Fic - In the Dead of the Night

[cornerofmadness]

Title -- In the Dead of Night
Author-- cornerofmadness
Fandom -- Fullmetal Alchemist
Disclaimer -- Arakawa owns all
Rating -- teen
Characters/Pairing -- Roy/Maes
Timeline/Spoilers -- during the war
Word Count -- 821
Warning -- suicide attempt
Summary -- He can't be the monster any more.
Author’s Note -- Written for the 12_daysofficmas and hc_bingo for the prompt "suicide attempt".

XXX


He couldn't face another day of this. The screams of the people he burned to death echoed even now in the dead of night. This was not why he had learned alchemy. This was the opposite of being for the people. He had been twisted into a monster.

It needed to end. He couldn't continue to burn the world to bitter ash. Tomorrow, the sun would rise. He would get fresh orders and more innocents would die. He had to break that terrible cycle.

Roy sat at the edge of the camp, isolated in the thick darkness. He glanced back thinking he would have liked to tell Riza and Maes goodbye. That wasn't possible, of course. He could only hope that they would understand, not that they really would. A better hope would be that they didn't hate his memory and that they didn't mourn too much. He wasn't worth it.

This far out, he might not be found quickly. Still, the camp was quiet. The gun would be heard, not that it would matter. There was no moon and an occasional Ishvalan sniper was not unheard of. The camp might think it was from one of them. Roy unholstered his gun. There would be no help for him. He knew a little too much anatomy thanks to Master Hawkeye's insistence on a broad-based education. Roy knew just where to put the barrel to make sure it was done right. The taste of the gun oil was sharp and unpleasant on his tongue. How fitting that it would be the last thing he ever tasted.

Something slammed into his kidney and the gun went flying, its sight gouging the roof of his mouth. Apparently, blood would be the last thing he tasted. Pain radiated up his back and Roy ignored it, twisting around, his fingers coming together as he flung his hand out in front of him.

"Look at you," Maes ordered. "Look at that defensive stance. Part of you wants to live. What the fuck are you doing, Roy?"

"What has to be done." Roy spun back around, scrambling for his gun.

Maes kicked him in the back again and scooped up the pistol while Roy lay moaning on the rock. Where was a convenient deadly scorpion when he needed one? Maes grabbed Roy's arm, hauling him back upright. "You idiot."

"Don't you understand, Maes?" Roy sobbed. "I can't do this any more."

"You have no choice." Maes sat next to him. "Out of all of us, you are the one who has to survive."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Roy turned his head and spat blood, but the gouge in his palate refilled the void.

"I know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm just an ordinary man. At the end of the day, the change I can affect is minimal. You and I have talked about this. We've discussed going to the top."

"There'll be no top when all the world is on fire," Roy muttered.

"But it won't be and you know it. You're the one with the power. You're the one who will make a difference. Not today. Not until they get us out of here probably, but you dead helps no one."

"I'm done in, Maes. I can't keep doing this." Tears streamed down his face, running into the fissures in his lips. All Roy could taste was salt.

Maes put his arms around Roy, pulling him close. It wasn't like being back in the academy. The rock they sat on made hard student beds seem like paradise. Maes smelled. They all did. There wasn't much in the way of water to keep them clean. Roy didn't care. He buried his face against Maes's shoulder and wept as his friend and lover rocked him.

"We'll find ways, Roy. There have to be empty buildings that make it look like you're doing what they want. Something, anything," Maes said.

Roy knew it was all nonsense, but he didn't care. He wanted to believe that was possible. He clung even harder to Maes. "I don't want to keep killing the innocent."

"Then concentrate on the armed men," Maes replied. He squeezed so hard Roy's ribs creaked. "You have to stay with us. What am I going to do without you? What would Riza do? We're here for you. We're always going to be."

Roy knew that was a lie, too. Maes couldn't keep that promise, but Roy wanted to hear it. He needed to believe that. He twisted in Maes's arms, fumbling for a kiss. There was no one to see it in the dark. "Stay with me tonight. I can't be alone."

Maes shifted on the stone. "We'll watch the sun come up. I can't promise that things will be better in the light of day, but I can promise you I'll be at your side."

In this hell, that would have to be enough.

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Poor, poor Roy.

I do like the imagery of the rock being harder than the beds. :D

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you. Roy is having a bad day

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Yes, definitely.