Just not my day

[cornerofmadness]

So I get home (after snagging a new biology convert at work, a highlight of the day), I try to call southernbangel without luck. So I totter into the kitchen to make flank steak with gorgonzola cheese and thyme sauce. My oven - let me preface this since i hate the electric bastard - is the cheapest damn stove ever to be made. It has two burning settings, you ain't gonna cook nothing on this setting (that's settings 8-1) and Lucifer's fiery breath. Well, since i want to sear my steak, I go with lucifer. The steak sears beautifully and I set out to deglaze the pan so i can make the sauce.

I take up my chardonnay and I remove the pan from the burner (safety first, never add alcohol over the burner) Well apparently the fires of hell got that pan SO hot that the alcohol catches fire instantly. (chances are it spattered a distance of a foot or more and hit the burner and flashed over). Now I'm standing there with a 14" flaming pan! I see my bangs go towards the ceiling in a puff of black smoke and flame (that settled the should I grow them out or cut them debate). I know that all i really have to do is keep the pan from setting anything on fire because alcohol flashes off fast.

In the meantime I see this sparkling thing out of the corner of my eye. Well apparently just as I was cooking a SPIDER decided to drop out of the light fixture on my head. He is now on FIRE as he tries to climb his web (and really he was just asking for it) Okay so the pan goes out. I toss it on the stove and grab a broom to finish off the spider flambe.

And to top it all off, while the steak was tender and rare it was the WORST cut of steak ever (no wonder it was on sale, it was all fascia on the inside). So now I'm hungry. None of this would have happened if southernbangel had answered her phone!

Comments

[mjules.livejournal.com]

*tries not to laugh*

Oh, comma, my.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

that's right laugh at my trauma

[southernbangel.livejournal.com]

Uhm, oops? I too was experiencing kitchen difficulties when you called. I could have saved us both possible fire hazards!

Will you be home tomorrow night? I'll call you then--AFTER dinner so I won't accidently cause you to set your house on fire or something. :D

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah i'll be home. apparently we both need to keep away from the kitcehn

[sita-137.livejournal.com]

I have tears rolling down my cheeks now.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

glad to have amused you

[sita-137.livejournal.com]

Hey, it takes a lot to get me to laugh that hard!

... Helped that I was reading it out loud to W. [sheepish grin]

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

snort

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

Bangs and spider go pooof!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

not funny

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Is when you're six hours away. *giggles*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

No no no

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes, yes. Very. *giggles*

[aaronlisa.livejournal.com]

((hugs)) Sounds like a really rough night.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

just one in a long rought week

[aaronlisa.livejournal.com]

true enough. Hopefully it gets better.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yes yes

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

totally lee's fault. She probably told that spider to do that.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Oh knowing lee, i'm sure.

[ba4ever.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA.

GOD that Lee! What a jerk. She should have known.

The spider was on FIRE! BWAH.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i'm amusing so many people with this

LOL

[ninerva.livejournal.com]

Oh dear *chortle* you really are having *snort* a terrible week *giggle* and I know I shouldn't laugh *chuckle* at your near disaster, but it seems that poor spider was having an even worse week. *lol*

{hug} I do hope things get better for you soon.

Re: LOL

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

oh my life is just one rocking rollercoaster isn't it

[0-mother-0.livejournal.com]

Oh man! That truly is the funniest story I have read in quite awhile. Thank you for suffering those humiliations and sharing them. You made my morning :)

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Glad to have helped

[sarakat.livejournal.com]

*blinks*

*lips twitch*

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

Bangs and spider go poof? Classic. And totally Lee's fault.

*is jealous no one tried to call her even though neither have cellphone number*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

argh everyone's mocking me and it's all lee's fault.

heck..i dont' even have a cell phone so you're one ahead of me

[scribesds.livejournal.com]

I hear that spider is a wonderful delicacy in some parts of the world. Remind me not to drop in for dinner though, won't you?

And I'm not laughing at your misfortune. Well, not much…

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

this woman is a liar. (She's laughing hysterically and telling everyong she ever knew)

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I'm sure she is

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah yeah SURE you're not

[tinpanalley.livejournal.com]

Poor gal. Your luck has got to turn around soon. It seems like you've had to dodge one thing after another! *hugs*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

that's how my life goes. I'm fairly sure the pwoers that be want to get me

[sand-and-shadow.livejournal.com]

...In addition to not being able to touch anything electronic I own, I'll be doing all the cooking.

In fact, you just sit there with your hands at your side. Don't even look at anything.

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Trust me, she DOES the cooking. All of it. She's a good cook.

We just have to watch for spiders in the kitchen. *nods*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah so there

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

But we're SO using the dishwasher, 'cause D can MAKE some dirty dishes.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

lots and lots and LOTS of them. no one will wash my dishes. I need a dish fairy

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

So, if you've gotta dishwasher, Nubi, we've got a cook. (We just have to have a kitchen sans spiders.)

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yes please, no spiders

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Unless they're pets, like Filus, who was Silvrethorn's pet spider.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Id have killed Filus

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Filus was cute, though, and handy for eating roaches.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

well she did have that going for her

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

See? Handy thing, that arachnid.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

hey normally i'm a very good cook but if you want to wait on me I'll let you

[ex-chaos-by-699.livejournal.com]

Oh man, a spider landing on my head is one of my worst fears about them (I'm arachnophobic). But that's pretty damn funny trauma, though I'm sure it was not funny to live through.

Oh yeah, I'm from a_better_lie, I'm not a creepy stalker or anything.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah recognized the name, and i'm an arachnophobe too. it was just really a bad night