Fic - Grief and Renewal

[cornerofmadness]

Title – Grief and Renewal
Author-- cornerofmadness
Disclaimer – Arawaka owns all
Rating – PG 13
Characters/Pairing – Alphonse (Al/Mei pairing)
Word Count – 621
Warning – angst
Summary – Al has been through another traumatic loss.
Author’s Note – Author’s Note – This little story is doing triple duty for the ‘Bells/fireworks/singing at midnight ’ prompt for celebrate_fma, for 12_daysofficmas and the December bingo on DW’s allbingo for the song ‘Better as a Memory.” Enjoy.

XXX

Al thought he’d have stayed in for the night. The solstice was cold, and he was alone. It seemed like the wise thing to do to stay in but there, in his temporary housing, his memories played over and over like a record player on repeat. They drove him out into the largest park in Central. It’s name was in flux as they argued on who it should honor. Olivier Armstrong was trying to get it renamed after one of her ancestors who had been a general. Mustang, after a letter from Ed and Winry, was arguing to have it named for Ran Fan’s grandfather and his sacrifices. Al doubted Mustang would win, not even with the in he had with Grumman.

The park was packed with revelers. Al knew if he looked hard enough he’d find Roy or Hawkeye or some of Roy’s men. Mrs. Hughes would be here too. They all had invited him out for the Solstice. Mrs. Hughes especially seemed distressed that he was alone. Al suspected Winry had something to do with that. He knew she worried about him. Al wished he could honestly say that her worry was over nothing but wasn’t true. He felt raw as if he’d stepped from the shower out into this winter wind.

All the courting couples around him twanged his nerves. His children were with his brother’s family this Solstice. Al knew his depression would cause more damage than his absence. It had been a long train ride back from Xing with his children, without Mei. Forever now without Mei. Al had always known that as one of the Emperor’s half sisters Mei could be in danger. He had expected to save her. He thought their alchemy would be enough.

It wasn’t. She died. Terribly. Painfully. All he had left were his memories. Hadn’t he lost enough in his life already? Of course, life didn’t care. It gave and it stole, forever and always.

The whoosh of rockets going off startled Al out of his funk. He tracked them in the sky, preparing himself for the bang and burst of color. The sheer joy of the crowd lifted even his spirits. Reds, yellows and whites splashed across the dark Solstice sky. This was new to Central, a gift from Ling. Amestris used black powder to propel bullets and cannon balls but had never thought of the fun applications like fireworks.

He nestled in on a park bench next to two elder women who welcomed him with a nod of their heads and no words needed. The cold slats made his hip aches. He ignored his companions ooing and awing and their ‘well I nevers.” Al tried to enjoy the fireworks but they reminded him of better times in Xing, of the life he had shared with Mei.

“Maybe you’ll be better as a memory,” he murmured, knowing it wasn’t true. A memory would be a pale shadow of what Mei had been to him. But he did need to deal with his pain. Coming here, having a moment to himself to breathe and grieve was the first step. He was in this for the long haul. What else could he do? His children needed him. Al would have to find a way to heal.

He looked up into the dark sky, watching it get split time and again with light, smelling the gun powder on the wind. This was the longest night. Soon the light would return to the world. It would return to him. He just needed to be kind to himself and patient. If there was one thing in this world Al knew well it was patience. He would heal but he was always carry Mei’s scar.