Fic update - The Hour of Separation
Nov. 29th, 2006 10:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cornerofmadnessThe Hour of Separation
Shades of Grey Series #6 - Shade Mist
D M Evans
Disclaimer - not mine, all characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, Square Enix and funimition.
Pairing - Roy/Riza, Ed/Winry, Maes/Gracia
Time Line - This has elements of the anime up to about #25 and definite spoilers for the manga past #38 and beyond. More manga-based than not. However, the main arc of the series came before all the Roy and Riza history was published and so this can be considered majorly AU as far as that is concerned.
Rating - FRM
Summary - Riza’s life takes an unexpected turn and Roy’s past catches up with him.
Warning - dark themes, later chapters contain mention of torture and rape.
Author’s Note - This series was started long before the lovely Ishbal arc so it’s AU for the Mustang and Hawkeye history and there is no real way around that I’m afraid. Also, the Ravensdales are original characters that have small recurring roles in the series.
Previous chapters
Chapter Three
Riza hated everything. She hated her brownstone apartment. She hated the crappy, exposed plumbing in her bathroom and the ugly coverings over the wires for the new electric lighting. She hated throwing up and mostly she hated him. Logically, she knew his job was important. How could she begrudge him helping his friend, especially if the man was marked for death?
She didn’t, not really. She was just feeling needy. Riza was even angry that Roy went home without coming to see her, even thought she knew he was still weak from his injuries. Not so weak that he couldn’t father a child, she thought bitterly as she poured some tea. She couldn’t try to eat breakfast again. What was the point? She’d just throw it up. She sat back on the couch while the tea brewed.
Hayate jumped up with her. He was clingy, sensing her bad mood. She ran a hand through his fur, letting the action ease her. She had slept a little bit but it hadn’t cleared her head. Riza was no closer to a decision. She had no idea what she wanted. She just felt cold all over in spite of the fever she still had. Riza wanted to be in Roy’s arms. Somehow he would make it right.
Riza knew she was being irrational. Roy could barely handle his own catastrophes most days and looked to her to bail him out. Well, this was a shared nightmare. Maybe he’d surprise her. She sure as hell hoped so because she was frightened and she needed Roy to scare away her demons. Riza dragged to her feet and went to get her tea. She had to dash for the bathroom on the way. She couldn’t deal with feeling so sick. She’d have to call Dr. Crosier or at least look at the literature the doctor had given her to see if there was anything that would calm her stomach until she knew what she was going to do.
Riza rounded up the pamphlet Dr. Crosier had given her and sat down with her tea to make a call. She leafed through the literature while waiting for the phone to connect. “Fuery? This is Hawkeye. Is the Colonel there?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Patch me through please.”
“You okay, Lieutenant?” Worry resounded in Fuery’s voice. He was a sweet kid.
“No, I’m still not feeling well.” That was one way of putting it, she thought wryly. “Thanks for asking, Fuery.”
There was silence on the line then her lover’s deep voice. “Mustang.”
“Sir, it’s Hawkeye. I’m still not feeling well.” She had to tamp down the urge to blurt everything out. Other friends had told her that having babies would do things to her emotions she couldn’t control. It appeared they hadn’t lied in the least. She hated this out of control feeling.
“Understood. I’ll handle the paperwork. Feel better, Lieutenant,” he said, efficient, no real emotion or word of comfort just in case someone was listening in but she knew his voice, and his various tones. Roy was worried.
“Thank you, sir.” Riza hung up, feeling unwanted tears stinging her eyes. She hated this. She wasn’t emotional. It had to be the baby causing this.
She rubbed the tears away then read some more of the literature. Deciding to bypass the call to Crosier when she read she could use herbs to calm her stomach, Riza dressed and headed for the Ravensdales’ home. She could visit with Jean a little, too, that way. She pulled on a hat with a wide brim to help hide her face. Well, if someone spotted her out, she could just say she was visiting a healer which was true.
When Riza arrived at the Ravensdale’s, Sokorri, Jenna’s daughter answered the door. She peered out of the unruly mane of red curls that hung in her face. “Mom! It’s Roy’s friend!”
Riza blushed, not realizing Sokorri had innocently put that together and announced it loudly enough for them to hear it all the way to Southern Headquarters. Jenna appeared quickly, to see what the fuss was about. She shooed her daughter inside.
“What brings you here in the middle of the day, Hawkeye?” Jenna ushered her in.
“I feel terrible. I was hoping for something to settle an upset stomach. Mustang always swears by your stuff,” Riza said, soaking in the sweet smells of the home. It always smelled of flowers, baked goods and candles. It made her long for a real home instead of rented box. “Where’s Havoc?”
“Out in the shed with Dad. He’s making Jean separate herbs for me. It’s good for him to have something to do,” Jenna said, leading the way to her outdoor workshop after checking to see if Sokorri had gone back to her playing. “So how long has your stomach been troubling you?”
“For about a week.” Riza put her hat on the work bench. “It’s annoying.”
Jenna turned and looked at her. She studied Riza’s face for a moment then her eyes opened wide. She touched Riza’s shoulder. “You’re pregnant.”
Riza pulled away, shaking her head. “No, it’s just...”
“Yes, you are. I can tell. You have that glow about you,” Jenna insisted.
Riza put her hands over her face, trying to hold in a sob. Jenna put her arms around her and as unlike her as it was, Riza leaned against the older woman, trying to get some comfort from being held. Jenna stroked Riza’s back. “I didn’t know people could tell by looking yet.”
“I’ve been helping pregnant women for twenty years or more now.” Jenna hugged her tighter. “I know the signs, Riza.”
“What if they can tell at work?” Riza muttered, pulling away from Jenna.
Jenna laughed lightly. “You work with men. You could waddle in eight months pregnant and they’d just think you’re getting fat.” Riza smiled at her, dabbing at her eyes. “Roy doesn’t know, does he?”
“He can’t...not yet. You can’t tell him, Jenna.” Riza trembled, unprepared for this uncharacteristic wave of emotion. “Please, you can’t tell anyone.”
Jenna took Riza’s arm and guided her to a chair nestled into a fragrant nook. Morning glories and climbing roses filled the archway above the nook and there were so many scents Riza couldn’t distinguish them all. “Healers are very good at keeping secrets. We have to be.”
Riza took a few deep breaths, getting a heady rush from all the herbs. “Thank you, Jenna.”
“I guess this came as a wee bit of a surprise.” Jenna went back to her work bench and took down some glass jars. She started spooning dried leaves into a brown paper bag then put yellowish hunks of something in the other.
Riza nodded, pinching the bridge of her nose, and tried to will herself to be calm. “You could say that. We’re careful but careful doesn’t mean perfect.”
“No, sheepskins can let you down,” Jenna replied then came over and sat on the flagstone next to Riza. “Are you even going to tell him?”
Riza thought for a moment. Dr. Crosier had offered her an out. Would she take it? “I have to. I can’t make a decision like this on my own.”
Jenna ran a stained hand through her thick red hair. “Sometimes, I tell my patients in this condition that if they end it, to not ever tell him. Some men just can’t handle it. I think Roy could. If he ever found out that you terminated the pregnancy without telling him, I don’t know if he’d forgive it.”
Riza’s eyes misted up again. She hated everything about this but right now the emotional toll was worse than being sick. The sickness would pass. The emotions would linger. “I don’t want to risk that. You’ve...done that before? Ended a pregnancy?”
Jenna nodded. “A mixture of black cohosh and pennyroyal will do it usually. I don’t usually tell everyone that I know about this since the State frowns on abortion but I know how to do it.”
Riza looked at her hands. Suddenly they seemed rough to her. Calloused, nicked, they were the hands of a soldier, not a mother. “I don’t know what I want. I know I have to talk to Roy about it. He has the right to know. I tried last night but someone’s after one of his friends. They might be trying to kill him.”
Jenna’s eyes widened as she leaned forward. “Who?”
Riza shook her head. “I don’t know. I thought it could even be me or you but then Roy didn’t come over to see me last night. He said he couldn’t because his friend had found the potential assassin here in town. Everyone I know he’s friends with wouldn’t be running around in the middle of the night, except maybe the Elric brothers.”
“Sounds awful.” Jenna’s lips drew down, accentuating some of the fine lines that had begun to form around them. Riza wondered what life would be like to be like this woman, spending her life in gardens, growing things that helped people to live better, creating things of beauty. Would Riza had liked such a life or would she have been bored? “Maybe he’ll come see you tonight.”
“He might. I hope so. I couldn’t talk it over with him because he was at the office.” Riza reached out and stroke the petals of a nearby rose, trying to forget for a moment the situation she was in.
“I know how hard this has to be. Roy’s told me how much he hates the subterfuge. He does love you, you know.”
Riza held up a hand. “I’ve never doubted it. The simple thing to do would be to just resign and then we could be together the way we want to be. I just don’t know if that’s the best thing for us.”
Jenna plucked some errant weeds out from between the flagstones. “I can’t tell you that. I will say that the herbs work best earlier on rather than later, if you know what I mean.”
“I do. I’ve not been pregnant long. Three weeks. And it’s make me so horribly sick which is why I came here.”
“I have your herbs ready.” She pointed to the brown bags. “Ginger tea. Ginger really helps. I put crystallized ginger in the other bag. You can carry that with you.”
Riza managed a smile. “Thanks, Jenna. I appreciate it. How much do I owe you?”
“Nothing. Roy’s family as far as I’m concerned. That makes you family, too.” Jenna reached over and squeezed Riza’s hand. She couldn’t help but note this woman, this mother, had calloused, rough hands, too.
Riza smile more openly. “Thank you. Hopefully I’ll be able to tell him tonight and then I’ll know what to do.”
“Don’t be too disappointed if he doesn’t take it well. Even when they want to be fathers like my David, they often don’t react the way we’d hope.” Jenna made a wry face. “Often, they end up under the bed, crying for their mommies.”
Riza snorted indelicately. “I’ll just have to shoot him then.”
“I’ll be listening for the gun shots.” Jenna smiled and got back to her feet. “If you have trouble sleeping, Riza, I have some things that are safe for a mother-to-be to have.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Riza ran a hand through her hair then shot Jenna a curious look. “Were you sick when you were pregnant with Sokorri?”
“Just a little. Every pregnancy is different. A lot of us get sick...and just so you know if you start feeling um, how shall I say it? A little more amorous than usual. It’s normal. You’ll go through phases of being horny as hell and feeling too fat and ugly to even be looked at. That’s normal, too. In those first and last months I think poor David was afraid I was going to wear him to a nub.” Jenna shot Riza a salacious grin.
Riza beamed. “I’ll keep that in mind though at first, I’m sure he’ll enjoy getting pinned to the sheets. I should go, just in case someone from headquarters comes looking for me. I’m on sick leave. I’d like to see Havoc first, though, just to say hi.” Riza touched her eyelids, wondering if her eyes were too puffy for that. She didn’t want Havoc asking questions.
“You look okay, dear,” Jenna said, going to collect the bags for Riza. “Don’t be surprised if Jean’s a little cranky. I don’t let him smoke inside the house or when he’s helping with the herbs.”
“Havoc without a cigarette? I can’t even imagine it, the poor thing.” Riza laughed.
Jenna waved for her to follow her through the garden path. Riza could see a more direct route to the work shed from the house, a cement walkway that was easy to navigate for Jenna’s blind father and now, Havoc in his wheelchair. “I can’t have him stinking up my herbs. Don’t worry, he still has the energy to pinch the butt of most of the women who visit.”
“That’s what got him into this mess in the first place, him and his bad taste in women,” Riza said, with a rueful shake of her head. “But is he doing okay?”
“Not as well as he pretends. He’s pretty depressed, understandably. This is not like losing a limb. If that were the case, he could hope to walk again. Unless we find someone more capable of healing than most Amestrisian alchemists, Jean’s future isn’t very bright.”
“I’m sorry. I feel sort of selfish now, worrying about myself. It’s not like this isn’t what women were designed to do,” Riza sighed. “I shouldn’t be taking up your time.”
“You’re allowed to worry about yourself. Your life is changing,” Jenna assured her then opened the door to her workshop.
Havoc’s face, pinched from sorting herbs, brightened immediately upon seeing Jenna. “You’re here to save me from your workaholic father!”
“Always were afraid of working, Havoc,” Riza said, smiling.
He beamed at her. “Hey, Hawkeye. What brings you here in the middle of the day?”
“Out on sick leave. I was just getting something to settle my stomach from Jenna so I can get back to work before Mustang does something insanely wrong with his paperwork,” Riza said.
“You mean like get buried under a pile of it without you there to help him.” Havoc wheeled himself over to her. “You know he can’t be left alone with paperwork. His static gloves get itchy.”
“If he burns down the office, I’m sure you’ll hear all about it.” Riza laughed. “I wish I could stay and talk Havoc, but I should get back and lie down. I’m still feeling pretty bad.”
“Sure, come by this weekend. Breda, Falman and Fuery are supposed to be by with drinks. We’re taking bets on how fast Fuery gets drunk.” Havoc smirked.
“My money’s on Mr. Ravensdale tossing you all out long before that happens,” Riza said and the old alchemist paused in sealing up the glass jars and labeling them with labels that not only had Jenna’s fine handwriting but punched so that the blind could read them as well.
“More like Jenna tossing us all out. I wouldn’t mind a night out drinking with the boys,” Ravensdale said with a wide grin causing the scars on his face to crinkle. “You tell Roy, if he doesn’t squash himself under a mountain of paperwork, he should join us.”
“I’ll let him know, sir,” Riza said. “If you need help with the boys, Jenna, just call. I’ll come armed.”
The herbalist beamed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“I’ll see you later, Havoc,” Riza said, heading out with her herbs. Havoc did give her a pat on the butt, something he would never have dared to do in the office. She was half tempted to flip him right out of his chair, which he was probably expecting. Instead, she just gave him a pointed look and started for home.
X X X
Riza put a piece of sweet crystallized ginger into her mouth prophylactically after she ate a light lunch of chicken soup and fresh berries. She was just about to stretch out on the couch and comb Hayate when someone knocked on her door. Riza was stunned to see Roy there looking so pale under the blue of his uniform. He shouldn’t be back at work yet. He just shouldn’t, she decided. “Sir, what are you doing here?”
“These things, no one knows what in the hell to do with them.” Mustang held up a pile of paperwork. “I said I’d drop them by while I went to inspect our food suppliers in the market.”
“You usually wiggle out of that detail.” She managed a smile, happy that he’d made an extra effort to come see her.
“Yes, I know.” He gave her a look that said, “Are you inviting me in?”
Riza stepped back so he could enter the apartment. “There’s nothing in that pile that Fuery or the others couldn’t handle.”
“Not what they told me.” He grinned then made sure he wasn’t visible from the window before putting an arm around her. He kissed her, setting the files on the table. “Mmm, sweet and spicy. I’m sorry about last night.”
Riza brushed his spiky bangs back. “It’s all right.” She wanted so much to tell him right now but Riza knew she couldn’t. He’d have to get back to work soon and if she told him now, he’d never be able to. They couldn’t risk that.
“No, it’s not.” His hand skimmed up her back. “I let you down.”
She kissed him then went to shut the living room curtains. She was three stories up but she didn’t want to risk being seen. “Can you stay for a little bit? I have some soup left over.”
“Not hungry.” He sat on the couch and held an arm out to her. Riza slid up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder for a moment but it was uncomfortable. Roy sat up and shrugged out of the wool jacket with all its metal bits then let her snuggle up to him. “You still look pale.”
“I feel it, too.” Riza interlaced her fingers with his. His skin was soft from being in gloves most of the time. His hands were more feminine than hers or Jenna’s and she laughed a little at the ludicrous thought.
He gave her the same look Hayate did when the dog was trying to puzzle something out. “What?”
She brushed her lips over his knuckles. “Nothing, love. Can you come back tonight?” she asked as Hayate bounced up on the couch to greet Roy.
He gave the dog a scratch. “Of course. I wish I could stay with you now.”
Riza smiled, rubbing a thumb over her belly. “I know. How long can you stay?”
“Oh, they won’t be expecting me for an hour.” He settled his arm around her. “What can I do to make you better?”
“Just what you’re already doing,” she replied, kissing his neck. Roy tightened his embrace and she was content to just lean against him for awhile, hoping her troubles would just fade away.
To both of their surprises, the phone rang. They exchanged glances. It wasn’t common for people to have phones yet, and Roy helped pay for this one and for his other team members just so he could have them at his disposal, she didn’t doubt. Outside of Roy, almost no one called her here.
“Might be the doctor,” she said, getting up to answer it. There was something familiar about the male voice on the other end and she didn’t like that he asked for Roy. “I don’t know who you mean. No, it doesn’t make any difference if you tell me you’re Julien Camden.”
“Julien!” Roy catapulted to his feet, crossing the room. He swiped the phone away. “What are you doing calling here?”
“Who is this man? Why does he have my number?” Riza asked, crossly. How dare Roy give out her number?
“So if I wasn’t in the office, you automatically assumed I’m here?” Roy asked, talking over her. “Don’t yell at me...what? Damn it! I’ll call Breda and Falman. I have to leave someone at the office. Fuery’s better with electronic surveillance than any of us. I’ll be right there.”
“Roy, what in the hell is going on?” Riza grabbed his arm roughly. “Who is that man? Your friend that the Crimson Alchemist is stalking?”
Roy nodded. From his eyes, she knew he was already gone. His body just needed to follow. “Yeah, I’m sorry, love. I have to go.”
“I don’t even know a Julien Camden.” Riza knew she couldn’t possibly know all of Roy’s friends or he, hers but this stranger seemed oddly too important to Roy that she would never have heard his name before.
“I’ll tell you later. I’ll be back tonight I promise, but I have to go.” His voice snapped more than she expected. She could see the tension thrumming through him. “Could you please call Falman and Breda and tell them to meet me at Elicia’s school?”
“Elicia?” Riza felt her color draining away. “What is going on, Roy?”
“Kimblee’s been spotted outside of Elicia’s school. I have no idea why he’d be waiting there other than to hurt her,” Roy said, his face lined with rage at the idea. “I need the others to help me just in case.”
She let his arm go, not expecting that revelation. “Why would Kimblee want to hurt Elicia?”
“Because whoever’s pulling his strings might be behind Hughes’ death and they might not be content to make an example just of him. I have to go. Please, make that call,” Roy said, pulling on his jacket.
Riza got into step behind him. “I’m coming with you.”
“No, you’re sick. Riza, it’s okay.” He waved her off.
“I’m the best sharp shooter you have. You already said we can’t get near Kimblee because of the type of alchemy he uses. You’ll need a sniper. Havoc’s days as a sniper are done.” Riza balled up her fist. “You need me.”
“We’ll make do. You take care of yourself, Hawkeye.” He leaned in for a kiss then was out the door.
Riza thought for a moment about just staying behind but if someone was really threatening Hughes’ daughter, she couldn’t just sit it out. Hughes had been way too important to Roy and no one should ever threaten a child. Riza gathered up her pistols and her rifle. To hell with Roy and his overprotectiveness. If Kimblee got too close, she’d just vomit in his eye at this point. As she made her way towards the school, Riza tried to ignore the little voice in her head that said ‘if Mustang was this overprotective when she had a mere ‘stomach flu’ what would he be like when he learned she was pregnant?’
X X X
Riza didn’t regret going to the school, even though from the look in Roy’s dark eyes she knew she’d hear about it. It wasn’t like she disobeyed a direct order, after all. She wasn’t on duty. That didn’t mean Roy wouldn’t have a snit. It was the reason he and Edward didn’t get along, she was sure. They had the same bratty, hot-tempered personality even if underneath they were both sweet as spun sugar.
She had stopped to buy a loaf of bread on the way home, still not sure she was up to eating more than broth and maybe the insides of the bread. She didn’t really like crusts. Dinner at least seemed to be staying down.
Riza had no idea when Roy would actually show up. She got Hayate brushed, thinking about the stake out at the school. Whatever the Crimson Alchemist was up to, it wasn’t readily apparently. Mostly he had just hung around, watching the school’s playground. He didn’t try to talk to any of the students or the teachers or even the mothers when they arrived to claim their children. Riza had watched him from her scope. He was a shifty bastard and there was something inherently creepy about tattooing arrays to ones own hands. Her shoulder blades itched with that thought, as if to remind her what she had endured.
Riza propped her feet up on the couch after having dumped her bra in her bedroom. Her breasts felt too big and swollen for it and her belly was fluttery but at least things were staying in it. Hayate snuggled up with her on the soft worn couch and she propped her book up on his shoulder as she read. It was getting late and she was beginning to think she was going to get another call saying Roy wasn’t coming when finally someone knocked at the door.
Hayate bounced down barking loudly until Riza commanded him to hush. She opened the door and Roy stood there, having exchanged his blues for a worn outfit of black. What was he thinking he was going to go do? Another all night surveillance? He had been pale and shaky by the time the stake out ended when Kimblee just wandered off to a bar and not following Gracia and Elicia home. If Roy thought he had the energy to go out all night with that Julien Camden fellow - who conveniently hadn’t shown up for the stake out - Riza would slap him senseless.
“You really shouldn’t have disobeyed me, Riza. You don’t feel well. We all understand that,” Roy said as she locked the door behind him.
“Right, the same way you shouldn’t be back at work yet since you keep getting pale and shaky every time you have to put forth a lot of energy,” she said, in no mood for a lecture.
“I’m fine,” he said, kissing her. “You look tired, Riza. Do you want me to go?”
She took his hand and pulled him to the couch. “I want you to sit. We need to talk.”
“That sounds dire,” he said with a little smile, stealing another greedy kiss.
“I guess it is.” Her voice went too flat, too serious and she regretted it. Roy went instantly on alert.
A frown twisted his lips. “What did that doctor say?”
Riza looked down at her hands where they tangled with his. How could she say this to him? Before she had the chance, the phone rang again. “Who the hell?” She picked it up. “You again! Look, I don’t know what he told you but the Colonel does not live here...don’t yell at me.”
Roy took away the phone. “What is it now, Camden? Okay, back at the Wobbly Boot, I’ll be there.”
“No, you won’t,” Riza said, staring at him in disbelief. Camden couldn’t just come in and disrupt her whole life. “You’re not leaving again. Let him watch Kimblee on his own. You’re still recovering and we have to talk.”
“Hang on, Camden.” Roy put his hand over the phone and glared at her. “Riza, this is important.”
“So am I, Roy. Now hang up that phone and talk to me,” she demanded.
“We’ll talk when I come back. I have to do this. Camden, I’ll be there-”
“Roy!” Riza snarled, breaking into the conversation. “I’m pregnant.”
Roy’s mouth dropped. “Camden...I can’t make it.” He hung up the phone with a shaking hand. “What?”
“I’m pregnant.”
Riza thought she was going to have to pick him up because she could almost see the faint coming on.
Shades of Grey Series #6 - Shade Mist
D M Evans
Disclaimer - not mine, all characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, Square Enix and funimition.
Pairing - Roy/Riza, Ed/Winry, Maes/Gracia
Time Line - This has elements of the anime up to about #25 and definite spoilers for the manga past #38 and beyond. More manga-based than not. However, the main arc of the series came before all the Roy and Riza history was published and so this can be considered majorly AU as far as that is concerned.
Rating - FRM
Summary - Riza’s life takes an unexpected turn and Roy’s past catches up with him.
Warning - dark themes, later chapters contain mention of torture and rape.
Author’s Note - This series was started long before the lovely Ishbal arc so it’s AU for the Mustang and Hawkeye history and there is no real way around that I’m afraid. Also, the Ravensdales are original characters that have small recurring roles in the series.
Previous chapters
Chapter Three
Riza hated everything. She hated her brownstone apartment. She hated the crappy, exposed plumbing in her bathroom and the ugly coverings over the wires for the new electric lighting. She hated throwing up and mostly she hated him. Logically, she knew his job was important. How could she begrudge him helping his friend, especially if the man was marked for death?
She didn’t, not really. She was just feeling needy. Riza was even angry that Roy went home without coming to see her, even thought she knew he was still weak from his injuries. Not so weak that he couldn’t father a child, she thought bitterly as she poured some tea. She couldn’t try to eat breakfast again. What was the point? She’d just throw it up. She sat back on the couch while the tea brewed.
Hayate jumped up with her. He was clingy, sensing her bad mood. She ran a hand through his fur, letting the action ease her. She had slept a little bit but it hadn’t cleared her head. Riza was no closer to a decision. She had no idea what she wanted. She just felt cold all over in spite of the fever she still had. Riza wanted to be in Roy’s arms. Somehow he would make it right.
Riza knew she was being irrational. Roy could barely handle his own catastrophes most days and looked to her to bail him out. Well, this was a shared nightmare. Maybe he’d surprise her. She sure as hell hoped so because she was frightened and she needed Roy to scare away her demons. Riza dragged to her feet and went to get her tea. She had to dash for the bathroom on the way. She couldn’t deal with feeling so sick. She’d have to call Dr. Crosier or at least look at the literature the doctor had given her to see if there was anything that would calm her stomach until she knew what she was going to do.
Riza rounded up the pamphlet Dr. Crosier had given her and sat down with her tea to make a call. She leafed through the literature while waiting for the phone to connect. “Fuery? This is Hawkeye. Is the Colonel there?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Patch me through please.”
“You okay, Lieutenant?” Worry resounded in Fuery’s voice. He was a sweet kid.
“No, I’m still not feeling well.” That was one way of putting it, she thought wryly. “Thanks for asking, Fuery.”
There was silence on the line then her lover’s deep voice. “Mustang.”
“Sir, it’s Hawkeye. I’m still not feeling well.” She had to tamp down the urge to blurt everything out. Other friends had told her that having babies would do things to her emotions she couldn’t control. It appeared they hadn’t lied in the least. She hated this out of control feeling.
“Understood. I’ll handle the paperwork. Feel better, Lieutenant,” he said, efficient, no real emotion or word of comfort just in case someone was listening in but she knew his voice, and his various tones. Roy was worried.
“Thank you, sir.” Riza hung up, feeling unwanted tears stinging her eyes. She hated this. She wasn’t emotional. It had to be the baby causing this.
She rubbed the tears away then read some more of the literature. Deciding to bypass the call to Crosier when she read she could use herbs to calm her stomach, Riza dressed and headed for the Ravensdales’ home. She could visit with Jean a little, too, that way. She pulled on a hat with a wide brim to help hide her face. Well, if someone spotted her out, she could just say she was visiting a healer which was true.
When Riza arrived at the Ravensdale’s, Sokorri, Jenna’s daughter answered the door. She peered out of the unruly mane of red curls that hung in her face. “Mom! It’s Roy’s friend!”
Riza blushed, not realizing Sokorri had innocently put that together and announced it loudly enough for them to hear it all the way to Southern Headquarters. Jenna appeared quickly, to see what the fuss was about. She shooed her daughter inside.
“What brings you here in the middle of the day, Hawkeye?” Jenna ushered her in.
“I feel terrible. I was hoping for something to settle an upset stomach. Mustang always swears by your stuff,” Riza said, soaking in the sweet smells of the home. It always smelled of flowers, baked goods and candles. It made her long for a real home instead of rented box. “Where’s Havoc?”
“Out in the shed with Dad. He’s making Jean separate herbs for me. It’s good for him to have something to do,” Jenna said, leading the way to her outdoor workshop after checking to see if Sokorri had gone back to her playing. “So how long has your stomach been troubling you?”
“For about a week.” Riza put her hat on the work bench. “It’s annoying.”
Jenna turned and looked at her. She studied Riza’s face for a moment then her eyes opened wide. She touched Riza’s shoulder. “You’re pregnant.”
Riza pulled away, shaking her head. “No, it’s just...”
“Yes, you are. I can tell. You have that glow about you,” Jenna insisted.
Riza put her hands over her face, trying to hold in a sob. Jenna put her arms around her and as unlike her as it was, Riza leaned against the older woman, trying to get some comfort from being held. Jenna stroked Riza’s back. “I didn’t know people could tell by looking yet.”
“I’ve been helping pregnant women for twenty years or more now.” Jenna hugged her tighter. “I know the signs, Riza.”
“What if they can tell at work?” Riza muttered, pulling away from Jenna.
Jenna laughed lightly. “You work with men. You could waddle in eight months pregnant and they’d just think you’re getting fat.” Riza smiled at her, dabbing at her eyes. “Roy doesn’t know, does he?”
“He can’t...not yet. You can’t tell him, Jenna.” Riza trembled, unprepared for this uncharacteristic wave of emotion. “Please, you can’t tell anyone.”
Jenna took Riza’s arm and guided her to a chair nestled into a fragrant nook. Morning glories and climbing roses filled the archway above the nook and there were so many scents Riza couldn’t distinguish them all. “Healers are very good at keeping secrets. We have to be.”
Riza took a few deep breaths, getting a heady rush from all the herbs. “Thank you, Jenna.”
“I guess this came as a wee bit of a surprise.” Jenna went back to her work bench and took down some glass jars. She started spooning dried leaves into a brown paper bag then put yellowish hunks of something in the other.
Riza nodded, pinching the bridge of her nose, and tried to will herself to be calm. “You could say that. We’re careful but careful doesn’t mean perfect.”
“No, sheepskins can let you down,” Jenna replied then came over and sat on the flagstone next to Riza. “Are you even going to tell him?”
Riza thought for a moment. Dr. Crosier had offered her an out. Would she take it? “I have to. I can’t make a decision like this on my own.”
Jenna ran a stained hand through her thick red hair. “Sometimes, I tell my patients in this condition that if they end it, to not ever tell him. Some men just can’t handle it. I think Roy could. If he ever found out that you terminated the pregnancy without telling him, I don’t know if he’d forgive it.”
Riza’s eyes misted up again. She hated everything about this but right now the emotional toll was worse than being sick. The sickness would pass. The emotions would linger. “I don’t want to risk that. You’ve...done that before? Ended a pregnancy?”
Jenna nodded. “A mixture of black cohosh and pennyroyal will do it usually. I don’t usually tell everyone that I know about this since the State frowns on abortion but I know how to do it.”
Riza looked at her hands. Suddenly they seemed rough to her. Calloused, nicked, they were the hands of a soldier, not a mother. “I don’t know what I want. I know I have to talk to Roy about it. He has the right to know. I tried last night but someone’s after one of his friends. They might be trying to kill him.”
Jenna’s eyes widened as she leaned forward. “Who?”
Riza shook her head. “I don’t know. I thought it could even be me or you but then Roy didn’t come over to see me last night. He said he couldn’t because his friend had found the potential assassin here in town. Everyone I know he’s friends with wouldn’t be running around in the middle of the night, except maybe the Elric brothers.”
“Sounds awful.” Jenna’s lips drew down, accentuating some of the fine lines that had begun to form around them. Riza wondered what life would be like to be like this woman, spending her life in gardens, growing things that helped people to live better, creating things of beauty. Would Riza had liked such a life or would she have been bored? “Maybe he’ll come see you tonight.”
“He might. I hope so. I couldn’t talk it over with him because he was at the office.” Riza reached out and stroke the petals of a nearby rose, trying to forget for a moment the situation she was in.
“I know how hard this has to be. Roy’s told me how much he hates the subterfuge. He does love you, you know.”
Riza held up a hand. “I’ve never doubted it. The simple thing to do would be to just resign and then we could be together the way we want to be. I just don’t know if that’s the best thing for us.”
Jenna plucked some errant weeds out from between the flagstones. “I can’t tell you that. I will say that the herbs work best earlier on rather than later, if you know what I mean.”
“I do. I’ve not been pregnant long. Three weeks. And it’s make me so horribly sick which is why I came here.”
“I have your herbs ready.” She pointed to the brown bags. “Ginger tea. Ginger really helps. I put crystallized ginger in the other bag. You can carry that with you.”
Riza managed a smile. “Thanks, Jenna. I appreciate it. How much do I owe you?”
“Nothing. Roy’s family as far as I’m concerned. That makes you family, too.” Jenna reached over and squeezed Riza’s hand. She couldn’t help but note this woman, this mother, had calloused, rough hands, too.
Riza smile more openly. “Thank you. Hopefully I’ll be able to tell him tonight and then I’ll know what to do.”
“Don’t be too disappointed if he doesn’t take it well. Even when they want to be fathers like my David, they often don’t react the way we’d hope.” Jenna made a wry face. “Often, they end up under the bed, crying for their mommies.”
Riza snorted indelicately. “I’ll just have to shoot him then.”
“I’ll be listening for the gun shots.” Jenna smiled and got back to her feet. “If you have trouble sleeping, Riza, I have some things that are safe for a mother-to-be to have.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Riza ran a hand through her hair then shot Jenna a curious look. “Were you sick when you were pregnant with Sokorri?”
“Just a little. Every pregnancy is different. A lot of us get sick...and just so you know if you start feeling um, how shall I say it? A little more amorous than usual. It’s normal. You’ll go through phases of being horny as hell and feeling too fat and ugly to even be looked at. That’s normal, too. In those first and last months I think poor David was afraid I was going to wear him to a nub.” Jenna shot Riza a salacious grin.
Riza beamed. “I’ll keep that in mind though at first, I’m sure he’ll enjoy getting pinned to the sheets. I should go, just in case someone from headquarters comes looking for me. I’m on sick leave. I’d like to see Havoc first, though, just to say hi.” Riza touched her eyelids, wondering if her eyes were too puffy for that. She didn’t want Havoc asking questions.
“You look okay, dear,” Jenna said, going to collect the bags for Riza. “Don’t be surprised if Jean’s a little cranky. I don’t let him smoke inside the house or when he’s helping with the herbs.”
“Havoc without a cigarette? I can’t even imagine it, the poor thing.” Riza laughed.
Jenna waved for her to follow her through the garden path. Riza could see a more direct route to the work shed from the house, a cement walkway that was easy to navigate for Jenna’s blind father and now, Havoc in his wheelchair. “I can’t have him stinking up my herbs. Don’t worry, he still has the energy to pinch the butt of most of the women who visit.”
“That’s what got him into this mess in the first place, him and his bad taste in women,” Riza said, with a rueful shake of her head. “But is he doing okay?”
“Not as well as he pretends. He’s pretty depressed, understandably. This is not like losing a limb. If that were the case, he could hope to walk again. Unless we find someone more capable of healing than most Amestrisian alchemists, Jean’s future isn’t very bright.”
“I’m sorry. I feel sort of selfish now, worrying about myself. It’s not like this isn’t what women were designed to do,” Riza sighed. “I shouldn’t be taking up your time.”
“You’re allowed to worry about yourself. Your life is changing,” Jenna assured her then opened the door to her workshop.
Havoc’s face, pinched from sorting herbs, brightened immediately upon seeing Jenna. “You’re here to save me from your workaholic father!”
“Always were afraid of working, Havoc,” Riza said, smiling.
He beamed at her. “Hey, Hawkeye. What brings you here in the middle of the day?”
“Out on sick leave. I was just getting something to settle my stomach from Jenna so I can get back to work before Mustang does something insanely wrong with his paperwork,” Riza said.
“You mean like get buried under a pile of it without you there to help him.” Havoc wheeled himself over to her. “You know he can’t be left alone with paperwork. His static gloves get itchy.”
“If he burns down the office, I’m sure you’ll hear all about it.” Riza laughed. “I wish I could stay and talk Havoc, but I should get back and lie down. I’m still feeling pretty bad.”
“Sure, come by this weekend. Breda, Falman and Fuery are supposed to be by with drinks. We’re taking bets on how fast Fuery gets drunk.” Havoc smirked.
“My money’s on Mr. Ravensdale tossing you all out long before that happens,” Riza said and the old alchemist paused in sealing up the glass jars and labeling them with labels that not only had Jenna’s fine handwriting but punched so that the blind could read them as well.
“More like Jenna tossing us all out. I wouldn’t mind a night out drinking with the boys,” Ravensdale said with a wide grin causing the scars on his face to crinkle. “You tell Roy, if he doesn’t squash himself under a mountain of paperwork, he should join us.”
“I’ll let him know, sir,” Riza said. “If you need help with the boys, Jenna, just call. I’ll come armed.”
The herbalist beamed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“I’ll see you later, Havoc,” Riza said, heading out with her herbs. Havoc did give her a pat on the butt, something he would never have dared to do in the office. She was half tempted to flip him right out of his chair, which he was probably expecting. Instead, she just gave him a pointed look and started for home.
X X X
Riza put a piece of sweet crystallized ginger into her mouth prophylactically after she ate a light lunch of chicken soup and fresh berries. She was just about to stretch out on the couch and comb Hayate when someone knocked on her door. Riza was stunned to see Roy there looking so pale under the blue of his uniform. He shouldn’t be back at work yet. He just shouldn’t, she decided. “Sir, what are you doing here?”
“These things, no one knows what in the hell to do with them.” Mustang held up a pile of paperwork. “I said I’d drop them by while I went to inspect our food suppliers in the market.”
“You usually wiggle out of that detail.” She managed a smile, happy that he’d made an extra effort to come see her.
“Yes, I know.” He gave her a look that said, “Are you inviting me in?”
Riza stepped back so he could enter the apartment. “There’s nothing in that pile that Fuery or the others couldn’t handle.”
“Not what they told me.” He grinned then made sure he wasn’t visible from the window before putting an arm around her. He kissed her, setting the files on the table. “Mmm, sweet and spicy. I’m sorry about last night.”
Riza brushed his spiky bangs back. “It’s all right.” She wanted so much to tell him right now but Riza knew she couldn’t. He’d have to get back to work soon and if she told him now, he’d never be able to. They couldn’t risk that.
“No, it’s not.” His hand skimmed up her back. “I let you down.”
She kissed him then went to shut the living room curtains. She was three stories up but she didn’t want to risk being seen. “Can you stay for a little bit? I have some soup left over.”
“Not hungry.” He sat on the couch and held an arm out to her. Riza slid up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder for a moment but it was uncomfortable. Roy sat up and shrugged out of the wool jacket with all its metal bits then let her snuggle up to him. “You still look pale.”
“I feel it, too.” Riza interlaced her fingers with his. His skin was soft from being in gloves most of the time. His hands were more feminine than hers or Jenna’s and she laughed a little at the ludicrous thought.
He gave her the same look Hayate did when the dog was trying to puzzle something out. “What?”
She brushed her lips over his knuckles. “Nothing, love. Can you come back tonight?” she asked as Hayate bounced up on the couch to greet Roy.
He gave the dog a scratch. “Of course. I wish I could stay with you now.”
Riza smiled, rubbing a thumb over her belly. “I know. How long can you stay?”
“Oh, they won’t be expecting me for an hour.” He settled his arm around her. “What can I do to make you better?”
“Just what you’re already doing,” she replied, kissing his neck. Roy tightened his embrace and she was content to just lean against him for awhile, hoping her troubles would just fade away.
To both of their surprises, the phone rang. They exchanged glances. It wasn’t common for people to have phones yet, and Roy helped pay for this one and for his other team members just so he could have them at his disposal, she didn’t doubt. Outside of Roy, almost no one called her here.
“Might be the doctor,” she said, getting up to answer it. There was something familiar about the male voice on the other end and she didn’t like that he asked for Roy. “I don’t know who you mean. No, it doesn’t make any difference if you tell me you’re Julien Camden.”
“Julien!” Roy catapulted to his feet, crossing the room. He swiped the phone away. “What are you doing calling here?”
“Who is this man? Why does he have my number?” Riza asked, crossly. How dare Roy give out her number?
“So if I wasn’t in the office, you automatically assumed I’m here?” Roy asked, talking over her. “Don’t yell at me...what? Damn it! I’ll call Breda and Falman. I have to leave someone at the office. Fuery’s better with electronic surveillance than any of us. I’ll be right there.”
“Roy, what in the hell is going on?” Riza grabbed his arm roughly. “Who is that man? Your friend that the Crimson Alchemist is stalking?”
Roy nodded. From his eyes, she knew he was already gone. His body just needed to follow. “Yeah, I’m sorry, love. I have to go.”
“I don’t even know a Julien Camden.” Riza knew she couldn’t possibly know all of Roy’s friends or he, hers but this stranger seemed oddly too important to Roy that she would never have heard his name before.
“I’ll tell you later. I’ll be back tonight I promise, but I have to go.” His voice snapped more than she expected. She could see the tension thrumming through him. “Could you please call Falman and Breda and tell them to meet me at Elicia’s school?”
“Elicia?” Riza felt her color draining away. “What is going on, Roy?”
“Kimblee’s been spotted outside of Elicia’s school. I have no idea why he’d be waiting there other than to hurt her,” Roy said, his face lined with rage at the idea. “I need the others to help me just in case.”
She let his arm go, not expecting that revelation. “Why would Kimblee want to hurt Elicia?”
“Because whoever’s pulling his strings might be behind Hughes’ death and they might not be content to make an example just of him. I have to go. Please, make that call,” Roy said, pulling on his jacket.
Riza got into step behind him. “I’m coming with you.”
“No, you’re sick. Riza, it’s okay.” He waved her off.
“I’m the best sharp shooter you have. You already said we can’t get near Kimblee because of the type of alchemy he uses. You’ll need a sniper. Havoc’s days as a sniper are done.” Riza balled up her fist. “You need me.”
“We’ll make do. You take care of yourself, Hawkeye.” He leaned in for a kiss then was out the door.
Riza thought for a moment about just staying behind but if someone was really threatening Hughes’ daughter, she couldn’t just sit it out. Hughes had been way too important to Roy and no one should ever threaten a child. Riza gathered up her pistols and her rifle. To hell with Roy and his overprotectiveness. If Kimblee got too close, she’d just vomit in his eye at this point. As she made her way towards the school, Riza tried to ignore the little voice in her head that said ‘if Mustang was this overprotective when she had a mere ‘stomach flu’ what would he be like when he learned she was pregnant?’
X X X
Riza didn’t regret going to the school, even though from the look in Roy’s dark eyes she knew she’d hear about it. It wasn’t like she disobeyed a direct order, after all. She wasn’t on duty. That didn’t mean Roy wouldn’t have a snit. It was the reason he and Edward didn’t get along, she was sure. They had the same bratty, hot-tempered personality even if underneath they were both sweet as spun sugar.
She had stopped to buy a loaf of bread on the way home, still not sure she was up to eating more than broth and maybe the insides of the bread. She didn’t really like crusts. Dinner at least seemed to be staying down.
Riza had no idea when Roy would actually show up. She got Hayate brushed, thinking about the stake out at the school. Whatever the Crimson Alchemist was up to, it wasn’t readily apparently. Mostly he had just hung around, watching the school’s playground. He didn’t try to talk to any of the students or the teachers or even the mothers when they arrived to claim their children. Riza had watched him from her scope. He was a shifty bastard and there was something inherently creepy about tattooing arrays to ones own hands. Her shoulder blades itched with that thought, as if to remind her what she had endured.
Riza propped her feet up on the couch after having dumped her bra in her bedroom. Her breasts felt too big and swollen for it and her belly was fluttery but at least things were staying in it. Hayate snuggled up with her on the soft worn couch and she propped her book up on his shoulder as she read. It was getting late and she was beginning to think she was going to get another call saying Roy wasn’t coming when finally someone knocked at the door.
Hayate bounced down barking loudly until Riza commanded him to hush. She opened the door and Roy stood there, having exchanged his blues for a worn outfit of black. What was he thinking he was going to go do? Another all night surveillance? He had been pale and shaky by the time the stake out ended when Kimblee just wandered off to a bar and not following Gracia and Elicia home. If Roy thought he had the energy to go out all night with that Julien Camden fellow - who conveniently hadn’t shown up for the stake out - Riza would slap him senseless.
“You really shouldn’t have disobeyed me, Riza. You don’t feel well. We all understand that,” Roy said as she locked the door behind him.
“Right, the same way you shouldn’t be back at work yet since you keep getting pale and shaky every time you have to put forth a lot of energy,” she said, in no mood for a lecture.
“I’m fine,” he said, kissing her. “You look tired, Riza. Do you want me to go?”
She took his hand and pulled him to the couch. “I want you to sit. We need to talk.”
“That sounds dire,” he said with a little smile, stealing another greedy kiss.
“I guess it is.” Her voice went too flat, too serious and she regretted it. Roy went instantly on alert.
A frown twisted his lips. “What did that doctor say?”
Riza looked down at her hands where they tangled with his. How could she say this to him? Before she had the chance, the phone rang again. “Who the hell?” She picked it up. “You again! Look, I don’t know what he told you but the Colonel does not live here...don’t yell at me.”
Roy took away the phone. “What is it now, Camden? Okay, back at the Wobbly Boot, I’ll be there.”
“No, you won’t,” Riza said, staring at him in disbelief. Camden couldn’t just come in and disrupt her whole life. “You’re not leaving again. Let him watch Kimblee on his own. You’re still recovering and we have to talk.”
“Hang on, Camden.” Roy put his hand over the phone and glared at her. “Riza, this is important.”
“So am I, Roy. Now hang up that phone and talk to me,” she demanded.
“We’ll talk when I come back. I have to do this. Camden, I’ll be there-”
“Roy!” Riza snarled, breaking into the conversation. “I’m pregnant.”
Roy’s mouth dropped. “Camden...I can’t make it.” He hung up the phone with a shaking hand. “What?”
“I’m pregnant.”
Riza thought she was going to have to pick him up because she could almost see the faint coming on.
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Date: 2006-11-30 04:33 am (UTC)Nice cliffhanger. C'mon. More. *poke poke*
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Date: 2006-11-30 04:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-30 12:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-30 06:54 am (UTC)"If Kimblee got too close, she’d just vomit in his eye at this point." That I would love to see!
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Date: 2006-11-30 06:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-30 02:53 pm (UTC)I just wanted to pop in, introduce myself, and tell you that your fics are very well done. I'm impressed and looking forward to reading more!
*cliffhangers be damned! Damned I say!!!*
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Date: 2006-11-30 06:26 pm (UTC)I'm so glad you enjoyed it cliffhanger and all
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Date: 2006-11-30 07:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-30 08:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-01 02:35 am (UTC)Wonderful fic --I have to confess, I am rarely a fan of pregnancy (and particularly not for these two) but it works well with your characterization and the AU that you've developed.
Solidly written fic, strong and interesting. I'm following closely for updates --any day there's another installment is a happy one for me!
(Also: Roy fainting for the win. *snickers*)
-Rantza
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Date: 2006-12-01 02:40 am (UTC)Hopefully i'll get at least ch 4 out some time soon
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Date: 2006-12-01 10:12 pm (UTC)I'll be stalking you in a friendly fashion for Chapter 4, but no rush, real life and all that jazz. ^^
-Rantza
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Date: 2006-12-02 02:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-01 05:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-01 05:56 pm (UTC), exactly! I like to think of Ed and Roy with huge soft sides amidst all the equally wonderful angst.
Absolutely. That's why I enjoy them so
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Date: 2006-12-02 11:22 am (UTC)If Kimblee got too close, she’d just vomit in his eye at this point.
Go, Riza!
I hope Roy doesn't hit his head when he faints...
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Date: 2006-12-02 03:22 pm (UTC)I'm glad you're enjoying the whole series. Of course now the manga has made all that backstory pointless but it was fun to write and you know, I think this series has been the most well liked of my series so thanks!