It's a struggle
Jul. 20th, 2020 07:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cornerofmadnessI've been saying for a while now my school is suffering. The truth is all colleges are and covid is making it worse you can see more here.
If I were younger, there'd be no question. I'd bail and go back into health care, probably as a PA. That still might happen but I'm in my 50s. I don't want to go back to school. I still owe about a half million in student loans thanks to med school. My health isn't great.
Teaching is good for me in that respect. I dont' know what to do if the job goes away. I seriously don't. I've never been in a lab situation. Biology isn't a degree that leads to jobs in a way unless it's teaching or a lab. I looked into morgue assistant but the pay is absolute shit for hard and kinda gross work. I thought about science writing but my tech writing class is 30 years in my past if not more.
And I don't really have time right now to look at what other possibilities there are while I have to move these classes online and to top it off, my coworkers are whining so hard, I really don't want to go down there. I'm going to try and upload vids from here because that's how much I do not want to see these people.
I wish I were either 10 years older or younger, retire or retrain. I couldn't be at a worse age for this. Without insurance I'm pretty much dead. My meds are about 1500 a month, my student loans are that much too. so I'm 3 grand in a hole without paying a dime for rent, food etc. Insurance pays for the meds but without a job...
Of course reminding myself others have it worse isn't a help. Also probably shouldn't have picked today to try and do the sound track for my big bang because it's all suicidal ideation stuff.
And to top off this shitty day I heard for certain that Lucky Uncle has to have his big toe removed and somehow his surgery is scheduled for next week. I hope the hell he listens to Mom, Dad, ME. This can't wait. Wait and it could be the whole foot/leg. This is what I used to do. Trust me, Uncle, please.
If I were younger, there'd be no question. I'd bail and go back into health care, probably as a PA. That still might happen but I'm in my 50s. I don't want to go back to school. I still owe about a half million in student loans thanks to med school. My health isn't great.
Teaching is good for me in that respect. I dont' know what to do if the job goes away. I seriously don't. I've never been in a lab situation. Biology isn't a degree that leads to jobs in a way unless it's teaching or a lab. I looked into morgue assistant but the pay is absolute shit for hard and kinda gross work. I thought about science writing but my tech writing class is 30 years in my past if not more.
And I don't really have time right now to look at what other possibilities there are while I have to move these classes online and to top it off, my coworkers are whining so hard, I really don't want to go down there. I'm going to try and upload vids from here because that's how much I do not want to see these people.
I wish I were either 10 years older or younger, retire or retrain. I couldn't be at a worse age for this. Without insurance I'm pretty much dead. My meds are about 1500 a month, my student loans are that much too. so I'm 3 grand in a hole without paying a dime for rent, food etc. Insurance pays for the meds but without a job...
Of course reminding myself others have it worse isn't a help. Also probably shouldn't have picked today to try and do the sound track for my big bang because it's all suicidal ideation stuff.
And to top off this shitty day I heard for certain that Lucky Uncle has to have his big toe removed and somehow his surgery is scheduled for next week. I hope the hell he listens to Mom, Dad, ME. This can't wait. Wait and it could be the whole foot/leg. This is what I used to do. Trust me, Uncle, please.
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