New Fic - Brief Tragedy of Flesh
Apr. 10th, 2006 09:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cornerofmadnessBrief Tragedy of Flesh
D M Evans
Disclaimer - not mine, all characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, Square Enix and funimition. I don’t make a profit, heck I probably lose money taking away time I should have been working.
Rating - FRT
Time Line - Some time after Ishbal but before Ed takes the State Alchemist Test (yeah that’s a span of several years I know, I know) But has definite spoilers for manga 57!
Pairing - Roy/Riza
Summary - Riza’s life and heart get put on the line when she gets kidnapped by unknown enemy agents
Author’s Note: Figure that now that #58 is out today all of this will be rendered moot (darn RL for not letting me get the chance to put it up any sooner) but I had fun writing it so why not post it? Thanks toevil_little_dog for the beta
OF all the souls that stand create
I have elected one
When sense from spirit files away
And subterfuge is done
Emily Dickinson
Chapter One
She had failed him. She had let herself be taken and Riza tried not to let her humiliation at being captured overwhelm her. It wouldn’t help. She had no idea where she was, only that she was blindfolded, bound and very cold. Riza was lying on something hard and ungiving. There were no sounds in the room, no unusual smells, nothing to clue her in to where she might be.
The last thing Riza remembered was walking home with her groceries and a handsome dark-haired man passing her. There had been a sting on her side, like a bee sting then the world went black. When she came to, she was here, groggy and cold. Riza knew she had been drugged. By the handsome young man? She assumed it made sense that her attackers were Creatans since she was currently in the West but why would they take her when they had other officers of much higher rank and importance than she held? Did Roy know she was gone yet? Was he frantic and trying to hide it? No one could know she was more than his adjutant, but Roy had trouble hiding it sometimes.
“I think that someone has awoken.” The voice was strange, not quite male, not quite female. Riza could almost feel the person oozing out of the shadows that she imagined had to be there. Shadows seemed appropriate. She couldn’t see anything. The blindfold was a good one. She tried not to wince, feeling hands on her. The hands were soft yet strong, heavy. They skimmed over her bound arm then over her torso. Even though they trailed over her breasts there was no feel of sexuality behind the hands. It was more like a doctor examining a patient “You can’t fool me.” He pinched her side.
“What do you want with me?” she asked, trying to keep her voice cool and calm.
“Heard a little birdie tweeting, telling tales about you.” The voice sounded amused. “Heard you’re a living weapon. You’re a naughty girl if its true.” He snickered.
A cold sweat popped out on her flesh. He knew. Somehow he knew. Riza couldn’t fathom how this man would know. Oh, there had been risks of being found out, of course. The tattoo artist might have talked about it despite the hush money given. Roy had been horrendously paranoid about anyone finding out about the array he had drawn and the tattoo artist transferred to her skin. Roy had reason to be paranoid. She had allowed herself to be transformed into Roy’s weapon. She was an extension of him now.
“I don’t know what you mean.” Riza tried to sound more confident than she felt.
“You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t take your word for it.” His strong hands flipped her over.
Riza’s bound wrists dug into her belly. Fear trickled up her spine. She was so vulnerable in this position. Bound, blindfolded and now in a position that she could barely kick out even if she could move with her ankles trussed together.
Thoughts percolated through her mind. Riza knew what could happen to a woman prisoner. She had seen it in Ishbal from her own comrades. One of the things that really made her first notice and love Roy was how he, Hughes and Armstrong had hunted down and turned over for prosecution soldiers raping Ishbalan women. Most generals were more than willing to turn a blind eye to it. All three men had taken rips in their personal files for being too sympathetic to the enemy.
Riza didn’t know what she feared most, torture or rape. Death, she knew she should fear that the most but oddly only in the sense that it would make her failure of Roy complete. “Get your hands off me.”
“Feisty, isn’t she?” Her captor chuckled lowly and Riza got the impression he had to be talking to someone other than her.
Riza strained her ears but heard no one else until a low, almost familiar voice said, “Let’s see it then.”
Riza’s collar cut into her throat as her captor grabbed her shirt and ripped it open, struggling with the cloth. It was never as easy as romance novels would have a reader believe. The hand that skimmed over her back was warm, soft, almost feminine in spite of its strength. Riza couldn’t help the way her flesh fluttered and twitched as he traced her tattoo.
“I’ll be damned,” the androgynous captor said. “There it is, Wrath.”
Riza heard the other man move, listened to a clattering noise as he walked. Was that a sword and scabbard rattling against something? She tried to inch up the blindfold against the cot was she was on but it was tied very tight. It only moved a little, not enough to let in more than a little light.
New hands splayed over her back, rough, calloused, used to holding a tool, or more likely, a weapon. The sandpapery fingers traced the elaborate array as if drinking in all the details, all that she was meant to be to Mustang. Now Riza knew why she had been taken and not some higher ranking officer. These people were interested in the tattoo. Could they use it? Surely Roy wasn’t the only alchemist who could make flame or maybe he was? Wasn’t that how he became a State Alchemist? What if they meant to use her? Could she stop them? What happened to her if these were Creatan dissidents who could use her against her own people? She would rather die than allow Mustang’s array be used by anyone other than him.
Wrath’s hand moved up the base of her neck, a twisted imitation of what should have been an arousing caress, then his coarse fingers settled over her pulse point before digging in. Riza winced. “What are you up to, you upstart alchemist? Why did he do this to you, beyond the obvious? Who does he need you to help him attack?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s just a tattoo,” she said, knowing that bluffing wouldn’t get her anywhere. They not only knew what it was for but who had engineered it. Still, she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of a confirmation.
“We both know it’s far more than that,” he said in that strangely familiar voice.
“It’s just ink.” Riza fought not to tremble.
“As you wish. Sadly, you’ll have to pay in ignorance then. Envy, remove the tattoo,” Wrath said so nonchalantly that it took a moment for it to register in Riza’s mind what he had said.
With a strangled cry, Riza kicked out with her bound feet and connected with something. Whoever it was groaned.
“That hurt. Fine, we’ll do this the hard way,” the androgynous - Envy? - voiced person said.
Riza tried to scream as something tore into the right side of her back but something wet and salty filled her mouth. She could smell the blood dribbling out of her mouth. Whatever had punctured her pulled out, slowly, twisting its way free of her flesh. She nearly blacked out.
“You want to play with fire, I say we play,” Envy said, his tone so creepy a shiver raced up Riza’s spine, breaking through the agony that had enveloped her.
Riza heard the distinctive metallic scraping of a fireplace screen being pulled back. She fought to move and fell off of whatever she had been lying on. Crashing into the floor jarred her senseless for a moment then she tried to inch her way along blindly. Someone laughed, deep, throaty, Wrath probably. Riza knew she had no real chance at escape and that she was merely amusing them as she tried but she couldn’t just lie there and let them skin her back or whatever it was Envy had in mind.
“She’s escaping, Envy,” Wrath said lightly. She expected him to laugh.
“Spare me from the never say die types,” Envy replied. “Fire for fire, what say you, Wrath?”
“Do it.”
Riza screamed, spraying blood from her lips as something heavy and hot slammed against her left shoulder. Wood from the fire, the small part of her mind still able to think, realized. Pain from the burning thrummed through her, sickening her. The smell of burning flesh caused nightmares of Ishbal to spill through her mind, only this time she was the one burning. Over the sizzle of flesh and her screaming, the sounds of gunfire echoed. The burning log lifted off her shoulder.
“Think they came for her?” Envy asked.
“I wouldn’t be surprised. Leave her. Let’s go. We can’t be discovered here,” Wrath replied. “They’ll need to work their way through the dissidents first. That’ll slow them down.”
“It’s not like we have anything to fear from them,” Envy retorted derisively.
“Father wouldn’t want us to be seen,” Wrath said.
Riza barely registered any of the conversation through her agony but the mention of ‘Father’ seemed to have its effect. She heard the men leave. The only thing she could concentrate on was attempting to worm her way to freedom but with the horrible pain in her back and the bleeding, she wasn’t getting far fast. She could smell smoke, thicker than what should be in her room, felt an oily slick around her mouth. Mustang was here somewhere and whoever had participated in taking her were very sorry now and very dead.
She winced, hearing the door coming down and a deep voice booming, “Over there, Captain.”
Armstrong, she couldn’t forget that voice. The captain would have to be Hughes. Of course, Mustang would bring the people he worked closest with in Ishbal, a team he could trust. Even though Riza knew these were her friends, she flinched when someone touched her.
“It’s okay, Hawkeye. We’re getting you out of here.” The hands went to the blindfold and she blinked up through the tears of pain looking into Hughes’ sober face. It frightened her. She wasn’t used to seeing him this way. “I need to try and stop the bleeding.”
“Lieutenant Colonel, she’s here,” Armstrong bellowed as Hughes wadded up the blindfold and pressed it over one of the wounds.
Riza heard Roy’s approach. He wasn’t even caring about decorum. Would he race around like that if it was Hughes who had been taken captive? The look on his face gave him away even more. Roy knelt beside her, his hand trembling slightly as he touched her lower back.
“Hawkeye...” Mustang’s voice caught. “She’s bleeding so much. We need to slow this. I could cauterize...”
“No, too deep,” Hughes replied and his fingers brushed Riza’s bloody lips. “I think she’s lung struck. If you seal it off now, she’ll drown in her own blood.”
“We’ll get her to safety, Flame,” Armstrong said. “You need to finish the mission.”
“Damn insurgents,” Roy said, letting his fingers stray across Riza’s neck casually. The look in his eyes was anything but casual. “Take care of her for me,” he added as he unfolded from the ground. “You’ll be all right, Hawkeye, that’s an order.”
She couldn’t talk but she managed a faint smile for him then promptly blacked out when Armstrong lifted her up.
X X X
Riza wished consciousness would have left her alone. Even through the thick wool of pain killers, some of the raw agony from her back filtered through. She lay face down on scratchy, thin hospital sheets. The stench of antiseptic burned her nose. She wanted to just fall back asleep but realized she wasn’t alone.
Roy squeezed her hand. “You’re going to be all right, Riza,” he said softly.
“The array...is it?” she broke off, her tongue feeling too thick for her mouth.
“It doesn’t matter. All I care about is you,” he said, leaning down so his lips were at her ear.
“Ruined.” She sighed, realizing that her captors had succeeded. She was no longer a part of Roy. She had been cut off from him and somehow it felt like losing a limb.
“You will never be ruined,” he whispered. “I love you.”
That was so soft she almost missed it. “Roy...Envy....”
“Riza, rest. We can worry about who did this tomorrow when you’re more awake. Most of the dissidents have been handled.”
“The ones...did this...ran.” She wished that was more coherent.
“I figured we didn’t get the mastermind.” He kissed her cheek. “Later, Riza. It can wait. We missed them but there’ll be other times. I’ll stay until you fall back asleep.”
Riza interlaced her fingers with his before fading back to black.
When that which is and that which was
Apart, intrinsic, stand,
And this brief tragedy of flesh
Is shifted like a sand
Emily Dickinson
Chapter Two
Riza winced, dragging herself up and out of bed. Her breasts twinged, having been squashed all night from her sleeping on them. She was getting so tired of not being able to lie on her back then she remembered the last time she wasn’t able to sleep on her back. Tears came unwanted and unbidden. The memory of fiery pain - so appropriate for what she had done - only served to remind her what she had lost.
Riza had insisted on mirrors so she could see her back when the nurse changed the dressing. The burns were terrible and the rents in her flesh just as bad. The array was ruined and through all the pain killers which didn’t dull all the pain, she wasn’t sure she had told Roy that destroying her array tattoo was the intent all along. They kept her on so many pain killers on the ride home, she didn’t have any recollections of the trip.
She managed to get to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet and getting back up were agonizing. Why were back injuries so excruciating? Maybe she had left the hospital too soon. Her friend, Emmie, was a civilian nurse and had agreed to sleep over on the couch until Riza was more on her feet. Riza had protested it was unnecessary but this proved it was. At least, Emmie would arrive later in the day to start her babysitting. Until then, she needed to make herself some breakfast.
When Riza shuffled into the living room, she was shocked to see Roy curled up on the couch. He had helped Havoc and Hughes to bring her home and stayed long enough to be sure she was tucked into bed for the night. He was supposed to let himself out, not go to sleep on the couch. His hands were tucked in tight, pressed against his lips as if he had been sucking his thumb during the night. Given his oral fixation, second only to Havoc unless she missed her guess, it wouldn’t surprise her. His bangs were over his eyes
“Roy, what are you doing here?” she hissed, hating to wake him. He looked peaceful, which he rarely did.
His head jerked up, sending his hair back out of his eyes. “Huh?”
“You didn’t make it further than the couch last night.”
He rubbed his face. “Wanted to be here when you woke up. Didn’t mean to fall asleep in the uniform, though.”
“Roy, what if someone sees you leaving here for work?” She glared at him. Now was not the time to get caught.
“My day off.” He pointed to one of the rucksacks that had been carried in last night. “Mine.” That explained the mystery of how she had so much stuff at the hospital. “I’ll change and make us something to eat. Do you need me to change your dressings?”
Riza shook her head. “Emmie will be here later. She can do it.”
Roy swung off the couch and helped her over to it. She sat, clinging to his arm for support. Roy gently put her feet up on the couch pillows then disappeared with his rucksack. Riza pressed a couch pillow to her face. It was warm and smelled of him. She hugged it tight, trying to will some of her pain into it and some of his comfort from it.
Roy came back with pillows from her bed and a comforter. He propped her up better and covered her before heading for the kitchen. She winced, hearing him banging around in there. She had never seen him cook. She dreaded knowing what he was doing to her kitchen. He eventually came back with some coffee then with some fried eggs and toast that looked edible. He handed her the plate then went to fetch his breakfast. He sat on the floor, leaning on the couch while he ate.
“Thank you, Roy.” She reached out, ignoring the twinging in her back, so she could run her fingers through his soft hair. “We have to talk about this.”
“Eat first,” he ordered.
Riza sighed and finished her meal then let him clean up after them. When he came back, Roy paused for a moment in the doorway, his dark eyes studying her. He looked so unusual dressed in his casual clothes, which were purposefully anything but blue. Still, even his casual clothes has a crispness to them, a formality he just couldn’t quite shed. She’d like to see him in old, worn clothing, just once, maybe working in a garden or fishing or something that she grew up thinking was normal. The only time she saw him like that, which was rare, was when he was in the little lab in his basement, cooking up something for his alchemy that tended to reek. She pointed to the battered, green chair catty-corner to the couch. “Have a seat so we can talk.” She knew Roy’s inclination would be to curl up on the floor at her feet again like a faithful dog and while she liked having him close, this was important. She needed to be able to look him in the eye and see he was actually listening and not daydreaming.
He sat with a curious look on his face. “What’s wrong, Riza?”
“First off, I’m sorry,” she said, her voice cracking in spite her best efforts. She promised herself that for him she’d be strong.
Roy got off the chair and snugged up against the curve of her hip. His questing fingers wrapped around her hand. “For what? Riza, it’s not your fault you were captured and tortured. Blame the Creatan rebels.”
“I’m not sure I can.” She squeezed his hand hard, desperate for his touch.
Roy’s brow knit and he looked at her expectantly. When she didn’t oblige immediately, he asked, “What do you mean, Riza?”
“Did I tell you about Envy and Wrath?”
His face took on a broody aspect that perplexed her. He seemed upset. “You kept trying to. It upset you so much but you couldn’t get the words out in any way that made sense. You’d get so frustrated that your vitals went all crazy and the doctors would shoo us out of your room. What do those emotions have to do with anything?”
“Not emotions, code names.” Riza steeled herself against a tremor of pain that fired through her when she tried to sit up straighter. Roy put a hand on her shoulder, gently holding her down. “They’re the ones who did this to me, Roy. I got the impression that they were merely using the rebels as a cover. It was me they wanted.”
Roy’s face twisted. “Why? I mean, you’re special to me but in the grand scheme of our military, you’re just a second lieutenant, a very skilled marksman but we have lots of those.”
Riza’s lips pinched. She knew he was right but no one wanted to hear they weren’t special. Of course she was thinking as his lover, not as his aide at the moment. “It’s because I’m special to you, Roy.”
His almond eyes narrowed. “I don’t understand.”
“They knew about the tattoo,” she said and watched the color leave his face as if someone had pulled the plug.
“What?” The word squeezed past his tight throat. She watched his larynx bob as he tried to swallow.
“They knew I had the tattoo even before they looked for it. I was taken for a reason. I was out of uniform when I was captured. They had to have known who I was. They wanted to know why you had tattooed the array on me.” She felt his hand tremble in hers. “Envy and Wrath didn’t name you but they knew who you were. They wanted to know who you planned on attacking using me as your touchstone.”
Roy’s face transformed from pain to sheer acrimony. The look in his dark eyes frightened her even though she knew it wasn’t directed at her. She wished she could shove Envy and Wrath into the path of that dark heat of Mustang’s ire. “How could they know?”
“I don’t know, Roy, but they did. I pretended I had no idea what they were talking about. I told them it was just ink but they didn’t believe me. They were also smart enough to know I’d never tell them anything or maybe they didn’t care. Wrath ordered Envy to remove the tattoo. If you hadn’t come when you did, I think they would have skinned me.” She shuddered then groaned from the pain. Roy’s hand moved to her hip. “Or burned it off since Envy was pissed that I kicked him.”
Roy’s back seemed to wilt as his head dropped to her stomach. “I’m so sorry, Riza.” The words were muffled against her body.
Riza stroked his hair. “It’s not your fault either, Roy.”
He looked up at her. “Of course it is. I put that tattoo on you. Somehow someone found out and they made you suffer for my hubris.”
She held out an arm to him. “Come here.” Riza tried to shift on the couch to make room for him.
He caught her arms. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”
“Hush.” Riza bit her lip as she managed to move enough that he could slip his slender frame around her then dropped some of her weight on him, melting against him. “Do you know why I allowed you to tattoo the array on my back?”
“I asked when we first talked about it but you wouldn’t say.” Roy’s hand trailed over her cheek.
“Because it was yours.” She caught his hand. “I was afraid at the time, if I said that, you’d change your mind. I did it because it made me a part of you. I became something more than I was.”
“You were always something special, Riza. You didn’t...” Roy started to say but she put her fingers over his lips.
“Let me do the talking, please. Roy. I know I didn’t have to do it. But it made me feel...so connected to you and now they ruined it.” Riza’s voice choked off and she couldn’t hold back the strangled sob that poured out of her.
Roy’s arms slipped around her waist. “Nothing is ruined.”
“You haven’t seen how bad it is,” she wailed against his shoulder.
He gingerly pulled her tighter to him. “I don’t care. As long as they didn’t take you from me, we’ll get through it. I’m so sorry they hurt you because of me. I would never want anything to happen to you because someone is trying to get to me. And if you were gone...I’m lost. I can’t do this without you.”
Blindly, she tried to press her hand over his mouth. She knew he loved her. Hearing it now just made her loss seem keener, too hard to bear. “I can’t talk now. You needed to know what happened. They took a part of me away and it hurts too much to say anything else.”
Riza loved that he listened to her, that he didn’t try to say anything more. He didn’t seem to quite know where to put his hands so not to hurt her so they lay tucked against her belly but Roy locked his leg over hers possessively. That firmness of touch, his need to keep her close and safe warmed her as she cried quietly against him. Finally, the tears stopped and the pain killers threaten to suck her back under. Still, there were worse things than actually having the opportunity to fall asleep in her lover’s arms. Those opportunities were rarities. The sound of someone knocking at the door dragged her back to consciousness.
Roy got up, looking at the door.
“It’s probably Emmie. Please go let her in,” Riza said, rubbing her puffy eyes. She missed feeling the warmth of him next to her and wanted him to tell Emmie to go and come wrap back around her again but she knew that wasn’t going to happen.
Roy nodded and went to let the nurse in. Just as he had Hughes to confide in, Riza had Emmie and the nurse knew about Roy and why that had to be a secret. She was just glad Roy and Emmie got along effortlessly. He let Emmie in. The nurse gave him the once over then turned her attention to Riza.
Emmie eyed Roy sourly. “Are you wearing her out, Mustang?”
“I’m fine, Emmie, well as fine as I can be. It’s the pain killers wearing me out,” Riza said, placatingly.
“I’ll get out of the way and go,” Roy said.
“Oh, please, Roy, stay a little. We can play games. I can’t just lie here all day. I’ll go insane,” Riza said. Games were safe. She wouldn’t have to think about what she had lost if she had something distracting her. Roy seemed to sense that and settled back in the chair.
“What kind of games?” Emmie asked, setting her nurse’s bag on the table.
“Anything but chess or goh.” Riza leveled a look at Roy. “How about backgammon?”
Roy wrinkled his nose. “I hate that game.”
“What’s wrong with backgammon? It’s fun,” Emmie countered, getting dressings out of her bag.
“I strategize and I’m winning and she’ll come along, roll doubles and beat me with no planning at all.” Roy pouted, waving a hand at Riza.
“That’s why I like it. Okay, how about cards so we can all play at the same time?” Riza offered.
“All right. What can I do to help, Emmie?” Roy pointed to the dressings.
“Nothing.”
“But I can help,” he protested.
“Shoo. Do I come into your lab and play with your chemicals? No, alchemist, I do not. You stay out of my medical supplies.” Emmie pushed him toward the door. “Besides, no woman wants to see her lover to see her all beat up. Go take a ten minute walk.”
“Okay, okay I’m going.” Roy broke away from Emmie and circled back to Riza. He leaned down and kissed her hard. “I’m going to go call Hughes. He’s in investigations. I’ll tell him what you just told me.”
“Tell him they answered to someone named Father.” Riza squeezed his hand. “They were both afraid he’d be angry if they got caught which is why they ran off and left me.”
“Okay.” Roy kissed her again then headed out the door.
Riza watched him go, then glanced at her friend. Emmie shot her a curious look but didn’t ask about it. She knew better. Riza let Emmie take her shirt off, knowing the nurse was right about one thing; she didn’t want Roy seeing how terribly injured she was. He’d see soon enough. A bubble of dread floated up inside her gut. She was suddenly ashamed to let Roy see her naked ever again. She hated those men for making her feel like this. They had no clue what they had taken from her. They couldn’t have hurt her more if they had raped her. What they took could not be retrieved.
As Emmie’s skilled hands worked, Riza pretended the few tears on her face were from pain and not loss. She had killed many times in Ishbal and elsewhere. She had no taste for it. She regretted it being part of her job. If she ever had Envy or Wrath in her sights, she wouldn’t hesitate to blow their brains out and she would enjoy it. A harsh twisted smile touched her lips at the thought. Self pity wouldn’t get her through this but grim determination would. She would prove herself more than her loss. She was Roy’s weapon before she became his canvas. She would be his weapon again.
D M Evans
Disclaimer - not mine, all characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, Square Enix and funimition. I don’t make a profit, heck I probably lose money taking away time I should have been working.
Rating - FRT
Time Line - Some time after Ishbal but before Ed takes the State Alchemist Test (yeah that’s a span of several years I know, I know) But has definite spoilers for manga 57!
Pairing - Roy/Riza
Summary - Riza’s life and heart get put on the line when she gets kidnapped by unknown enemy agents
Author’s Note: Figure that now that #58 is out today all of this will be rendered moot (darn RL for not letting me get the chance to put it up any sooner) but I had fun writing it so why not post it? Thanks to
evil_little_dog for the betaOF all the souls that stand create
I have elected one
When sense from spirit files away
And subterfuge is done
Emily Dickinson
Chapter One
She had failed him. She had let herself be taken and Riza tried not to let her humiliation at being captured overwhelm her. It wouldn’t help. She had no idea where she was, only that she was blindfolded, bound and very cold. Riza was lying on something hard and ungiving. There were no sounds in the room, no unusual smells, nothing to clue her in to where she might be.
The last thing Riza remembered was walking home with her groceries and a handsome dark-haired man passing her. There had been a sting on her side, like a bee sting then the world went black. When she came to, she was here, groggy and cold. Riza knew she had been drugged. By the handsome young man? She assumed it made sense that her attackers were Creatans since she was currently in the West but why would they take her when they had other officers of much higher rank and importance than she held? Did Roy know she was gone yet? Was he frantic and trying to hide it? No one could know she was more than his adjutant, but Roy had trouble hiding it sometimes.
“I think that someone has awoken.” The voice was strange, not quite male, not quite female. Riza could almost feel the person oozing out of the shadows that she imagined had to be there. Shadows seemed appropriate. She couldn’t see anything. The blindfold was a good one. She tried not to wince, feeling hands on her. The hands were soft yet strong, heavy. They skimmed over her bound arm then over her torso. Even though they trailed over her breasts there was no feel of sexuality behind the hands. It was more like a doctor examining a patient “You can’t fool me.” He pinched her side.
“What do you want with me?” she asked, trying to keep her voice cool and calm.
“Heard a little birdie tweeting, telling tales about you.” The voice sounded amused. “Heard you’re a living weapon. You’re a naughty girl if its true.” He snickered.
A cold sweat popped out on her flesh. He knew. Somehow he knew. Riza couldn’t fathom how this man would know. Oh, there had been risks of being found out, of course. The tattoo artist might have talked about it despite the hush money given. Roy had been horrendously paranoid about anyone finding out about the array he had drawn and the tattoo artist transferred to her skin. Roy had reason to be paranoid. She had allowed herself to be transformed into Roy’s weapon. She was an extension of him now.
“I don’t know what you mean.” Riza tried to sound more confident than she felt.
“You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t take your word for it.” His strong hands flipped her over.
Riza’s bound wrists dug into her belly. Fear trickled up her spine. She was so vulnerable in this position. Bound, blindfolded and now in a position that she could barely kick out even if she could move with her ankles trussed together.
Thoughts percolated through her mind. Riza knew what could happen to a woman prisoner. She had seen it in Ishbal from her own comrades. One of the things that really made her first notice and love Roy was how he, Hughes and Armstrong had hunted down and turned over for prosecution soldiers raping Ishbalan women. Most generals were more than willing to turn a blind eye to it. All three men had taken rips in their personal files for being too sympathetic to the enemy.
Riza didn’t know what she feared most, torture or rape. Death, she knew she should fear that the most but oddly only in the sense that it would make her failure of Roy complete. “Get your hands off me.”
“Feisty, isn’t she?” Her captor chuckled lowly and Riza got the impression he had to be talking to someone other than her.
Riza strained her ears but heard no one else until a low, almost familiar voice said, “Let’s see it then.”
Riza’s collar cut into her throat as her captor grabbed her shirt and ripped it open, struggling with the cloth. It was never as easy as romance novels would have a reader believe. The hand that skimmed over her back was warm, soft, almost feminine in spite of its strength. Riza couldn’t help the way her flesh fluttered and twitched as he traced her tattoo.
“I’ll be damned,” the androgynous captor said. “There it is, Wrath.”
Riza heard the other man move, listened to a clattering noise as he walked. Was that a sword and scabbard rattling against something? She tried to inch up the blindfold against the cot was she was on but it was tied very tight. It only moved a little, not enough to let in more than a little light.
New hands splayed over her back, rough, calloused, used to holding a tool, or more likely, a weapon. The sandpapery fingers traced the elaborate array as if drinking in all the details, all that she was meant to be to Mustang. Now Riza knew why she had been taken and not some higher ranking officer. These people were interested in the tattoo. Could they use it? Surely Roy wasn’t the only alchemist who could make flame or maybe he was? Wasn’t that how he became a State Alchemist? What if they meant to use her? Could she stop them? What happened to her if these were Creatan dissidents who could use her against her own people? She would rather die than allow Mustang’s array be used by anyone other than him.
Wrath’s hand moved up the base of her neck, a twisted imitation of what should have been an arousing caress, then his coarse fingers settled over her pulse point before digging in. Riza winced. “What are you up to, you upstart alchemist? Why did he do this to you, beyond the obvious? Who does he need you to help him attack?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s just a tattoo,” she said, knowing that bluffing wouldn’t get her anywhere. They not only knew what it was for but who had engineered it. Still, she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of a confirmation.
“We both know it’s far more than that,” he said in that strangely familiar voice.
“It’s just ink.” Riza fought not to tremble.
“As you wish. Sadly, you’ll have to pay in ignorance then. Envy, remove the tattoo,” Wrath said so nonchalantly that it took a moment for it to register in Riza’s mind what he had said.
With a strangled cry, Riza kicked out with her bound feet and connected with something. Whoever it was groaned.
“That hurt. Fine, we’ll do this the hard way,” the androgynous - Envy? - voiced person said.
Riza tried to scream as something tore into the right side of her back but something wet and salty filled her mouth. She could smell the blood dribbling out of her mouth. Whatever had punctured her pulled out, slowly, twisting its way free of her flesh. She nearly blacked out.
“You want to play with fire, I say we play,” Envy said, his tone so creepy a shiver raced up Riza’s spine, breaking through the agony that had enveloped her.
Riza heard the distinctive metallic scraping of a fireplace screen being pulled back. She fought to move and fell off of whatever she had been lying on. Crashing into the floor jarred her senseless for a moment then she tried to inch her way along blindly. Someone laughed, deep, throaty, Wrath probably. Riza knew she had no real chance at escape and that she was merely amusing them as she tried but she couldn’t just lie there and let them skin her back or whatever it was Envy had in mind.
“She’s escaping, Envy,” Wrath said lightly. She expected him to laugh.
“Spare me from the never say die types,” Envy replied. “Fire for fire, what say you, Wrath?”
“Do it.”
Riza screamed, spraying blood from her lips as something heavy and hot slammed against her left shoulder. Wood from the fire, the small part of her mind still able to think, realized. Pain from the burning thrummed through her, sickening her. The smell of burning flesh caused nightmares of Ishbal to spill through her mind, only this time she was the one burning. Over the sizzle of flesh and her screaming, the sounds of gunfire echoed. The burning log lifted off her shoulder.
“Think they came for her?” Envy asked.
“I wouldn’t be surprised. Leave her. Let’s go. We can’t be discovered here,” Wrath replied. “They’ll need to work their way through the dissidents first. That’ll slow them down.”
“It’s not like we have anything to fear from them,” Envy retorted derisively.
“Father wouldn’t want us to be seen,” Wrath said.
Riza barely registered any of the conversation through her agony but the mention of ‘Father’ seemed to have its effect. She heard the men leave. The only thing she could concentrate on was attempting to worm her way to freedom but with the horrible pain in her back and the bleeding, she wasn’t getting far fast. She could smell smoke, thicker than what should be in her room, felt an oily slick around her mouth. Mustang was here somewhere and whoever had participated in taking her were very sorry now and very dead.
She winced, hearing the door coming down and a deep voice booming, “Over there, Captain.”
Armstrong, she couldn’t forget that voice. The captain would have to be Hughes. Of course, Mustang would bring the people he worked closest with in Ishbal, a team he could trust. Even though Riza knew these were her friends, she flinched when someone touched her.
“It’s okay, Hawkeye. We’re getting you out of here.” The hands went to the blindfold and she blinked up through the tears of pain looking into Hughes’ sober face. It frightened her. She wasn’t used to seeing him this way. “I need to try and stop the bleeding.”
“Lieutenant Colonel, she’s here,” Armstrong bellowed as Hughes wadded up the blindfold and pressed it over one of the wounds.
Riza heard Roy’s approach. He wasn’t even caring about decorum. Would he race around like that if it was Hughes who had been taken captive? The look on his face gave him away even more. Roy knelt beside her, his hand trembling slightly as he touched her lower back.
“Hawkeye...” Mustang’s voice caught. “She’s bleeding so much. We need to slow this. I could cauterize...”
“No, too deep,” Hughes replied and his fingers brushed Riza’s bloody lips. “I think she’s lung struck. If you seal it off now, she’ll drown in her own blood.”
“We’ll get her to safety, Flame,” Armstrong said. “You need to finish the mission.”
“Damn insurgents,” Roy said, letting his fingers stray across Riza’s neck casually. The look in his eyes was anything but casual. “Take care of her for me,” he added as he unfolded from the ground. “You’ll be all right, Hawkeye, that’s an order.”
She couldn’t talk but she managed a faint smile for him then promptly blacked out when Armstrong lifted her up.
X X X
Riza wished consciousness would have left her alone. Even through the thick wool of pain killers, some of the raw agony from her back filtered through. She lay face down on scratchy, thin hospital sheets. The stench of antiseptic burned her nose. She wanted to just fall back asleep but realized she wasn’t alone.
Roy squeezed her hand. “You’re going to be all right, Riza,” he said softly.
“The array...is it?” she broke off, her tongue feeling too thick for her mouth.
“It doesn’t matter. All I care about is you,” he said, leaning down so his lips were at her ear.
“Ruined.” She sighed, realizing that her captors had succeeded. She was no longer a part of Roy. She had been cut off from him and somehow it felt like losing a limb.
“You will never be ruined,” he whispered. “I love you.”
That was so soft she almost missed it. “Roy...Envy....”
“Riza, rest. We can worry about who did this tomorrow when you’re more awake. Most of the dissidents have been handled.”
“The ones...did this...ran.” She wished that was more coherent.
“I figured we didn’t get the mastermind.” He kissed her cheek. “Later, Riza. It can wait. We missed them but there’ll be other times. I’ll stay until you fall back asleep.”
Riza interlaced her fingers with his before fading back to black.
When that which is and that which was
Apart, intrinsic, stand,
And this brief tragedy of flesh
Is shifted like a sand
Emily Dickinson
Chapter Two
Riza winced, dragging herself up and out of bed. Her breasts twinged, having been squashed all night from her sleeping on them. She was getting so tired of not being able to lie on her back then she remembered the last time she wasn’t able to sleep on her back. Tears came unwanted and unbidden. The memory of fiery pain - so appropriate for what she had done - only served to remind her what she had lost.
Riza had insisted on mirrors so she could see her back when the nurse changed the dressing. The burns were terrible and the rents in her flesh just as bad. The array was ruined and through all the pain killers which didn’t dull all the pain, she wasn’t sure she had told Roy that destroying her array tattoo was the intent all along. They kept her on so many pain killers on the ride home, she didn’t have any recollections of the trip.
She managed to get to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet and getting back up were agonizing. Why were back injuries so excruciating? Maybe she had left the hospital too soon. Her friend, Emmie, was a civilian nurse and had agreed to sleep over on the couch until Riza was more on her feet. Riza had protested it was unnecessary but this proved it was. At least, Emmie would arrive later in the day to start her babysitting. Until then, she needed to make herself some breakfast.
When Riza shuffled into the living room, she was shocked to see Roy curled up on the couch. He had helped Havoc and Hughes to bring her home and stayed long enough to be sure she was tucked into bed for the night. He was supposed to let himself out, not go to sleep on the couch. His hands were tucked in tight, pressed against his lips as if he had been sucking his thumb during the night. Given his oral fixation, second only to Havoc unless she missed her guess, it wouldn’t surprise her. His bangs were over his eyes
“Roy, what are you doing here?” she hissed, hating to wake him. He looked peaceful, which he rarely did.
His head jerked up, sending his hair back out of his eyes. “Huh?”
“You didn’t make it further than the couch last night.”
He rubbed his face. “Wanted to be here when you woke up. Didn’t mean to fall asleep in the uniform, though.”
“Roy, what if someone sees you leaving here for work?” She glared at him. Now was not the time to get caught.
“My day off.” He pointed to one of the rucksacks that had been carried in last night. “Mine.” That explained the mystery of how she had so much stuff at the hospital. “I’ll change and make us something to eat. Do you need me to change your dressings?”
Riza shook her head. “Emmie will be here later. She can do it.”
Roy swung off the couch and helped her over to it. She sat, clinging to his arm for support. Roy gently put her feet up on the couch pillows then disappeared with his rucksack. Riza pressed a couch pillow to her face. It was warm and smelled of him. She hugged it tight, trying to will some of her pain into it and some of his comfort from it.
Roy came back with pillows from her bed and a comforter. He propped her up better and covered her before heading for the kitchen. She winced, hearing him banging around in there. She had never seen him cook. She dreaded knowing what he was doing to her kitchen. He eventually came back with some coffee then with some fried eggs and toast that looked edible. He handed her the plate then went to fetch his breakfast. He sat on the floor, leaning on the couch while he ate.
“Thank you, Roy.” She reached out, ignoring the twinging in her back, so she could run her fingers through his soft hair. “We have to talk about this.”
“Eat first,” he ordered.
Riza sighed and finished her meal then let him clean up after them. When he came back, Roy paused for a moment in the doorway, his dark eyes studying her. He looked so unusual dressed in his casual clothes, which were purposefully anything but blue. Still, even his casual clothes has a crispness to them, a formality he just couldn’t quite shed. She’d like to see him in old, worn clothing, just once, maybe working in a garden or fishing or something that she grew up thinking was normal. The only time she saw him like that, which was rare, was when he was in the little lab in his basement, cooking up something for his alchemy that tended to reek. She pointed to the battered, green chair catty-corner to the couch. “Have a seat so we can talk.” She knew Roy’s inclination would be to curl up on the floor at her feet again like a faithful dog and while she liked having him close, this was important. She needed to be able to look him in the eye and see he was actually listening and not daydreaming.
He sat with a curious look on his face. “What’s wrong, Riza?”
“First off, I’m sorry,” she said, her voice cracking in spite her best efforts. She promised herself that for him she’d be strong.
Roy got off the chair and snugged up against the curve of her hip. His questing fingers wrapped around her hand. “For what? Riza, it’s not your fault you were captured and tortured. Blame the Creatan rebels.”
“I’m not sure I can.” She squeezed his hand hard, desperate for his touch.
Roy’s brow knit and he looked at her expectantly. When she didn’t oblige immediately, he asked, “What do you mean, Riza?”
“Did I tell you about Envy and Wrath?”
His face took on a broody aspect that perplexed her. He seemed upset. “You kept trying to. It upset you so much but you couldn’t get the words out in any way that made sense. You’d get so frustrated that your vitals went all crazy and the doctors would shoo us out of your room. What do those emotions have to do with anything?”
“Not emotions, code names.” Riza steeled herself against a tremor of pain that fired through her when she tried to sit up straighter. Roy put a hand on her shoulder, gently holding her down. “They’re the ones who did this to me, Roy. I got the impression that they were merely using the rebels as a cover. It was me they wanted.”
Roy’s face twisted. “Why? I mean, you’re special to me but in the grand scheme of our military, you’re just a second lieutenant, a very skilled marksman but we have lots of those.”
Riza’s lips pinched. She knew he was right but no one wanted to hear they weren’t special. Of course she was thinking as his lover, not as his aide at the moment. “It’s because I’m special to you, Roy.”
His almond eyes narrowed. “I don’t understand.”
“They knew about the tattoo,” she said and watched the color leave his face as if someone had pulled the plug.
“What?” The word squeezed past his tight throat. She watched his larynx bob as he tried to swallow.
“They knew I had the tattoo even before they looked for it. I was taken for a reason. I was out of uniform when I was captured. They had to have known who I was. They wanted to know why you had tattooed the array on me.” She felt his hand tremble in hers. “Envy and Wrath didn’t name you but they knew who you were. They wanted to know who you planned on attacking using me as your touchstone.”
Roy’s face transformed from pain to sheer acrimony. The look in his dark eyes frightened her even though she knew it wasn’t directed at her. She wished she could shove Envy and Wrath into the path of that dark heat of Mustang’s ire. “How could they know?”
“I don’t know, Roy, but they did. I pretended I had no idea what they were talking about. I told them it was just ink but they didn’t believe me. They were also smart enough to know I’d never tell them anything or maybe they didn’t care. Wrath ordered Envy to remove the tattoo. If you hadn’t come when you did, I think they would have skinned me.” She shuddered then groaned from the pain. Roy’s hand moved to her hip. “Or burned it off since Envy was pissed that I kicked him.”
Roy’s back seemed to wilt as his head dropped to her stomach. “I’m so sorry, Riza.” The words were muffled against her body.
Riza stroked his hair. “It’s not your fault either, Roy.”
He looked up at her. “Of course it is. I put that tattoo on you. Somehow someone found out and they made you suffer for my hubris.”
She held out an arm to him. “Come here.” Riza tried to shift on the couch to make room for him.
He caught her arms. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”
“Hush.” Riza bit her lip as she managed to move enough that he could slip his slender frame around her then dropped some of her weight on him, melting against him. “Do you know why I allowed you to tattoo the array on my back?”
“I asked when we first talked about it but you wouldn’t say.” Roy’s hand trailed over her cheek.
“Because it was yours.” She caught his hand. “I was afraid at the time, if I said that, you’d change your mind. I did it because it made me a part of you. I became something more than I was.”
“You were always something special, Riza. You didn’t...” Roy started to say but she put her fingers over his lips.
“Let me do the talking, please. Roy. I know I didn’t have to do it. But it made me feel...so connected to you and now they ruined it.” Riza’s voice choked off and she couldn’t hold back the strangled sob that poured out of her.
Roy’s arms slipped around her waist. “Nothing is ruined.”
“You haven’t seen how bad it is,” she wailed against his shoulder.
He gingerly pulled her tighter to him. “I don’t care. As long as they didn’t take you from me, we’ll get through it. I’m so sorry they hurt you because of me. I would never want anything to happen to you because someone is trying to get to me. And if you were gone...I’m lost. I can’t do this without you.”
Blindly, she tried to press her hand over his mouth. She knew he loved her. Hearing it now just made her loss seem keener, too hard to bear. “I can’t talk now. You needed to know what happened. They took a part of me away and it hurts too much to say anything else.”
Riza loved that he listened to her, that he didn’t try to say anything more. He didn’t seem to quite know where to put his hands so not to hurt her so they lay tucked against her belly but Roy locked his leg over hers possessively. That firmness of touch, his need to keep her close and safe warmed her as she cried quietly against him. Finally, the tears stopped and the pain killers threaten to suck her back under. Still, there were worse things than actually having the opportunity to fall asleep in her lover’s arms. Those opportunities were rarities. The sound of someone knocking at the door dragged her back to consciousness.
Roy got up, looking at the door.
“It’s probably Emmie. Please go let her in,” Riza said, rubbing her puffy eyes. She missed feeling the warmth of him next to her and wanted him to tell Emmie to go and come wrap back around her again but she knew that wasn’t going to happen.
Roy nodded and went to let the nurse in. Just as he had Hughes to confide in, Riza had Emmie and the nurse knew about Roy and why that had to be a secret. She was just glad Roy and Emmie got along effortlessly. He let Emmie in. The nurse gave him the once over then turned her attention to Riza.
Emmie eyed Roy sourly. “Are you wearing her out, Mustang?”
“I’m fine, Emmie, well as fine as I can be. It’s the pain killers wearing me out,” Riza said, placatingly.
“I’ll get out of the way and go,” Roy said.
“Oh, please, Roy, stay a little. We can play games. I can’t just lie here all day. I’ll go insane,” Riza said. Games were safe. She wouldn’t have to think about what she had lost if she had something distracting her. Roy seemed to sense that and settled back in the chair.
“What kind of games?” Emmie asked, setting her nurse’s bag on the table.
“Anything but chess or goh.” Riza leveled a look at Roy. “How about backgammon?”
Roy wrinkled his nose. “I hate that game.”
“What’s wrong with backgammon? It’s fun,” Emmie countered, getting dressings out of her bag.
“I strategize and I’m winning and she’ll come along, roll doubles and beat me with no planning at all.” Roy pouted, waving a hand at Riza.
“That’s why I like it. Okay, how about cards so we can all play at the same time?” Riza offered.
“All right. What can I do to help, Emmie?” Roy pointed to the dressings.
“Nothing.”
“But I can help,” he protested.
“Shoo. Do I come into your lab and play with your chemicals? No, alchemist, I do not. You stay out of my medical supplies.” Emmie pushed him toward the door. “Besides, no woman wants to see her lover to see her all beat up. Go take a ten minute walk.”
“Okay, okay I’m going.” Roy broke away from Emmie and circled back to Riza. He leaned down and kissed her hard. “I’m going to go call Hughes. He’s in investigations. I’ll tell him what you just told me.”
“Tell him they answered to someone named Father.” Riza squeezed his hand. “They were both afraid he’d be angry if they got caught which is why they ran off and left me.”
“Okay.” Roy kissed her again then headed out the door.
Riza watched him go, then glanced at her friend. Emmie shot her a curious look but didn’t ask about it. She knew better. Riza let Emmie take her shirt off, knowing the nurse was right about one thing; she didn’t want Roy seeing how terribly injured she was. He’d see soon enough. A bubble of dread floated up inside her gut. She was suddenly ashamed to let Roy see her naked ever again. She hated those men for making her feel like this. They had no clue what they had taken from her. They couldn’t have hurt her more if they had raped her. What they took could not be retrieved.
As Emmie’s skilled hands worked, Riza pretended the few tears on her face were from pain and not loss. She had killed many times in Ishbal and elsewhere. She had no taste for it. She regretted it being part of her job. If she ever had Envy or Wrath in her sights, she wouldn’t hesitate to blow their brains out and she would enjoy it. A harsh twisted smile touched her lips at the thought. Self pity wouldn’t get her through this but grim determination would. She would prove herself more than her loss. She was Roy’s weapon before she became his canvas. She would be his weapon again.
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