Writerly Ways

I wasn't going to do one this weekend. Hell I wasn't sure I wanted to write another word ever again (even though I know I will). This meme I found really sums up where I've been many times but the last 18 months has been HORRIBLE with it.



I'm all but paralyzed with it. Sometimes just clicking open on my files makes my stomach churn or my eyes to tear up all from things that are entirely in my own head.

Last night I went to bed with my sugar at 111 (normal) but stress woke me up with full body shakes around 430. When I finally dragged out of bed my sugar was 400. Cortisol, the stress hormone, is glucose-sparring so it forces sugar into the system so you can feed muscles that have been triggered to fight or flight. I was a mess. The woman in the mirror looked like she was 100. I managed to drag myself to Jackson after food and house hunting (I'll post that depression in a separate place). It's at least down to 250 now but I'm still in exhausted uber bitch mode.

Then I came home to this Queer SF discussion on fear of failure/feeling like an imposter etc. And Betty had sent me this article on Post Project Depression that couldn't be more timely.

Do I feel better? No. Will I? I sure as fuck hope so. I am not as good at what as I do as I think I am. That much is certain. There are projects where I have reached my breaking point. It might be better to just shove them back in the drawer and move on. Probably worse than being told your story has fixable mistakes is being told your characters are boring. Characters that have lived in your head, well loved for two decades.

Betty handed me this one saying it might be timely for me (No, she didn't say my stuff was boring). character description

And she sent more helpful links so here they are too over writing

underused settings in spec fic Ha, I was just planning an industrial revolution/magic story for nano provided it doesn't miscarry before then.

tips for challenging bigotry

ask the agent

Yearly Word Count -

6822 / 100000 words. 7% done!


Splinters of Silver - editing nothing

Blood Red - restarted with chapter one. Kill me now.

Steampunk Holiday -

2529 / 9000 words. 28% done!

Behind Blue Eyes - back burnered

Haunted Hocking -

3003 / 60000 words. 5% done!

You sound depressed

Very astute Mom. You got it in one. It's been that sort of day.

I measured my utility closet thinking about getting one of those stackable or the two in one units because the idiot made my washer/dryer hookup area too small to get both in there.

Thanks to that deranged blood sugar bouncing everywhere I spent the day alternating between raging and weeping.I hate this.

Since I was up in Jackson after food, I went to look at that house I posted yesterday which ruined my mood further. Honestly it was a perfect little house. It was right off the highway just enough to be easy to get on the way to work but enough to be quiet. It shared a lane with this blue and white trailer. That wasn't a problem. Whoever had the trailer obviously has pride of place. It's in perfect shape. The land that goes with the house is relatively level without being in a flood zone (a rarity here) and had 5 acres of land. So why am I not lining up a tour?

It's literally right next door to a fucking coal washer. Head desk. Back to the drawing board. I did find two possibilities. But I feel like I'm just going to be in this shitty apartment forever.

To top off the day, for once in my life my story is too short for an anthology. Now to see if I can crank out another 1.5K in the next day or two.