I could use some help

[cornerofmadness]

This is the tentative blurb I have from the publisher for Blood Red Roulette

What do you think? Anything that could use changing? I only have 2 days on this so if you can help, I'd appreciate it.

Arrigo Giancarlo's friends think he's a rich young man with the unusual job of paranormal investigator, working with his psychic assistant in Las Vegas. In truth he's a two-thousand-year-old vampire and member of the Chiaroscuro, a group of Supernaturals dedicated to keeping humanity safe from more dangerous among them. He’s also openly bisexual… but alone.



When he spots Luc St Cyr in a bar, Arrigo is intrigued. What begins as an effort to repay the kindness shown to him in the past quickly turns into much deeper feelings for the suffering and displaced Cajun. For Luc's part, he feels too poor, too uneducated, and too bound to his hateful family to ever be worthy of elegant and cultured Arrigo.



Another vampire, Eleni, blames Arrigo for murdering her true love. On the anniversary of that death, she's back to take revenge. As his friends begin to turn up murdered, Arrigo fears nothing will keep Luc safe. Should he break their hearts and let Luc go, or is it too late? If Luc's already in Eleni's sights, Arrigo knows that like most things in Vegas, the odds are against him.

Comments

[rahirah]

Maybe call Eleni something a bit stronger than just "Another vampire?" "An old enemy" or "An old rival" or something like that?

"break both their hearts" makes it clearer who he's referring to.

[cornerofmadness]

THANK YOU!

[suzume]

I second the 'break both their hearts' alteration.

[cornerofmadness]

thank you