today wasn't much better

[cornerofmadness]

Woke up at 4 Am in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack (politics, I need to not read so many articles. Then people yell at me for not being informed. I think they have no idea how this stuff (even stuff I agree with) preys on my mind.)

I did manage to drag myself to the library and laundromat. Even popped into the bar/restaurant I was in last night because they had a ton of 12% beers I wanted to try and I had been talked into that local mead last night. The bartender, she knows me apparently. 'Let me guess a tasting board and a firecracker shrimp appetizer.' You got it. At least I wasn't the only one in there drinking at 230 in the afternoon.

I also stopped at Rowdy's for smoked brisket...which spelled my downfall. Ever since I ate it (and I meticulously removed most of the fat as it grosses me out) I've been nauseated as hell. There was just enough lipid coating everything to make me sick. I'm so tired of this. I am able to eat less and less of the things I like every day. Honeycrisp apples were one sale and I have them but I know if I eat one tonight i'll vomit. And I even took the anti-nausea meds they give people on chemo and I'm still barely able to sit up.

I talked to the landlord about the leak. Apparently there are pipes in the ceiling and one is probably leaking. I had been hearing water in the walls and thought maybe there was a leaking pipe in the tub area but it must have been above me. He says he doesn't need in here but I'm supposed to go to an anniversary party tomorrow. I'm thinking I might not go because what if he does need in here? What if I still feel as shitty as I do?

I need to start cleaning this house, writing out my cards, wrapping gifts. So much to do and I'm barely home to do any of it.

Speaking of holiday cards, last call on those. If you want one from me head here

The good news for the day is that the Once Upon a Time in the Wild West anthology I'm in is getting a great blog tour and the trading cards that one of the authors created for this are great.


For day 9 of the musical advent calendar, have a little Halestorm. I found this hard rocking lady via a strange path. Lindsey Sterling's song Shatter Me was on the radio, which is odd enough as Lindsey is a violinist and how often does that make it to a mix station? Lizzy Hale did the lyrics for it and I liked it so much I went looking for her. To my surprise her usual style was nothing like Shatter Me. I used this song on the sound track for Behind Blue Eyes, it's a song for Kaleo.

Watch on YouTube

Comments

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

I hear you about the low level anxiety. I have the same deal - I feel stressed almost all the time, worrying about what's to come.

The nausea is awful. I hope there's something you can do to combat it. Is there possibly a set of safe foods you could eat for now to maybe help heal your system? Based on my own experiences I would stick to very easy to digest foods - poultry, ground beef, avocados, bananas, zucchini, winter squash and no sugar (honey is fine), no dairy, no grains.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Definitely and I know we're right to be worried but yeah I'm not happy about all of this, mostly because it just deepens my depression and I can't medicate for that.

I do have a list but it's narrowing. I think also I need to be checked for my gallbladder again as well. It's been y ears and now that I have paresis on top of a weird gallbladder (they thought it was malfunctioning but then in one burst it emptied and I'm like don't you think that needed more work up but they didn't. ) I guess for now I have to avoid anything with fat of any kind. I already bake most of my 'fried foods'. My SiL is getting a hot air 'fryer' for christmas. I might have her make me something and see if that could be an alternative for things I like to eat but can't if it needs cooked in any kind of oil

[nightshade1972.livejournal.com]

I like that song! :-)

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It's my favorite of hers