cornerofmadness: Angel in drag holding up cards (Intelligent Hakkai)
[personal profile] cornerofmadness
Since I'm busy accomplishing nothing at all but being a slug, I thought I better come do this and deal with something tough. The ever-feared 'show not tell.' I've learned one thing: people will accuse you of doing this even if you aren't. I've read books and have reviewed them on GR and other places and see that accusation. I just read the book and no, no the author didn't.

That said, I DO do it. I know that. I struggle very much with it. Part of it, I believe has to do with my turning away from description (and all seriousness I can point to the person in a writer's group in the 90's that had a lot to do with it). But even then I'm sure I did this a lot. I also write fast, thinking less about the words than I should which leaves me with deep edits that I need to make but drag my heels about.

Speaking of which, here a scene about fear. He was so afraid of going to jail his feet barely worked. Telling, no doubt.

Here's a scene about the same thing from D.B. Jackson's Thieves' Quarry I thought it worked very well. And yes as he neared the prison, memories of that old cell and his captivity in Barbados flooded his mind like a rising storm tide. War ha never frightened him, even in his youth. He had sailed through ocean storms that would have reduced some grown men to sobbing babes. He had been beaten and threatened; he had come close to dying more times than he could count. None of that scared him. But prison...He found himself choking back tears. His legs trembled as the regulars lead him down the length of Queen Street....Sweat, urine, feces, vomit, fear, desperation, hopelessness. He was drowning in a noisome sea. The men holding him practically had to carry him along the stone corridor, his feet half walking, half dragging. the soldiers' fingers were like iron, gouging the muscles in his arm.

This paints a picture of a man in terror. I could feel Ethan's fear along with him. This is the kind of scene I would like to be able to write and I think that's half the trick. There is a reason Stephen King and other authors all list reading in their top 10 things an author must do. Read. Find styles that speak to you. Try to bring some of that into your own writing.

For me, I'm not sure I will ever slow down and get something like this on the first try but to be fair, I have no idea how many rewrites it took Dr. Jackson to get it like this (D.B. Jackson has a ph.D. in history and his Ethan Kaille series is really interesting, urban fantasy set in pre-Revolutionary war Boston).

For me, I think it will be a write what comes to mind and pray I don't get so overwhelmed by the edits that I never do them. (always a fear of mine). Also I think it's a terrifying global search ride for me as I try to figure out areas of repetition. I know I use the word 'look' about a billion times (I'm very very visually oriented). Those are opportunities to edit the suck out and put in some showing.

What do you all do to tackle this issue?

and apropos of nothing, I NEED someone to hold my feet to the fire so I finish my damn steampunk novella.

Also check out my post on world building issues here

yearly word count -
114746 / 150000
(76.5%)

Date: 2013-09-22 08:45 pm (UTC)
ext_276146: (Rainy day no thank you)
From: [identity profile] bay115.livejournal.com
Yeah I too don't think I can get that much description on the first try. [livejournal.com profile] sonjajade can attest my Roy/Riza smut scenes were rushed in first drafts and after she points them out I have to rewrite it a few times haha.

Usually if there's a scene I feel isn't strong enough description wise I tend to highlight and leave a note saying "get back to it later". Otherwise I let my beta point out any areas they feel needs more description and I'm able to come up something pretty quick.

I know I use the word 'look' about a billion times (I'm very very visually oriented). Those are opportunities to edit the suck out and put in some showing.

Man I have that problem too haha. Sometimes I might go "He fixed his gaze at", "She shot him a dirty look", but yeah pretty much to do some showing with "look".

Date: 2013-09-23 02:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
My beta is usually quick to call me on it, to the point I'm like gah, why do I even bother writing? I SUCK. Then I go whine in a corner until I pull my big girl panties on and get down to it.

gaze, look, etc etc. I use it all the time

Date: 2013-09-22 08:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silvrethorn.livejournal.com
I know editing is horrible--I'm in the throes of it right now--but it helps to think of it as a second chance to put in all the stuff you forgot, or came up with later that was so perfect or really cool and now you wish you'd included the first time around. If you've done all the structural work, final editing is where you get to put in all the fun details of the setting and characters, because the heavy lifting is already done. And you have to admit, there's a certain feeling of accomplishment when you spot those "WTF was I thinking?" bits of suckage and ruthlessly evict them.

Date: 2013-09-23 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
that is an excellent way to look at it.

Right now I'm editing and expanding that novella. Expanding is harder than it sounds

Date: 2013-09-22 09:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] a2zmom.livejournal.com
I definitely hsavr that problem. I try to go back and add indescription, but I'm not sure I'm that successful.

Date: 2013-09-23 02:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
it's difficult

Date: 2013-09-22 11:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bodgei.livejournal.com
I write pretty slow and I generally see the scenes in my head so that's not a huge issue, that said I think I re-write three or four times before I let anyone see it, and then a bunch more times after I let people see it.

Not much of a help, I know.

Date: 2013-09-23 02:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
Here is my issue as visually oriented as I am, I don't 'see' scenes other than dialogue (so I guess in my actually writing I'm auditory...)

Date: 2013-09-23 10:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bodgei.livejournal.com
Yeah, that is going to make it harder to 'show and not tell'

But I think people use it as a catch all. If people don't like something they use that as an excuse.



Date: 2013-09-23 04:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cornerofmadness.livejournal.com
I agree. Like I said I see that on books I just read and know didn't do that. Also the 'bad grammar' excuse I'm not sure where these people learned their grammar but usually the books they slam are fine

Date: 2013-09-26 12:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bodgei.livejournal.com
I have to say I kind of love reading flame reviews, but I never read five star reviews. I guess part of me likes watching people get amped up over things.

Date: 2013-09-26 02:25 am (UTC)

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