cornerofmadness: Angel in drag holding up cards (Best story by zannechaos)
[personal profile] cornerofmadness
A Tale to Tell
Author – cornerofmadness
Disclaimer – somewhere a cow is weeping
Rating – PG-13
Timeline/spoilers – Hmm spoilers for anything past ch 30
Pairing – Rebecca/Jean
Summary – How to spend a stormy night
Word Count – 1691
Author’s Note – Written as a big thank you for [livejournal.com profile] havocmangawip for her cosplay assistance. Sorry it’s a strange cracky thing but that sepia–toned picture of the guys drinking has been talking to me for forever. Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] bob_fish for the beta and to [livejournal.com profile] evil_little_dog for the last minute touch up and title. I also realized this would fit in just fine for the ‘Havoc gets Lucky’ part of Havoc Appreciation Week so …
Jean Havoc Appreciation Week


28 April -- Havoc Gets Lucky Day
29 April -- Molest Sleeping Havoc Day
30 April -- Sexy Outfit Havoc Day



* * *

Lightning ripped a jagged fork across the night sky, lighting up Rebecca’s small living room. She should probably pull the curtain, but she liked watching storms. Rain lashed against the window, only slightly distracting her from the hand that made small circles on her back. The steam heat clanked on, rattling in the pipes, momentarily drowning out the radio.

“Sorry our evening plans got canceled because of the stupid storm,” Jean said from where he was spooning with her on the couch. Rebecca was sorry, too. She had agreed to go to the horror movie showing downtown, pretending it would frighten her. Secretly, she’d been hoping it would be cheesy bad and a lot of fun but, it would be hard for Jean to maneuver his wheelchair on sidewalks running with rain until they looked like rivers. Wet leaves were damn slick, too.

Another bolt of lightning increased the static coming from the radio. They weren’t likely to even hear one of Jean’s favorite radio shows at this rate. Rebecca wondered if she would have to get up and switch from radio to phonograph. She had invested in the large stereo system, practically the size of a dresser. Hefty speakers were set into the wood but the other side of it cleverly hid a turn table. All she had to do was push back the sliding top.

He pressed his lips to her shoulder. “We’ll just have to find other ways to entertain ourselves.”

Rebecca pushed him back gently. “Yes, I can just imagine your ‘other ways’.”

Jean pouted at her. “Are you complaining?”

She took his nicotine-stained hand and dropped a kiss into it. “No, but we need to have a relationship with something more to it.” Rebecca watched his eyes glaze just a bit. What was it with men that this happened every time the word ‘relationship’ was uttered? “Tell me a story.”

Jean’s nose wrinkled. “Story? What kind of story?”

“Make me laugh.”

Jean snuggled down into the couch more and Rebecca wondered for a moment if he was just going to try to go back to his initial idea for how the night should go. “How about the time when I got the better of Mustang?”

“Really?” She grinned. “That is a story I have to hear.”

“It was a few years back, and I did have help - but still. We were kind of annoyed with Mustang because he'd won the last few games we played.”

“Games?”

“Drinking games,” Jean admitted with a blush. “Never get into a match of coin bounce with Mustang. That man can bounce a coin into a glass from anywhere on his body, I swear.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Rebecca laughed, trying to picture the colonel rolling a coin off his nose into a glass of beer.

“But the thing that really burned our butts was he won for the best invention to get girls…” Jean made a face. “Well, never mind that.”

“Oh no, you don’t.” She tapped his chest. “Best invention to get laid?”

He went red. “Yeah, okay anyhow, that was before we knew he was a ladies’ man. It was the middle of a war, after all. Who knew that grumpy-faced little alchemist could steal any girl he wanted?”

“Not me,” Rebecca assured him.

“And I’m glad to hear it. Anyhow, he came in with this dartboard where the numbers had been painted over with sexual positions. I didn’t even know there were that many. Wherever the dart hit, that’s what you did to liven up the evening. Sort of wish I had that dartboard tonight.”

“Keep it in mind for later.” Rebecca nudged his hip, letting him pretend he could still do all those positions. “He was already seeing Riza by then, wasn’t he?”

“I’m not even sure. It took forever to realize they were a couple, but he probably was. Damn, that’s even more crafty, giving a sharpshooter a game that’s target based.”

“Crazy like a fox, that’s Mustang,” Rebecca agreed.

“I’m surprised Hughes didn’t come up with it. That man had one hell of a throwing arm.” Jean shrugged. “Anyhow, we had to get Mustang good for beating us yet again. It was my idea how to get him. After seeing that dartboard and how the man could tie a cherry stem into a knot with his tongue, I realized he had to be way more experienced than we’d imagined.”

“Wait, what?” Rebecca’s eyes were huge. “He can do what with his tongue?”

“Tie a cherry stem. Don’t ask. It came up when some female officer was flirting with him. She had one of those girlie drinks with all the fruity crap in it.”

“Hmmm, Riza’s a lucky girl.”

“Hey, you like what I can do with my tongue!” Jean protested.

Smiling, Rebecca tapped his nose. “Yes, I do. Continue, I’m enjoying the story.”

“I decided we needed to challenge him to a game of ‘I’ve never.’ You should have seen him try to squirm out of that.” Jean chuckled.

“I’m picturing it already.”

“It was the best night.”

* * *

“This isn’t a fair game,” Mustang grumbled as Maes passed him a glass of whiskey. “There’s no talent here. It’s just inane.”

“Rules are whatever game we pick, we all play. It’s my turn and I want to play, I’ve Never,” Jean protested, trying to decide between whisky, wine or beer. The cute bartender – who naturally knew and flirted with Mustang – had put so much alcohol out for them, he didn’t know where to begin. Hughes had picked the Eastern bar, much to Mustang’s irritation though why he was upset, Jean had no clue. Jean rather liked the place. It was a civilian place, pretty waitresses, not to mention lovely lady bartenders, open and airy. It didn’t feel like the dank dive bar they usually got sloshed in.

“I suspect someone is nervous.” Hughes beamed, handing Breda a whiskey as well.

“Shut the hell up, Hughes.” Mustang glared at Hughes. “I don’t like this game.”

“Too bad, Havoc picked. Go ahead, Havoc, first round is yours,” Hughes replied.

Jean knew he couldn’t go right for the jugular. He needed to make it look like he wasn’t gunning for Mustang. “Okay, I’ve never been afraid of dogs.”

Breda glared, taking a drink. “Picking on me already. Okay, I’ve never knocked over an entire shelf in a general store.”

It was Jean’s turn to glare but to his surprise both Hughes and Mustang drank, too. “Really?” Jean asked.

Hughes shrugged. “There was this beautiful girl. I was trying to act nonchalant…and fell over a tower of canned beans and into a shelf of bread. Gracia was real sweet about it, though.”

“Same here, but I wasn’t making an ass of myself to get a girl’s attention. I already had that when we…uh, pulled the shelf down on our heads.” Roy smirked.

“That leads me to I’ve never had sex in a store room,” Falman said, leaving Jean and Mustang drinking. Maybe he should have planned this game out with Falman and Breda ahead of time, before he was too drunk to destroy Mustang? Hughes couldn’t be trusted to do it. He was too close to the Chief.

“I’ve never worn glasses,” Roy said.

Hughes chuckled evilly. “So that’s how it’s going to be. Fine, I’ve never practiced alchemy.”

Maybe Jean had underestimated Hughes. “Good one. I’ve never had sex under the desert sky.”

Mustang took a solitary and sulky drink.

“I’ve never accidentally rolled my naked backside into a cactus,” Breda said.

Mustang drained his glass. “Does everyone know about that?”

“Yes,” Falman replied. “I’ve never had my private parts sunburnt because I fell asleep outside naked.”

Mustang’s face darkened. “You guys can’t keep using the same damn incident.”

Jean poured another whiskey for him. “Consume, Mustang.”

He slopped some down his chin. “Fine, I’ve never been given a five day rip for setting the general’s coat on fire with my cigarette.”

“That was an accident!” Jean protested, taking a drink.

“I’ve never tried to sleep with my mentor’s daughter,” Hughes said, eyeing Mustang who blushed. Jean didn’t know the man could be embarrassed.

“HUGHES!”

“Drink, Roy.”

Jean briefly considered making use of the rumors he’d heard about Mustang and Hawkeye - but if word ever got back to Hawkeye that he’d brought that up, he’d be heading for home in a box. No, there was another rumor he had heard that would work just as well. Jean cleared his throat. “I never accidentally knocked out the center pole out my tent and brought it down on me and my partner.”

“I was not having sex when that happened!” Mustang protested.

“No one mentioned sex,” Jean replied, tapping Mustang’s glass. The alchemist groaned, but drank.

Jean lost count of how many times they went around with this nonsense. He was getting pretty lightheaded. How the hell much could that little man drink? Jean might actually lose at his own game.

Hughes swayed in his seat, shoving up his glasses. “I’ve never had Kimbley make a pass at me.”

“I…hate you, Mae…” Mustang seemed to forget Hughes’ full name as he fumbled for his glass.

They had gotten totally preposterous with their ‘I've nevers,’ and Jean had to admit he wouldn't have expected that anyone would have drank to Hughes’ last one. Kimbley gave him the shudders. Jean had nearly run out of ‘I've nevers’ to try out - then one bubbled up from his inebriated brain, something he had seen in a naughty Creatan magazine.

“I’ve never had sex on a bar while a pretty young girl drank liquor out of the hollow of my belly,” Jean said, or at least hoped he did. He wasn’t too sure how well his tongue was working at this point. “Unfortunately.”

“Oh com’on! Who hasn’t? Been doing that since I was fifteen,” Mustang groaned, draining his glass. He slammed it back down on the table, tottering a bit. He reached for his glass of water that he had been trying to dilute the alcohol with to no avail. His eyes rolled up and Mustang folded up on the table, his head bouncing a bit when it hit. None of them tried to stop him from hitting, not that any of them had the reflexes left to try.

Falman winced. “That had to hurt.”

“We won!” Jean crowed. “We finally beat Mustang.”

“We might has killed him,” Breda slurred. “Is he dead?”

Hughes poked Mustang who nearly slipped off his chair. “Nope.”

“He’ll deny this ever happened,” Falman said reasonably.

“No problem.” Hughes staggered to his feet, digging in his pocket for his camera.

“Do you bring that everywhere?” Breda asked, horrified.

“Never know when you’ll need it,” Hughes replied, waving at them. “Get around him.”

“Got any good pictures of the lovely ladies, Hughes?” Jean asked.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Victory, especially captured on film, tasted pretty damn good. Falman took a few pictures, too, so Hughes could get in them. Afterwards, they hauled Mustang back to his tent. They only fell on him three times in the process.

* * *


“Let me guess, you stripped him and drew on him, too.” Rebecca said between giggles.

“Standard guy punishment for whoever passes out first,” Jean assured her.

“That was a great story.” She wiped a few tears of mirth off her face. “So who was he having sex with when he brought the tent down?”

“He still denies he was having sex.”

Rebecca snorted. “Like anyone believes that. I’d ask Riza but she’d give me that look.”

Jean shuddered. “I know that look. But no one knows who was with Mustang. While he was busy sketching out an array to fix the tent, his partner bolted. You wouldn’t believe the rumors of who it was. Probably the silliest had to be Armstrong, as if he could sneak away.”

“As if Mustang could have moved to do alchemy afterwards. Riza would have left him, if he had done something as stupid as to bring the tent down on him.” Rebecca grinned. “So, sex on a bar top?”

“I’m a little disappointed I never got to try that one.”

“You still might.” Rebecca grinned at him.

“Really?” He echoed her wicked grin. Just then, a huge flash of lightning knifed across the sky and the power went out. Jean chuckled. “Well, you've had your story, and now we can’t even listen to the radio. How about my original idea for passing the evening?”

Rebecca leaned in to kiss him, tweaking his nipple through his shirt. “It’s an idea whose time has come.”




Date: 2010-04-29 03:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] marynachaotica.livejournal.com
ALRIGHT! Someone finally out drank Mustang!!!!! *LOL* I love the story you wove around how it happened.

Somewhere a cow is weeping?

Date: 2010-04-29 03:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seaweed-fma.livejournal.com
"Been doing that since I was fifteen!" best line in the fic.


That was awesome. I would love to see you write more Havoc/Rebecca stuff!

Date: 2010-04-29 03:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
thank you very much

Who knows? I might

Date: 2010-04-29 07:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bob_fish.livejournal.com
*bribes you to write more Havoc/Rebecca*

Date: 2010-04-29 07:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
hahaha well if i get off my butt and start working on a 2 year old story where he IS dating her you'll get to see at least a little of it

Date: 2010-04-29 03:31 am (UTC)
enemytosleep: [Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist] colored image of a teen boy adjusting his tie, looking serious (Roy)
From: [personal profile] enemytosleep
XD Boys are evil. That was a lot of fun, both the bar game and Havoc's retelling of it.

Date: 2010-04-29 03:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
thank you very much. I'm glad you had fun with it

Date: 2010-04-29 03:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] evil-little-dog.livejournal.com
I still think this is a delight.

Date: 2010-04-29 03:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
thank you. and thanks for the idea in the first place

Date: 2010-04-29 03:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] evil-little-dog.livejournal.com
Well, it was a good brainstorming strategy.

Date: 2010-04-29 03:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] havocmangawip.livejournal.com
Whee! I love this! Thank you so much!:)

Havoc and Rebecca and guys being guys gen all wrapped into a great read.

Date: 2010-04-29 03:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
thank you. I'm really glad you liked it. It turned out way sillier than i expected. THanks again for your help

Date: 2010-04-29 05:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] strandedthought.livejournal.com
Loved the bit about bringing down shelves. Well, actually, loved all the little bits we got from "I've Never", especially Meas selling out Roy.

And RebeccaxJean <3

Date: 2010-04-30 03:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
thank you so very much. I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, Maes isn't one to lose a contest so...

Date: 2010-04-29 08:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bob_fish.livejournal.com
Hahaha, and now I'm pretty sure who was in that tent. But it's fun that you leave it a mystery.

Still love this and all the new details like the steam heating and Rebecca's love of cheesy horror movies (I'm such a nerd that I immediately started thinking of the worst of 1930s horror - Doctor X? Werewolf of London? alchemical versions of those would be fun, and of course Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein are practically about alchemy already).

Date: 2010-04-29 01:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
Roy's not telling who's in that tent

I thought you might like the horror flicks (I was thinking about very young Ed and Al talking about what was obviously The Fly). Oh i'm sure she can find a good bad movie playing.

thanks for the help

Date: 2010-04-29 07:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bob_fish.livejournal.com
And I am laughing at him because he doesn't NEED to tell me. XD *eyeballs him*

Ooh, is that scene from the first anime? I don't remember it at all.

That's quite all right! I appreciated your beta-age for my Havoc/Sciezka.

Date: 2010-04-29 07:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
hahha who do you think it is

it's in the manga (or a gaiden or an omake. ELD might know. She memorizes Ed stuff more than me)

always happy to help

Date: 2010-04-30 02:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raceulfson.livejournal.com
Adorable fic! I love the friendly not mushy romance between Havoc and Rebecca - it suits them. I also like that Rebecca makes allowances for Jean's comfort but otherwise cuts him no slack. And that she finds him hot.

Poor Mustang, too. Heheheee

Date: 2010-04-30 03:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
thank you very much. I don't see Rebecca or Havoc as being the mushy type.

Roy still doesn't talk about this day

Date: 2010-11-29 04:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brucethegirl.livejournal.com
I Love this. Immensely. Thank you for writing it!

Date: 2010-11-29 05:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
thanks. Glad you liked it. I'll be doing an other one for [livejournal.com profile] springkink

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