, my girl scout troop concluded every meeting with it. For. Years. Nothing cheerier to send a bunch of 10 year old girls out into the night with a funeral dirge.

I bring this up because today was my uncle's burial...sort of. Many in my family are military. I already have several relatives in the Cemetery of the Alleghenies and my parents will be there eventually. It was a military funeral with the 3 rounds of gun salute, taps, the honor guard and all that comes with it (a tear jerker of a salute).

But we went from the funeral home to their for this. As we were waiting, my dad (obsessed with rush hour traffic which didn't exist at this point but my cousins DID get caught in construction) mom and I were there first. And in walks Saruman the White. No lie, for a second I thought he was there for a cosplay Renn funeral.

Nope this was the deacon who was going to do the graveside prayers. He was also a doctor. He and I talked for quite some time. Nice man.

We all went out to an Italian restaurant afterward. Because we need more family drama.

But it is now done. Sort of. Because it's military, we don't know exactly where he'll be yet. They bury in batches. Eventually we'll get an email with location.

as expected. We made it through the viewing without too much family drama.

Tomorrow I'll be saying one of the readings. My one cousin may back out of the other. No one else wants to. It might just be me. So if you have some good wishes, I could use them.

Also came home to find out my mafia horror story has been shortlisted for the anthology. More good wishes for it getting in. I would love that (and I could use some good news for once)

Mom and I weren't home from the gem show (tell you about it tomorrow) an hour when we got the call.

Her brother, the one I call Lucky Uncle, had a heart attack and passed away very unexpectedly. He was Mom's last sibling.

And my only thought was I hate my intuition. She had wanted me to take my dress clothes back when I went for my oncology appointment because I have an insane amount of clothing here right now but I said no. I'm going to need it for a funeral. (to be fair I was thinking of my other uncle or my brother's father in law who are both in frail health, but I knew I would need it)

This is going to be a hard week coming. Especially with my aunt who was one of those who wanted her husband to do everything. She is going to be lost.

This isn't a joke. I luckily woke up at 330 feeling absolutely ravenous. I knew something was wrong as I was drenched in sweat and the room was spinning. My blood sugar was 55. I could barely walk into the room to take my sugar. This is right at the level where seizures and coma can begin. I spent the next hour devouring sugar pills at first because I wasn't with it enough to get some protein too. I did eventually get the peanut butter (at least this time it didn't set off my gallbladder like the last two times). I could barely stay awake to eat (It never occurred to me to call for help).

This is the third low in a couple weeks. I think the ovaries missing is having an effect because lunch was cookies and dinner pizza. I should have been sky high.

This morning my uncle was taken to Pittsburgh. It's very bad news. It's a massive tumor. Dad is going in tomorrow to talk to the neurosurgeon. The strange thing is two days ago when he was at the house, in the back of my head, I felt the urge to get up and hug him before he left. I don't hug people. I will hug them back if I must but I never hug them of my own initiative. I didn't want to worry him so I didn't. Now I have to wonder was that the last time I will ever see my uncle. We'll hopefully know more tomorrow. They think it was from all the CT/MRI/XRays he's had. He was injured at work like 40 years ago almost and comp has made him get the tests quite frequently (he fractured the first three vertebrae in his neck). It's possible (I had wondered if MY cancer was because of all the CT scans I needed because of the polycystic kidneys, adrenal tumors and ovarian tumors) Maybe it'll be treatable.