fighting to concentrate on the good

Because the anxiety is turning me into a rampaging bitch. Okay that time of the month isn't helping. (the tears of frustation would be nice to do without, just saying). I don't know what is up with this travel anxiety. It appeared suddenly when I graduated from UCF and moved to Rhinelander (I don't ever remember it before this.I love to travel. evil_little_dog agrees she never saw me crazy over traveling in FL). It sprung up out of absolutely nowhere in Rhinelander when I was going to go to Madison on Spring Break and it's been getting worse. For the last two weeks I've nearly canceled my plane tickets more than once, I can't breathe thinking on how muchI have to do in order to leave and while I don't want to stay here, I WANT to go, I'm nearly paralyzed. It's the damndest thing. I think it might have started over high costs of travel but...I'd like to get to the root of this and to get it gone.

And helping with the anxiety, I have a huge to do list and among them was update the computer which i did today. I hate both the newest IE and Mozilla equally. Mostly because I used to be able to have two seperate windows up with two separate yahoo accounts open at once and now i can't...sigh

It just can't be this late in the week...it can't.

But I did say I wanted to concentrate on the good and here it is, my new moodtheme! Woot! It was made by raneechan and kookiety was a total doll about helping me get it up. (helps if I remember all the steps. Wrote them down...again)

I have also learned that BPAL's Jazz Funeral is a good scent on me if a bit light. Obsidian Widow is in the maybe pile. I'm not toosure about that one. It seems to have a slight undertone of rotting flowers.



think male thoughts



yay bred my first colored stripe

these dreams

I guess i should start keeping a proper dreamjournal some day. It was another of the stress dreams. I was teaching in a school where i had a large lecture hall and my students liked me. Then midlecture another professor came in with his students and interuppted me. He just started teaching like I wasn't even there. I kept telling him i had twenty minutes left. My students were angry because this was their time.

I shooed them out into the hall, promising I'd continue the lecture outside. Suddenly they started running. A pack of teens with guns were invading the school, shooting everyone in sight. I made my way back to my office, not running but stealthy like...figuring i could go the other way and escape them. But when I got there the door to the outside was pad locked and I couldn't fit through.

So I started looking for another way out. THe school turned into my typical huge building with deadend mazes in them.FInally I found a way out. A strange room that perched over the branches of a huge tree. There were two occupants a woman that I still can't see clearly and a feral boy who was swinging around in the tree and dropping down to beat up some of the gunmen. I went out onto the branches with him then i woke up.