writerly ways

[cornerofmadness]

I think all authors think about why they write from time to time. A lot of us think maybe we should just toss in the towel. There's no ands ifs or buts about it. This is a hard gig. Getting a story on the page is hard enough and then you're faced with the daunting task of editing it. If you're lucky enough you'll find a good writers group or a couple of beta readers to help in that task. Then you can spend years trying to get an agent or turn to indie publishers that don't require them. The self-publishing route is more viable now than ever. Even once you get it out there, you are bound to face people who legitimately don't like your story which stings but is nothing compared to the gut shot a good trolling will give you. And that comes on top of the fact that self-pubbing and indie publishers often equate to anemic sales at best no matter how hard you promote.

So why do we struggle to do this? I could throw that question out to my flist and get any number of answers because it is such an individual thing. For me there is this overactive imagination in my head (oddly dampened since I've been home with the parents). It has been there my whole life. It used to get me in trouble when I would make up stories and told parents, babysitters and teachers. They naturally saw it as 'lying.' I can honestly say I didn't set out to lie for gain. Part of it might have been a 'look at me' sort of cry for help but I knew how to spin a yarn.

It could have gone any number of routes, writing, some other form of art, a complete suppression of my creativity or I could have used this creativity to be a con woman. I would have been good at it. I am capable of lying and being very believable. That's not my thing (though it probably pays better than my actual job). I've been writing since I've been 10 so for the last 37 years I've been telling stories. Most of them in the early days were fanfiction, Star Trek, Star Wars and Elfquest.

I started into writing original fiction in high school. Often sort of fan-based rip offs of anime and other fantasy/SF stories (which now is a thing to do, the City of series anyone?) and my English teachers loved it. Not enough to give me the creative writing award (no that went to a rival who never wrote anything I ever saw). My first novel was finished before I was done with my first year in college. It was SF and admittedly was inspired by Yellow Belmont in Macross though the MC was the victim of incestuous rape (by his sister) and he had a parasitic twin (I was always kinda messed up).

I've been writing fanfiction and original fiction side by side ever since. I would love to say I write to help tackle the big issues of my day but that would be a lie. I don't really, not even in my LGBT stories. Yes, occasionally issues are in there (Until the Ice Breaks, a YA fantasy, is the more issue-related novel I've ever written dealing with rights for women and homosexuals) I’m not sure I could set out to write a story with the idea that its only purpose is to tackle an issue.

No, I write because these characters live in my head and I would be sad if I couldn't get them out there so others could meet them. Yes, there is a bit of pandering to my own ego in doing this as well (but man does the ego get a beating some days). What else would I do with my life? I have nothing else in it but these characters some days. I don't feel alone when I'm telling their stories. I have them in there in bed with me (ready to tell me something juicy just before I fall asleep and won't remember come morning). I write so they can live and all I can do is hope more people like them than don't.

I'm not so naïve to think that everyone will like them (points to any of Jana's Goodreads reviews). I'm not even going to think that all negative reviews have a germ of truth to them (in fact, they're particularly ouchie when they do because then I sit and think 'how did I miss that?') But there will be people who love what I do and they will tell others. For now, I'll try not to obsess over poor sales or bad reviews. I'll try not to listen to the little voice that says, stop just stop. I will do my best to let my characters live.



Yearly word count -

No editing on anything but The Light of Winter which should be going in for consideration tonight.

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I write to keep the voices in my head quiet, mostly.

They get loud.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

they do at that