a rec and a rant

[cornerofmadness]

druinsanity just finished up some holiday ficcage for me a dark little Dru and Connor piece. Go read. It's creepy fun Codlins

As for the rant, well i knew I would be going on bieta as of today since after the initial drop in my sugar the only thing actos was doing for me was making me gain nearly 20 pounds I absolutely didn't need to gain (which he warned me it would). Bieta is supposed to a) control my sugar b) make me lose weight. Well now I see how. It mimicks an intestinal hormone that triggers the pancreas to make insulin and tells the hypothalamus that you're satiated. Well, I don't overeat. I barely can make myself eat enough to be healthy in a day and you're putting me on a drug that will make me eat less...okay, we'll see in a month how this goes. In fact even trying to eat more than a little will make me violently ill on this pill. Well that's special.

But what really bothers me about it, beyond it being injectible, is that it's just like insulin. It MUST be kept cold. That means if I travel I have to take a cooler. So...on a cross country trip what? I have to stop every 100 miles for more ice? What about unexpected delays at an air port? Every hotel has to have a fridge in it. This is a very big ball and chain I'm now carrying but it's this or face what high sugars will do to me.

So I tell mother who asks how it went then mentions that my aunt is going to NC tomorrow with her insulin and I asked how does she transport it. Mom said in her suitcase and I said well, that'll make it useless and I explain how insulin and bieta need to be cared for. Mom starts screaming at me like it's somehow my fault about all of this and how she's not our babysitter (who asked you to be I'm wondering, though I think MUCH of this is a backlash against Dad and Grandma who can't wipe their own noses without her help) and how I should just stay on the pill. I explain yet again how the pills aren't working and my choices were bieta or insulin.

I mention how this pill might make me lose weight and I explain the mechanism of action (points up) and again she starts yelling at me for eating too much! WTF. I said mom you aren't even listening to me, that or you're translating it into gibberish. At which point she gets really mad.

I know Dad and Grandma and my aunt (cousins too) dumped all their problems on mom. But she did ask what happened. It's like don't yell at me for answering your question or because I'm more than a little freaked and depressed about this. This is my life falling apart and I'm not asking anyone to fix it. They can't but i do ask you don't bite off my head when I answer your questions.