Writerly Ways

[cornerofmadness]

Before I get started on this week's topic, I thought I'd ask this.

[Poll #1926383]

Because I'm reading #1 in a series by Karin Slaughter, the Will Trent series and while Will ticks all my abused boy boxes, he is as the poll said. This series has at least 7 books in it and this is clipped right from Goodreads. “Breathless tension!” raved the San Francisco Chronicle. “One of [the year’s] most remarkable achievements,” crowed the Philadelphia Inquirer. Karin Slaughter dazzled readers and critics alike with Triptych, her New York Times bestselling suspense novel set in metropolitan Atlanta. Now the #1 internationally bestselling author returns to the damaged landscape she knows so well in a bold new novel

And I'll be honest, I'll be reviewing the book in a day or two but it was just...bad. How did critics like this? I'm sorry, as far as I know you do not just step into being a detective. I suppose there are alternative routes to it but most detectives are first street cops, which requires you to be able to read street signs. There is a detective exam. How can you pass a timed (as I believe it is) exam if you have so much trouble reading. It would be one thing if it was known to his partners and the brass that he has this disability but he doesn't tell them and relies a little (when he's alone) the poor voice readers on a computer. He has to get others to read for him since he can't and I have real difficulty believing it. Maybe this should have been a post about character believability but maybe I'll do that next week.

Today's post is inspired by this article by Stephen King on first sentences. click here to read the article. Honestly, I can't say I remember opening sentences enough to quote them (other than Star Trek and Star Wars)but they DO make an impact. They are critical.

For awhile there, I was seeing 'first sentence' contests but I haven't seen one in a long while. You read editor/agent articles on what they want and the one thing they agree on is this, you have just a few paragraphs, the first page, to really catch their attention before they throw your work into the slush pile or round file. Many say you've got your one best chance: the opening line.

I was thinking about this article last night as I picked up If Two of Them Are Dead which is the short story I've been charged with turning into a novella. (speaking of which, wildrider did you get it? I'm having no end of trouble with Yahoo's new email). Here is the first sentence. Victor Van Voorhis stared at the house he had been called to in Hyde Park.

I don't think that's a particularly good one, now that I look at it, especially since I go on to describe the house. In fact, we don't know there is a dead body in there until second line of paragraph two. I think I need to move the victim up, right to the first sentence. It would most likely make more impact to mention the murder then contrast the wealthy surroundings with the banality of death.

I'm not sure I could expound more eloquently on what Mr. King has said (yes, lazy I know but it's true) Check out what the master has to say. I know what it's like to agonize over that first sentence. Often I just toss it out there or I'll never move past it. Once it's out there, I can go back and fix it.

So here are the opening sentences for several novels erotic and non and I would like some honest opinions. Do they catch your interest and make you want to read? Is one clunky. I'm not going to be mad if you point one out. I WANT to know so I can fix it so when I get around to submitting, I will have the strongest opener possible (and if you want me to look at yours by all means point it my way).

Erotic:
Behind Blue Eyes - Kaleo shattered the one promise he had made to his mother.

Vampires in Vegas - Blood spattered the sidewalk in front of the Alibi bar.

unnamed, file name Hellboy- Madog’s whole life felt off kilter.

Soldiers of the Sun - The bruises around his neck hadn’t faded so Temple pulled his uniform collar tight.

Non-Erotic:

Beneath the Torn Sky - Her job often entailed the late night knock at the door.

Machiavelli Moon - Softly singing a song that hadn’t been heard in a millennium, I cleaned the walnut bar top, unaware of the trouble brewing up in the Black Hills just waiting to come boiling down into Deadwood.

Until the Ice Breaks - Makai fought the urge to wipe away the trickle of sweat that burned its way into his eyes.

Splinters of Silver and Cold Iron “Do you think it was drugs?” Ben Wannamaker tried to look casual as he slipped an arm around the shoulders of his friend, Lenore Johnson.

Ties that Bind (co-authored with evil_little_dog) Trehvan smashed his fist into his opponent’s throat, snatching the man’s sword as he went down in a gasping heap

Voluntary Nightmare - Sweat trickled along Savaria-Archana’s spine, leaving a sticky trail.

Red Skies -(co-authored with evil_little_dog) The volcano puffed, dark smoke and cinders rising from its mouth.


And speaking of creative things. Check out the Hawkeye comic astridv illustrated. It's a lot of fun. Hawkeye fancomic

Yearly Word Count -

91560 / 125000
(73.25%)

camp nano -

19415 / 15000
(129.43%)

Comments

[bay115.livejournal.com]

My favorite opening lines are Vampires in Vegas, Splinters, and Ties That Bind. Vampires and Ties both have some kind of action immediately started while Splinters seems like a good opener for a mystery (don't remember if you'll have Splinters as mystery or not).

Until The Ice Breaks and Voluntary Nightmare are too similar to me with sweat trickling down on a character.

Machiavelli Moon I feel is slightly clunky.

Softly singing a song that hadn’t been heard in a millennium, I cleaned the walnut bar top, unaware of the trouble brewing up in the Black Hills just waiting to come boiling down into Deadwood.

The bolded part is what makes it clunky. Perhaps take that bit out and reveal/show "the trouble brewing up in the Black Hills" gradually.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you very much. I appreciate the help.

yes Splinters is a mystery

[0-mother-0.livejournal.com]

I wanted to clarify my vote of "I could suspend my disbelief" by saying that it would depend on what kind of detective he is - a guy who went through police training would have to be able to read and function pretty well in written format, so if he were a specialty consultant-ish, self-taught or connected (ie so good everyoen wants to use him) private dick that would make it a lot easier to buy

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

he's a state cop. That was my problem. Like I said, if they were making accomodations for him I'd buy it but as is, having no one but his skanky foster sister cop being the only one to know? Nope. I'm not buying it (not to say I wouldn't get another from the library but still)

[sholio]

You know, I clicked "why not" on the poll, but ... I think it would only work for me if it were explicitly dealt with as a disability. It sounds like an interesting concept! But not if it's simply taken for granted.

And thank you so much for the link to the Stephen King article! That's really great advice (he's fabulous at writing first pages that make you want to keep reading), and I know it's not something that I spend as much time on as I should.

Your opening lines seem pretty strong to me. :) The only ones that seemed kinda weak were the ones for "Splinters of Silver and Cold Iron" -- introducing two characters by full name in one sentence feels kind of excessive; I found myself wondering who's narrating this, and if it's either one of them, why they'd be thinking of themselves by their full names ... there's a distancing effect -- and then the "Red Skies" opening line is a bit prosaic for such an active, visually interesting subject; it seems like you could do something a lot more dynamic with it. ("The volcano poured smoke and cinders into a lowering sky" or something like that ...) But this seems to be a skill that you are quite good at. Many of these lines made me want to read more!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

You know, I could buy the concept IF the higher ups new Trent had it and were making accomodations but no one knows.

Isn't it a great article. King writes a lot of very profound things on writing.

Thank you very much. The narrator in Splinters is actually a third character. I do think it's pretty clunky myself.

[wildrider.livejournal.com]

I did, and meant to read it this weekend, but you know how that goes. Hopefully I'll get to it this week.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

okay thanks. no giant rush. I had sent out several emails and didn't hear back on any of them so I figured yahoo ate it

[marlex.livejournal.com]

Really liked the opening lines for Vampires in Vegas, Soldiers in the Sun, Beneath the Torn Sky, Until the Ice Breaks and Ties that Bind.

Pretty much agree with the other posters on the other first lines.

Great article by King. Thanks for the link. As for his works, I'm not sure he'll ever top "The man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed."

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks so much for the input.

that IS a good one and I don't think he even listed it in the article