My body

[cornerofmadness]

I've never been shy about talking about my weight problems and the medical conditions that keep the status quo. I ran across this article on self worth on a friend's FB page and it's an interesting article. I agree with it in some ways.

And in others, I don't want to be content with my body as it is. I feel like this body is a prison and I've done twenty years hard labor in it. The weight is wrecking my health and THAT is what I care about. I've never been one to care about the appearance aspect of it. I'm of two mind about size acceptance. I think people should be aware of the damage the extra weight is doing. On the other hand I have NO patience for people who judge someone based on their size, like that fashion editor who says she can't eat out because fat people disgust her or the doctor who won't see overweight patients because they're a danger for her staff and herself to move. WTF? As someone who has seen a lot of patients you almost never MOVE them unless they are severely disabled. Patients move themselves.

I have friends of all sizes and always have. One of my best friends in h.s. was very overweight (and at that time I was so thin people thought I was anorexic. I was not. I ate all the damn time). Her name was Barbara and naturally the other kids mocked her. They kept mocking her ever after she got bone cancer and lost all her hair. She died before we graduated. I think that was one of the reasons I have no patience for anyone judging by size. That and my ignorant ass uncle (who has also died of cancer) who was very overweight but had the nerve to tell me I was fat. At the time I was 5'9" and weighed under 120 pounds. Yeah, real fat. Idiot.

That said, I want them to entangle the weird web that caused the weight gain and keeps it there no matter what diet or exercise regime they put me.

While at home for Spring Break we were going thru the photos grandma had. Here is this one. It was taken about 6 months before my weight shot up to 270 pounds (I have lost some since then but not nearly enough).



See what I mean? I gained over 100 pounds between that summer and January the next year. Horrible. I haven't been able to touch that weight for the most part. Oddly enough my uncle saw this picture and said how pretty I was. You know, not a single guy my age has EVER told me that (regardless of my weight, probably another reason I don't care about my weight from the appearance side of things).

And completely off topic (other than you can see how ridiculous thin I was) here's a picture of me from the 80's. I was in college at the time. I'm on the porch with mom and the guy on the right is dad and the guy on the left is my uncle, it's his trailer we're at (he's NOT the uncle who called me fat but it was in THIS time period the other uncle deemed me overweight). Mostly posting this for people to see what I was talking about, the purple she-hawk hairdo.

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

The picture of you smiling in the boat looks like it needs to be sepia tinted and displayed as an actress from black and white films.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

snort

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

What? It's true. It's very glamor girl.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I suppose it is. That's at Hillbilly Cove

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I didn't realize that picture was, but the one with the trailer was kind of a giveaway.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

well yes. The trailer was. It's now a modular home and someone hauled off the trailer. They're probably living in it up the block from me...you know, if we actually had blocks

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Or blocks to put the trailers on...?

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

we haz those

[havocmangawip.livejournal.com]

This!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

someone did it for me. I'll have to post it

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

I like the pic in the boat, You look very pretty. Still are! *huggles*

I hear you about the weight thing. I've been struggling to get get down to a decent, healthy weight, but no matter how hard I try, I seem to gain rather than lose. It's all so discouraging. *sighs*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you very much

It's very frustrating keeping at a healthy weight good luck to you

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! :D

Tell me about it. *sighs* Thanks! Good luck to you too! *huggles*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! :D

[priarani560.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

You're beautiful.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you

[medelle.livejournal.com]

The whole weight thing just sucks.

I half want to go back to the Hawaiian perception of beauty. :D

You have my sympathies though. I really need to lose at least 50 pounds. I set a goal for 25 at the beginning of the year and so far zip. I know it's my fault - I'm not doing the things I need to be doing and I stress eat....

And I'm going to see my family in two months and my mother is going to tell me I'm fat.... Yeah like I don't know. /sighs

Anyway... all that is to say I feel you're pain and even though it's not much comfort, you seem like a really awesome person.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

oh yeah over spring break Dad told me I was fat. Doesn't help that all the furniture in my house is broken. The reality is the futon is over 20 years old and my couch was a cheap piece of 300$ crap that is nearly a decade old. That's not why they broke, nope. I'm fat.

What frustrates me is even when I DO the right things, it makes no difference, not to my weight NOR my damn blood sugar. But thanks and good luck to you too

[bodgei.livejournal.com]

I was laughing at the 80's photo - for the record I kept trying to do that tall frount bang thing that looked like a rake attached to your head.

I have issues with weight and helth - I try to stay active and do my PT - all the excercises are ingrained into me after 25+ years of it. At 200 lbs I was called 'skinny' by one of my pain docs.

It is hard to untangle the threds of health, but you know that. And with pain and diabeties I think you got the hard end of things. I think that I got the luckyer side of things with pain and a touch of hypertension.

It is hard to say 'I need to lose weight for my health' becasue all people hear is the body image stuff. Our culture is just set for it to be about what you look like, not what you feel like. I've known many overweight healthy people and I've known many overweight unhealthy people. Same with people of all sizes. I guess that is one benfit that you get from 25 years of physical therapy. LOL

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Hahaha I had those bangs at one point too. Boy it took a lot of mousse or dippity-do to get that right.

It is hard to say 'I need to lose weight for my health' becasue all people hear is the body image stuff.

This is so very true. My cousin just had a surgery I need to have as well. It's an inherited defect in the valve between esophagus and stomach which needs remodeling. I just know when I say I'm finally having that surgery all anyone will think is I'm having bariatric weight loss surgery.

[bodgei.livejournal.com]

Mine always fell down, no matter what I did so I always sort of looked like I was out of a comic book.

I think it is odd that we can't do healthy things to be healthy. I just changed my diet to try to get my bp down and people think that I am dieting to lose weight.

You could always tell everyone you are getting a heart valve done.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

haha yes they had that tendency with me too, stupid bangs

Yeah I know it's all about image with a lot of people

I could tell them I'm going in to get spayed too

[bodgei.livejournal.com]

stupid 80's hair

I wish we weren't so worried about the image part of it. I feel like it gives the country the feeling that we aren't haveing real problems assocated with weight.

totaly - you tell then that and no one will be on you about it.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

so true

[sp23.livejournal.com]

If your uncle thought *that* was fat, I'd hate to see what he considered skinny.

I've been heavy most of my life, and while it isn't health-related, per se, it's still just so damned hard to get it off/keep it off. Having health issues that affect weight would make it even more frustrating/depressing. :-(

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Yep, 'your ass is getting fat. What man would want you?' and he said it right in front of my Dad who didn't even know what to say. I wasn't even sad at all when that man died.

It is very hard to keep off weight and I always get 'well it took a long time for you to get this heavy so it shouldn't surprise you it will take a long time to get thin again.'

No doc, I got this heavy in under 6 months.

[wildrider.livejournal.com]

Yep, I can fight and struggle and eat right and exercise and lose five pounds and then gain it all back just by having one damned donut.

VERY frustrating. Especially when I start up something, and I do well, and then this damned fatigue takes over and I can't do ANYTHING.

I feel your pain. At least you get some writing done (which I can't seem to do).

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

It is SO frustrating. I have that damned fatigue today for no reason I can even think of.

Feh, I haven't written all week. I will next week or shame myself at camp