Boys in Blue Fan Track

[cornerofmadness]

art by Hiromu Arakawa, graphic by evil_little_dog and COM (thanks for the help ELD)


1.
must’ve dreamed a thousand dreams
Been haunted by a million screams
But I can hear the marching feet
They’re moving into the street.

Now did you read the news today
They say the dangers gone away
But I can see the fires still alight
There burning into the night.

There’s too many men
Too many people
Making too many problems
And not much love to go round
Cant you see
This is a land of confusion.

This is the world we live in
And these are the hands were given
Use them and lets start trying
To make it a place worth living in.

Ooh superman where are you now
When everything’s gone wrong somehow
The men of steel, the men of power
Are losing control by the hour.

This is the time
This is the place
So we look for the future
But there’s not much love to go round
Tell me why, this is a land of confusion.

This is the world we live in
And these are the hands were given
Use them and lets start trying
To make it a place worth living in.

I remember long ago -
Ooh when the sun was shining
Yes and the stars were bright
All through the night
And the sound of your laughter
As I held you tight
So long ago -

I wont be coming home tonight
My generation will put it right
Were not just making promises
That we know, well never keep.

Too many men
Theres too many people
Making too many problems
And not much love to go round
Cant you see
This is a land of confusion.

Now this is the world we live in
And these are the hands were given
Use them and lets start trying
To make it a place worth fighting for.

This is the world we live in
And these are the names were given
Stand up and lets start showing
Just where our lives are going to.


2.
The wild boys are calling
On their way back from the fire
In august moon's surrender to
A dust cloud on the rise
Wild boys fallen far from glory
Reckless and so hungered
On the razors edge you trail
Because there's murder by the roadside
In a sore afraid new world

They tried to break us,
Looks like they'll try again

Wild boys never lose it
Wild boys never chose this way
Wild boys never close your eyes
Wild boys always shine

You got sirens for a welcome
There's bloodstain for your pain
And your telephone been ringing while
You're dancing in the rain
Wild boys wonder where is glory
Where is all you angels
Now the figureheads have fell
And lovers war with arrows over
Secrets they could tell

They tried to tame you
Looks like they'll try again

Wild boys never lose it
Wild boys never chose this way
Wild boys never close your eyes
Wild boys always shine


3.

Yeah the big boss man, he likes to crack that whip
I ain't nothing but a number on his timecard slip,
I give him 40 hours and a piece of my soul,
Puts me somewhere at the bottom of his totem pole,
Hell I don't even think he knows my name...

(Chorus)
Well all week long I'm a real nobody,
But I just punched out and its paycheck Friday,
Weekends here, good God almighty,
I'm going to get drunk and be somebody
Yeah, yeah, yeah...

My baby cuts hair at a beauty boutique,
Just blowin' and goin' till she dead on her feet,
They walk right in and sit right down,
She gives them what they want and then she spins them around,
Hey I don't think they even know her name...

(Chorus)
All week long she's a real nobody,
but I just picked her up and its paycheck Friday,
Weekends here, good God almighty,
Baby lets get drunk and be somebody
Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Well just average people, in an everyday bar,
driving from work in our ordinary cars,
and I like to come here with the regular Joes,
drink all you want, be the star of the star
of the show

(Chorus)
All week long bunch of real nobodies,
but we just punched out and its paycheck Friday,
Weekends here, good God almighty,
People lets get drunk (lets get drunk!)
All week long we're some real nobodies,
but we just punched out and its paycheck Friday,
Weekends here, good God almighty,
People lets get drunk and be somebody
Yeah, yeah, yeah...

4.
Well Momma was exhausted after she had me,
it took two nurses to hold me, one nurse to slap me.
Doctor turned to momma and shook his head,
wiped the sweat off his brow, and then he said ,
"This boy is way off the charts, as far as I can tell,
ooo bpppp momma he's a double X L!"

By second grade I was 5' 2"!
By fifth grade I was wearing a size 12 shoe!
In eighth grade I was shopping at the, Big and Tall,
and the coaches had me playing High School football.
Uncle Roy said "Boy you'll make the NFL!
ooo bbppp son, you're a double XL!"

Double XL, Double XL!
Dont call me on the phone just ring my dinner bell.
Double XL Double XL!
I’m a lean, mean, love machine that likes to be held,
ooo bbbppp baby Im a double XL!

Here we go!

Country cuties in Texas,
string bikinis in Florida,
Barbie Dolls driving Lexus, out in California.
A skinny little pretty boy ain't what they wanna hold,
they want a real man with meat on his bones!
I'll yank their Yankees, ring their Southern Belles,
they say "ooo bbbppp we love a double XL!"

(Chorus)

Double XL solo!

Well double XL double XL
Dont call me on the phone just ring my dinner bell!
Double XL, double XL!
Im a lean mean love machine that likes to be held,
ooo bppp baby Im a double XL!
Well if you have any doubts
you can see for yourself,
why all the girls love a double XL
ooo bppp yeah Im a double XL!
YEAAAH!

Oh boy!

Triple XL too!


5.

We don't like to go out shoppin',
We don't care what's on sale.
We just want to sit with a bag full of chips,
Watchin' the NFL.
When you come over at half-time,
An' say: "Does this dress fit too tight?"
We just look you in the eye with a big fat lie,
An say:"Uh, uh: Looks just right."

Well, that's the truth about men.
Yeah, that's the truth about us.
We like to hunt and golf on our days off,
Scratch, an' spit, an cuss.
It don't matter what line we hand you,
When we come draggin' in.
We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen again.

We hate watchin' "Steel Magnolias".
We like "Rambo" an' "Die Hard 4".
Jump up and down like fools when we see the new tools,
At the Home Depot store.
We don't really wanna take you to dinner,
At some fancy restaurant.
The only reason we do is 'cause we know it leads to,
The one thing that we all want.

Well, that's the truth about men.
Yeah, that's the truth about guys.
We'd rather play guitars and work on cars,
Than work on the problems in our lives.
An' though we might say it to you,
Every now and then,
We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen again.

Well, if you want to know what we're all thinkin',
It's nothing too complex.
It's just somethin' cold for drinkin',
And a whole lot of s-e......

Yes, that's the truth about men.
Yeah, that's the truth about us. We like to hunt and golf an' drive around, lost,
Scratch, an' spit, an' a whole lot of other disgustin' stuff.
It don't matter what line we hand you,
When we come a-crawlin' in.
We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen again.

We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen;
Sure, it's gonna happen;
You know it's gonna happen again.
An' that's the truth about men.

You know it, son.


6.
I cant remember anything
Cant tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel to scream
This terrible silence stops me

Now that the war is through with me
Im waking up I can not see
That there is not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god, wake me

Back in the womb its much too real
In pumps life that I must feel
But cant look forward to reveal
Look to the time when Ill live

Fed through the tube that sticks in me
Just like a wartime novelty
Tied to machines that make me be
Cut this life off from me

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god, wake me
Now the world is gone
Im just one
Oh god,
help me hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God help me

Darkness imprisoning me
All that I see
Absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell

Landmine has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell


7.
Step by step
Heart to heart
Left, right, left
We all fall down
Like toy soldiers

It wasn't my intention to mislead you
It never should have been this way
What can I say

It's true, I did extend the invitation
I never knew how long you'd stay
When you hear temptation call
It's your heart that takes, takes the fall

(Won't you come out and play with me)

(Chorus)
Step by step
Heart to heart
Left, right, left
We all fall down
Like toy soldiers
Bit by bit
Torn apart
We never win
But the battle wages on
For Toy soldiers

It's getting hard to wake up in the morning
My head is spinning constantly
How can it be?

How could I be so blind to this addiction?
If I don't stop, the next one's gonna be me

Only emptiness remains
It replaces all, all the pain

(Won't you come out and play with me)

(Chorus)

(We never win)

Only emptiness remains
It replaces all, all the pain

(Won't you come out and play with me)


8.

Listen, children, to a story
That was written long ago,
'Bout a kingdom on a mountain
And the valley-folk below.

On the mountain was a treasure
Buried deep beneath the stone,
And the valley-people swore
They'd have it for their very own.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.

So the people of the valley
Sent a message up the hill,
Asking for the buried treasure,
Tons of gold for which they'd kill.

Came an answer from the kingdom,
"With our brothers we will share
All the secrets of our mountain,
All the riches buried there."

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.

Now the valley cried with anger,
"Mount your horses! Draw your sword!"
And they killed the mountain-people,
So they won their just reward.
Now they stood beside the treasure,
On the mountain, dark and red.
Turned the stone and looked beneath it...
"Peace on Earth" was all it said.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.

9.


Wait until the war is over
And we're both a little older
The unknown soldier

Breakfast where the news is read
Television children fed
Unborn living, living, dead
Bullet strikes the helmet's head

And it's all over
For the unknown soldier
It's all over
For the unknown soldier

Hut
Hut
Hut ho hee up
Hut
Hut
Hut ho hee up
Hut
Hut
Hut ho hee up
Comp'nee
Halt
Preeee-zent!
Arms!

Make a grave for the unknown soldier
Nestled in your hollow shoulder
The unknown soldier

Breakfast where the news is read
Television children fed
Bullet strikes the helmet's head

And, it's all over
The war is over
It's all over, the war is over
Well, all over, baby
All over, baby
Oh, over, yeah, all over, baby
Wooooo, hah-hahAll over, all over, baby
Oh, woa-yeah
All over, all over
Heeeeyyyy

10.
This bloody road remains a mystery
This sudden darkness fills the air
What are we waiting for?
Won't anybody help us?
What are we waiting for?
We can't afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy
It's a do or die situation
We will be invincible

This shattered dream you cannot justify
We're gonna scream until we're satisified
What are we running for?
We've got the right to be angry
What are we running for?
When there's no where we can run to anymore

We can't afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy
It's a do or die situation
We will be invincible
And with the power of conviction
There is no sacrifice
It's a do or die situation
We will be invincible

Won't anybody help us?
What are we running for?
When there's no where, no where we can run to anymore

We can't afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy
It's a do or die situation
We will be invincible
And with the power of conviction
There is no sacrifice
It's a do or die situation
We will be invincible

11.


Standing in a circle the wolves have come
But they won't bother her, no
'Cause dancing with her hands of leaves she'll sing for them
And ease their hungerin'
She's a quiet warrior.

Standing at the ocean's stony shores
The waves all worship her
She stands in trust and lets the night swallow her
Because she knows that she's a piece of the sun
And a quiet warrior.

You ask her where from the wind blows
She'll say it's how the sky sings
And you ask her how does the sun rise
She'll say 'cause you desire it to be seen
And you ask her how does she make your heart fly
And she'll tell you, you know why
She's your quiet warrior.

Ravens they rest on his golden crown
And steal your soul
He smiles and it feels like you've known him
Yes it feels like coming home
He's a quiet warrior.

And roaring silently he's a lion
And he'll hunt for you
His eyes are warm because his hands they are made of light
And they seduce your soul
He's a quiet warrior.
You ask him where from the wind blows
He says that the earth breathes
And you ask him how does the sun rise
He'll say that she's got wings
And you ask him how does he make your heart fly
And he'll tell you, you know why
He's your quiet warrior.


12.

Wake up, oh wake up, don't sleep, please
I had another one of those dreams
Where your feet are bound together
And the tin man is spinning again
Hold my hand, I will stand as the world turns around me
Lock the door to the yard or the wind is bound
To blow my fragile anchors away
Chorus:
Who's gonna carry the blame?
Who's gonna take up the campaign
When these injured streets are bleeding?
Politicians in command are washing their hands
Gotta tend the marching bands
When the battered streets are
When the battered streets are
When the battered streets are bleeding
And I am losing my hold
There are soldiers in the hallway
They will break down these walls
There's apparitions behind the bedroom blinds
There is black ink in the bathroom sink
If the gunmen don't let her go
Or the snake outside will swallow the house
(Chorus)
And I know you will try
But you cannot protect me
From these shadows inside
'Cause these dreams I have are so much bigger
Than the blade of a knife or a shotgun's trigger
If the gunmen don't let her go
Or the snake outside will swallow the house
(Chorus)
Chorus:
Who's gonna carry the blame?
Who's gonna take up the campaign?
When the battered streets are
When the battered streets are
When the battered streets are bleeding

13.

What makes you go abroad fighting for strangers
When you could be safe at home free from all dangers?
A recruiting sergeant came our way
To an Inn nearby at the close of day
He said young Johnny you're a fine young man
Would you like to march along behind a military band,
With a scarlet coat and a big cocked hat,
And a musket at your shoulder,
The shilling he took and he kissed the book,
Oh poor Johnny what will happen to ya?
The recruiting sergeant marched away
From the Inn nearby at the break of day,
Johnny went too with half a ring
He was off to be a soldier he'd be fighting for the King
In a far off war in a far off land
To face a foreign soldier,
But how will you fare when there's lead in the air,
Oh poor Johnny what'll happen to ya?
What makes you go abroad fighting for strangers
When you could be safe at home free from all dangers?
The sun shone hot on a barren land
As a thin red line took a military stand,
There was sling shot, chain shot, grape shot too,
Swords and bayonets thrusting through,
Poor Johnny fell but the day was won
And the King is grateful to you
But your soldiering's done and they're sending you home,
Oh poor Johnny what have they done to ya?
They said he was a hero and not to grieve
Over two wooden pegs and empty sleeves,
They carried him home and set him down
With a military pension and a medal from the crown.
You haven't an arm and you haven't a leg,
The enemy nearly slew you,
You'll have to go out on the streets to beg,
Oh poor Johnny what have they done to ya?
What makes you go abroad fighting for strangers
When you could be safe at home free from all dangers?


14.

Didn't I make you proud
Go and lay my life down
When you called my name
I thought I stood for something
Was doing the right thing when I went away
Now being back should be so simple
But I keep getting mixed signals from everyone
Why do people sit and judge me
Who I ain't seen what I seen or did what I've done

Didn't I burn, didn't I bleed enough for you
I faced your fears
Felt pain so you won't have to
Ya didn't I do my best
And wasn't home here when I left

I've seen boys fall to pieces
Grown men cry out for Jesus
Til there black and blue
I thought God was on your side
Weren't we suppose to be the good guys
That would never lose
Cause I don't see no ticker tape or five mile parades
Sayin "Thank You son"
Just folks that sit and judge me
Who ain't seen or did what I've done

Didn't I burn, didn't I bleed enough for you
I faced your fears
Felt the pain so you won't have to
Ya didn't I do my best
And wasn't home here when I left



CD liner Notes

1. Land of Confusion – This sums up very nicely the state of Amestris and the soldiers that both protect and tear it down.

2. Wild Boys – ‘Wild boys never chose this way’ – I think Maria and the boys can really relate to this, not to mention Roy, Riza, Armstrong and Hughes. The violence of a soldier’s life comes across here.


3. Get Drunk and Be Somebody –This soundtrack could have been relentlessly dark so there are a few songs that speak to the men and not their profession that are a little lighter. This is one of those especially since there are plenty of pictures of the boys letting their hair down.

4. XXL – Still in the light vein this song sums up Major Armstrong. ‘all the girls love a double XL’


5. Truth about Men – A song to make Maria and Riza roll their eyes. I’m sure Mustang is singing along with the rest of the boys.

6. One – Given Havoc’s fate in the manga, this song from my youth sprung to mind, a horribly injured soldier wishing for release.


7. Toy Soldiers – While Martika’s song has nothing technically to do with soldiers, they can easily relate to watching their comrades fall one by one.

8. One Tin Soldier (The Legend of Billy Jack) –suggested by evil_little_dog, this childhood song about war fit very well.


9. Unknown Soldier – I came across this Doors song while researching the soundtrack and it just fits the fate of the boys in blue so well.

10. Invincible – This defines the attitude the boys in blue need to have to make it through what is coming.


11. Quiet Warrior – Maria needed a song to separate her from the boys and this one captures her well.

12. Erin – ‘When the battered streets are bleeding,’ you would expect the Irish to have a few songs about battles and this one didn’t disappoint.


13. Fighting for Strangers – Every soldier knows this feeling.

14. Didn’t I – For all their sacrifices, soldiers are often met with hatreds at home for their trouble, leaving them wondering what they did wrong. This song catches that sad state of affairs all too well.


And the stories inspired by the soundtrack



Didn’t I?
A Fantrack Song
D M Evans
Disclaimer - not mine, all characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, Square Enix and funimition. I don’t make a profit
Pairing - none, not even any implied, Armstrong centric
Time Line - Fresh out of Ishbal manga verse
Summary - Strongarm finds he’s not as alone in his soft-heartedness as he thought
Rating – PG-13
Author’s Note – Written for the Boys in Blue fantrack, inspired by Montgomery Gentry’s Didn’t I? thanks to >lj user="evil_little_dog" for the beta and thanks to mjules for the encouragement

Deep down, he knew this was a bad idea but how could he tell his father no? For the most part, he adored his father; his whole family but try as he might Alex Louis couldn’t ignore the fact his dad was a blowhard. He would surely start in on how grand the military was when he was on active duty and how soldiers today couldn’t measure up.

When Philip Armstrong would get on that track, Alex Louis knew the man would spare him an accusatory, disappointed glare. He didn’t need to be told that he was a failure to the Armstrong line. Alex Louis already knew that. His older sister hadn’t hesitated to do her duty in Ishbal and she was a colonel already. He had been sent home in disgrace. No one came out and said it but they all knew his career was as dead as the Ishbalans. He’d resign right now but his father wouldn’t hear of it. It was easier to capitulate than argue with the Armstrong patriarch and it wasn’t as if he knew what to do with himself outside of the military. Granted, as an Armstrong he didn’t need to work but Alex Louis felt uncomfortable with a life of leisure.

What he hoped for most for tonight was that his family didn’t embarrass him too much. As much as he loved them, he knew others found his relatives overbearing. Alex Louis headed towards the door, hearing the bell. He was somehow uncomfortable with the maid answering the door. Maybe it was all the jokes he endured about his wealth in Ishbal. He never heard Mustang participating in those jokes. Flame had enough of his own hurtful jokes to endure. Alex Louis didn’t beat Lucia, the maid, to the door. She opened it to reveal a rather shell-shocked looking newly promoted lieutenant colonel, a rank worthy of Mustang’s exalted status as a hero of Ishbal.

Alex Louis knew the reason his father wanted to invite Mustang to dinner was to rub elbows with an acknowledged hero. The Armstrongs knew how to keep their family affluent and knowing the right people was key. As for Mustang’s shell-shocked look, well, that was something Alex Louis was used to seeing in the eyes of first-time visitors to the palatial Armstrong manor.

“Greetings Lieutenant Colonel Mustang,” Alex Louis rumbled. “Thank you for joining us for dinner.”

“Thanks for inviting me.” Mustang’s head swiveled quickly, trying to take in all the marble flooring, ornate bannisters and fine art that made the Armstrong home a show place. “This is fantastic. I had no idea that when you talk about the Armstrong family that you meant this .”

Alex Louis nodded. As much as he talked about his family, he limited it to their accomplishments, not their wealth. It occurred to him that he knew nothing about Mustang’s family. He’d heard unkind things rumored around the encampments in Ishbal about the little alchemist’s mother being part of the exotic prostitute trade that seemed to be all that was left of the Xing population once the train stopped running between their respective countries. Alex Louis didn’t know if it was true nor did he care. He admired his fellow alchemist.

“The home has been in the Armstrong family for generations,” he said proudly.

“It’s beautiful.” Mustang went over to peer closely at a forest scene oil painting.

“Thank you,” Armstrong said. “Dinner will be starting soon.”

“Well, thanks again for inviting me,” Mustang replied.

“It was Father’s idea,” Alex Louis said then realized how that sounded. “I’d rather have gotten together over drinks.”

“We could always do that,” Roy said, something in his eyes suggesting he’d have preferred that option to the one facing him.

Alex Louis smiled. He didn’t have all that many friends and Mustang seemed like a good one to have. Just then one of his sisters popped out of the sun room, grinned then disappeared back inside. Mustang glanced over at him. “That was Catharine, my youngest sister. She’s a little shy.”

“She’s a cute kid,” Mustang said, his eyes tracking Catherine’s path.

“Yes, we’re all very fond of her, though I don’t believe she’ll be following me and our older sisters into the military. She also has no interest in alchemy,” Alex Louis said, feeling a little protective of the youngest Armstrong.

“I guess it’s not for everyone. Alchemy can get a little dull even when you have a passion for it,” Mustang replied with brutal honesty.

“The Armstrongs have been alchemists for generations.” Alex Louis kept his ‘I think my parents are disappointed’ to himself but it was probably obvious from his tone. “And in the military just as long. My older sister, Adaliz, will be taking dinner with us.”

“Wasn’t she just promoted?” Mustang asked.

“Yes.” Alex Louis gestured for Mustang to enter the dining room. The small alchemist hung back once he stepped over the threshold, his eyes roaming over the room. Philip Armstrong sat at the head of the table with his wife next to him. Adaliz sat next to her mother, leaving the other side of the immense table for her brother and his guest. The Armstrongs stood to greet Mustang.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lieutenant Colonel Mustang.” Philip held out his hand and Mustang shook it, repeating the gesture with the female half of the family.

“Thank you inviting me. This is an amazing home,” Mustang replied as Philip indicated for everyone to sit.

“You served with my brother in Ishbal, did you not, Mustang?” Adaliz’s eyes raked over the alchemist.

Mustang glanced over at Alex Louis and Strongarm was certain then that he saw what he suspected he had seen back in Ishbal; self-loathing, regret, pain. It was one of the reasons he didn’t protest when his father suggested this dinner party. Alex Louis was convinced Mustang had felt the same way about the war as he had. “Yes, ma’am, I did.”

“Please, call me Adaliz,” she replied and Alex Louis saw a predatory look in his sister’s blue eyes. From the rabbit before a hawk look on Mustang’s face, his fellow alchemist saw it, too. “Your alchemy is...unusual. Is it a family secret?”

“No, I’m the lone alchemist in my family. Well, I think so. I don’t know much about dad’s side of the family...or Mother’s either.” Mustang made a face. “We didn’t have strong family ties like your family does. I studied with Mr. Hawkeye. My flame alchemy is his family’s secret though, he never seemed interested in his only child learning it.”

“Hawkeye?” Alex Louis’ eyebrows climbed. “I did not know you knew her prior to her being assigned in our region.”

“You know these people, son?” Philip asked as if surprised Alex Louis had any interest at all in the military.

“I know the man’s daughter, mostly by reputation. She was only a cadet but her sharp shooting skills quickly became a thing of legend,” Alex Louis replied.

“Her father charged me with taking care of her. I think he’d be very disappointed how that turned out.” Mustang sighed. “He was not a fan of the military.”

“Foolish man. The military is a fine institution,” Philip replied, then launched into the military’s ‘golden years,’ in other words when he was on active duty. The diatribe went on throughout dinner with occasional input from Alex Louis’ mother, pleading with her husband to stop bragging. Adaliz made several barely veiled comments, enough that Alex Louis didn’t doubt Mustang was probably sizing up his chances against a girl of Adaliz’s fine, tall stature. Alex Louis was of a mind that Mustang was too willowy for his sister. He looked delicate. Maybe the alchemist could stand a few lessons in the traditional Armstrong morning exercise regime.

Alex Louis’ father started winding down by the time dessert was over. Both his mother and Adaliz were fretting over how little Mustang ate though the alchemist had an ‘I’m stuffed’ look on his face and he kept protesting that the food was splendid and he enjoyed it. Alex Louis had kept relatively silent throughout the dinner, not sure what to say. His father was praising heros all the way to the clouds. Mustang was one and he...was anything but. Alex Louis didn’t feel as if he had a place in this conversation.

He missed the thread of his father’s latest conversational tidbit, only picking up when he heard, “I just wish Alex Louis would have understood better the reasons for following military command’s lead. Orders are there for a reason.” Alex Louis stared at the table, wishing his father wouldn’t feel the need to share his disappointment in him with Mustang.

Mustang pushed aside his after dinner glass of wine. “Actually, sir, many times I wished I had followed Strongarm’s lead. It takes a lot more courage to stand up to bad orders and refuse to carry them out than it is to blindly follow them.”

Both Alex Louis and Philip stared at Mustang, stunned. Adaliz made a sound that showed her disdain for that idea.

“Your son wasn’t wrong in thinking that the military shouldn’t be killing children.” Mustang looked like he wanted to say more but then decided it wasn’t in his best interests to be so forthcoming with a family that could potentially report that to people who could hurt him, the way Alex Louis knew he had been hurt.

Philip grunted, resting his hands on his expansive belly. “I suppose you have a point there.”

The rest of the conversation strayed onto less politically charged topics. After the evening wound down and Mustang left, Alex Louis was left wondering just how many others wished they could have just said no to their orders. Maybe it wasn’t a weakness after all.

X X X

Clouds of smoke swirled around him and Alex Louis remembered why he wasn’t a fan of pubs. He spotted Mustang in a corner, looking positively grim over his glass of whiskey. Mustang hadn’t seen him yet. The empty stare was something Alex Louis had seen on too many faces in the desert, the look of a haunted man.

“Mustang,” Alex Louis said before joining the man at his table.

Mustang’s head jerked up, startled. “Oh, sorry, Armstrong. I sort of got started without you.”

Alex Louis could see from the look in Mustang’s clouded eyes he had more than got started. A couple more and the slender man wouldn’t be able to walk home. “That’s all right.”

“Thanks again for inviting me to dinner,” Mustang said as the waitress headed their way.

“I apologize if my father came across as overbearing,” Alex Louis said then gave his order to the waitress who sped off.

“That’s all right.”

Alex Louis sighed, wishing that were entirely true. It might be unfair to bring this up now, given that Mustang was drunk but he felt he needed to. “Thank you for standing up for my decision.”

Mustang downed the remaining whiskey in his glass in one powerful shot. “No thanks needed. I meant it.”

“Well, it was appreciated any way.”

“I didn’t think it wise to mention in front of your sister and father but, the things they had us doing.” He shook his head. “It was wrong. I knew it. You knew it. We all did. That wasn’t war. It was annihilation.” Mustang’s voice was as insubstantial as the smoke around them. Alex Louis had to strain to hear him.

“There was...no call for it,” Alex Louis agreed, remembering the dead child he had held in his arms, a child he had killed.

“And we didn’t kill them all. The ones that survived...may not be as broken as Command would like to think,” Mustang whispered. “And our own people, if they had any idea would hate us. This can never happen again. I want to see that this is never even dreamt of again.”

“Then I’m glad you didn’t do what I did,” Alex Louis rumbled. “You and I both know I’m done for. If you had followed suit, you wouldn’t have fared half as well. I know I’m not imprisoned because of who my family is.”

Mustang frowned at his glass, glaring when he remembered it was empty. “I’m sure.”

“You are in the position to rise,” Alex Louis said.

The young lieutenant colonel nodded, leaning forward. “That’s my plan. Some day I want to be fuhrer and I want things like Ishbal to never happen again.”

Alex Louis didn’t know if it was the alcohol making Mustang talk so dangerously or if he meant it. He decided it was probably both and he did something he rarely did; he made a hasty decision. “Whatever you need me to do to help, I will. You can call on me.”

Mustang smiled. “I’ll always remember that.” He sat back as the waitress came with Alex Louis’s beer and Mustang put in another order for whiskey.

The thrust of the conversation changed to things of a far less serious nature but Alex Louis would always remember the look of sheer determination in Mustang’s eyes and of the promise he made to help him. Alex Louis didn’t know where that would take him but he was willing to make the journey.




Imprisoned
a fantrack story
D M Evans
Disclaimer - not mine, all characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, Square Enix and funimition. I don’t make a profit
Rating - Pg-13
Pairing - Havoc centric, implied Roy/Riza
Time Line - Post ch 38 of the manga and contains heavy spoilers for that and ch 39 and beyond
Summary - He never imagined being imprisoned within his own skin.
Author’s Note - This was written for the Boys and Girls in Blue Fantrack based off the song One by Metallica. thanks to >lj user="evil_little_dog" for the beta and thanks to mjules for the encouragement

It was wrong, he thought, to feel this much pain above the waist and absolutely nothing down below. Even with the fog of pain killers, pain knifed through from his burned, punctured side. Tubes ran into him bringing nutrients, ran out of him removing wastes. His life couldn’t go on like this, could it? All these tubes would be pulled out of him surely.

It wasn’t supposed to end up like this. It had to be a nightmare. He was still lying on the filthy floor of that forgotten lab, bleeding to death. Death, it couldn’t be worse than what he’d been sentenced to, could it?

Jean heard a soft noise in the darkness. He glanced over at Mustang who had been ensconced in the neighboring bed so they could be guarded more easily. The doctors were keeping the colonel under a heavy veil of sedation to help with his pain. Jean could only imagine how bad they expected it to be since he knew how much he hurt and they weren’t giving him half as many pain killers. Mustang hadn’t woken up yet but he was talking a little in his sleep. The words didn’t make any sense but the tone suggested whatever the colonel was dreaming of was very ugly.

For all Jean know, the boss was hurt far worse than he was. No one had told him anything. They had barely discussed his own wounds with him, telling him it was too early to tell. Maybe it was just ‘cord shock’ and his legs would work soon but from the looks on the doctors’ faces, Havoc wasn’t buying it. Jean wanted to wake Mustang up and tell him it would be all right because he wanted to hear those words out loud and believe them. He needed to believe it. Maybe he managed the words before he swam away into the sea of pain killers they had filled him with.

When he came back to himself, it was daylight. Mustang was still out and Hawkeye was in the room. Jean was used to seeing her mask her feelings for Mustang. He doubted many even guessed that Hawkeye’s overt impatience with the colonel was mostly an act but Jean had known them for years. Her presence in the room was no surprise to him. He probably should say something to her to break her out of her dark thoughts. Anyone walking into the room would guess immediately she wasn’t just here to guard them. Her fear and affection shone like beacons in her eyes and since she wasn’t looking anywhere near him, it would be clear to anyone who she was concerned about.

Jean couldn’t find his voice. His throat was dry and his lips cracked from lack of water but that wasn’t the problem. He didn’t know what he’d say to Hawkeye. She’d ask how he was and what would he say? Damn lousy? My legs won’t work? They have me pissing into a tube and that might be my fate for the rest of my life? Damn, what if that were the truth? He couldn’t live like this. For a moment, a frisson of hatred bubbled up inside of him for the colonel. Jean knew it wasn’t Mustang’s fault he was hurt but without his superior’s help, he would have bled to death. That might be preferable to life in a wheelchair with a bag of urine hanging off the side of the chair as he vegetated on the porch of some veterans’ home.

He was being ridiculous, Jean knew that much. It was the pain talking. He had always known he could be injured or killed in the line of duty but he wasn’t prepared for this. Losing a limb, he’d be okay. Yes, automail was awkward and attaching it hurt and Jean saw how Ed suffered sometimes. However, most of the time, the boy was just fine. Jean could handle automail but automail required nerves to make it go and that’s what he no longer had. Solaris...Lust, whatever the hell she was, had torn through something vital. The cost had been far higher than Jean could have imagined. What would he tell his parents? He had come through the civil war just fine, if the mental scars it left on a boy too young to be there could be considered just fine, only to end up paralyzed by his would-be girlfriend.

Paralyzed, such a small word for such a big concept. At least, if that was to be his fate, he had parents who loved him and would take care of him. It could be worse. He could be like Ed and his brother, all alone in this world, drifting, depending on a handful of kind adults to lean on during the times they needed to be boys. If Jean couldn’t find the words to tell Hawkeye how bad he was hurt, how in hell would he be able to tell his mom?

He glanced over at the sedated alchemist again. Hawkeye’s eyes had never left her man’s face. Jean could see the devotion. He understood it. In his own way, he felt it and he knew the others did, too. Hawkeye, always at his side even when the colonel was putting on his show of being a womanizing jackass; Hughes who had always called and talked to the colonel about nothing for hours before he, too, had been cut down; Falman, willing to babysit the evil soul-bound armor of a serial murderer at Mustang’s request; Breda and Fuery were loyal in their own ways as well.

Cutting through all the miserable thoughts about what his life would be like, were thoughts of how he had been taken out of the fight. Jean had been willing to risk career and freedom in helping Mustang to rescue Maria Ross. They could have been in a whole hell of a lot of trouble if they had been caught but it had been an ingenious plan. The colonel might look like a shirker half the time but to those on the inside, they knew most of it was a smoke screen. Mustang was smart and the stunt with Ross had proven that. Jean could remember the feel of the heat as he pulled Ross to safety.

He remembered the colonel screaming at him as he lay there drifting in and out, his life pouring out of him. Yes, he was just another of Mustang’s pawns but that didn’t mean the colonel didn’t care about the men who served him. He cared more than most officers would even think to and that just added another level to Jean’s gut-wrenching disappointment. He had failed to stay the course. He wouldn’t be there helping to clear the path to the top. At least he was luckier than Hughes. He was alive and there was still a chance he could recover.

Jean had to concentrate on that thought because if he allowed too much reality in, if he thought about catheters and wheelchairs, numbness and impotence, he was likely to start saving up his pain pills for one lethal dose later on. He had spent most of his life looking at things with wry humor. He couldn’t lose that now or there’d be nothing left of him.

He started to lift his arm but the needle inside his elbow said, ‘oh no,’ and he let it drop. It was enough to get Hawkeye’s attention. “Hey, Hawkeye, think you can sneak me a smoke?” His voice rasped drily.

She scowled, her gaze swiveling over to him. “How are you feeling, Havoc?”

“Rough,” he replied, honestly. “No smokes?” When her eyes narrowed, he smirked. “How about an ice chip? The nurse said I’m not allowed to drink yet.”

Hawkeye got up and looked in the cup on his bed stand. “It’s empty. I’ll be right back.” As she left, he could see Breda standing outside the door. The carrot-top looked back at him, hazarded a grin then turned back to his guard duty. Hawkeye returned with a heap of ice chips in the glass and set it on his bed tray.

Jean made a show of trying to lift the arm the IV ran into then batted his eyes at her. Hawkeye sighed and fed him an ice chip. “This is the life, beautiful women waiting on me.” He smirked again, trying to lift his spirits as well as hers.

She snorted indelicately at him and pretended she was going to empty the glass on him. “Incorrigible.”

“You know me, Hawkeye.”

Slipping him another ice chip, she nodded. “All too well.”

Jean looked over at the colonel. “He’ll be okay.” He didn’t make it a question. That would leave doubts and he knew she didn’t need to hear them. Jean saw the shiver run through her.

“We almost lost him...you, too.” Her face softened. “Serious, how do you feel, Jean?”

He sighed, looked her right in the eye and lied, “I’ll be fine.”

She smiled a little. Maybe it wasn’t a lie. He had a chance. Even if his life had been irrevocably altered, maybe he’d find a way to be happy. Anything was possible, wasn’t it?




Quiet Warrior
A Fantrack Story
D M Evans
Disclaimer - not mine, all characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, Square Enix and funimition. I don’t make a profit
Rating – PG –13
Pairing – None, Maria-centric
Time Line – Contains spoilers for manga past # 36.
Summary – Maria wonders how she came to this juncture in her life.
Author’s Note - Written for the Boys in Blue Fantrack project and was inspired by Jewel’s Quiet Warrior thanks to >lj user="evil_little_dog" for the beta and thanks to mjules for the encouragement.


How did her life end up like this? When she had joined the military, she wasn’t imagining heroism. Maria needed a place she could earn a living. She had schooling, of course, but in her small town there had not been much in the way of a job. The military offered a better choice than a hasty marriage to the first interested boy with a paycheck.

Maria had never imagined it would end up like this. She had done her best to put on a cheery face for Edward but she was terrified. For all she knew, the old man she trusted to escort her to Xing would decide she wasn’t worth the trouble and leave her for dead in the middle of the desert. Even if Mr. Fu was trustworthy, and she felt he was, what was she going to do once they arrive in Xing? While Mr. Fu spoke her language that didn’t mean everyone there would. Maria knew there was another written language in Xing. Still, she had Mr. Fu’s word that his family would look out for her indefinitely and as appreciative of that as she was, it niggled at her. She didn’t want to be taken care of. She wanted to make it on her own steam.

Maybe those days were passed for now. She wiped a hand over her eyes, hearing Mr. Fu’s caution not to waste water as they headed into the desert. Easy for him to say. He was returning home and she never could. Unless things changed radically, she was an outcast, an exile, wanted for a murder she didn’t commit. It was a scenario fit for the movies.

If she were forced to admit it, Maria would have to say her huge smile had been as much for herself as it was to soothe Edward. The poor boy looked ready to burst into tears. She almost wanted him to. It would have been the most normal thing she’d ever seen Ed do and he needed more normal things in his life if she were to be asked.

Her own fears were reflected in his young face. She couldn’t show her emotions in front of Armstrong and Breda. They had to believe she was all right. Hell, she needed her wits about her to be sure she could handle what was coming at her like a runaway train.

Breda had been appointed her executioner if she failed to convince him of her innocence. Maria had no doubts Mustang’s man would do just that. She had always been slightly afraid of Colonel Mustang and it was entirely because he was an alchemist, though that wasn’t her reaction to all alchemists. Ed didn’t unnerve her. He was like a bratty kid brother who had wormed under her skin in short order. Armstrong was so genteel that he only frightened her when he got overly demonstrative, which was, well, always but that fear was subtle; almost silly, more worrying about being broken in half if he managed to hug her than anything else.

However, Mustang was quietly terrifying. She knew his reputation. He didn’t look like much. Armstrong was huge and physically frightening. Mustang was slender, attractive, the kind of man she hoped would look at her while out on the town. Still, she had heard what he was capable of and that shook her deeply.

When she saw Mustang coming after her in the alleyway, Maria thought she was dead. No, worse, dying quick of a gun shot was one thing. Cooked alive was another. Mustang’s alchemy was cruel. However, the man was not. It was no secret that he and Lieutenant Colonel Hughes were close friends. She was the one who stood accused of the man’s murder. If Mustang had killed her out of hand in revenge not many would argue his actions. He might even get a commendation for meting out justice to a traitor.

Even though he didn’t know for sure she was innocent, he hadn’t gone the easy route. Mustang risked his own career to fake her death and smuggle her out of Central. He arranged for Mr. Fu to care for her but Mustang wasn’t a fool. He sent a man to make sure she wasn’t a killer and Mustang had no qualms about killing her if it proved she had taken Hughes’ life. After all, who would know she hadn’t died in that alley in Central? Breda would have just left her body here for the sun to bleach her bones.

Mustang’s act of kindness, above and beyond his duty, had impressed her. She could see the admiration for the man in Breda and Armstrong’s eyes. Even Ed seemed to be favorably impressed. It was no secret that he didn’t particularly like the colonel, though she never knew why. This seemed to change his mind just a hair.

It made all the difference in the world to her. She was Mustang’s soldier whenever he needed her. She ventured a look back over her shoulder at the way she came then wished she hadn’t. Thoughts of her parents flooded her. They would have to go on thinking she was a murderess, a dead killer, a traitor, the lowest of the low. How could she do this to them? She knew they couldn’t keep her secret and then they all could be in danger. It hurt so much she wanted to get sick. Maria gagged, garnering a look from Mr. Fu.

She regained her control and forced her parents out of her mind. She had to. Maria had to concentrate on the journey ahead and her new life. Going to Xing would be an adventure. She needed to look at it that way. Her old life was dead. She had to look to the future. Still, Maria couldn’t help stealing one last look back. She hoped it wouldn’t take Mustang too long to need her, to call her back to be the soldier she was meant to be, to make this nightmare end.

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Love it all. *nods* Now I want the soundtrack.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

well so do i but i'm not sure i own ANY of those songs

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Poke at Jaki. She might be able to get 'em for us. *nods*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

there is that