Fic - Keep It Like a Secret - FMA

[cornerofmadness]

Keep it Like a Secret
Story #4 in the Boy Blues Series
D M Evans (cornerofmadness) & mjules
Disclaimer - not mine, all characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, Square Enix and funimition. I don’t make a profit
Pairing - Roy Mustang X Maes Hughes
Fandom - Fullmetal Alchemist
Theme - #26 if Only I Could Make You Mine
Rating - Older Teen (Pg-13)
Summary - Roy’s alchemic studies are interuptted in ways he hadn’t imagined possible
Author’s Note - Thanks to mjules & evil_little_dog for the beta. Written for the 30kisses challenge and the Boy Blues series is co-written by me and mjules The rest of the series can be found here (in order)
Look Again Things that Matter & Feelin’ Good

Author's Note #2 - All of the family history for both Hughes and Mustang was invented by the authors to fill in the blanks in canon. Just our way of looking at what might have been



Mustang was quieter than normal but surely that could be due to the roaring hangovers they both had. Given how much more Roy had to drink, Maes could only imagine how bad his roommate felt. As much as Maes wanted to blame Roy’s quietness on the hangover, he feared that a lot of it had to do with the amazing kiss they had shared. Roy had said he liked the kiss but he had been drunk. Hadn’t he run away the first time their lips touched? It hurt to feel so uncertain. What would happen if Roy wanted a new roommate?

How strange was it to worry about this? Somehow it felt different worrying about if a man wasn’t interested in him than it did to worry if a lady wasn’t. Maybe it was the illicitness of trying to seduce a man and the danger that was inherent in that act. He could be in trouble, maybe even kicked out of the academy if anyone found out. Maes wasn’t likely to get into that kind of bad waters over a woman.

Maes had come back to the barracks as soon as classes were over but Roy hadn’t returned. The logical part of Maes’ mind said Mustang was studying and practicing his alchemy like usual. He never came straight home. The part of his mind that his heart ruled said Roy was avoiding him. Roy was freaked out and they were in some kind of trouble.

When Roy eventually came back to the room after dinner, he curled up on his bed, facing the wall, his nose deep into his books. Maes hated the insecurity tickling up inside him. He’s ignoring me! No, he does this every night, get hold of yourself, Maes berated himself. Roy’s behavior wasn’t really weird for him. This was his usual. If Roy came in acting loquacious or in a vicious mood, then Maes would have something to worry about. The only unusual thing Roy did was to put his books aside early and turn out the lamp over his bed without even getting into his pajamas.

“Roy?” Maes ventured finally, unable to bear the heavy silence.

“Yeah?”

“You okay?”

Roy flopped over so he could look at Hughes. “Exhausted. I’m not used to drinking like that. This hangover is killing me.”

“Yeah, not feeling so great myself,” Hughes said, the weight flying off his chest. A simple hangover, so that really was the bulk of the trouble; Maes could live with that. That made sense. Roy wasn’t avoiding him. He was just sick.

“Figured. Sleeping it off would be the best,” Roy said.

“Good idea.”

From the soft sounds of Roy’s breathing, the young man had dropped off almost immediately. Maes wasn’t so lucky. He couldn’t sleep even though he was drained. His unexpected feelings for Roy roiled around in his head. Maes never thought he’d be attracted to a man but something tickled inside of his heart, moving through him with each beat. It was more than mere lust; not that he had anything against lust but things always seemed richer when hearts were involved. Lust would be simpler. Maybe then they could just get it over with and get back to normal but this was more sumptuous, sweeter than that.

Watching the young man sleep, there was no doubt in Maes’ mind as to what he wanted. There was a strong connection between him and Roy. Arguing with the connection wouldn’t do him any good. He wanted to make Roy his. Tomorrow, when their heads were clear, they’d have to talk about the kiss. Pretending it hadn’t happened would be disastrous. As Maes faded into sleep, he entertained plans on how to talk to Roy.


X X X

Two days had passed since Maes had made his resolution and the talk hadn’t happened. Roy did seem to be making a concerted effort to avoid him, including being gone one night. That had caused Maes some momentary panic, thinking Roy had reported him and moved out, until he remembered that it was survival training and Roy had been slated to go for months. He himself was to go next week.

Still, even when Roy was in the dorm room, he was more withdrawn than normal. He stayed out until curfew but as Maes paced around the room, he tried to remind himself that this wasn’t that uncommon for Roy. It was hard to say Roy was deliberately evading him. Roy liked to study and he found the room and Maes to be too loud.

While he could find logical reasons for Roy’s absences, Maes knew there was strain that couldn’t be attributed to schooling. Maybe he just didn’t understand Roy well enough. They were, after all, very different men. Maes scanned Roy’s book case for insights into the young man.

“This is the most boring collection of crap ever to be put on paper. Doesn’t he read anything for fun?” Maes pouted. Maybe that was a sign. They weren’t very much alike. Maybe they weren’t but Maes wasn’t likely to be dissuaded by that alone. Maybe clues were in the journal Roy was always scribbling in. Maes knew it was wrong and invasive but he wouldn’t read much, just a little to get a hint or two about Roy. Taking the journal off the desk, he sat on the edge of his bed.

Maes’ brow wrinkled as he perused more than he intended to, simply because he couldn’t fathom why Roy had a fascination with children’s fairy tales. However, he had only written down snippets of them, higgedly-piggedly in no discernable order as if Roy had cut up childhood books, flung the pages in the air and wrote down bits as they landed.

“What is this?” Maes grumbled then remembered what Roy had said about the journal he had gotten in the mail. Alchemists wrote in code. This wasn’t a personal journal. It was Roy’s alchemic journal. Knowing it would be useless to him, Maes put it back on the desk exactly where he found it.

Maes took it to the next level of invasive. Once the books on the shelf over the bed proved to be nothing but school books with Roy’s gun case acting like a book end, he opened the closet. The only surprise in there was a couple of Xing outfits hidden at the back and a picture of Roy and some young girl with honey-gold hair standing outside a large house. Roy looked irritated. Maes was beginning to think that was his only expression.

He wondered why the photo was hidden. The rest of the closet was typical hopeful teenaged boy, a few hair products, a shaving set - did he ever see Roy use it? - a small bottle of cologne and a box of prophylactics. That didn’t surprise Maes. He knew Roy liked girls in spite of professing to like Maes’ kiss. The same could be said of Maes.

Maybe Roy was hoping to forget the kiss or was totally baffled by it. Maes could understand the latter. Despairing of getting a good clue from Roy’s side of the room, Maes flopped on his bed with the latest two pound sleeping pill from composition class. Roy would be home soon since it was getting late and he didn’t want to get caught snooping.

By the time Roy did get in, Maes' eyelids were getting heavy. He roused himself slightly as Roy sat down at his desk to take off his boots. Looking at his journal, then over at Maes, Roy asked, "Did you read this?"

Maes tried to look nonchalant as his eyes flicked over to Roy. “Isn’t that your journal? You told me alchemists code their journals. I couldn’t read it even if I wanted to.”

Roy grunted, getting his boots off. “True.”

“Are all the codes different?” Maes asked, figuring leaping right into the big discussion might not be in his best interest.

Roy nodded, shucking off the jacket. “Each to his own. It’s how we guard our secrets. I use fairy tales for now, probably change that. I’ve sort of outgrown it.”

“Why fairy tales?”

“Lots of references for my code, for one.” Roy got up and took his journal over to his bed. “And Dad used to read them to me. He died when I was about eight. I went to live with Teacher a year later and he got me journaling. I guess the fairy tales are my best memories of Dad.”

“That’s actually nice, Roy. Maybe you shouldn’t mess with that,” Maes said and Roy shrugged. “Your family’s all gone, aren’t they?”

“No, actually I have an older half sister. She was barely old enough to survive on her own when Mom left the year after Dad died. Bryony couldn’t take care of me so I was sent to live with Teacher. Bry and I are just getting to know each other again.” Roy’s eyes took on a wistful look.

“Your mom left you?” Maes asked, shocked.

Roy’s eyes widened as if he hadn’t realized he’d let that secret slip. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Maes knew this was not a subject to push. “Okay. I have trouble talking about my family, too. My parents and kid sister died in a house fire. I was on a camping trip with some friends from home.” It hurt to think about it but Maes thought since Roy had opened up so much it was the least he could do to show he trusted his roommate.

“I’m so sorry,” Roy said, his voice soft. “No wonder you’re not a fan of my alchemy.”

Maes snorted. “You know, I never thought about it that way. And it’s not that I don’t like it, Roy. I’m just a little leery.”

“Understandable.” Roy’s brow furrowed. “How did we got on this depressing topic?”

Maes made a face. It was getting depressing. “You and your journal.” Maes dragged a hand through his hair. “I think we’re avoiding the thing we know we need to talk about.”

Roy scowled, peeling off his socks. He stared at his toes as if he could find what he needed there. “We really do, don’t we?”

“I think we have no choice. I made things terribly uncomfortable.”

Roy bobbed his head. “A little, yeah. You took me by surprise. I thought you liked girls.”

“I do,” Maes said softly.

“So do I,” Roy said so quietly that Maes nearly missed it. “I’ve lost some of that night to the alcohol but I remember telling you I liked your kiss.”

Maes sat up straighter, leaning over his knees. “You did.”

Roy took a few deep breaths and Maes thought he was going to shut down on him. “I meant it and I’m still not sure why. I... I’ve never felt this way about another man.” Roy broke off, sucking in his bottom lip.

“If it helps, I’m facing the same dilemma,” Maes said, frustration in his voice.

Roy’s eyes cut over to him. “It’s confusing and a little frightening.”

Maes nodded. “I agree.”

“Maes, what you said that night...”

“Roy, I didn’t mean to put any pressure on you,” Maes interrupted quickly.

Roy gave him a supremely pissed look. Interrupting wasn’t appreciated. “I wanted to say that I was afraid you’d chalk it up to being drunk and that...” His lip trembled. “It would have hurt, like I was a cheap mistake.”

Maes was taken aback by that. Roy’s tone spoke of past pain. Maes took a risk and got up, sitting next to Roy. The young man pushed away from him uneasily. “It was no mistake, Roy.”

Roy didn’t say anything. Maes leaned forward and kissed him. Roy stiffened for a moment then relaxed. Maes pulled Roy closer and the smaller boy seemed to melt into him. He caressed the roof of Roy’s mouth with his tongue until Roy’s hand pushed against Maes’ chest.

Maes let him go. Roy curled his arms around his chest protectively, leaning back against the cinder block wall. “Are you okay, Roy?”

“We were supposed to talk.” There was a strange bitterness to his voice. “I have to know, Maes, why me?”

Maes cocked his head. “I’m not sure I understand the question. Do I need more than what I’ve already said? I like you.”

“You’re popular. I know I’m not. Popular kids don’t normally make friends with people like me,” Roy said softly, not looking at Maes.

Maes tipped Roy’s chin up. “You are smart, handsome and caring. Those qualities alone make you a good person to be with. Okay, you might get a little lazy if the work isn’t something you like doing and you suck at darts and pool, but all in all you’re a good guy, Roy.”

Roy’s lips skinned back. “You’re the one of the few people who might think that.”

“I don’t believe that.” Maes shook his head but, in truth, he did. He heard all the jokes people made about Roy.

Roy hunched against the medicinal-green painted cinder blocked wall. “It’s true. People...all they see is that I’m an alchemist or they never even get past my eyes to learn even that much about me.”

“Your eyes? They’re ni...oh, you mean because your family tree contains a few non-Amestrian branches.” Maes’ own eyes narrowed, knowing where this was going.

“That matters to some people.” The sting of prejudice had obviously left its scars on Roy.

Maes felt bad for him. Kids could be so cruel. Adults were often little better. “Not to me,” he assured Roy.

“So I ask you again, why does the popular, fun guy from our class want me? Because if this is some cruel joke, if you plan on making an ass out of me in front of everyone, just get it over with now. Or better yet, don’t. It’s hard enough without them thinking I’m lusting after some guy who thinks it’s funny.” Roy’s voice was a bare growl.

“You think I’d do that to someone? Set them up like that?” Maes grumbled, hurt that Roy could even imagine he’d set him up for ridicule.

“I don’t know.” Roy’s fists balled up against his chest. “I didn’t think Julia would either but she did.”

“Julia?” Maes brow knitted, trying to remember a Julia, or this sort of drama at the academy.

Roy’s tongue peeked out to moisten his lips. “She was a friend of Riza’s.”

“Riza? She’s your teacher’s kid, right?” Maes said, almost blurting out ‘the girl in the photo.’

Roy nodded. “I hardly ever see her because she’s away at school. She’s cute...sweet. Teacher doesn’t like me looking at her. So I was looking at her friend, Julia. She was the popular girl at Riza’s school. I thought she liked me, I really did.”

Maes put his hand on Roy’s shoulder. “What did she do, buddy?”

“She kept leading me on, letting me think I was her boyfriend. I didn’t go to their school, didn’t know that she had a boyfriend and everyone was laughing at me. Riza tried to warn me but I thought she was jealous...blew her off. Then Julia asked me to their big school dance...I went, suit, flowers, everything you’re supposed to do and she was there with him . It felt like the whole world was laughing at me.” Roy’s lip trembled at the terrible memories. “All I can remember is Julia asking me what a little half-breed like me thought I was doing there? Then Riza...it turned into a huge cat fight. I didn’t stick around for that. Guess Riza did a number on her, got expelled for a week.” The subtle smile that flirted with Roy’s lips told Maes that Roy had very much enjoyed Riza riding to his rescue. He wanted to meet this girl some day.

Maes grimaced. He wanted to send Riza a thank you for at least trying. “I would never do anything like that, Roy, not to anyone. No one deserves being humiliated like that. I kissed you because I....” Maes floundered. Words were always so easy for him so why was this hard? “I like you, okay? Don’t know why or how it happened but I do. Is that so hard to believe?”

Roy’s eyes glistened with tears. “When your own mother tosses you out because you aren’t good enough, yes.”

Maes had no idea what to say to that. His throat felt tight. What would make Roy even think such a thing? “Surely that wasn’t why she sent you to your teacher.”

“I said I didn’t want to talk about it...but I’m the one who brought it up so maybe I do.” Roy scrubbed the back of his hand over his eyes. “We’re Zheng clan, used to be important but somehow ended up on the outs with the emperor. While Mom was here raising me and Bryony, she received notice that the Zheng were back in favor. Bry wasn’t her kid so she didn’t much care for her anyhow. Me, she told me no one back home would want a half breed kid, that she couldn’t afford to be seen with a kid like me. Zheng Yu-zhen had a reputation to uphold, after all. She just left me with Dad’s friend, Teacher. Dad knew a little alchemy, that’s how he met Mr. Hawkeye. Mom, she just didn’t want a bastard son holding her back socially when she went home. I was...disposable.”

Maes let out a stream of air slowly so he wouldn’t scream. How could any woman do that to her child? What sort of heartless bitch was she? His parents would have done anything to never leave his side. They hadn’t had a choice. Zheng Yu-zhen willingly turned from her child like he was a worn out shoe. Maes maneuvered so he could sit, back to the wall, next to Roy. He looked down at the smaller youth, slithering an arm between the wall and the small of Roy’s back. “No one is disposable. The military might disagree with me, Roy, but no one is. You’re not. I hate that anyone could make you feel that worthless because you’re not.”

Roy let himself lean on Maes’ shoulder. “I feel like I’m about to cry like a girl.”

“That’s okay. I’ve been running around the last few days worrying like one so I’m not likely to say anything.” Maes smiled softly.

Roy made a sound between a laugh and a cry. “That’s what I like about you, Maes. You make me laugh.” Roy looked at Maes for a moment then reached up and drew Maes down. Maes thought Roy was going to kiss him but he had a cat in the headlights look about him as if unsure what he should do. Roy gave into his feelings and kissed Maes.

Maes made it short but tender. Roy shot him a hurt look when Maes pulled away. Maes stroked Roy’s cheek. “You are so vulnerable right now, I don’t want to take advantage of you. Even if we both want this...waiting might be better.”

Roy licked his lips again, not nervous this time, not sensual either, like a thoughtful expression. Maes had noticed previously Roy did tend to curl his tongue against his top lip when he concentrated on writing in his journal. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Maes leaned in and kissed his forehead. “It’s almost lights out. We should get ready for bed.”

Roy just nodded disinterestedly as he got up and padded to his closet to get his shower kit.

“And Roy, I won’t say anything about Julia or your mother to anyone. Ever,” Maes promised.

Roy’s hand hesitated as he reached for the kit. He looked back at Maes. “Thanks, Maes.”

“That’s no one’s business but I’m glad you shared it with me.” Maes’ nose wrinkled. “Glad’s not the right word.”

“I know what you mean. Thank you for listening and not judging.”

“Any time, Roy, and I mean that.” Maes flashed a lopsided grin.

Roy smiled broadly, a sight so unusual Maes didn’t know what to do for a second. “Thanks and it goes both ways.”

“Thanks.”

They both took a moment to compose themselves then headed for the communal showers. There’d be at least a dozen boys trying to fight into the shower stalls at this time of night and they couldn’t afford to look disturbed or upset. Maes tried not to feel elated. They had just cleared a major hurdle and he felt amazingly good in spite of all the revelations. There was no where to go now but up.