cornerofmadness

Dad talks to me. Hey remember your black fan?
Me- not really
Dad- i plugged it in in grandma's basement today and found something inside it. I had to pull it out with tweesers
Me- what
Dad- your Social Security card!
Me- THAT'S where it is? I lost it moving to ELD's in FLorida a decade ago.
Dad- your fan sucked it inside somehow
Me- I would never have looked in there for it.

And More fun with house hunting. Mom calls me up. Mom - get on line, I found houses to look at. (if you only read one or two, make it the last two...)

So I get online and she shows me the Cabin on the Lake

Mom: you get what you want. SPACE and a lake.
Me: it's a cabin with like 2 rooms.
Mom: it's an open plan
Me: I don't like open plans
Mom: LAKE
Dad:(obviously bored) What are you doing.

We get him up and running.
Dad: I'm google earthing this. You can fish
Me: what? guppies?
Dad: your buddies run the wildlife and fish program
Me: So I'm stocking this? Look LP heat. moving on (though it IS a cute little cabin)

Mom: here you go. you get 3 acres of land I’m the Queeeeeen of my doublewide trailer

Me: that'll be the first thing hit when the tornado comes
MOm: it's out on in the country
Me: my neighbors will be AMISH on that street. Oh wait, that's okay. Mom it has a hot pink kitchen
Dad: still on the cabin

Mom: try this. seeing double
Me: it's on West st. If I wanted to live on that cramped st I'd buy the Victorian (it's not a bad street but it is very city). And it's a duplex.
Mom: b ut look at the bed room with all the built in drawers.
Me: WHY is everything in paneling
Mom: no clue. we can fix that
Dad: because it's cheap construction
Me: no, cheap remodeling. it's from 1900.
Dad: you'd have to share a wall
Me: no, it's the whole duplex, I could knock out a wall
Dad: Oh, not bad

Mom: try this, it has potential foreclosure
Me: What the hell is wrong in the kitchen?
Mom: they tore the cabinets off the wall
Me: OMG they did. They got pissed off about the bank taking it and they TRASHED this place. look there's a hole in the bedroom wall with something ripped away.what could that have been. The bedroom is in aquamarine!
Mom: I think ELD must have lived here with these wall colors
Dad: Why in the hell does she need 5 bedrooms? Is each cat getting his own? Is she taking in boarders?
Mom: look at the big back yard. She wants a yard John.
Dad: it's low lying with a creek
Me: do I get a basketball court?

Mom: here try this ranch. it's got lots of space. ranch
Me: I don't like ranches (I know i should get one because of my health but still). Why does ERA have 70's porn music on the virtual tours
Mom: Forget that look at the yard.
Me: not bad
Dad: it's electric heat.
Me/Mom: oh....
Dad: no one can afford electric heat.

Mom- okay she can afford this. where's starr place? hi I’m little
Me- it's a tiny shack
Dad- have you lost your mind.

Mom- You'll love this one I made CoM cry
Dad- that IS nice for an old house
Me: nope that's the one on the crappy street on the bad side of town.
Mom- check with the cops maybe it's not so bad.

Mom- how about this WTF am I
Me: is it a converted quanset hut? a garage?
Dad: i have no idea
Mom: bigger question what is that 'porch'
Me: um storage hall? Wait, was this a U store it once?

Mom: (getting desperate) here, look it has a lot of land and my kitchen isn’t bad
Me: it's ugly
Dad:....
Mom: You dad can fix that
Dad: the hell I can? It's squatty I can't fix squatty
Mom: it's got a nice kitchen
Dad: look at that front yard? I'll get her a 71 Ford pick up truck, she can get a couple hound dogs behind the fence and a sign that says this house is guarded by Smith & Wesson. She'll fit right in.
Me: how did a house that's only 12 years old get THIS bad.

Dad: hey look at this one.
Me: dad it's sold
Dad: yeah I'm looking at what else is down there. NOT MUCH. WOW look at this one. WHY didn’t I start looking a few months ago
Mom: does that say it's nearly a 5000 sq ft house for 36K what's WRONG with it
Me: Hey i know that place. I thought it was a barn converted into a restaurant.
Dad: LOOK INSIDE

We did. we have NO idea if this was converted into 4 living spaces (We think it had to be once because it has 4 electric meters) and if the 36K was for 1/4th this space but that's not what it says. 36K has to be a typo right? no clue but my god, the land alone is worth that much. Was someone murdered here? was it a drug repossession? is it haunted by mean ghosts? I would have bought that in a heart beat. Hell,my parents would have paid cash for that baby.