Buffy love Fic
Apr. 18th, 2006 12:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cornerofmadnessI'm sorry this is late. LJ keeps saying it contains unrecognizable codes...there IS no coding in it. I've been trying to post for hours
Perception of Betrayal
The Fifth Sun Series story #3
D M Evans
Disclaimer - All character belong to Mr Whedon not me.
Rating - FRT
Pairing - none really, some mild B/A
Summary - Barely keeping her head above water with the invasion of Blackthorn’s horde, Buffy runs into someone who is supposed to be dead.
Author’s Note #1 - this was written for the 2006 Buffy_love challenge. Thanks to SJ for the beta.
Author’s Note #2 - While this is the third in a series, there is no need to read the others if you don’t want to. All you need to know is Buffy thinks Angel was killed in L.A. and Spike disappeared from the face of the earth soon after in Cleveland. if you want to read them, just ask and I'll point the way since LJ won't let me code anything
Love is whatever you can still betray ... Betrayal can only happen if you love.
John LeCarre
Chapter One
It seemed so damn pointless. Buffy shifted on the mattress, staring out the window. She had been so tired when she fell into bed that she’d forgotten to draw the curtains. Sun spilled over the Venetian courtyard her room overlooked. Was this Venice? Maybe not. She had moved so often now, she couldn’t keep track. As if spreading the Slayer power all over the world hadn’t been troublesome enough, nearly a year to the day later, the tragedy happened in L.A.
It still seemed unreal to her that a demon horde had sprung out of L.A. spreading world wide and that she and the Slayers had been blamed for not stopping it. She didn’t even know about it until she saw it on the news like everyone else. How could she have stopped it? Buffy had been so furious with Angel for trying to go it alone and then getting himself killed in the process. She felt betrayed when he hadn’t asked for help. Afterwards, her, Faith’s and Giles’ names had begun to appear in the news as those directly responsible for the disaster, a lie spread by some law firm called Wolfram and Hart.
Buffy couldn’t quantify the rage that filled her. Giles was dead now as a result, despite the desperate spin the newly reformed Watchers’ Council had tried to put on it. There were mysteries surrounding her surrogate father’s death that only she and a handful of others were privy to and it didn’t change the fact he was gone from her life.
The strangest thing of it all was what came out of the Watchers’ spin doctors’ efforts. While there were still places that reviled the Slayers, more were very willing to pay huge sums of money for protection. Willow set up a website so people could see what the Council and the Slayers were doing. They were flooded with emails, phone calls and letters begging for help. Buffy wondered if this was the way John Walsh felt with the overwhelming cries for justice. Most days she didn’t even know where to begin with all the calls and emails and how did she curtail the few dishonest Slayers who were now out only for a big paycheck and withholding aid if they didn’t get it?
All Buffy wanted was a break. Knowing she couldn’t do that, Buffy did the next best thing: she gathered the Scoobies back together. Having Xander and Willow around - in spite of the troubles she had with her best friends in the last weeks in Sunnydale - made her feel better. She tried to get Spike back but he had disappeared in Cleveland. Some of the rumors she heard claimed he died there but Buffy couldn’t be sure of that. Angel was gone. Anya gone. Giles gone. Dawn back in the States in college. Spike missing. Life had become a dark place. Soldiering on was the only thing she had left to do. Exhausted deep to the soul, too worn to do anything else, Buffy was finally what the Watchers always wanted her to be, a pure weapon. She no longer had other aspects to her life, no lovers, no schools, no jobs, nothing but research, killing, a little administrative work and sleep, so precious little sleep.
Buffy found herself in one of the most romantic places in the world. She should be thrilled. Instead, she was just wondering how long before she had to move out, press on to the next challenge. She found herself wishing she had taken the time to come here with the Immortal. He might have been yet another example of the Summers’ lousy taste in men but at least he would have made it romantic.
Buffy shuffled her way into the kitchen. Willow and Xander were there with Massima, the Italian Slayer and Willow’s latest love interest. She’d left the too-young and too-adventuresome Kennedy behind in South America. “What’s on the agenda,” Buffy poured some coffee then sank down at the table.
“Just the usual odd stuff,” Xander said, shuffling through a handful of papers. “And something that looked like a wild dog attack.”
Buffy’s eyes snapped up to meet his. “Dog? We thinking werewolf?”
“They call them Lupo Manaro here but it sounds like it,” Willow said, stirring sugar into her coffee. “I’m already trying to contact Oz and see if he has any room in his werewolf rehabilitation center in Kathmandu.”
“It was the first night of the full moon last night,” Massima offered.
“Where was the attack?” Buffy sipped the strong brew.
“Outside of Harry’s bar,” Xander replied, naming the world famous home of the Bellini, a sweet peachy drink that Buffy had become fond of. It wasn’t unusual to see movie stars and the like at Harry’s. It made her feel like she was back in LA before the city had been torn to hell and back.
“Guess that’ll be a place to start tonight,” Buffy said, almost grateful to have work to keep her busy because what else did she have?
“I’ll keep an eye out for the autopsy report,” Willow said.
“Good. Where exactly did it happen?” Buffy listened to what little her friends knew about the victim and the scene of the crime then headed out to see what she could in the light of day. As she walked the streets, Buffy slowly realized that the beauty of the ancient city was lost on her. How had she gotten so jaded? Was there any way back for her? And did she really even care if there wasn’t?
X X X
Buffy chose to hunt alone. Massima went hunting with Xander. Willow was talking to Oz when Buffy left. If this was a werewolf and the afflicted human wanted help, Oz and his friends would try to save them. Oz’s sanctuary in Nepal was having modest success in controlling their affliction.
She had gone into Harry’s since that was the logical starting place. Buffy told herself she wasn’t going to have a Bellini. She found herself telling herself that a lot lately. The temptation to drink was getting stronger lately as a means of escape and she didn’t like it.
She managed to find a place to sit that allowed her to keep an eye on a large portion of the room. Buffy felt off, odd somehow in ways she couldn’t really explain. However, it felt familiar. Something she hadn’t felt in a while yet it took her back several years. Somehow it got stronger when she was looking at the bleached blond linebacker of a man sitting in the shadows. He seemed to watching her but she couldn’t see his face clearly. When he realized she was looking back, he stood abruptly and bullied his way through the crowds, heading for the door.
When Buffy got through the crowd and out onto the street, Bleached Blond was almost out of sight. Something human couldn’t move that fast. For a moment she thought it might be the werewolf but that was silly. It was already dark out. Maybe they were wrong about the attacker being a werewolf or maybe there was something else out there, which would be more her luck.
She chased after the man. There was something very familiar in how he moved. Buffy needed to see his face. The only person she knew with hair that color was Spike but unless he grew and broadened significantly this wasn’t him. Buffy trailed him through the narrow Venetian streets and paralleled the canals, never managing to catch more than a glimpse. He scaled a building with ease, vampire maybe.
She scowled. She should be able to deal with them in her sleep at this point. Buffy started up after him when someone screamed. A canine-like growl followed the scream. Swearing under her breath, Buffy let the bleached blond go and tried to find the source of the screams before someone ended up werewolf chow. Luckily she was only two blocks away and the werewolf was choking on pepper spray. His intended prey raced up the street, still screaming.
Buffy didn’t bother with damage control She took aim with the tranq gun just as the wind shifted, wafting pepper spray residual into her face. Buffy coughed and her hand jerked as she fired the tranquilizer. The dart went wide and the werewolf charged her. Buffy dodged the best she could in the narrow alley, running into some discarded trash. Only her Slayer abilities kept her from stumbling. Another swipe of the werewolf’s claws nearly gutted her but something slammed into the creature knocking it away.
The bleached blond vampire tossed the werewolf into the wall, knocking it out then he took a leap for the nearest fire scape. Buffy caught a glimpse of his face and it wasn’t something that she could comprehend. It wasn’t possible. He was dead. No, not dead. He was been that for a long time. He was now dust.
“Angel?”
She could have sworn she didn’t say that loud enough to be heard but from the look on his face, she had. In a heartbeat, he was gone. She wanted to go after him but knew she couldn’t just leave the werewolf. Buffy took out her cell phone and placed a call to Xander, Massima and Willow to come collect the werewolf. She shot the creature twice with the tranqs for good measure, not sure how long it would be unconscious and she didn’t want it to wake up on her friends.
Xander and Willow arrived without Massima who had happened onto the trail of a pack...swarm...gaggle, what the hell did one call a group of vampires? Buffy had never asked Giles that. Her friends were naturally curious as to why she wasn’t returning home with them and her capture but Buffy couldn’t tell them she thought she’d seen Angel. They’d think she was having a break down. If it was one thing the demon grapevine was certain of, it was that Angel was dead. What if the demons were wrong? Would he disguise himself and come looking for her? If so, why run now? Could he be stalking her? Of course he could. This was Angel.
Buffy headed off the way she had last seen the vampire go. She didn’t know how she’d track him. She didn’t have that super sniffer like vampires did. The only thing she could do was hope that the Slayer senses she had only ever been able to use erratically wouldn’t fail her now. Once upon a lifetime ago, she had been fine tuned to Angel’s presence.
Buffy trailed through the narrow streets and across canals, casting about with her hopes and senses. Finally she found something that felt familiar. It thrummed through her, tingling like a mild shock. Buffy glanced up at the balconies of the apartment complex. Would Angel live in the lower level or at the top? She saw a shadow moving across one of the balcony doors. It was a very familiar shape and since it was only on the second floor, Buffy took the leap. She swung up, hoping she wasn’t about to startle some unexpecting Venetian man.
“Somehow I knew you’d find me,” he said when she landed on the balcony.
Her knees quivered. Bleached hair aside, it was his all-too-familiar voice. This was Angel. “I heard you were dusted.”
Buffy’s heart skipped a beat when Angel turned around and came through the balcony doors. The last time she had seen such a melancholic look on his face he was trying to commit suicide by sunlight. She could almost hear a dirge playing in the background, perhaps the lilt of Danny Boy.
“That’s what I wanted everyone to believe,” he said unapologetically. Angel made no attempt to greet her.
“Even me?” More hurt than she wanted to let show flooded her voice.
“What do you care?” Angel hove away from the balcony door, moving deeper into the apartment.
Buffy took it as a challenge. “What is that supposed to mean? The last time I saw you, we were getting along fine.” A faint hint of a blush touched her cheeks at the memory of that tongue-filled kiss and the promise of waiting for her.
“That really wasn’t the last time we had contact now is it?” The dejected look fled, replaced with a viciousness that she had rarely seen on his face, even when he was Angelus.
“Angel, I don’t understand what’s wrong.” Buffy had to restrain herself from taking a nervous step back. Angel didn’t seem himself.
“Where to start? I guess it began with Dana and you sending Andrew to ridicule me and Spike. It was clear that you didn’t trust us, that you thought me and all my friends had gone evil and required a small army of Slayers to intimidate us,” Angel snarled, his body so tense she expected his muscles to shove his bones through his skin.
Buffy’s brow knit. “I don’t...Angel, I barely know Dana. Giles said something about an insane Slayer that they had to help. I didn’t know where she came from. I was in Russia at the time.”
Angel turned his attention to the marble fireplace in the room, tracing the veining. He seemed to be ignoring her protest. “Then when I called for help because I knew this was an apocalypse that I didn’t have a good chance of winning, I was turned down.”
“We wouldn’t have done that, Angel.” In spite of the warm Mediterranean summer, Buffy felt like ice. Angel thought she had abandoned him and she had no idea why.
His fist slammed against the mantle and the stone cracked. She flinched. “Oh really? Then how do I know Willow had been in Tibet before leaving this plane of existence?” He whipped around to face her and she took a step back. “Giles cut us loose and my friends all died. Do you have any idea what I lost, Buffy?”
“I know the world has become the demons’ playground but...I didn’t know, Angel.” Buffy started to reach out for him then thought better of it. “I had no idea you asked for help. I would have been there.”
He began to stalk toward her then came up short and returned to the fireplace as if chained to the marble. “You expect me to believe that your Watcher didn’t tell you?”
The growl that accompanied those words made Buffy shiver. For the first time in a long time, she was afraid of him. “He didn’t and I can’t exactly ask him. Giles was murdered.”
Angel’s face seemed to crack then shatter to pieces. “And so was my son.”
Buffy reeled back, confusion mixing in with the trepidation. Had Angel gone insane? Vampires didn’t have children, not in any traditional sense of the word. She couldn’t see Angel being upset about a vampire child, not even Spike. “What?”
“I had a son, a gift from the Powers.” Angel’s voice went so quiet, so mournful Buffy had to strain to hear him. “And because we were outnumbered, he was killed, carried off by a dragon.”
Dragon? Buffy knew vampires could be insane, witness Drusilla, but she was nuts before being sired. Could they go insane afterwards? Surely that’s what had happened to Angel. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about, Angel. I didn’t know you needed us. I didn’t know you had a son.”
“Leave now.” He turned back to the fireplace.
Buffy inched forward. “Angel, please, talk to me. I want to understand.”
“You’re looking at me like I’m speaking in tongues.” He waved an arm towards the balcony. “Go.”
“Angel, I’m going to talk to my friends, to see what they knew. I swear to you I didn’t abandon you,” she whispered, her gut twisting. “Please...believe me.”
His shoulders hunched. “Just go, Buffy.”
“Still be here tomorrow, Angel,” she pleaded, heading for the door. “Let me...I don’t know how to convince you that I had no idea, that none of my friends did. Wolfram and Hart can’t be right. We couldn’t be responsible for this.” She felt sick at the very thought.
“You are in part,” he said. “I’ll be here tomorrow but no longer than that.”
“Thank you, Angel. All I want is a chance to...prove myself, I guess. You had to want me to at least try or you wouldn’t have let me see you at Harry’s,” Buffy said, trying to foster a little hope.
“That was an accident. I didn’t know you were still in Italy,” he said, not looking at her.
“Oh,” Buffy said, dejected. “Well, I just hope you think about this, Angel. All those times I was upset for you making decisions for everyone and not asking for help, would I really turn my back on you?”
Buffy didn’t wait for him to reply, afraid of what he might say. Why was it every time they got together, all they did was hurt each other? Only this time, she had no idea what was wrong. Buffy ran for home. She had friends to question and god help them if any of them knew what Angel was talking about.
Chapter Two
Buffy hadn’t been able to sleep. Even by the time dawn rolled around her thoughts were too impregnated with Angel’s accusatory looks for her to rest. Buffy went for a walk and found herself on the Rialto bridge crossing the Grand Canal. The bridge, built in the fifteen hundreds, was one of the things of beauty that managed to impress itself on her jaded mind when she first came to Venice.
She tried to lose herself in the Rialto Market. Even though the pescaria didn’t stink like she thought it would the first time Buffy visited the market, the sight of all those dead fish just lying there bothered her. She wasn’t really a seafood person anyhow. She slowly meandered through the erbaria, looking blankly at the fruits and vegetables. She had no idea why she chose this area to walk in when she had no appetite at all.
If what Angel said were true, then it was possible that the news reports were at least half right. The Slayers were to blame, in part, for the tragedy that started in LA and spread all over the world. She wasn’t sure she knew how to live with that. The only thing that Buffy could cling to was that she hadn’t known it would happen. In a few hours, she’d call Faith and see if she had been contacted by Angel or Giles about this. If Giles had truly turned Angel down, then he had made the worst judgement call of his life.
For a while Buffy just contemplated the gothic beauty of the Casa d’Oro, a building over a hundred years older than the Rialto Bridge. To distract herself, she wondered what it must have been like to have been a Slayer back then. Was it simpler? No, probably harder still. Finally she was forced to admit that she wasn’t going to be able to free herself from her gloomy thoughts. Today was simply going to be a rough one and she needed to accept that.
Selecting some pretty fruit from the erbaria, Buffy went home. Xander and Willow still weren’t up and she wasn’t sure if Massima was even back yet but that didn’t matter. The other Slayer had no role in this little drama. Buffy placed the call to Cleveland, almost shocked when the dark-haired Slayer was there. She didn’t tell Faith that Angel was still alive. If he wanted to remain dead, she ought to respect that. Faith hadn’t known anything about Angel asking for help either and was furious when Buffy had suggested that it had been denied.
The only other person she knew to call was in London. Angel had named Andrew as one of the players. It took all Buffy’s willpower not to call the airlines and book a flight to England after the call. The new Watcher knew of the Dana incident but denied the call to Giles. Led by Andrew’s reports and advice as his guide - along with the fact that Angel, Spike and the rest were working for the evil law firm - Giles had sent several Slayers to retrieve Dana from Angel and Spike. Maybe Angel was telling the truth about the phone call. God, what had they done?
Buffy had no idea what she’d say to Angel when she saw him again. He had every right to feel betrayed, especially by those who should have been his friends, by some who actually loved him. She thought about what else Angel had said. Willow had been on that harrowing excursion to another realm, but had Giles confided in her once she got back? It was Xander Buffy feared at this point. He had betrayed her trust before but would he have been able to keep this from her? Somehow, queasy as it made her feel, Buffy felt the answer was probably yes. Xander was never one to forgive Angel anything but Buffy felt that Xander wouldn’t have been able to hide from the aftermath. It would have left a mark on him but as marked as he was from his loses in Sunnydale, would she have noticed?
She was waiting with coffee in the living room when her friends finally put in an appearance. Willow popped over to the couch, a happy expression on her face. She seemed oblivious to Buffy’s pain. “I got in touch with Oz. He has room for Rosamaria, that’s the werewolf’s name, in his sanctuary. The poor girl is terrified. I’m not sure she can even live with the things she did as the wolf but that’s part of what Oz helps with. Massima is looking into the flights. She’ll go with Rosamaria if you think that’s necessary. Good news, right?”
“Yeah,” Buffy said, not really listening. She should be happy. It was a good outcome but she couldn’t summon the energy to fake it.
“You look distracted, Buffy,” Xander observed, worry tinging his voice.
“Did either of you know that Angel called Giles to ask for our help before everything went to hell in LA?” she asked without preamble. Both her friends shook their heads.
“I was in that weird parallel dimension until after the whole disaster. I almost couldn’t get back because of it,” Willow said, her face lining with the ugly remembrance of it. “Was there no one free to help?”
“No one knew about the call as far as I can tell. I didn’t. Neither did Faith. Not one Slayer went to help, just like the news reports said. We’ve been maintaining we hadn’t known but we did. Or at least one of us did.” Buffy turned her gaze on Xander. “Xander?”
Buffy never thought of Xander as being a tremendously good actor. Currently, his eye was too wide, too shocked for him to be faking it. “I had no idea, Buffy. I was still in Africa when it all went down. But...no, man, no.” He shook his head vehemently.
Buffy leaned forward, setting her coffee down. “What is it Xander? You know something.”
Xander ran a hand through his thick hair, looking ten years older. “I walked in on a conversation between Giles and Andrew after it all went bad. They shut up immediately but I did hear Giles saying it was a mistake, that he should have looked into it better rather than try to shield you from getting hurt. I didn’t know what he meant. I asked and he got nasty with me. I’ve never really seen him like that, except for the time we fought about Angelus and Jenny.”
“You think he meant this phone call,” Buffy said, her voice fragile with trepidation.
“But why would Giles tell Angel no if he asked for help?” Willow asked, her bottom lip trembling.
“Because Angel, Wesley and Spike worked for Wolfram and Hart, Angel’s other friends, too, the ones I didn’t know. Andrew told Giles they were working for the wrong side. Angel knew something bad was coming. He begged for help and...Giles didn’t take him seriously.” Buffy hated saying it but now that it was out in the open it felt like a weight had been shifted off her chest. “He might have thought I’d had my heart broken enough between Angel and Spike and wanted to shield me.” Buffy slammed her hands down on the table and it groaned in protest. “This goes beyond the worst mistake of someone’s life.”
“What do we do now?” Willow quivered, her eyes misty.
“We keep it between us. We’re starting to do good out there. If we give any credence to what Wolfram and Hart has said about the Slayers, then that all stops,” Buffy said, hating the decision even if she knew it was the right one. “We keep doing what we’re doing. It’s the only thing we can do now.” She got to her feet, casting her eyes towards the ceiling. She should go to bed but what was the point? She’d never sleep. “I need to take a walk.”
“You sure you should be alone right now, Buff?” Xander asked worriedly.
She nodded. “I’ll be okay. I have to be.” She turned to Willow. “Will, tell Massima I think it’s a good idea that she makes sure this Rosamaria makes it to Oz’s sanctuary in person. Xander, you talk to Andrew about freeing up some Council money for that trip. If I talk to him now, I’m likely to go through the phone lines and throttle him.” Willow and Xander pulled back a bit, shocked at Buffy’s temper. She started for the door. “I have to clear my head. I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”
X X X
Buffy counted in how many balconies Angel’s place was from the end then tried to find his apartment the more conventional way from the inside. She couldn’t go leaping up there in the daylight, no matter how much she wanted to. She doubted he’d answer her knock and was prepared to break the lock when the door swung open. From the looks of him, Angel hadn’t been sleeping any more than she had.
“Why are you back already?” His voice was still as cold as dry ice.
“I think I know what happened and I want you to hear my side of it before you fade back out of my life,” she said in quiet resignation. To her surprise, he stepped back and let her in.
Angel wheeled around and went into the darkened living room. He surprised her further by sitting down. She expected him to pace around the room, making her nervous. He pointed to a chair opposite him, out of touching range, but she didn’t sit.
“I called Faith and she had no idea what you were talking about either and then I spoke to Andrew.” Buffy saw Angel bristle at the name. She was seriously shocked Angel hadn’t taken out his fury on the young man and wondered if it was simply due to him not knowing where to find Andrew. “He did admit to the Dana fiasco but not the other. Willow didn’t come back to this plane until after it was all over. Xander says he didn’t know and from the horror on his face, I have to believe him.”
“So I’m lying?” The words were flat, cold and dangerous as black ice.
“Not at all. Xander said he heard Giles and Andrew talking. Giles was very upset about a terrible mistake he had made based on Andrew’s recommendations.” Buffy wet her lips. “We think he must have meant your call and telling you no. It wasn’t my decision, Angel, or Faith’s, or even Willow’s. Any of us would have helped you and you know that. You have to know that.” Her eyes pleaded with him to show that he knew that but Angel was as unmoving as marble. “All of us have come to help you when you’ve asked before. Willow’s put your soul back twice. You are, and I’m not exaggerating, the most important person in Faith’s life. You have held me in your orbit from the night I first kicked you to the ground in that alleyway by the Bronze. I’m not sure what we did to convince you we wouldn’t be there for you but it was something and I’m sorry.” Buffy’s chest heaved and she sat wearily on the couch.
“Done?” he asked and she nodded. His face twisted. “Maybe it was Andrew telling me and Spike you didn’t trust us any more that did it for me. Or maybe when we came to Rome and he told us you had moved on and didn’t need us any more.”
“Andrew? You were in Rome?” Buffy’s short, sturdy nails dug into the cushions. “I swear, I’ll kill him, Angel. I never said that, any of it. I didn’t know either of you came to Italy. I wasn’t even aware you were working with Wolfram and Hart until after the fact. I’ve been so busy finding and training new Slayers, I never spent more than a week in any one location. I trusted Giles with the day to day stuff and he got stuck with Andrew as a protÉgÉe, not like there was much choice, not with the destruction of the Council. Last I knew, both you and Spike were willing to wear that amulet and die and arrogant as it may sound, I know you both did it as much for me as you did for saving the world.”
Angel dropped his gaze to his big hands. For a moment, Buffy thought he’d just get up and go then remembered he was trapped inside by sunlight. “I thought about calling you direct but there just wasn’t time and I didn’t know where to find you or Faith.”
“I’m sorry.” Buffy started to get up to cross over to him but sat back down at his sharp look. “I’ll accept the blame for that. I didn’t mean to cut myself off from everyone,” she admitted. “It all got too complicated and it was easier to lose myself in the work. That’s no excuse and I don’t mean it to be one. It’s explanation more than anything.”
“Fair enough.”
“I don’t know...” Buffy broke off, running her hand through her hair. “I wish there was a way to fix this but I know there isn’t. I didn’t tell anyone that you really are still alive. I didn’t think that you’d want that.”
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“Thinking you no longer care about us hurts more than I know how to say.” Buffy got up and went to the fireplace, looking at the beauty of the antique Italian artistry in spite of the crack Angel had put in it. How beautiful was this place? So inappropriate for the ugliness of their lives.
“I still care, Buffy. If I didn’t care, it wouldn’t have hurt so much to be left hanging,” Angel said, getting to his feet as well but he didn’t approach her. Instead, he started pacing, as per normal, hands thrust into his pockets.
Buffy graced a marble rose with a finger. “I’m glad to hear that. I wish I could change the past in any of a thousand places and what happened in LA would be at the top of the list.”
“You wouldn’t like the price of the magic to make it happen,” Angel replied, moving away from the splinter of light that wrested its way around the curtains.
“You’re probably right.” Buffy turned to face him. “Angel, you mentioned your son. As far as I know you don’t have one and no one else knew of it...I know you said he was killed. If its not too painful, tell me about him.”
Angel’s eyes narrowed as he froze in his pacing. He twisted slowly around. “Why?”
“Because he was yours and I would love to know him.” Buffy smiled gently.
Angel sat back on the couch heavily. “It’s hard to talk about him.”
Her heart broke just a little at the expression on his face. “You don’t have to if it hurts too much.”
Angel held an arm out to her. “I would have wanted you to meet him and its my fault you never did.”
Buffy sat next to him. “Show him to me now in words.”
She listened to Angel’s story, wilting ever so slowly like a flower in the desert sun, as the pain of it all slipped into her heart and took up residence. No one deserved all the pain each and every one of her friends suffered through. By the time his story was over, Buffy was leaning on his shoulder like old times. “As sad as it was, I still wish I had met him,” she said.
“Thank you.” Angel smoothed her hair back out of her face. “You look so tired.”
“I don’t know when the last time I slept was, I mean really slept, peacefully.” Buffy stretched. “I should go home, try to sleep but I don’t want to move.”
“You could stay...if you wanted to, just for a little while,” he said hesitantly.
She rested her head back on his shoulder. “I’d like that...I don’t know if you’ve forgiven what happened, Angel, but I’d like you to stay with us. You know what’s happening out there. We need all the fighters we can get.”
He shook his head. “I’m tired of fighting and getting nothing back in return.”
“So am I but turning my back...it’s worse,” she said and felt his shoulders sag. “I don’t care if you leave “Angel” as dead. Call yourself Liam again, call yourself anything you want, just help us,” she pleaded. It wasn’t just that she wanted him back in her life; they needed every warrior they could get.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to do that,” Angel said honestly. “But I’ll stay here for a while...maybe it’ll work out.”
“I should be angry at you. You always find a way to leave me but this time...I know what it’s like to be tired, Angel, and you’ve been at this so much longer than me.” She didn’t mention that really he hadn’t done much fighting the evil until he met her. That wouldn’t help. “But...I hope you’ll decide to help me. Until then...I can wait.”
Angel seemed to consider this. “Time is all I ask for.”
Buffy let out a little sigh. “You have it.” This might not be the passionate, tumultuous reunion she occasionally imagined. It was quiet, almost desperate, like the rest of her life. Deep down she knew that one more second chance was more than any of the deserved. For now, maybes and blunted emotions would have to do. The world needed saving again. Maybe quiet and steady would prove to have charms of its own. She was content to forge ahead and find out.
Perception of Betrayal
The Fifth Sun Series story #3
D M Evans
Disclaimer - All character belong to Mr Whedon not me.
Rating - FRT
Pairing - none really, some mild B/A
Summary - Barely keeping her head above water with the invasion of Blackthorn’s horde, Buffy runs into someone who is supposed to be dead.
Author’s Note #1 - this was written for the 2006 Buffy_love challenge. Thanks to SJ for the beta.
Author’s Note #2 - While this is the third in a series, there is no need to read the others if you don’t want to. All you need to know is Buffy thinks Angel was killed in L.A. and Spike disappeared from the face of the earth soon after in Cleveland. if you want to read them, just ask and I'll point the way since LJ won't let me code anything
Love is whatever you can still betray ... Betrayal can only happen if you love.
John LeCarre
Chapter One
It seemed so damn pointless. Buffy shifted on the mattress, staring out the window. She had been so tired when she fell into bed that she’d forgotten to draw the curtains. Sun spilled over the Venetian courtyard her room overlooked. Was this Venice? Maybe not. She had moved so often now, she couldn’t keep track. As if spreading the Slayer power all over the world hadn’t been troublesome enough, nearly a year to the day later, the tragedy happened in L.A.
It still seemed unreal to her that a demon horde had sprung out of L.A. spreading world wide and that she and the Slayers had been blamed for not stopping it. She didn’t even know about it until she saw it on the news like everyone else. How could she have stopped it? Buffy had been so furious with Angel for trying to go it alone and then getting himself killed in the process. She felt betrayed when he hadn’t asked for help. Afterwards, her, Faith’s and Giles’ names had begun to appear in the news as those directly responsible for the disaster, a lie spread by some law firm called Wolfram and Hart.
Buffy couldn’t quantify the rage that filled her. Giles was dead now as a result, despite the desperate spin the newly reformed Watchers’ Council had tried to put on it. There were mysteries surrounding her surrogate father’s death that only she and a handful of others were privy to and it didn’t change the fact he was gone from her life.
The strangest thing of it all was what came out of the Watchers’ spin doctors’ efforts. While there were still places that reviled the Slayers, more were very willing to pay huge sums of money for protection. Willow set up a website so people could see what the Council and the Slayers were doing. They were flooded with emails, phone calls and letters begging for help. Buffy wondered if this was the way John Walsh felt with the overwhelming cries for justice. Most days she didn’t even know where to begin with all the calls and emails and how did she curtail the few dishonest Slayers who were now out only for a big paycheck and withholding aid if they didn’t get it?
All Buffy wanted was a break. Knowing she couldn’t do that, Buffy did the next best thing: she gathered the Scoobies back together. Having Xander and Willow around - in spite of the troubles she had with her best friends in the last weeks in Sunnydale - made her feel better. She tried to get Spike back but he had disappeared in Cleveland. Some of the rumors she heard claimed he died there but Buffy couldn’t be sure of that. Angel was gone. Anya gone. Giles gone. Dawn back in the States in college. Spike missing. Life had become a dark place. Soldiering on was the only thing she had left to do. Exhausted deep to the soul, too worn to do anything else, Buffy was finally what the Watchers always wanted her to be, a pure weapon. She no longer had other aspects to her life, no lovers, no schools, no jobs, nothing but research, killing, a little administrative work and sleep, so precious little sleep.
Buffy found herself in one of the most romantic places in the world. She should be thrilled. Instead, she was just wondering how long before she had to move out, press on to the next challenge. She found herself wishing she had taken the time to come here with the Immortal. He might have been yet another example of the Summers’ lousy taste in men but at least he would have made it romantic.
Buffy shuffled her way into the kitchen. Willow and Xander were there with Massima, the Italian Slayer and Willow’s latest love interest. She’d left the too-young and too-adventuresome Kennedy behind in South America. “What’s on the agenda,” Buffy poured some coffee then sank down at the table.
“Just the usual odd stuff,” Xander said, shuffling through a handful of papers. “And something that looked like a wild dog attack.”
Buffy’s eyes snapped up to meet his. “Dog? We thinking werewolf?”
“They call them Lupo Manaro here but it sounds like it,” Willow said, stirring sugar into her coffee. “I’m already trying to contact Oz and see if he has any room in his werewolf rehabilitation center in Kathmandu.”
“It was the first night of the full moon last night,” Massima offered.
“Where was the attack?” Buffy sipped the strong brew.
“Outside of Harry’s bar,” Xander replied, naming the world famous home of the Bellini, a sweet peachy drink that Buffy had become fond of. It wasn’t unusual to see movie stars and the like at Harry’s. It made her feel like she was back in LA before the city had been torn to hell and back.
“Guess that’ll be a place to start tonight,” Buffy said, almost grateful to have work to keep her busy because what else did she have?
“I’ll keep an eye out for the autopsy report,” Willow said.
“Good. Where exactly did it happen?” Buffy listened to what little her friends knew about the victim and the scene of the crime then headed out to see what she could in the light of day. As she walked the streets, Buffy slowly realized that the beauty of the ancient city was lost on her. How had she gotten so jaded? Was there any way back for her? And did she really even care if there wasn’t?
X X X
Buffy chose to hunt alone. Massima went hunting with Xander. Willow was talking to Oz when Buffy left. If this was a werewolf and the afflicted human wanted help, Oz and his friends would try to save them. Oz’s sanctuary in Nepal was having modest success in controlling their affliction.
She had gone into Harry’s since that was the logical starting place. Buffy told herself she wasn’t going to have a Bellini. She found herself telling herself that a lot lately. The temptation to drink was getting stronger lately as a means of escape and she didn’t like it.
She managed to find a place to sit that allowed her to keep an eye on a large portion of the room. Buffy felt off, odd somehow in ways she couldn’t really explain. However, it felt familiar. Something she hadn’t felt in a while yet it took her back several years. Somehow it got stronger when she was looking at the bleached blond linebacker of a man sitting in the shadows. He seemed to watching her but she couldn’t see his face clearly. When he realized she was looking back, he stood abruptly and bullied his way through the crowds, heading for the door.
When Buffy got through the crowd and out onto the street, Bleached Blond was almost out of sight. Something human couldn’t move that fast. For a moment she thought it might be the werewolf but that was silly. It was already dark out. Maybe they were wrong about the attacker being a werewolf or maybe there was something else out there, which would be more her luck.
She chased after the man. There was something very familiar in how he moved. Buffy needed to see his face. The only person she knew with hair that color was Spike but unless he grew and broadened significantly this wasn’t him. Buffy trailed him through the narrow Venetian streets and paralleled the canals, never managing to catch more than a glimpse. He scaled a building with ease, vampire maybe.
She scowled. She should be able to deal with them in her sleep at this point. Buffy started up after him when someone screamed. A canine-like growl followed the scream. Swearing under her breath, Buffy let the bleached blond go and tried to find the source of the screams before someone ended up werewolf chow. Luckily she was only two blocks away and the werewolf was choking on pepper spray. His intended prey raced up the street, still screaming.
Buffy didn’t bother with damage control She took aim with the tranq gun just as the wind shifted, wafting pepper spray residual into her face. Buffy coughed and her hand jerked as she fired the tranquilizer. The dart went wide and the werewolf charged her. Buffy dodged the best she could in the narrow alley, running into some discarded trash. Only her Slayer abilities kept her from stumbling. Another swipe of the werewolf’s claws nearly gutted her but something slammed into the creature knocking it away.
The bleached blond vampire tossed the werewolf into the wall, knocking it out then he took a leap for the nearest fire scape. Buffy caught a glimpse of his face and it wasn’t something that she could comprehend. It wasn’t possible. He was dead. No, not dead. He was been that for a long time. He was now dust.
“Angel?”
She could have sworn she didn’t say that loud enough to be heard but from the look on his face, she had. In a heartbeat, he was gone. She wanted to go after him but knew she couldn’t just leave the werewolf. Buffy took out her cell phone and placed a call to Xander, Massima and Willow to come collect the werewolf. She shot the creature twice with the tranqs for good measure, not sure how long it would be unconscious and she didn’t want it to wake up on her friends.
Xander and Willow arrived without Massima who had happened onto the trail of a pack...swarm...gaggle, what the hell did one call a group of vampires? Buffy had never asked Giles that. Her friends were naturally curious as to why she wasn’t returning home with them and her capture but Buffy couldn’t tell them she thought she’d seen Angel. They’d think she was having a break down. If it was one thing the demon grapevine was certain of, it was that Angel was dead. What if the demons were wrong? Would he disguise himself and come looking for her? If so, why run now? Could he be stalking her? Of course he could. This was Angel.
Buffy headed off the way she had last seen the vampire go. She didn’t know how she’d track him. She didn’t have that super sniffer like vampires did. The only thing she could do was hope that the Slayer senses she had only ever been able to use erratically wouldn’t fail her now. Once upon a lifetime ago, she had been fine tuned to Angel’s presence.
Buffy trailed through the narrow streets and across canals, casting about with her hopes and senses. Finally she found something that felt familiar. It thrummed through her, tingling like a mild shock. Buffy glanced up at the balconies of the apartment complex. Would Angel live in the lower level or at the top? She saw a shadow moving across one of the balcony doors. It was a very familiar shape and since it was only on the second floor, Buffy took the leap. She swung up, hoping she wasn’t about to startle some unexpecting Venetian man.
“Somehow I knew you’d find me,” he said when she landed on the balcony.
Her knees quivered. Bleached hair aside, it was his all-too-familiar voice. This was Angel. “I heard you were dusted.”
Buffy’s heart skipped a beat when Angel turned around and came through the balcony doors. The last time she had seen such a melancholic look on his face he was trying to commit suicide by sunlight. She could almost hear a dirge playing in the background, perhaps the lilt of Danny Boy.
“That’s what I wanted everyone to believe,” he said unapologetically. Angel made no attempt to greet her.
“Even me?” More hurt than she wanted to let show flooded her voice.
“What do you care?” Angel hove away from the balcony door, moving deeper into the apartment.
Buffy took it as a challenge. “What is that supposed to mean? The last time I saw you, we were getting along fine.” A faint hint of a blush touched her cheeks at the memory of that tongue-filled kiss and the promise of waiting for her.
“That really wasn’t the last time we had contact now is it?” The dejected look fled, replaced with a viciousness that she had rarely seen on his face, even when he was Angelus.
“Angel, I don’t understand what’s wrong.” Buffy had to restrain herself from taking a nervous step back. Angel didn’t seem himself.
“Where to start? I guess it began with Dana and you sending Andrew to ridicule me and Spike. It was clear that you didn’t trust us, that you thought me and all my friends had gone evil and required a small army of Slayers to intimidate us,” Angel snarled, his body so tense she expected his muscles to shove his bones through his skin.
Buffy’s brow knit. “I don’t...Angel, I barely know Dana. Giles said something about an insane Slayer that they had to help. I didn’t know where she came from. I was in Russia at the time.”
Angel turned his attention to the marble fireplace in the room, tracing the veining. He seemed to be ignoring her protest. “Then when I called for help because I knew this was an apocalypse that I didn’t have a good chance of winning, I was turned down.”
“We wouldn’t have done that, Angel.” In spite of the warm Mediterranean summer, Buffy felt like ice. Angel thought she had abandoned him and she had no idea why.
His fist slammed against the mantle and the stone cracked. She flinched. “Oh really? Then how do I know Willow had been in Tibet before leaving this plane of existence?” He whipped around to face her and she took a step back. “Giles cut us loose and my friends all died. Do you have any idea what I lost, Buffy?”
“I know the world has become the demons’ playground but...I didn’t know, Angel.” Buffy started to reach out for him then thought better of it. “I had no idea you asked for help. I would have been there.”
He began to stalk toward her then came up short and returned to the fireplace as if chained to the marble. “You expect me to believe that your Watcher didn’t tell you?”
The growl that accompanied those words made Buffy shiver. For the first time in a long time, she was afraid of him. “He didn’t and I can’t exactly ask him. Giles was murdered.”
Angel’s face seemed to crack then shatter to pieces. “And so was my son.”
Buffy reeled back, confusion mixing in with the trepidation. Had Angel gone insane? Vampires didn’t have children, not in any traditional sense of the word. She couldn’t see Angel being upset about a vampire child, not even Spike. “What?”
“I had a son, a gift from the Powers.” Angel’s voice went so quiet, so mournful Buffy had to strain to hear him. “And because we were outnumbered, he was killed, carried off by a dragon.”
Dragon? Buffy knew vampires could be insane, witness Drusilla, but she was nuts before being sired. Could they go insane afterwards? Surely that’s what had happened to Angel. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about, Angel. I didn’t know you needed us. I didn’t know you had a son.”
“Leave now.” He turned back to the fireplace.
Buffy inched forward. “Angel, please, talk to me. I want to understand.”
“You’re looking at me like I’m speaking in tongues.” He waved an arm towards the balcony. “Go.”
“Angel, I’m going to talk to my friends, to see what they knew. I swear to you I didn’t abandon you,” she whispered, her gut twisting. “Please...believe me.”
His shoulders hunched. “Just go, Buffy.”
“Still be here tomorrow, Angel,” she pleaded, heading for the door. “Let me...I don’t know how to convince you that I had no idea, that none of my friends did. Wolfram and Hart can’t be right. We couldn’t be responsible for this.” She felt sick at the very thought.
“You are in part,” he said. “I’ll be here tomorrow but no longer than that.”
“Thank you, Angel. All I want is a chance to...prove myself, I guess. You had to want me to at least try or you wouldn’t have let me see you at Harry’s,” Buffy said, trying to foster a little hope.
“That was an accident. I didn’t know you were still in Italy,” he said, not looking at her.
“Oh,” Buffy said, dejected. “Well, I just hope you think about this, Angel. All those times I was upset for you making decisions for everyone and not asking for help, would I really turn my back on you?”
Buffy didn’t wait for him to reply, afraid of what he might say. Why was it every time they got together, all they did was hurt each other? Only this time, she had no idea what was wrong. Buffy ran for home. She had friends to question and god help them if any of them knew what Angel was talking about.
Chapter Two
Buffy hadn’t been able to sleep. Even by the time dawn rolled around her thoughts were too impregnated with Angel’s accusatory looks for her to rest. Buffy went for a walk and found herself on the Rialto bridge crossing the Grand Canal. The bridge, built in the fifteen hundreds, was one of the things of beauty that managed to impress itself on her jaded mind when she first came to Venice.
She tried to lose herself in the Rialto Market. Even though the pescaria didn’t stink like she thought it would the first time Buffy visited the market, the sight of all those dead fish just lying there bothered her. She wasn’t really a seafood person anyhow. She slowly meandered through the erbaria, looking blankly at the fruits and vegetables. She had no idea why she chose this area to walk in when she had no appetite at all.
If what Angel said were true, then it was possible that the news reports were at least half right. The Slayers were to blame, in part, for the tragedy that started in LA and spread all over the world. She wasn’t sure she knew how to live with that. The only thing that Buffy could cling to was that she hadn’t known it would happen. In a few hours, she’d call Faith and see if she had been contacted by Angel or Giles about this. If Giles had truly turned Angel down, then he had made the worst judgement call of his life.
For a while Buffy just contemplated the gothic beauty of the Casa d’Oro, a building over a hundred years older than the Rialto Bridge. To distract herself, she wondered what it must have been like to have been a Slayer back then. Was it simpler? No, probably harder still. Finally she was forced to admit that she wasn’t going to be able to free herself from her gloomy thoughts. Today was simply going to be a rough one and she needed to accept that.
Selecting some pretty fruit from the erbaria, Buffy went home. Xander and Willow still weren’t up and she wasn’t sure if Massima was even back yet but that didn’t matter. The other Slayer had no role in this little drama. Buffy placed the call to Cleveland, almost shocked when the dark-haired Slayer was there. She didn’t tell Faith that Angel was still alive. If he wanted to remain dead, she ought to respect that. Faith hadn’t known anything about Angel asking for help either and was furious when Buffy had suggested that it had been denied.
The only other person she knew to call was in London. Angel had named Andrew as one of the players. It took all Buffy’s willpower not to call the airlines and book a flight to England after the call. The new Watcher knew of the Dana incident but denied the call to Giles. Led by Andrew’s reports and advice as his guide - along with the fact that Angel, Spike and the rest were working for the evil law firm - Giles had sent several Slayers to retrieve Dana from Angel and Spike. Maybe Angel was telling the truth about the phone call. God, what had they done?
Buffy had no idea what she’d say to Angel when she saw him again. He had every right to feel betrayed, especially by those who should have been his friends, by some who actually loved him. She thought about what else Angel had said. Willow had been on that harrowing excursion to another realm, but had Giles confided in her once she got back? It was Xander Buffy feared at this point. He had betrayed her trust before but would he have been able to keep this from her? Somehow, queasy as it made her feel, Buffy felt the answer was probably yes. Xander was never one to forgive Angel anything but Buffy felt that Xander wouldn’t have been able to hide from the aftermath. It would have left a mark on him but as marked as he was from his loses in Sunnydale, would she have noticed?
She was waiting with coffee in the living room when her friends finally put in an appearance. Willow popped over to the couch, a happy expression on her face. She seemed oblivious to Buffy’s pain. “I got in touch with Oz. He has room for Rosamaria, that’s the werewolf’s name, in his sanctuary. The poor girl is terrified. I’m not sure she can even live with the things she did as the wolf but that’s part of what Oz helps with. Massima is looking into the flights. She’ll go with Rosamaria if you think that’s necessary. Good news, right?”
“Yeah,” Buffy said, not really listening. She should be happy. It was a good outcome but she couldn’t summon the energy to fake it.
“You look distracted, Buffy,” Xander observed, worry tinging his voice.
“Did either of you know that Angel called Giles to ask for our help before everything went to hell in LA?” she asked without preamble. Both her friends shook their heads.
“I was in that weird parallel dimension until after the whole disaster. I almost couldn’t get back because of it,” Willow said, her face lining with the ugly remembrance of it. “Was there no one free to help?”
“No one knew about the call as far as I can tell. I didn’t. Neither did Faith. Not one Slayer went to help, just like the news reports said. We’ve been maintaining we hadn’t known but we did. Or at least one of us did.” Buffy turned her gaze on Xander. “Xander?”
Buffy never thought of Xander as being a tremendously good actor. Currently, his eye was too wide, too shocked for him to be faking it. “I had no idea, Buffy. I was still in Africa when it all went down. But...no, man, no.” He shook his head vehemently.
Buffy leaned forward, setting her coffee down. “What is it Xander? You know something.”
Xander ran a hand through his thick hair, looking ten years older. “I walked in on a conversation between Giles and Andrew after it all went bad. They shut up immediately but I did hear Giles saying it was a mistake, that he should have looked into it better rather than try to shield you from getting hurt. I didn’t know what he meant. I asked and he got nasty with me. I’ve never really seen him like that, except for the time we fought about Angelus and Jenny.”
“You think he meant this phone call,” Buffy said, her voice fragile with trepidation.
“But why would Giles tell Angel no if he asked for help?” Willow asked, her bottom lip trembling.
“Because Angel, Wesley and Spike worked for Wolfram and Hart, Angel’s other friends, too, the ones I didn’t know. Andrew told Giles they were working for the wrong side. Angel knew something bad was coming. He begged for help and...Giles didn’t take him seriously.” Buffy hated saying it but now that it was out in the open it felt like a weight had been shifted off her chest. “He might have thought I’d had my heart broken enough between Angel and Spike and wanted to shield me.” Buffy slammed her hands down on the table and it groaned in protest. “This goes beyond the worst mistake of someone’s life.”
“What do we do now?” Willow quivered, her eyes misty.
“We keep it between us. We’re starting to do good out there. If we give any credence to what Wolfram and Hart has said about the Slayers, then that all stops,” Buffy said, hating the decision even if she knew it was the right one. “We keep doing what we’re doing. It’s the only thing we can do now.” She got to her feet, casting her eyes towards the ceiling. She should go to bed but what was the point? She’d never sleep. “I need to take a walk.”
“You sure you should be alone right now, Buff?” Xander asked worriedly.
She nodded. “I’ll be okay. I have to be.” She turned to Willow. “Will, tell Massima I think it’s a good idea that she makes sure this Rosamaria makes it to Oz’s sanctuary in person. Xander, you talk to Andrew about freeing up some Council money for that trip. If I talk to him now, I’m likely to go through the phone lines and throttle him.” Willow and Xander pulled back a bit, shocked at Buffy’s temper. She started for the door. “I have to clear my head. I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”
X X X
Buffy counted in how many balconies Angel’s place was from the end then tried to find his apartment the more conventional way from the inside. She couldn’t go leaping up there in the daylight, no matter how much she wanted to. She doubted he’d answer her knock and was prepared to break the lock when the door swung open. From the looks of him, Angel hadn’t been sleeping any more than she had.
“Why are you back already?” His voice was still as cold as dry ice.
“I think I know what happened and I want you to hear my side of it before you fade back out of my life,” she said in quiet resignation. To her surprise, he stepped back and let her in.
Angel wheeled around and went into the darkened living room. He surprised her further by sitting down. She expected him to pace around the room, making her nervous. He pointed to a chair opposite him, out of touching range, but she didn’t sit.
“I called Faith and she had no idea what you were talking about either and then I spoke to Andrew.” Buffy saw Angel bristle at the name. She was seriously shocked Angel hadn’t taken out his fury on the young man and wondered if it was simply due to him not knowing where to find Andrew. “He did admit to the Dana fiasco but not the other. Willow didn’t come back to this plane until after it was all over. Xander says he didn’t know and from the horror on his face, I have to believe him.”
“So I’m lying?” The words were flat, cold and dangerous as black ice.
“Not at all. Xander said he heard Giles and Andrew talking. Giles was very upset about a terrible mistake he had made based on Andrew’s recommendations.” Buffy wet her lips. “We think he must have meant your call and telling you no. It wasn’t my decision, Angel, or Faith’s, or even Willow’s. Any of us would have helped you and you know that. You have to know that.” Her eyes pleaded with him to show that he knew that but Angel was as unmoving as marble. “All of us have come to help you when you’ve asked before. Willow’s put your soul back twice. You are, and I’m not exaggerating, the most important person in Faith’s life. You have held me in your orbit from the night I first kicked you to the ground in that alleyway by the Bronze. I’m not sure what we did to convince you we wouldn’t be there for you but it was something and I’m sorry.” Buffy’s chest heaved and she sat wearily on the couch.
“Done?” he asked and she nodded. His face twisted. “Maybe it was Andrew telling me and Spike you didn’t trust us any more that did it for me. Or maybe when we came to Rome and he told us you had moved on and didn’t need us any more.”
“Andrew? You were in Rome?” Buffy’s short, sturdy nails dug into the cushions. “I swear, I’ll kill him, Angel. I never said that, any of it. I didn’t know either of you came to Italy. I wasn’t even aware you were working with Wolfram and Hart until after the fact. I’ve been so busy finding and training new Slayers, I never spent more than a week in any one location. I trusted Giles with the day to day stuff and he got stuck with Andrew as a protÉgÉe, not like there was much choice, not with the destruction of the Council. Last I knew, both you and Spike were willing to wear that amulet and die and arrogant as it may sound, I know you both did it as much for me as you did for saving the world.”
Angel dropped his gaze to his big hands. For a moment, Buffy thought he’d just get up and go then remembered he was trapped inside by sunlight. “I thought about calling you direct but there just wasn’t time and I didn’t know where to find you or Faith.”
“I’m sorry.” Buffy started to get up to cross over to him but sat back down at his sharp look. “I’ll accept the blame for that. I didn’t mean to cut myself off from everyone,” she admitted. “It all got too complicated and it was easier to lose myself in the work. That’s no excuse and I don’t mean it to be one. It’s explanation more than anything.”
“Fair enough.”
“I don’t know...” Buffy broke off, running her hand through her hair. “I wish there was a way to fix this but I know there isn’t. I didn’t tell anyone that you really are still alive. I didn’t think that you’d want that.”
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“Thinking you no longer care about us hurts more than I know how to say.” Buffy got up and went to the fireplace, looking at the beauty of the antique Italian artistry in spite of the crack Angel had put in it. How beautiful was this place? So inappropriate for the ugliness of their lives.
“I still care, Buffy. If I didn’t care, it wouldn’t have hurt so much to be left hanging,” Angel said, getting to his feet as well but he didn’t approach her. Instead, he started pacing, as per normal, hands thrust into his pockets.
Buffy graced a marble rose with a finger. “I’m glad to hear that. I wish I could change the past in any of a thousand places and what happened in LA would be at the top of the list.”
“You wouldn’t like the price of the magic to make it happen,” Angel replied, moving away from the splinter of light that wrested its way around the curtains.
“You’re probably right.” Buffy turned to face him. “Angel, you mentioned your son. As far as I know you don’t have one and no one else knew of it...I know you said he was killed. If its not too painful, tell me about him.”
Angel’s eyes narrowed as he froze in his pacing. He twisted slowly around. “Why?”
“Because he was yours and I would love to know him.” Buffy smiled gently.
Angel sat back on the couch heavily. “It’s hard to talk about him.”
Her heart broke just a little at the expression on his face. “You don’t have to if it hurts too much.”
Angel held an arm out to her. “I would have wanted you to meet him and its my fault you never did.”
Buffy sat next to him. “Show him to me now in words.”
She listened to Angel’s story, wilting ever so slowly like a flower in the desert sun, as the pain of it all slipped into her heart and took up residence. No one deserved all the pain each and every one of her friends suffered through. By the time his story was over, Buffy was leaning on his shoulder like old times. “As sad as it was, I still wish I had met him,” she said.
“Thank you.” Angel smoothed her hair back out of her face. “You look so tired.”
“I don’t know when the last time I slept was, I mean really slept, peacefully.” Buffy stretched. “I should go home, try to sleep but I don’t want to move.”
“You could stay...if you wanted to, just for a little while,” he said hesitantly.
She rested her head back on his shoulder. “I’d like that...I don’t know if you’ve forgiven what happened, Angel, but I’d like you to stay with us. You know what’s happening out there. We need all the fighters we can get.”
He shook his head. “I’m tired of fighting and getting nothing back in return.”
“So am I but turning my back...it’s worse,” she said and felt his shoulders sag. “I don’t care if you leave “Angel” as dead. Call yourself Liam again, call yourself anything you want, just help us,” she pleaded. It wasn’t just that she wanted him back in her life; they needed every warrior they could get.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to do that,” Angel said honestly. “But I’ll stay here for a while...maybe it’ll work out.”
“I should be angry at you. You always find a way to leave me but this time...I know what it’s like to be tired, Angel, and you’ve been at this so much longer than me.” She didn’t mention that really he hadn’t done much fighting the evil until he met her. That wouldn’t help. “But...I hope you’ll decide to help me. Until then...I can wait.”
Angel seemed to consider this. “Time is all I ask for.”
Buffy let out a little sigh. “You have it.” This might not be the passionate, tumultuous reunion she occasionally imagined. It was quiet, almost desperate, like the rest of her life. Deep down she knew that one more second chance was more than any of the deserved. For now, maybes and blunted emotions would have to do. The world needed saving again. Maybe quiet and steady would prove to have charms of its own. She was content to forge ahead and find out.
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}