Frustrated, Angry, Scared

All the emotions for today. I had to see the endocrinologist today. Unfortunately I had to walk past an old woman with a foot injury and everything in me wanted to stop and help her even though I know she was there to see her actual doctor. It's hard to see something you trained SO HARD for and know you can't do it any more. I know there are others on my flist who know how this feels. You know you would have been good at it or were good at it then your body betrays you.

So I was practically in tears before I even got to the doctor's office. He had no good news for me. We had DOUBLED my insulin over the last three months. I gained nearly 10 pounds as a result. Nothing happened. My blood sugar didn't change ONE BIT. He gave up. No, seriously, he gave up and told me it wouldn't hurt his feelings if I got a second opinion especially while I'm in Pittsburgh. I said I had planned on it.

We are going to try a severe diet for 1-2 weeks to see if it resets anything. There is another stronger insulin we could try, higher concentration, lower dose which absorbs better (why we didn't do this now i don't know). And we're looking at that adrenal tumor again to see if it's putting out cortisol.

I'm pretty demoralized by the whole thing.

I've started cleaning this dump. That is just more demoralizing.

But someone from my local group sent this along and it's a laugh. http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariannarebolini/bizarre-books-you-wont-believe-actually-exist



day 221 item tossed -Green lace backed shirt Why kept -It was given to grandma by charity…who brings lace backed shirts to a nursing home? why tossed -As it turns out it doesn’t look any better on the middle-aged. Bye bye