Fic - Nerds vs Vampires (BtVS/TBBT)
Aug. 26th, 2013 12:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cornerofmadnessTitle --Nerds Vs Vampires
Author--![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cornerofmadness
Fandom -- Buffy the Vampire Slayer/The Big Bang Theory
Disclaimer -- I own none of this
Rating -- teen
Characters/Pairing -- gen fic
Word Count -- 690
Warning -- silliness
Summary -- Sheldon was right.
Author’s Note -- I wrote this formamculuna for a call for prompts at my LJ. It was fun but oddly I couldn’t get Sheldon to behave so have a little Leonard pov. Written as well for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fanfic_bakeoff’s open prompt. Also I’m imagining this is sometime post series for Buffy (ignoring the comics since I never read them) but before Howard was with Bernadette. And “Hentai Boobs of Doom” belongs to silvrethorn. I’m just borrowing it.
XXX
“I told you!” Sheldon screamed, half hiding in the fridge, trying to use the door to keep the fanged woman off of him. “I told you meeting new people could kill us!”
“Why do vampires have Klingon foreheads?” Leonard panted, stabbing the broken end of a broom into the redhead on top of Raj. He imagined it going straight through her like in the movies. How hard was a human torso? Leonard’s hand went numb, and he dropped the broom.
“Who care-eeep!” Howard went down under a blonde vampire who had what Howard termed ‘Hentai boobs of doom.’ Leonard spared a moment to think of the irony of Howard dying with his face squashed between the things he loved best.
A boom deafened them as the front door was kicked in. Two women - hot women – ran in. The dark-haired one in black leather rammed a stake in the back of the vampire who was busy trying to drink down Raj. The redhead burst into a shower of ash, making Raj cough and gag. The blond took out Hentai Boobs before vaulting over the kitchen island to dust the one dragging Sheldon out of the fridge. He sprawled on a puddle of dust on the floor, his arms waving frantically.
“Thank you,” Leonard rasped. “Whoever you are.”
“I’m Buffy. She’s Faith.” The blond jerked her head toward her companion. “Where did they come from?”
“The comic book store,” Leonard sank down on the couch, shaking. Howard helped Raj up. Blood trickled from the bite marks in Raj’s neck.
“And you invited strangers home?” Buffy raised her eyebrows.
“I told them not to, but no one ever listens to me,” Sheldon whined.
Leonard’s head snapped around so he could give his roommate an incredulous look. “When do we ever not listen to you?”
“Tonight, for a change,” Raj said, going to get a kitchen towel to press against his neck. “I’m not going to rise as the handsome, caramel-colored undead am i?”
“No.” Buffy shrugged dismissively. “Why did you invite them back here?”
“Hot chicks who play Dungeons & Dragons?” Howard dusted himself off and somehow found the courage to do his usual strut up to Faith. “How often does that happen?”
Faith rolled her eyes. “That should have been your first clue.”
“You’re probably right,” Leonard admitted. “But it wasn’t.”
“I’m a Dungeon Master,” Howard bragged, wagging his eyebrows at Faith whose painted lips thinned.
Leonard wondered how close Howard was to becoming collateral damage. “So we invited them back for a game, and well, you saw the rest. Thank you, but how did you know we were in trouble?”
“Willow had put a tracking spell on the redhead when she gave us the slip last night,” Buffy replied. “Glad we got here in time.”
“So are we,” Leonard replied. “But I don’t understand…how do you do this?”
“We’re vampire slayers,” Faith said.
“Well, I have a stake for you, my lady Slayer.” Howard grinned.
Faith laughed, shoving him. Howard landed on his butt, skidding half way across the room. “No, you don’t. Come on, B. The night’s still young.”
“Don’t invite strangers you meet at night back to your place,” Buffy said in parting.
“Dungeons & Dragons, we should introduce them to Giles and Xander,” Faith laughed.
“Just keep walking, Faith.” Buffy pushed her through the doorway.
“Thanks again,” Leonard called after them, wondering how the hell they were going to explain the broken door to the landlord, or worse, Penny.
Sheldon picked himself up off the floor. “The next time I tell you people meeting new people could kill us, you listen to me!” he said, stomping off toward his bedroom, probably to change his pants.
Leonard looked over at Howard, but he was too interested in staring out the door at the women’s retreating butts. He sighed and beckoned to Raj. “Come on, let’s get you bandaged up, Raj, and if anyone asks, the door was broken in by thieves.” Who’d believe it were vampires anyway? And he’d never gotten his answer about the Klingon forehead thing, way to ruin the sexy vampire fantasy. What a night.
Author--
cornerofmadnessFandom -- Buffy the Vampire Slayer/The Big Bang Theory
Disclaimer -- I own none of this
Rating -- teen
Characters/Pairing -- gen fic
Word Count -- 690
Warning -- silliness
Summary -- Sheldon was right.
Author’s Note -- I wrote this for
mamculuna for a call for prompts at my LJ. It was fun but oddly I couldn’t get Sheldon to behave so have a little Leonard pov. Written as well for fanfic_bakeoff’s open prompt. Also I’m imagining this is sometime post series for Buffy (ignoring the comics since I never read them) but before Howard was with Bernadette. And “Hentai Boobs of Doom” belongs to silvrethorn. I’m just borrowing it.XXX
“I told you!” Sheldon screamed, half hiding in the fridge, trying to use the door to keep the fanged woman off of him. “I told you meeting new people could kill us!”
“Why do vampires have Klingon foreheads?” Leonard panted, stabbing the broken end of a broom into the redhead on top of Raj. He imagined it going straight through her like in the movies. How hard was a human torso? Leonard’s hand went numb, and he dropped the broom.
“Who care-eeep!” Howard went down under a blonde vampire who had what Howard termed ‘Hentai boobs of doom.’ Leonard spared a moment to think of the irony of Howard dying with his face squashed between the things he loved best.
A boom deafened them as the front door was kicked in. Two women - hot women – ran in. The dark-haired one in black leather rammed a stake in the back of the vampire who was busy trying to drink down Raj. The redhead burst into a shower of ash, making Raj cough and gag. The blond took out Hentai Boobs before vaulting over the kitchen island to dust the one dragging Sheldon out of the fridge. He sprawled on a puddle of dust on the floor, his arms waving frantically.
“Thank you,” Leonard rasped. “Whoever you are.”
“I’m Buffy. She’s Faith.” The blond jerked her head toward her companion. “Where did they come from?”
“The comic book store,” Leonard sank down on the couch, shaking. Howard helped Raj up. Blood trickled from the bite marks in Raj’s neck.
“And you invited strangers home?” Buffy raised her eyebrows.
“I told them not to, but no one ever listens to me,” Sheldon whined.
Leonard’s head snapped around so he could give his roommate an incredulous look. “When do we ever not listen to you?”
“Tonight, for a change,” Raj said, going to get a kitchen towel to press against his neck. “I’m not going to rise as the handsome, caramel-colored undead am i?”
“No.” Buffy shrugged dismissively. “Why did you invite them back here?”
“Hot chicks who play Dungeons & Dragons?” Howard dusted himself off and somehow found the courage to do his usual strut up to Faith. “How often does that happen?”
Faith rolled her eyes. “That should have been your first clue.”
“You’re probably right,” Leonard admitted. “But it wasn’t.”
“I’m a Dungeon Master,” Howard bragged, wagging his eyebrows at Faith whose painted lips thinned.
Leonard wondered how close Howard was to becoming collateral damage. “So we invited them back for a game, and well, you saw the rest. Thank you, but how did you know we were in trouble?”
“Willow had put a tracking spell on the redhead when she gave us the slip last night,” Buffy replied. “Glad we got here in time.”
“So are we,” Leonard replied. “But I don’t understand…how do you do this?”
“We’re vampire slayers,” Faith said.
“Well, I have a stake for you, my lady Slayer.” Howard grinned.
Faith laughed, shoving him. Howard landed on his butt, skidding half way across the room. “No, you don’t. Come on, B. The night’s still young.”
“Don’t invite strangers you meet at night back to your place,” Buffy said in parting.
“Dungeons & Dragons, we should introduce them to Giles and Xander,” Faith laughed.
“Just keep walking, Faith.” Buffy pushed her through the doorway.
“Thanks again,” Leonard called after them, wondering how the hell they were going to explain the broken door to the landlord, or worse, Penny.
Sheldon picked himself up off the floor. “The next time I tell you people meeting new people could kill us, you listen to me!” he said, stomping off toward his bedroom, probably to change his pants.
Leonard looked over at Howard, but he was too interested in staring out the door at the women’s retreating butts. He sighed and beckoned to Raj. “Come on, let’s get you bandaged up, Raj, and if anyone asks, the door was broken in by thieves.” Who’d believe it were vampires anyway? And he’d never gotten his answer about the Klingon forehead thing, way to ruin the sexy vampire fantasy. What a night.
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Date: 2013-08-26 11:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-08-26 04:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-08-26 12:39 pm (UTC)I can see that a Sheldon POV would be impossible--he's totally reasonable to himself, just funny to everybody else. This worked beautifully. Faith and Buffy are great, too.
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Date: 2013-08-26 04:01 pm (UTC)I work with a Sheldon so I probably could have done it but it was funnier this way.
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Date: 2013-08-26 12:47 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2013-08-27 02:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-08-27 02:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-08-27 02:59 am (UTC)Howard would hit on Faith. She would try not to kill him. Maybe.
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Date: 2013-08-27 03:18 am (UTC)thanks
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Date: 2013-08-27 11:21 am (UTC)Howard might even like Faith's sneer when she turned him down.
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Date: 2013-08-27 04:27 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2013-08-28 10:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-08-28 03:55 pm (UTC)