Boy when depression gets ahold of you

[cornerofmadness]

It really gets ahold of you. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm wrong. I'm ALWAYS wrong. I'm wrong about everything, just ask the men in my family. I was not at all pleased today to find out my Dad and my brother have been talking about what house I should buy and how everything I want is wrong.

Mom's like they're trying to help in their way, to give me their experiences at homeowning. Yeah I'd buy that more if Dad didn't always work so hard to prove I'm wrong about literally anything I say that HE doesn't agree with.

I need a 'nice little house in town.' You know what maybe I can't handle a big yard. Maybe it'll be a mistake. Maybe so but it's my mistake. I am SO tempted to but in town (happy now) and that large house (so fuck you).

Please quite racing to tell me how wrong I am. Hell stop yelling at Mom because I WANT a house. Maybe I'll just buy one of those double wides for sale. Happy now? It's small and shitty. Just what I should have because I can't handle anything else.

What's worse is everything I like is way over priced. I see what says 'home' to me but the price tag says 'you have to be delusional' I love the ones who haven't sold in half a year and then RAISE their price. (I think they;re doing it so when someone comes in low they'll get what they originally wanted)

Also the depression insured I forgot to pay a few bills so of course now I feel even worse. Sigh.

Comments

Well ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

That sounds more like abuse than depression to me, but then, being stuck with people who sabotage you is certainly depressing.

[dreamsrundeep]

Ugh. You do you. You can always hire an industrious kid to help with the yard. You find the space that is yours. They can deal. (I know, easier said than done.)

Everyone learns something form buying a house. Every. Time. And no time is the same. You'll get in there (whatever house you buy!) and discover quirks, repairs, and all the things that you didn't see before. Every. Time. And you know what? It doesn't matter. You will find a way to own that home your way and make it YOUR space. No room for negativity allowed!

[talkingtothesky]

Ugh, that sounds annoyingly familiar. Dads!

Best of luck with finding your home, that's a dream I can relate to and one I suspect I would go about the same way - what FEELS right first, then consider all the little things later. Because there's no point having the perfect (read: low maintenance) house on paper if it feels unsafe or cramped to you in person.

[cornerofmadness]

Thank you and exactly. There are two house in town that we ALL love because the insides are just amazing. The problem is it's SO in town, the neighbors so close that I can't see how that's any better than the apartment I live in now (which has only 3 units per building).

I live in Appalachia with country all around me. I want to live out there. What Dad doesn't seem to grasp is if I DO buy a house with 5 acres I DO NOT have to cut it all. I mean for god's sake he owns 50 acres and cuts less than 2

[cornerofmadness]

Thank you. And you're right, that is exactly how it'll be. I also know Dad thinks because I'm a woman I can't do these things or contractors will rip me off. He's right about the latter but he forgets he trained me. I'm not sure who he thinks does the repairs here but he's obviously never had a landlord.

Re: Well ...

[cornerofmadness]

No, I have clinical depression. This isn't abuse. It's merely an argument.

[rahirah]

It's your house, for crying out loud. You're the one who's going to have to live in for years or even decades. Unless they're paying for it and giving it to you as a gift, they get no say in it. And even if they are, gifts are supposed to be something that the recipient wants, not what the giver thinks they should want.

[cornerofmadness]

I think he thinks I'm going to ask him to help me every time something blows up in whatever shitbox I buy (because seriously they're ALL shitboxes) I have no intention of that for one they're 4 hours away. Two, he's getting too old for that and I know it. Im not sure why he doesn't get that I could just hire a lawn care dude which I probably will have to do because I'm not sure I COULD lug the mower deck off and on a tractor. Because either I have zero yard(unacceptable) or I have double digit acreage There isn't much between.