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so my brain doesn't spiral out thinking about yet another ICE murder which is bad enough but it's the entire Trump admin (him included) trying to paint the victims as the violent aggressors. He had a legal carrier permit (which is something the right loves until they don't apparently) And what good does FBI resignations do when all that leaves is Trump's minions?

Or the fact that my student loans want me to slam my head into a wall. I tried to pay them last night and I had to update my account. I didn't want the multfactorial verification be a text because I often can't get texts here. I selected Email but it doesn't work. And doesn't work. And doesn't work. Okay fine I'll do text. I can't change it without calling them. I call today only to find out they don't work weekends. HOW are people who work all day expected to call you? Fine, I'll call next week but I gotta pay now. Phone option it is. I try that. and it keeps trying to delete my bank account. It takes me calling back and going thru it all four times before it works.

So what IS positive?

Well it's going on midnight but it's not snowing yet. (with my luck it means the power will go out over night. I can not leave it this hot in here and sleep. Ugh. I have it hot so it'll take longer to cool if I DO lose power)

Since it wasn't snowing I pay for the online Abney Park Dark Academia concert with like 20 minutes before it airs. It was actually really good. He's getting good at creating storylines for his concerts.

I had orange/peach ketel one vodka/St Germaine elderflower martinis with a twist of orange not lemon because of the infused vodka. Yum. I put all my liquor on the porch so it was icy. that was nice.

I made a call to my college friend who lost her dad about two weeks ago. I think I need to call more often. As with ELD who I talk to often, there is just something nice about actually talking to people.

I was able to cook off all the things I wanted to. The one mistake was the Aldi's struesel which I cooked to the package instructions to the least time suggested. Mom was right. I should have done less heat, longer cook. The outside had begun to burn, the goo came out but the inside puff pastry is near to raw. On the other hand it IS tasty and I would get this for company (and cook it lower and slower)

I finished the class work. I need to clean tomorrow if I have power. Here's hoping. (I suspect no one is going to work on Monday anywhere east of Kansad)

I forgot to share my story yesterday so have it now.

Title: Wake Up Your Dream

Summary: Emotional hurt and drained, Angel escapes to the carousel outside the hotel. Heaven is going to be barred to him, he just knows it. He’ll never see Molly again. What is even the point? He’s ready to give up but his friends have a different idea.

Rating: teen

Notes:Written for the allbingo prompt of Sing You Sinners and the lyrical titles bingo prompt of Lyric with "sleep" or "wake". I chose Wake Up by Julie and the Phantoms
Also written for spikesgirl58’s 6 word challenge. The 6 words were Subway, Proposal, Carpet, Priority, Nap, & Spend



And I use the pain 'cause it's part of me
And I'm ready to power through it
Gonna find the strength, find the melody
'Cause you showed me how to do it
Wake Up by Julie and the Phantoms



Grateful that the lobby’s carpet ate the sounds of his foot falls, Angel slipped out the front door without anyone noticing, especially Husk. Everything was so damn weird today. Angel had ditched his sexy cowboy get up. He might even burn it to remove the memory of today from his brain. He should have told Charlie no. Why the fuck hadn’t he?


Because Husk told you that you had a prayer of redemption. He believed in your dream. Too bad you’re both idiots, apparently.


Angel shuddered at the little voice inside his head. He needed out of the hotel, away from his friends, away from all the scrubs that had appeared out of nowhere, most of them not interested in redemption. They were there for free room or a chance to kill angels, though most of them had left already, especially after Angel and Charlie had been humiliated on live TV.


Were you any different when you first came here? Are you different now? Are you only here because Charlie doesn’t beat you and you know if you go home Val will?


His inner voice was a dick today. That was not why he was here, not anymore. Angel glanced down the long drive to the hotel and decided fuck walking off. What could he do to get privacy? His room, sure but Cherri or Husk or even Charlie would think to look for him there, not that he was priority to Charlie anymore, not after today. She’d realize she’d backed the wrong horse and would run off if she were smart. Angel surveyed the hotel looking for options. His eyes alighted on the carousel. He took a running jump at the lowest roofline and climbed to the carousel. Why Lucifer put it back on the rebuilt hotel he didn’t know but at least it wasn’t broken and sideways this time. Angel sat on a golden horse and leaned his forehead against its wooden mane.


Molly had loved carousels. He and his twin would spend all day at Coney Island. He’d drag her on rollercoasters and she’d make him ride the carousel. Arackniss would be bitching about babysitting spoiled brat twins. According to him, he was never given money to play when he was their age, like those four years between them were an eternity.


“I’ll never see Molly again,” he whispered. “Charlie proved that.”


Had she? That bitchy little voice asked. Now that he doubted himself, his brain wanted him to do the opposite.


“I’m not Pentious. The way I dress doesn’t matter. Me being a murderer does.”


He didn’t even regret blowing his father away. Henroin had it coming. He’d turned Angel and his brother into contract killers long before the night he pulled the trigger on Papà. How do you redeem for all the lives taken? Charlie was wrong; not everyone could redeem.


“I’m sorry, Molly. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to die so young and leave you and the kids alone.” He’d been the proudest uncle ever, spoiling them with reckless abandon. Unless he entered a lavender marriage and they caved to the pressures of having a family, his nieces and nephews were as close as he’d ever come to having children. Were they still alive? Probably not. They’d be in their nineties now. Arackniss had told him Molly kept her kids out of the mob. They shouldn’t be here in the pit.

“I’m sorry I was such a shit person.” He sighed against the wooden mane.


Angel pushed back away from the horse’s neck and rubbed his burning eyes.


“I wish I were with you, Molls. We’d sing together like we used to. Remember that?”


Angel softly sang one of her favorite songs, ‘Swinging on a star.’ Molly had loved to sing and dance. He’d been her dance partner until the boys started sniffing around and then he was a protective twin brother. Anyone who didn’t match his lofty standards got scared off. It was shocking Molly hadn’t killed him and Niss for being jackasses to her would-be suitors.


Singing “Pistol Packin’ Mama” a little louder, his spirits lifted. By the time he got to “The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B” he was head back, belting out the tune, dreaming of Molly beside him as their voices resonated off the pentagram in the sky. He didn’t stop singing until he heard the flutter of feathers.


Husk landed on the carousel. “So, this is where you disappeared to. Interesting choice.”


“I wanted to be alone,” he said without heat.


“Yeah, I got that.” Husk sat on the spotted horse next to Angel’s mount.


“Are you still mad at me,” he asked wearily.


Husk glanced away. “I was never angry, kid, just…scared for you. I mean, who tries to stop a train with his bare hands?”


“I should have jumped with us both, should have got us off the tracks. I panicked. You were going to get mangled into a respawn.”


“In that Perils of Pauline dress. Why the hell did I let you and Charlie talk me into it?’ Husk shuddered, his heels drumming the horse’s side.


“I liked you in a dress.” Angel looked at him slyly.


Husk snorted. “Liar. I looked like an idiot and Charlie ruined one of her nightgowns for nothing making room for my wings. I’m sorry you got hurt in all that mess, Angel. I’m sorry I opened my mouth.”


“Husk, no.” Angel reached out to him but let his hand drop when he didn’t reach back. Husk wasn’t even looking at him. “Never be sorry that you tried to help.”


“I didn’t think it would go that badly.” Husk turned back to him.


“Really? I did. Charlie’s plans are never what she wants them to be. I work with the Vees daily. Everyone should have trusted me when I said Vox was a piece of shit. I’ve known him for decades. I’ve had to screw that jackass for Val’s pleasure. Vox hates me and right back at him. You heard what he said to Charlie about me. You got all protective. Thanks, by the way, for sticking up for me.”


Husk showed his fangs. “He’s a narcissist. He knows me, too, in spite of his little show calling me a pet. Alastor has made me fight him and Val before.”


Angel gripped the metal bar above the horse’s body, twisting to look more fully at Husk. “What? Really?”


Husk shrugged. “I’ve never really given it a second’s thought. I should have known what they’ve put you through.”


Yeah, Husk definitely should have said something but Angel was giving that a pass for tonight. “Speaking of not thinking it through, what was with the threat to spank me?” Angel smirked and Husk flushed.


“Nothing!”


“Sounds like a Freudian slip to me.” Molly had read to him about Freud. She found psychology interesting, him not so much. Molly had preferred Karen Horney – what a last name – and Mary Whiton Calkins, so much so she wanted to go to Wellesley like her. Henroin was having none of it and would they have let an Italian in back then? He didn’t know.


“You wish.” Husk’s blush deepened when he realized the door he had just opened for Angel to be at his slutty worst. “It was the mostly idle threat I used to level at my kids when they did stupid, dangerous stuff.”


Angel widened his eyes. “You had kids?”


Husk looked shocked he had said anything. “I was good at making daughters which comes in handy with dealing with Charlie and Vaggie because I swear sometimes…” He shook his head. “My one and only son never stood a chance.”


“I only had my twin sister and I never stood a chance either.” Angel smiled when Husk looked at him sharply. “Yeah, I had a twin. Molly. She went the other way. If I’m honest, that’s why I wanted to be redeemed but…”


“You are down, Angel, not out.”


Angel shook his head. Husk was wrong. He was out but he didn’t want to fight, not tonight. It had already been too emotional of a day. “So…since you seem to want it, I’d let you spank me. I’d enjoy it.”


“What? No!”


“Are you sure? Those nice big hands would-”


“Angel,” Husk said sharply.


Angel backed off. He didn’t want to trample Husk’s boundaries, not anymore.


“You were singing,” Husk changed the topic. “You have a nice voice.”


Warmed by that, Angel sat up straighter. “Thanks. I was singing Molly’s favorites. She’s on my mind.”


“Yeah, I get that.”


“So, and no pressure, if you ever want to talk about your kids, I’ll listen and won’t pretend I know what you’re going through because the closest I can come is my nieces and nephews and Fat Nuggets.”


“Guess your nieces and nephews are all upstairs with Molly and my kids.” Husk ran a finger of his horse’s mane, distracting himself from obvious pain.


“Her kids yes. My brother’s sons are here with him and our dad. And yeah, since Vox outed me, I killed my bastard father,” he spat.


“You don’t have to tell me about that, Angel. I saw your distress when Vox brought it up.”


Angel waved him off. “I don’t care so much that I killed Henroin but Charlie’s so innocent and I didn’t want her judging me. I never quite seem to measure up.”


“I noticed. She shouldn’t expect you to be a cookie cutter Pentious.” Husk wrinkled his nose. “Henroin? Ugly motherfucker? Runs guns and security?”


“Yeah with my brother.”


“Arackniss,” Husk muttered.


Angel shot him a curious look. “Did you use them when you were an overlord?”


“Yeah. Can’t say I’m sad you shot him either. He’s a real piece of work.”


“Don’t have to tell me.” Angel leaned on the upright bar. “Are we good, Husk?”


“I was going to ask you the same thing. You ‘re the one who went under the train emotionally.”


Angel looked overhead at the tracks. “Why is there even a train around the hotel?”


Husk shrugged, his wings fluttering. “Fuck if I know. Ask Lucifer.”


“It’ll be crazy or duck related.” Angel snorted. “But he is cute in his little duck headband in the morning though.”


“Don’t bang Lucifer. That can’t be good for your redemption,” Husk growled, a feline rumble entering his voice. Was that jealousy Angel heard?


“I’m ruling out nothing but he can’t even remember my name so I don’t like my chances.” Angel rolled his eyes.


Husk thinned his lips but then shook it off. “I have a proposal for you. If I see you doing something that heaven most likely wouldn’t approve of, I’ll tell you.”


“It’s not going to be about my clothes, is it? Charlie really pissed me off with that.” Angel made an exasperated sound.


Husk slashed a hand in the air. “No, I don’t go in for that purity culture bullshit. Hell, Pen didn’t even wear any form of bottoms, not that he probably could.”


Angel giggled at the image of Pen in a long dress covering his tail. “Okay, we can do that. I’ll do the same for you too because you’re coming with me to heaven, Kitty.” Angel teased, knowing it was an empty promise but he needed it for tonight.


“The hell I am.”


Angel looked at him in dead seriousness. “Were you a mob enforcer, Husk? I was. If you think I can make it, I’m sure you can. You weren’t as bad as me, were you?”


“I was an overlord here, kid. I wasn’t great.”


“Maybe not but if you see through me, Husk, I see you. You have a heart. You might have buried it deeper than a New York subway car but it’s there and you’ve shown it to me a number of times now, even if you didn’t mean to.”


Husk scowled.


“And if you’re afraid your kids won’t want to see you, I figure heaven is big enough that you wouldn’t have to if that’s what you wanted. I mean, how often have I seen Henroin here in hell?”


Husk sighed, pressing against the horse’s neck. “I’m not sure what I’d do if I met them again. I loved my kids, Angel. I wasn’t a good dad. No one has to tell me that. Not abusive, just…absent, you know? They were better off without me.”


“I doubt that but I don’t doubt you believe it.”


Husk flattened his ears and his tail slashed in agitation. “Angel, don’t tell the others about them, okay?”


“It’s your truth to share when you want to. Someone shared mine today against my will. I know exactly how bad that feels.”


“I wish I could make it better.”


“You have, Husk, just you taking the time to care about me means a lot. Almost no one does.”


“Not true. Honestly, I’m shocked the ladies are not out here looking for you. They’re probably scouring the inside. Everyone is worried, Angel. You’re not as alone as you think. Charlie might mess it up a lot but she does care, Vaggie too. You know Cherri cares but I’m not sure she knows how to show it. Probably thinks dropping a bomb down your pants is a show of affection.”


Angel made a sound deep in his throat and rubbed his eyes. No way he was crying now. “Probably.”


“Al don’t give two shits, of course, but Pentious learned to like you.”


“I don’t think he ever had friends, well, maybe Baxter but he’s a twat so I’m not sure he counts.”


“He is obnoxious. But my point is, Angel, you did bad things in life but deep inside, I don’t think you’re bad at all. You care way too much about other people for that. Look at the Vees and Alastor, narcissists each and every one. They aren’t capable of what you are. You have a dr-”


“Hey, you two alive up there? We don’t hear any more singing,” Cherri broke in.


Angel swung off his horse and stared down to the ground. Cherri was there with Charlie and Vaggie. “Husk and I are just talking.”


“About him spanking you?”


Cherri’s expression was tough to see at this distance but Angel knew she was smiling.


“No!” Husk bellowed.


“Yes!” Angel countered.


“If I didn’t know you’d survive, I’d kick you off this carousel.” Husk crossed his arms over his chest, working up into an award-winning sulk.


Angel stole his hat and put it on his own head. Husk let him keep it for once. “I’d take you with me just to see if you can fly double.”


“I can but if you’re going to tease me, I’m dropping you on your head.”


“Red zone…or whatever we’re going to call our warning system. I’m pretty sure heaven wouldn’t like that.” Angel tutted, wagging a finger.


Husk rolled his eyes and wagged a finger right back: the middle one.


“Can we come up?” Charlie asked.


Cherri didn’t even wait for Angel to say yes. She parkoured her way to the carousel and chose to sit on the rubber duck ‘horse.’ Vaggie flew Charlie up.


“Angel, are you okay?” Charlie fretted. “I’m so sorry about-”


Angel threw up his hand. “Leave it, Charlie. I don’t want to talk about it. I’d love to forget about today but Vox is going to have this on repeat on the news for weeks. I hope you know that.”


“He wouldn’t….” Her shoulders sagged.


“Charlie, you need to start listening to people. Believe me. I know Vox way better than you. I know what he’s like and what he’ll do. You didn’t listen to me and look where we are now. We all got hurt.” Angel sighed and she wilted further. “You got me believing in your dream, Charlie, but it ain’t gonna happen with you alone. Husk here has lots of experience being in charge. He wasn’t always just a bartender. Vaggie helped lead armies in heaven. I know the Vees better than anyone. Alastor knows how to dick people over real good and your daddy, well who knows hell better.”


“I thought I could handle it.”


“We know, sweetie.” Vaggie ran a hand over Charlie’s arm. “But Angel’s right. You don’t have to do this alone.”


“You can’t do it alone,” Cherri said. “Heck even fighting Pentious – who wasn’t all that he thought he was.” She smiled fondly. “Fighting him in turf wars it was easier when Angie helped me.”


Charlie rubbed her own arms, self-soothing. “I guess it’s just until recently no one believed in my dream.”


“And that hurts. I get it. My dream, well that was what you were gonna say, wasn’t it, Husk before the ladies found us, something about my dreams?” When Husk nodded, Angel shot him a sad expression. “Mine kinda died.”


“Oh, no, Angel, don’t say that.” Charlie caught hold of his hands. She gave them a warm squeeze. “Never think that. Your dream is just…taking a nap. You need to wake it up and make it come true.”


Angel let the argument flow out of him. He wanted to argue but that wasn’t the point to argue on. Her not listening was the point to argue about but that moment had passed. Angel tipped his chin down, nodding. “I wish it was that easy, Charlie.”


“Why overcomplicate shit, Angelcakes?” Leaning half off her rubber duck, Cherri punched his shoulder where he stood in front of the ride.


He offered her a faint smile. “Sometimes it really is that complicated but I’m trying, okay? I’m trying. I just think we tried a wrong path today and met a mugger.”


“I’ll give you that one, Angel.” Husk leaned over and patted the horse Angel had vacated.


He took the hint and climbed back aboard.


“I’m not giving up on you, Angel,” Charlie said and he believed her, today’s disaster aside. Let her think he had a chance. Maybe he’d believe it again but not any time soon.


“Thanks, Charlie,” he replied.


“Did you want to ride the carousel?” she asked.


“Huh? This works?” Why was he surprised? A train with broke-ass tracks had worked so why not this carousel.


“Yep. We just have to turn it on over there but someone will have to watch to turn it back off.” Charlie pointed to the console near a nearly hidden door he hadn’t noticed. That probably lead into the access hallway.


“I’ll do it. I can jump on easy peasy. Just show me what button to push,” Cherri offered.


“I know how to run it and I can jump on and off too,” Vaggie said, giving Charlie a hand up. Charlie chose a grey horse leaving the more elegant rearing stallion for Vaggie.


Vaggie hit the startup and leapt aboard as the carousel shuddered to life. She swung onto the stallion as what sounded like a real carousel organ wheezed out a song Angel swore he knew but couldn’t place the name. As they went around, Angel was convinced Husk and Charlie were wrong about his redemption arc but Husk was dead on about Angel not being alone. Looking at the happy faces of the people riding silly wooden animals for his sake, Angel fought back tears. His carousel horse rode him into peace and he let it inside him. He might never make heaven but knowing he had friends like this – even when he was mad at some of them - helped to make this piece of hell heaven enough for him.



And it's Science Saturday


Arctic blast probably won't cause trees to explode in the cold — but here's what happens if and when they do go boom since this was clickbait all over the place this week, here is what it is.

Scientists may be approaching a 'fundamental breakthrough in cosmology and particle physics' — if dark matter and 'ghost particles' can interact

'Pain sponge' derived from stem cells could soak up pain signals before they reach the brain this would be game changing

2,400-year-old Hercules shrine and elite tombs discovered outside ancient Rome's walls

Medieval 'super ship' found wrecked off Denmark is largest vessel of its kind

'Goddess of dawn': James Webb telescope spies one of the oldest supernovas in the early universe
https://www.sciencenews.org/article/cosmic-ring-cosmology-principle?utm_source=firefox-newtab-en-ushttps://cornerofmadness.dreamwidth.org/2190354.html"> A massive cosmic ring may challenge a key assumption about the universe
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