Happy Birthday Sharon

[cornerofmadness]

Well we all know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men. I had every intention of finishing this birthday present story on time. If I hadn't had to rewrite my paper three times, I would have done it.  I would have finished the rough draft today then I dislocated my bad thumb again so typing is pretty ugly. Anyhow here's Sharon's birthday story, which went nowhere it was supposed to go (heck it wasn't even supposed to be a sequel to another story but there you have it and don't ask me where Spike/Cordy came from). Check back by the end of the week to see the final chapters. Feedback will be cheerfully entertained and can be  used to further shape this monster. AND there is a graphic made by Chris G-D for this so take a look. It's cool. Please feedback me here or at my email addy instead of at Forever Fandom since this story is still in the process of being done. Thanks to Leni and Chris for editing large hunks of this.

You can find the story here, Memory of a Lost Paradise

 

And I'll have to edit this later to put the graphic in because my online photo albumn has had a nervous breakdown adn won't let me in. But of course.

Comments

OooOOoOOo!

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU FOR MY PREZZIE!

I can't wait to see the rest of it. Yogi's! Yogi's is in there!
And a border collie! And Angel has a Super Bee! Just love it!

Re: OooOOoOOo!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it. Now to cut the dead wood, actually seriously edit the thing and hey finishing it would be good.

Re: OooOOoOOo!

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Finishing is very important...and if this thing does another weird deja vu on me, I'm running shrieking.

Re: OooOOoOOo!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

dare I ask what that means?

Busy writing the ending while trying to staunch the blood flow from a finger. Those darn files in the file room are trying to murder me.

Re: OooOOoOOo!

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I "saw" myself answering this email for the second time. You know the routine. :-)

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

As always a great story and I can't wait to read the rest.

Some specific comments and a few observations/criticisms:

Love your portrayal of Connor here. I was saddened by his knowledge that not only would he never be normal but he would be a danger to others in some respects. I was very surprised by his acceptance of Angel since that was really explained, although I'm assuming the birth of his own child gave him a sudden appreciation for Angel's very deep pain.

I thought Angel's giving up was very in character. I think he's very hard on himself to begin with and I think it's reasonable that after a certain point he's going to feel is that all he does is bring death and destruction. I think his turnaround was a bit too easy. I'm thinking it might need to be a bit more obvious that he's far from healed.

Some definite grammar/spelling boo-boos in chapter two and three (I believe). Nothing outrageous, but if you need some betaing in that area I could do it.

While the Andrew/Harmony wedding is funny, Andrew is gay, Gay, GAY. Possibly gayer than Lorne. Check out his obvious Xander lust in season 7.

Because I am apparently sick and evil, I hope Buffy's prophetic dream comes true. And I liked that Buffy/Angel can't control themselves around each other. I've always thought that was one of the main reason Angel left.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Glad you liked it. I have two beta's so thanks for the offer but I'm okay. I just didn't have time to actually USE the edits yet (like I said in the notes, it's a rough draft, heck it ain't even finished). Once my thesis paper is turned in on friday I'll get to editting this and posting it properly.

Yeah I think spending three years in intensive therapy and having a child that wasn't a people eating demoness did give Connor some prespective. Angel's probably right, he probably would rather have Holtz but that's not an option.

I agree, the Angel turn around is rushed. And I think that when I get the time to rewrite this, that may be expanded upon. The thing I fear is turning ANgel into a stubborn jackass and turning off readers. That's why this feedback is important, it'll end up molding the final product. I've already redone the beginning once in an unposted draft.

Gotta admit, I'm far more inclined to agree that Andrew is deeply in denial about his sexuality but since the only time I didn't fast forward his parts was when he kidnapped a young woman to turn her into a sex slave, I have to rely on transcripts if I want to know more about him. Which I don't. Ever. I may still remove him from this story and pair Harmony up with someone else. That's the good part about drafts. You can always redo them.

Thanks for the input. It's helpful.