I have no idea

[cornerofmadness]

How I survived Florida for three years. I wasn't outside long today in the mid 90s, lots of humidity and I was SO sick by the time I got home, I was nauseated, crampy, and migraine-ridden. Who knew you could get heat exhaustion so badly so fast? I'm still pretty sick but now it's my stomach/gallbladder and then my sugar fell to 76. I think I have it stabilized now.

I have something I want to talk about (if you haven't already ran screaming) because I really have no one else to talk about it with. My Mom has enough to deal with. Ditto my brother (and he was so affected by Grandma's pictures at the future last year I'm not sure I want to get into it with him) and Dad is so fucking gleeful about it because it's one less thing he'll have to share mom with...

Grandma's house is up on realtor.com and someone is coming to look at it tomorrow. I'm having a ton of trouble with this (god help me when I have to sell Mom and Dad's house). We’ve had this house over 100 years now. And the idea of selling it makes me cry.

I haven't looked at the pictures yet. I'll do it tomorrow. I want to snag them all because I have no record of the upstairs (which is haunted. I hear people moving furniture up there, dragging tables over wood which hasnt' been there since the 1950s).

I don't know why this is so hard. I had less trouble with grandma dying. Maybe that's why but I don't think so. I don't have much regrets about Grandma dying. She was 100 years old. Her quality of life had faded to nothing. The last day I saw her she told me, very last words to me 'all my friends are dead.' She was gone within 24 hours. My only regret about it was she was so afraid at the end because she knew it was coming and was afraid to die.

I don't want the person who's coming tomorrow to buy this house. Mom doesn't either. She wants me to buy the house. I'm not sure I want it but it would make life so easy on me because it would be cheap. I keep looking for jobs back home. You see, I left the area the moment I went to Med school in 1989. I haven't been back except twice a year in the summer and at Christmas, and now spring break/Thanksgiving. But I'm sick. I'm not going to get better. My brother and his wife are in the same boat. It's unlikely we'll even live as long as our parents have now.

And I think that's part of it, that I'm this old and there's less before me than behind (well unless I live to be as old as grandma then I'm exactly at the halfway point), my parents are getting older. All of us can use some help. It's not like any of us are in a nursing home but for my parents, that might be sooner than anyone wants to deal with.

Then I feel like a cry baby because most of my friends have already lost one if not both of their parents. It makes me feel whiny to talk to them about it (and honestly some of them could really not care about it if it doesn't involve them).

And I KNOW my luck and my timing. The perfect job will come along the moment the house sells and then if I do go back I'll have to find a house somewhere. I know it. Mom's said it. It's making me sick. Worse, I know the fucking fracking company Range Resources is sucking up homes in our area. I'd rather burn it than sell it to them.

And while I'm being whiny and judgy, I am amazed sometimes when people don't seem to know how good they have it and focus on the one bad thing. Someone I know peripherally in my writing career was at a big con last week, met more stars than I can count and was whining that the con didn't help her (and her disability) to meet one star but she's the one who forgot something in her room and had to go back. Yeah I held my tongue.

And tonight someone started picking a fight with me and I walked away only to have her say i don't want to fight in someone else's thread and tagged me into her thread on the topic in an attempt to get her friends to gang up on me. Like I'm even going to bother opening FB emails with that tag, thought I was too old for this h.s. shit.

Comments

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

If you can afford to buy Grandma's house, then do it & Look for a job there. I think being closer to your family will be good for you. Plus if you're feeling this strongly about the house, it's a sign you should get it.

I get what you're saying about peeps focusing on one bad thing, when everything else is awesome, but maybe they can't help it. It stands out cuz everything else is so good & it bothers them.

As for the FB nonsense, are they kidding me & I'm not even involved. XD It sounds like kindergarten BS. You're right to ignore it.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately with my job it's not that easy. It could be years before a spot opens up and I'm not really trained for anything else other than podiatry which I can no longer do

yeah that's probably it.


so very much so.

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

*sighs* I wonder if you could buy it & rent it out until something opens up. It just feels like you're meant to have it somehow.

*nods*

Silly things should just grow up.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

we talked about it but it's just so old it's likely to have more troubles than I want to deal with.


yeah agreed.

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can understand your feeling about your grandmother's house. It looks neat in the pictures and I can imagine you being happy there (I'm sure Kanda would be). You're right about the job thing though. You could try what I did and I wound up in this current job - make a list of the things you want, type them out, and recite then outloud three times every night before going to bed. It worked for me.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It's not a bad house barring the noisy upstairs and the well of souls in the damn basement (and that I dream of dark magic there often)

It certainly couldn't hurt (I spent all of last night wishing to turn away today's viewer). My list is short, a full time job in A&P at a non-profit school with equal pay and consideration for my tenure as I have here.

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

*sighs* What a pity. It sounded sooo right for you too!

*nods*

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Dark magic. Hmmm.

Write it down and recite it every night.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

barring that horrible horrible basement that sometimes still smells like smoke

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

XD

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I did it last night

Do i ave to write it? I can actually remember that

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Writing brings its own weight to this sort of thing. :D

And yay!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

there were three people there today. And no new jobs. I suspect it is too late but i can try

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Never think it is too late. Ever.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

true but it will be very shortly. There's nothing I can do about that reality. Even if I found a job will my uncle take the house off the market for the 6 months it'll take for me to know if I have the job or not? Betting not

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Never hurts to have hope regardless.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

true but it appears to be a foregone conclusion. I mean he wouldn't even wait to list the house until mom came back from a 3 week vacation. She's pretty pissed about that because she has to be there to do closing paperwork and she's like I am NOT ending my vacation for this

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

That's charming. -_-

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

and now the buyers want it before mom would be back for vacation. If she can talk them out of that the house will be sold by tomorrow.

Like I said, there was no point in me hoping for anything because it never works out for me, ever

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

You can't say that. You've sold a handful of books and short stories.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

There is that but in the grand scheme of things, everything I've ever trained for has come to naught

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I get that.