cornerofmadness

William Shatner is 93 today and frankly he's doing damn good for his age. He was never my favorite captain (or actor) but it's hard to deny he's a force of nature.

today I had to go to work early to meet with the potential new hire. I hope he says yes (wildlife biology) He seems decent and not batcrap crazy (because seriously there have been some candidates that you can't get off Zoom fast enough and can't imagine having in your building).

We took him to dinner too. El Toril is pretty darned good for this area. On the other hand I got the same thing the last 3 times because a) cheap b) it's enough for 2 meals.

After my post last night I realize AngelDust isn't just like my character Nine, he's completely my canon divergent Angel the series Connor as Angelboy, a drug addicted sex worker in Hyperion's Son which is TWENTY-ONE years old this year. SOmeone hold me. My story is old enough to fucking drink! (and it's been finished fo 6 years!!) and he's also exactly my serial killer's son in another failed story (who I based on Angelboy) I am destined to write Angeldust

And to that end I wrote him for

spikesgirl58's 6 word challenge

Title: Despite the Darkness
author:

cornerofmadness
Summary: All Angel wants, after a long hard day, is some comfort even if he has to craft it himself.
Rating: teen
Notes: Written for the allbingo prompt of smudges, and Pillow/blanket fort for get your words out as well as for spikesgirl58’s six word challenge. The six words were Desire, Yard, Beef, Criticism, Vigorous, & Hand.

here on AO3

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness – Desmond Tutu

Angel did his level best to sneak into the hotel. He wasn’t up for Charlie’s incessant optimism or Vaggie’s eternal snark. Worse, if Husk offered up his usual criticism, Angel feared he might just break. When he’d arrived at the studio earlier in the day, Valentino and Vox had been whispering to each other, angry and nearing violence. The glances they had stolen at him had chilled Angel to the core as if he was the root of their rage. When he was alive, he never imagined people in Hell could be this afraid. He’d been an idiot.

Turning around and leaving hadn’t been an option. He was going to be punished for something. He might never even know for what but what choice did he have? Valentino had his contract and if he made Valentino happy, the pain would be less. Maybe. That, however, wasn’t in Valentino’s plan for the day. The literal side of beef Angel had to play off of was proof of that. Angel had fucked the bull demon before and his equipment was bull appropriate. And, as Valentino said, Angel had many hands so there was no reason they couldn’t be filled with many cocks so he’d had that to rhythmically deal with as he was taking the bull by something other than his horns. And that was the easiest part of today’s shoot. Valentino had given Angel an excessively masochistic role in this movie.

He hurt too damn much to deal with Husk or anyone else’s bullshit right now. The first hint of luck Angel had all day showed itself in an empty hotel lobby except for Husk at the bar. However, Husk had his back to the door, a mostly empty bottle on the bar and his attention a hundred percent on the sleight of hand he was performing for no one. This allowed Angel to slowly clomp all the way to his room unnoticed. He wanted to fall down into bed but he reeked. He wanted to peel off his thigh high boots but who had the strength? He wanted to soak in a tub but he was too fucking gross. You don’t toss a cum dumpster in the bubbles unless you want to swim in nut butter.

He'd half cleaned up at the studio but the vigorous fucking from a bull dick thicker than his arm and the cock and ball torture this film required had left Angel too wrung out and achy to fully wash. Now, a little less winded from the experience, he needed to address his overall grossness. Struggling into his bathroom, he stripped out of his clothing, leaving a pile of pink on the floor. There were gross smudges on everything he wore from far too many different bodily fluids. He might have to trash the outfit entirely. Sitting on the edge of the tub, Angel worked off his boots, trying hard to ignore the pain in his crotch. Clothespins on the sac might be someone’s fetish but it hurt like holy hell. Yeah, well take a hard look at where you are.

Angel climbed into the shower, doing his level best not to look at his feet. God, he hated those spidery feet. Maybe his feet hadn’t been the prettiest when he was alive but they were now downright gruesome. He hated them so much. He was so tired, he’d forgotten to even turn the water on first. He was still crusted with blood (his) and spunk (everyone’s). Shutting all of his many eyes so he didn’t have to look at himself, Angel turned on the water, not even caring it would take a minute to get warm. The cold water didn’t feel too bad on his swollen areas.

After a good hard scrubbing, something in him snapped and Angel slid down the tiled wall to puddle in a corner of the shower. He curled up there, weeping almost silently. He missed being able to numb himself with drugs. I need my sin so bad. I need to disappear into that sweet fog. He’d promised Charlie to do better, to really try even though he knew he’d fail. Redemption was a hollow promise, a joke, right? Why was he torturing himself like this? He’d never get to heaven, probably didn’t even desire it.

He hadn’t been a good human, even if all the things he’d done hadn’t always sat well with him back then. His whole family sucked. Still, he missed his twin. Even though Molly was here in hell, his own leash was too short to go visiting her. She probably didn’t miss him much. She does but this is hell and no one gets to be happy here. He missed nights lying in the nearby neighborhood park because they had no yard, looking up at the night sky with her. The stars had been beautiful on the rare New York night where the light pollution allowed a view. I miss stars and fireflies.

God, he and Molly and their older brother, Arackniss had loved to play with fireflies. It was one of the few times his brother hadn’t been harsh as hell with him. Still, Arackniss had pulled the glowing bits off the fireflies and made ‘jewelry’ from them for Molly. He’d punched Angel hard whenever Angel tried to make jewelry for himself out of the mangled bug parts. His family might have sucked but he still missed them, missed being alive. He missed having hope.

Sighing, he sat up, shivering since the water had long turned cold. Drying off with his fluffiest towel, Angel slipped on his softest, pinkest pajamas. He stared at his bed, not wanting to get into it. He’d spent too much time in a bed today. He didn’t want to lie on the mattress unable to exorcise the bull and his buddies from his thoughts. He hadn’t even been able to get the sour musky taste of cock out of his mouth in spite of his best efforts. His deepest desire at the moment wasn’t even for redemption. It was to just have a few peaceful hours when he felt loved. Had he ever had that one day in his life?

Another stray thought about his childhood, about Molly, flitted through Angel’s mind and it left behind a notion. He arranged a few chairs near the foot of his bed and started draping various blankets everywhere. His childhood blanket forts hadn’t been in eye searing hot pink, deep devilish reds and brilliant golds but this masterpiece was. He stuffed every pillow he owned into the fort and crawled inside with his phone and Fat Nuggets.

He texted Hurting bad, can you talk? but Cherri Bomb didn’t answer immediately. She probably wouldn’t.

Forcing his loneliness aside, Angel snuggled into the pillows. This your space. You’re safe. No one can hurt you here. That might even be mostly true. Charlie and Vaggie would protect anyone inside the hotel’s walls. Lucifer only knew what Alastor might do but, if it would hurt Vox, he might hurt Valentino if Angel’s boss showed up on their doorstep. At least there were no voice mails from Valentino at the moment, a nice break from his passive-aggressive bullshit. Maybe hearing Angel scream as he got reamed mercilessly by the bull had satisfied him. More likely it was how he’d dealt with Valentino’s rampaging erection after the shoot that had granted him a respite. Thankfully he had no gag reflex left but the way Valentino’s crimson drool dripped onto his back, running down his skin still made Angel shudder.

He kicked his pink fluffy slippered feet up in the air, stretching his long, sexy legs. Damn, he really did have good legs. Too bad your knees are aching and your thighs are burning after today. Angel shoved that thought aside too. What he really wanted – and maybe he could get into the kitchen and do his best with the ingredients at hand even if it wouldn’t be the same – was to make some of his favorite comfort foods. His handmade tagliatelle had been to die for and some zuppa imperial would hit the spot. Husk would have nothing to bitch about then. Fucking wasn’t the only thing Angel did well. His torta di nicciole would bring Husk to his knees and oh, didn’t Angel enjoy that image.

As Fat Nuggets nestled up next to him, Angel texted Cherri again. Want me to make dinner?

Still no response, still more heartache. Angel dropped his phone into the pillows and shifted around, trying to get comfortable. His backside throbbed and his front ached. “Fuck you, Valentino,” he muttered. What he wouldn’t give to scream vai a prenderlo in culo right into Valentino’s smoke ringed face without consequences. If he did – and Valentino understood – Angel would be bleeding from the mouth and he’d be the one taking it up the ass, which how did that really differ from his every day anyhow?

“It’d be worth it.”

Finally finding a vaguely comfortable position, Angel drowsed until someone called his name. He woke with a start, made worse upon seeing Charlie’s face framed between two blankets that matched her hair and jacket in color.

“Merda! Charlie, what are you doing here?” Angel thumped a pillow and Fat Nuggets cracked open one eye before going back to sleep.

“Husk said you snuck in and looked really depressed.” Worry shone in her eyes. “And you didn’t answer your door.”

Angel gritted his fangs. Damn, so that stronzo noticed me after all. “I was asleep, really long shoot today.” He effected a wide yawn to drive home the point. That was all the more information he wanted Charlie to have. While he didn’t much care if she watched the final product – which if the past were anything to judge by she wouldn’t watch it – he didn’t want Charlie dwell on the mechanics of making a porno. She was somehow – in spite of it all – too innocent for this place. Besides, knowing how an adult movie was made ruined the magic. Who wanted to know how many retakes it took because lubed up idiot slid off the bed or how many fluffers it took to keep them all erect, especially him if Valentino was being really mean and forced him to do Tiffany Titfucker. She was more than enough to send his cock on full retreat inside him.

“Are you okay?”

Sighing, Angel rolled onto his back, looking up at the fluffy blanket above him. “Charlie, did no one ever tell you about the sanctity of the blanket fort?” Angel giggled first at the idea of sanctity in hell and even more so over the image of Lucifer and Lilith sitting in a blanket fort with their daughter.

“Can I come inside?”

She wasn’t going to go away unless he got mean and there was no reason to do that to her at the moment. She was concerned and honestly, when had that last happened? He might have agreed to this rehabilitation with a half-hearted hope of redemption and a full-hearted desire to have free rent so he could buy more drugs but Angel had found something in this hotel he hadn’t expected: friends. As much as he’d rather be chasing the dragon right now to help forget his pain, Charlie’s company might be almost as comforting.

“Sure, why not, dollface.” Angel sat up, dislodging Fat Nuggets who rolled between the pillows with a piggy grunt. He kicked for a moment before giving up and going back to sleep that way. Angel dug him out and ensconced Nuggs on a pillow.

Charlie crawled in with Angel and sat beside him, looking around. “This is nice, really cozy.”

He snorted. “Let’s keep this a secret, okay?”

She tilted her head, studying him. “Why? No one here would judge your for building a comfortable little nest, Angel.”

“No, but…it would be bad if it got out.” He shrugged, hoping she wouldn’t force him to explain how Valentino would find a way to twist the sweetness of a blanket fort into something ugly if he knew Angel enjoyed them.

She scowled. “Okay. But is there anything I can do to help, Angel? That’s the whole point of the hotel. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

He ran a hand through his hair, soft now from the shower. “That’s the thing, Charlie, you can’t help. That’s the problem with the whole hotel.” He paused as her whole demeanor dimmed. Hurting Charlie always felt wrong so Angel considered his next words carefully. “It’s not always just our inner demons, the things we did and continue to do that damns us. Maybe – and I do mean maybe – I can stay sober but what does that help? And if I have to give up sex to get into heaven-”

“I’m not sure that’s necessary,” she interjected hurriedly, her cheeks pinking up. “But…for all your flirting with well, everyone, you don’t look like you enjoy it all that much.”

He glared, all of his eyes getting into the act making Charlie wince. Then, like a soap bubble, he deflated, annoyed that she - like Husk – saw through him. “It’s nah….” he shook his head. “When I’m working, I feel nothing at all.” Pain, he felt that but that wasn’t what she was asking about. “But I’m good at it, dollface, damn good at it. I can make you think I love you with nothing more than this fine body. But it ain’t real, and I’m a better actor than our drunken bartender thinks I am. But…on screen, it’s all hollow. Husk is right, it’s fake and don’t tell him I said that.” He snapped, stabbing a finger at her.

She smiled, raising her hands. “I won’t.”

“But I need Angeldust to be who he is because he’s my armor. And yeah, it gets lonely inside there which is why I’m here.” His voice cracked and he swiped at some tears he hadn’t had a chance to stop. Charlie took one of his hands in hers. She was so warm as she leaned against his shoulder.

“You’re not alone. You have all of us now.”

Angel snorted. “I might have you. Vaggie might run me through with that spear and not in a good way, especially if she catches me in a blanket fort with you.”

Charlie laughed. “She knows better. Besides, you rarely try to seduce me.”

“Lucifer’s daughter? That sounds like trouble I don’t need,” he said and she frowned a little, her shoulders sagging. How many others had been afraid to get close to her out of fear of her parents? How many had wanted her just to get an in with them? Maybe Charlie was as lonely as he was in spite of being Vaggie’s girl. “Anyhow, even if I stay sober and picked celibacy.” He shuddered. “Valentino would still hold my contract, Charlie. You can’t break it. I’m not sure even your father can or would if he could. Can heaven? Maybe? I don’t know. What I do know is the worst part of it is I did this to myself. My whole family was rotten and maybe this is what I deserve.”

“I don’t believe that,” she said vehemently, fire flashing in her eyes. “If you work for redemption, it should be granted. Otherwise, what is the purpose of hell?”

“Punishment, eternal. I didn’t ask to die young. I didn’t do nothing to earn an eternal reward either.”

“Maybe not but maybe I can break your contract, Angel. I don’t know if I can. I hate how Valentino treats you. What I do know is, I can try to break it. We can research ways to end it.”

“Ah, don’t be giving me hope.” Angel’s heart pounded at the thought. His body trembled. Could that happen? No probably not. He’d never be that lucky. What had he told the girls when they first approached him to be a test subject for redemption? This is stupid. “I’m pretty well stuck and he is nasty, Charlie. Don’t give Valentino reasons to hurt you. Remember, not every sinner in hell wants redemption. Do you think Alastor regrets a single thing he did as a human? His only regret is he didn’t get to feed his sin for longer. You know how dangerous demons are but you want to see the good in everyone. I’m not as sure as you are that everyone has good in them.”

She pouted, casting her gaze down at her boots. “I know there’s good in you, Angel. I see even when you think I don’t. I can start helping you by asking my dad if there are ways of breaking a contract.”

“Don’t be upset if he says no,” Angel cautioned even though he wanted nothing more than for Lucifer to step in and help. Hell, he’d sign a contract with the lord of hell if it got him away from Valentino. Could Lucifer possibly be worse?

“We’ll find a way to help,” she insisted.

“I know you’ll try.” Angel stifled a yawn, a genuine one this time. Hope was so emotionally exhausting.

“Definitely.” She gave his hand a pat. “You look tired. I’ll go. Want me to send up Husk to talk to you?”

“I’d rather you stick hooks under my fingernails and dangling me off the roof like a flag.”

Charlie laughed and crawled to the opening of the fort. “Fine. Hey, think Vaggie would like to build a blanket fort with me?”

“No but I doubt that’ll stop you from trying. In fact, you should. It’ll annoy her.” He smirked.

She laughed harder and waved goodbye. Angel flopped back down and gathered Fat Nuggets against his body. His pig was so warm. Angel fought not to think about Charlie’s impossible promise. She had no way of freeing him. But what if she can? That question followed him into sleep.