cornerofmadness

So I get home (after snagging a new biology convert at work, a highlight of the day), I try to call

southernbangel without luck. So I totter into the kitchen to make flank steak with gorgonzola cheese and thyme sauce. My oven - let me preface this since i hate the electric bastard - is the cheapest damn stove ever to be made. It has two burning settings, you ain't gonna cook nothing on this setting (that's settings 8-1) and Lucifer's fiery breath. Well, since i want to sear my steak, I go with lucifer. The steak sears beautifully and I set out to deglaze the pan so i can make the sauce.

I take up my chardonnay and I remove the pan from the burner (safety first, never add alcohol over the burner) Well apparently the fires of hell got that pan SO hot that the alcohol catches fire instantly. (chances are it spattered a distance of a foot or more and hit the burner and flashed over). Now I'm standing there with a 14" flaming pan! I see my bangs go towards the ceiling in a puff of black smoke and flame (that settled the should I grow them out or cut them debate). I know that all i really have to do is keep the pan from setting anything on fire because alcohol flashes off fast.

In the meantime I see this sparkling thing out of the corner of my eye. Well apparently just as I was cooking a SPIDER decided to drop out of the light fixture on my head. He is now on FIRE as he tries to climb his web (and really he was just asking for it) Okay so the pan goes out. I toss it on the stove and grab a broom to finish off the spider flambe.

And to top it all off, while the steak was tender and rare it was the WORST cut of steak ever (no wonder it was on sale, it was all fascia on the inside). So now I'm hungry. None of this would have happened if

southernbangel had answered her phone!