Shoot Me

[cornerofmadness]

I think every day this week has been a month long. I swear it can't be only three days since I started the summer semester. It's dragging.

Feeling blah tonight. I just realized i'll be alone for my birthday. That's not unusual for me but turning 39 is. This one is bugging me which shocks me totally. I could care less about age.

my neighbor watered my garden today but NONE of my neighbors know what a phone is. I'm trying to talk to my dad as I sit on the porch with a beer (like the rest of the rednecks). Now my phone is candy apple red. You can't miss it. Yet THREE neighbors came up to me to talk to me. I had to go back inside. Do they not know it's rude to interupt?

And because i'm not insanely busy enough I just joined up with fantrack because what's more fun than making soundtracks for my favorite characters

Comments

[silvrethorn.livejournal.com]

Funny, that. Turning 39 bothered me more somehow than turning 40. Maybe because being 39 makes you realize that turning 40 is now inevitable, and once you're 40 you've hit middle age, no turning back.

On the plus side, your birthday present from me is in the mail. Let me know if the contents reach you in one piece. If not I can send more--they're not expensive, but they just screamed to become part of your decor.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

okay cool, i'm looking forward to it and i think that you have it exactly right. nd the fact that I'm dead alone here with nothing really to show for a life half lived is just depressing

[silvrethorn.livejournal.com]

That's exactly what sucks about turning forty--the life assessment. If it's any comfort, everybody I know who's passed that particular landmark found their life so far seriously wanting, even the people who seemed to have it all together and who made good choices. Which makes it twice as hard on those of us who made, shall we say, unusual choices. Those are a lot easier to second-guess and beat yourself up about. Fortunately, after you've been forty for awhile and gotten used to the feeling, there comes a day when you say "Screw it" and put all the angst behind you. I actually have to stop and count now when people ask me my age, which tells you how much it weighs on my mind anymore.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

there you go. I think part of it is the wondering, would I be in this mess if I didn't get injured six (can you believe that) years ago. Would I be more secure if I were still a surgeon or would I have gone insane by now.

Of course it's all mental masturbation that gets you nowhere. What I need is someone to kick my ass and make me write that synopsis for Machiavelli moon then apply to heat to ELD so we can get Ties that Bind out tehre

[silvrethorn.livejournal.com]

The people who took the safe route wonder if they would have been happier striking out on a riskier but more fulfilling path, and the risk-takers wonder if they'd have been better off with a dull, safe job and a steady paycheck, so pick your poison. Personally, I think you'd be an insane M.D. by now if you'd stuck with it. That last job was nothing but aggravation, besides the damage it caused.

Yes, go write. Who knows if any of us will ever break into the professional market, but it's a great pressure valve.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

It's the best pressure valve I have. Did you see the giant Roy Riza thing (how oculd you miss with all the damn posts) you'd like the clothing if nothing else.

and yeah I'm fairly sure I was headed for another break down (the doc's pretty sure I had one as it was) if i had stayed in medicine

[silvrethorn.livejournal.com]

Yes, I've definitely seen the big Roy/Riza. I'm saving it to read on a different, ahem, time of the month when I can actually appreciate it.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i wish that special time would stop screwing up my blood sugar.

[mzzgoddessblue.livejournal.com]

kick my ass and make me write that synopsis for Machiavelli moon

*kicks hard*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks, keep kicking, every so many days ask me why i haven't shown it to everyone

[mzzgoddessblue.livejournal.com]

oh don't worry - i'll keep kicking. i've read it and love it adn think you should be out there pushing it.

*kicks again*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i haven't even looked at it in years

[mzzgoddessblue.livejournal.com]

we need to throw you an online birthday party.

that fantrack comm looks interesting - i was looking at it the other day.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

there you go. I was thinking of losing myself in COlumbus for a day

[mzzgoddessblue.livejournal.com]

we'll do both. lose yourself in columbus, and then lose yourself in an online party.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

sounds like fun

[esmerelda-t.livejournal.com]

Fantrack is a very cool idea, if it wasn't for the fact I can barely open a word document, I might sign up myself.

Could you email me? I have a favour to ask and I seem to have lost your address, mine's is esmerelda_t@yahoo.co.uk

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i can do that. Well luckily I mostly only have to write a few ficlets for Fantrack so I should be safe

[psychic-warrior.livejournal.com]

-hugs-

I'll be alone too, and I'm trailing a year behind you.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks. Yeah. I think i'll day trip it and amuse myself that way

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

See my comment (below) about how to celebrate. *grin*

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

*pats you* We'll see what we can do to remedy that b-day. Maybe. *ponders*

I know, Shifty's!!!!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

god that place is too scary to think about

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

You don't want to go to Shifty's? We should invite Psychic Warrior to go with us to provide protection.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

this will just be a scary sight

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Between the three of us, I'm sure we're scary enough to take care of ourselves at Shifty's.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i'd be afraid that Shiftys woudl disappoint

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

*pouts*

oh, yeah, we definitely wouldn't see the type of people we'd WANT to see there, that's pretty much a given. *siiiigh*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

we could in Columbus

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

...Are you sure? *laughs* Oh, wait, all the little Goth boys in the world are there, you said.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

there were. Columbus is an eclectic place you could find most anythign there

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Eclectic is good. Eclectic is nice. *nods*

[rahirah]

The only brithday that ever bugged me was 40, and not for the usual reason. 40 was the age my mom was when she got married and started having kids, and somewhere in the back of my mind I'd always told myself, if you do want kids, there's time--Mom didn't have you till she was forty! And it's not that I really wanted kids or anything, it was just that turning forty was a realization that that particular path in life was no longer a "Well, it could happen, maybe, someday, if I really wanted to," but an "Ain't gonna happen."

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I think that's the real problem. I've never wanted kids either but the hormones ripping through my system are very undeniable in what they think I should want. I guess I didn't think I'd make it this far alone. WHile marriage has never been high on my to do list either, i look back on medical school and my practice and think of all the things it cost me to get it only to have it taken away, then I get depressed