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cornerofmadnessThe Source of Sorrow
Disclaimer - not mine, all characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, Square Enix and funimition.
Pairing – Eventually Roy/Riza but starts out Roy/OC, Riza/OC
Rating – R (for adult situations)
Time Line – anime based, future fic after that movie, with some manga elements like Xing, where Roy learned his alchemy and Armstrong’s other, older sister
Summary – Roy knows he has made a complete and total mess of his life but is he getting a second chance?
Author’s Note #1– This was written for the challenge put forth by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tiptoeinthesnow and she wanted some speculation on whether or not Roy would end up as Fuhrer and some romance (okay this is far more angst than romance.) Also, the spark of this story came before the challenge after hearing some songs by Hinder and a few others (I could easily suggest a listening soundtrack for this one). Special thanks to ishte, mulzrulz, and mjules for helping me with the movie details (since I was unable to actually make it through the movie) and thanks to evil_little_dog and mulzrulz for the beta
Author's Note #2 - if you saw an earlier draft of this, there have been some important changes
Chapter Two
Guilt is the very nerve of sorrow – Horace Bushnell
“I feel odd.” Roy tugged on the red robe, sliding it around on his slight shoulder. “Do I have this right?”
Aris, the younger of the two priests assigned to the festival, a man about Roy’s age, inspected it. “You have it on right. The robe is just less confining than what you’re used to.”
“I do feel rather exposed,” Roy admitted, walking around the room. A knock on the door saved him from his discomfort. He was surprised when a rather red-faced Riza came in.
“Sorry I’m late, General Mustang,” she said, her eyes widening at the look of him in tradition Ishbalan garb. “General Grumman kept me overly long.”
“I didn’t even know to expect you until tomorrow, so no harm,” Roy replied, hoping he didn’t look as hellaciously hung over as he felt; as if he could ever fool Riza “Captain Hawkeye, these two gentleman are the priests who’ve been helping coordinate the festival here in Central, Aris,” he gestured to the younger man and then to one old enough to be all their grandfathers, and who was actually Mara’s grandfather. “Uzziel. Aris is the Ishbalan liaison I work with daily.”
“Pleased to meet you. Sorry I’m late,” Riza repeated.
“Oh, no worries, young lady,” Uzziel said, fussing vainly with his long white hair, primping for her.
“We’re just trying to get the general properly dressed.” Aris cast a glance at Roy looking unsure of himself. “You said you wanted these.” He picked up a wreath of flowers so colorful that it took a second glance to realize they were made of cloth.
“This is not the headpiece of a rich man,” Uzziel added, his red eyes narrowing. Roy knew the man didn’t particularly like him and was only marginally less resentful than her father that Mara chose him.
“I’m not a rich man,” Roy countered, looking in the mirror as he settled the wreath on his head. He wrinkled his nose. Hell, if Maes and Ed could only see him now, they’d never stop laughing.
“I thought you were a State Alchemist,” Uzziel said, a hint of bitterness in his tone.
Roy faced him. “I am. A good deal of my money goes to the New Beginnings Orphanage in the East.”
“The one that took in a lot of Ishbalan children after the war?” Aris asked, his lips pressing thin.
Roy took off the wreath. “Never think what I was made to do there has ever sat well with me. I’ve done what little I could to help. I guess some might say it’s just something to ease a guilty conscious or appease my own hubris but I really did just want to help.”
The two priests looked at him. Finally, Aris cleared his throat. “It’s not a bad use of your money.” He looked over at Riza. “If you’ll be with the general, we should see if we can find a woman’s outfit for you quickly.”
“Oh, I don’t have to be in costume, if it’s a problem. General Grumman and the others haven’t been very clear on my duties,” Riza said, her eyes cutting to Roy’s robes and assessing quickly if her tattoo would be exposed.
“They were to me. You’re supposed to help me in all my activities for the three days. Sorry, though you should still have plenty of free time to do what you want,” Roy said coolly, hoping he was as chilly as she had been to him. He turned back to the priests. “I was going to tell you about this change in plans as soon as I got my robe on. If you can’t find something for her to wear, would a simple dress do?”
Aris nodded. “We’ll do what we can. As for you, those military boots will never do. We got you sandals. The young man with glasses was very helpful when it came to your boot size.”
Roy reminded himself to kick Fuery later, preferably with the metal foot. He managed a smile. “Sandals?”
“You have to have proper sandals,” Uzziel assured him, taking some out of the box. The old man seemed to sense Roy’s discomfort and was amused by it.
Roy caught Riza’s smirk. He sighed and toed off his boots. Slipping the sandals on, he looked down at the things. At least now Winry’s automail would get a fancy showing off to a huge crowd. He fanned his metal toes. “Now do I pass inspection?”
“You’ve lost a limb,” Uzziel said in surprise. “In the war?”
Roy shook his head. “Not quite two years ago. Explosion and fire, that’s irony for you.”
Riza blinked at him then glanced down at his reflective foot. “That’s quite a shine you have there on that automail.”
Roy scowled at her. “I like to keep it in good shape. Winry hits if I don’t.” He put the wreath back on his head for a final inspection. He turned to the mirror Havoc had found somewhere and put in the office for the occasion.
“You look fine,” Aris informed him. “You can put your uniform back on if you’d like. If you’ll excuse Uzziel and I for a moment, we’ll go see if we can find a robe for the captain.”
“Of course,” Roy said and went back to inspecting his reflection in the mirror. He caught sight of Riza’s amused look. “What is it, Hawkeye?”
“You’ve always been such a peacock. I’m not surprised that you could blind people with the gleam off your automail.”
He rounded on her, his mouth working but no words coming to him. Finally he blurted out, “I’m not a peacock!”
Riza couldn’t hide her snort of disbelief. “In those bright colors, no one will miss you.” Something in her eyes softened. “I don’t think I’ve seen you in red since those first weeks when you came to my father’s home to become his student.”
Roy nodded, remembering. “My grandfather dressed me in Xingese silks. He never did adapt to this country’s clothing style. I’d forgotten that, they were red, weren’t they?”
A hint of a smile kissed her lips. “Like flame.”
Roy had always liked red until Ishbal, until all the blood and fire. The military had ruined that color for him; blue, too. Maybe if he resigned, he’d dress himself in green and pretend he had something to do with new life, like a budding leaf. “I feel funny dressed like this.” He gestured at his silver foot, the sandal thong wedged between perfectly made toes. “Now I can see why Ed always wore that glove. It feels weird having people look at it and I know that’s stupid. It’s not like they don’t have to look at the patch on my face. What’s the difference?”
“None,” she replied, glancing at his foot. “Winry did a good job on that foot. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Roy looked at her in surprise. “I suppose not.”
“If you meant what you said last night, I’m sure David’s kids would like to help with the festival,” Riza said and he could see in her eyes she almost hadn’t said that.
He only vaguely remembered who David was and what he had offered last night so as much as he didn’t want to, Roy nodded. “I’m sure something can be arranged. I’m going to go put on my uniform.” He picked it up and headed for the supply room he was using as a change room.
“Roy, since you asked, Hayate’s fine. He’s outside with Fuery right now,” Riza blurted out and Roy could have sworn he saw in her eyes the same conflicted emotions he felt.
He managed an honest smile. “Thanks. I’ll go see him, if you don’t mind.”
“If you have time, I’m sure he’d like that,” Riza said, her emotions shoved back behind her mask.
Roy let it go at that, locking himself in the supply room. He leaned on the carbon paper stash, telling himself men didn’t cry. Then why the hell did he feel like he wanted to?
X X X
“Boss, you look…” Havoc started, a wide grin on his face, eyeing Roy in his red robe, sandals and flowers, standing next to the fountain in the center of town.
Roy stabbed a finger at him. “Don’t you dare say it!”
“Anything you say, Boss.” Havoc turned to Breda, Falman and Fuery, all four of them obviously struggling not to laugh.
Roy sighed. The opening festivities of the Rain festival was a success. Well, there weren’t too many red eyes in the crowd – though he saw Mara hovering on the periphery of his vision – throngs of Amestrians had turned out for the street food, music and games and surely out of curiosity about it all. Great, nothing like a huge crowd to see him dressed up like some gaudy bird.
“Uncle Roy!”
Roy turned to see Elicia waving at him, slipping her mother’s grip to do so. She retained her death grip on Winry’s hand. The two women smiled at him as Roy stooped to hug Elicia. “It’s nice to see three such lovely ladies,” he said.
“Still a shameless flatterer, Roy.” Gracia gave him a soft look.
“We never see you any more, Uncle Roy,” Elicia said, hugging his waist tight.
He ruffled her hair. “I know but I’m back in Central now. Your mom and I can talk about maybe me taking you to the park or something.”
“I’m sure we could,” Gracia said as Elicia’s eyes lit up.
“Well, Roy, I can see you’re taking care of my automail.” Winry grinned, nodding to the gleaming metal. “I think I might need sunglasses to look at you.”
Roy scowled, wiggling his silver toes. “You keep telling me to keep the stuff in shape and then everyone accuses me of being vain when I do.”
“That’s because you don’t just oil it, you polish it until you can see your reflection,” Riza’s voice carried over the crowd.
Roy turned to see her in her red robes with a veil weighted with sparkling bits of metal and stone over her hair which she had let loose. A wreath of flowers kept the veil in place. Hell, she was so beautiful. It took him several moments to even notice the tall, blonde, blue-eyed man behind her and all the kids behind him. David…so this was what she wanted. A man that was everything Roy wasn’t. Roy couldn’t help the jealousy and he felt the tension mounting as Winry and Gracia both looked at Hawkeye. Somewhere out of the corner of his eye, Roy could see his men regarding them curiously. It was up to him to say something to ease the tension. “I see I’m going to be a target all day.”
“Let’s hope not literally,” Riza said, a grim expression on her face. Roy couldn’t argue that. “Hello Winry, Gracia. Hi Elicia.”
“Hello Riza,” Gracia said, her eyes on David. Winry was less curious as she said her hellos. Roy wondered if Winry already knew about David.
“This is David Calvert,” Riza said, sweeping a hand to the tall man.
“Yes, Captain Hawkeye asked if I could arrange a little something for your class,” Roy said coolly as he pointed to the bleachers set up around the fountain. “We have seats saved for you. Gracia, Winry, you guys can join them later if Mr. Calvert doesn’t mind. I’m sure Elicia would love that. I saved you three seats, there.” Roy pointed. “We were going to use Slate Run Lake for the ceremony but it was too far outside of the center of town. Aris and Uzziel said since the fountain is fed from a natural aquifer, it will do for the ceremony.”
“Thank you. We appreciate it,” David said, in a bluff mellow voice. That and his looks, he reminded Roy of a less robust Armstrong. David looked at Elicia who still clung to Roy’s robe. “She’s a lovely girl. Is she yours?”
Roy flinched, then rested a hand on Elicia’s head. “She’s my niece. Her father was my best friend.”
“Daddy died,” Elicia added solemnly.
David flushed. “I’m sorry.”
Roy waved him off. “You all had better get to your seats. Hawkeye, Aris and Uzziel want a last minute rehearsal with us.” He nodded to the two priests who were busy talking to Mara. Neither of them seemed happy to see her. Winry put a hand on his arm and he met her eyes, blue eyes filled with sadness and pity. He tried to smile, failing and watched her join Gracia and Elicia. Vaguely, he was aware of Riza talking to him and he turned to her, hoping to fake his way through it.
“Is there something wrong, sir?”
He knew better than to lie to Riza so he found something else he was sad about that didn’t involve his feelings for her. “I feel sorry for Winry, sometimes. And guilty that I haven’t done more to find Ed or that I ever sent him to Lior in the first damn place.” Roy sighed.
“You didn’t make them go back across without her,” Riza pointed out gently.
“No, that bit of idiocy was all theirs.” Roy fussed with the cloth flowers on his head. “They shouldn’t have left her like that. Men can be fools, especially when they think they’re sacrificing themselves for what’s right.” Whether he was talking about the Elrics or himself, Roy let Riza draw her own conclusions. From the look in her brown eyes, he figured she lumped him in with the boys.
“I think Aris and Uzziel are ready for us,” she said and he was happy for the distraction.
He nodded and they got their last minute instructions from the two priests. Mara settled herself somewhere close to the proceedings in the ring of honor reserved for the few Ishbalans now living in Central. Roy and Riza followed the priests and kicked off their sandals, stepping into the fountain. He could feel small coins underfoot. Glancing up into the bleachers, he could see Winry and Gracia – in better seats than he had reserved for blondie and his school kids – smiling at him.
Roy watched as the new president addressed the crowd. He wondered if Armstrong was proud of his big sister for winning the role or if he was just as nervous as Roy was. Olivia was frightening as far as Roy was concerned. He only paid half an ear to what she was saying, some pat oratorical wizardry to make the crowd happy. At least she kept it short, introducing Aris, Uzziel, Riza and himself. Uzziel seemed to know how to work a crowd as well, as the old man told the mostly Amesterian bystanders of the pact the Ishbalans had with their God and how this festival was a thank you for the brief rains in the desert. Roy had spent more time than he cared to in that desert and he knew the rainfall there. If that was god’s grace, Roy didn’t want to see god’s anger.
He and Riza kept pace with the exaggerated, almost dance-like movements they had been taught for this part of the ceremony. His tongue stumbled over the ancient prayers in a different language. He wondered if there were alchemic tomes in Ishbalan. True, they seemed to have a dim view of it but Scar proved they were more than capable of alchemy. Should he be letting his curiosity get the better of him at this time?
The opening prayers done, Olivia invited the crowd to partake of the food, games and music. Roy climbed out the fountain, giving Riza his hand by rote, to help her out. She took it before she knew what she was doing. They jerked apart. “They want us in costume for the prayers tonight. I guess we could change into street clothes in the mean time,” he said, slipping his sandals back on. “I feel strange in this.”
Riza just nodded, her eyes cast towards the bleachers and the tall blond man who was making his way free.
Roy moved in so close to Riza he swore he could almost taste her on his lips, then he whispered, “I went to the mountains because I had gone as cold as they were.” He swallowed hard, knowing he was an ass for telling her this in public with her boyfriend nearby. “I left because you deserved much better than me.”
Riza gaped, her fists balling. Roy knew he was seconds from being flattened in public but he wasn’t sure why. He had told the truth. She did deserve better than him. He braced himself then felt small fingers closing over his. He looked down at Elicia who had outdistanced her mother. He scooped her up and turned his back on Riza just as her new lover came over to her.
“What are we going to do first, little one?” he asked the seven year old in a shaky tone, holding her tight. Roy kept his eyes trained on Elicia because he couldn’t hold onto his control if he looked at Riza.
“Shaved ice!” she declared. “I wanna berry one.”
“Anything for you, sweetie,” he said, his heart breaking.
“Roy?” Winry looked between him and Riza who had her back to him now as she concentrated on David.
Roy just gave Winry a look that closed all avenues of conversation.
X X X
“Sometimes I’m an idiot, you know?” Roy took a swig out of the flask. He had enough whiskey with him that he could get pleasantly buzzed but not be hung over for the next day’s festivities. He had traded his robes for black slacks and a ridiculously oversized shirt. Gracia had given it to him when she packed up Maes’ closet. God, Maes had no taste. “I don’t know what the hell I did wrong. I just know I did it.” He could feel the press of the rock against his back as he leaned against the head stone. “See, I really did need you to keep me out of trouble, buddy. I don’t really have anyone left.”
“You still come out here.”
Roy barely kept a girly scream from escaping. He glanced around frantically, trying to find the source of the voice. “Damn it, Hawkeye, you scared the hell out of me.”
“You’re now a general and the ambassador to Ishbal. You’re partly in charge of a festival that has more death threats than you have teeth. Do you think it wise to sit out here in the open, getting drunk?” Even in the gloom, Roy could see her sour look.
“Well, Maes has a little bit of trouble coming to the office to talk,” Roy replied, trying not to remember the time he had picked up the phone and could have sworn Maes was on the other end talking to him.
“God, you’re an ass,” she said, looming over him.
He slugged back some whiskey. “You hunted me down all night, climbed over a cemetery wall to tell me that? It’s not news, Hawkeye.”
“We both know that,” she replied hotly. “How dare you say something like you said this afternoon and then just shut down on me? How do you think it makes me feel knowing that rather than talk things out, you decided you knew what was best and you ran off to some godforsaken outpost?”
“That you were hurt,” Roy replied quietly. “You think I don’t know that? I knew it would hurt but…I never was any good for you and I was even less worthy after the debacle with the Fuhrer. There’s nothing left of me, Riza. Why do you think I'm here, anyway?” Roy threw his arm out, indicating the cemetery in general, though he let his head thump back against Maes' stone in a sort of apology
Roy didn’t expect her hand to be so fast. It came in on his blind side, nearly knocking his patch off his face. “It wasn’t your choice alone, Roy. You left me behind when you needed me and all I could think of was, ‘if I hadn’t blinded him, he wouldn’t feel this way. All of this pain is my fault’,” she said, her lower lip trembling as she fought to keep her emotions checked.
He rubbed his cheek. “You saved my life, Riza. For all I know, it was that thing Archer had been turned into that blinded me. We don’t know it was your bullet.”
“No, I know it. I know what my gun can do…I nearly killed you,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around him.
“I didn’t die and I didn’t blame you. You knew that, Riza. I told you so even while I was still in the hospital,” Roy said strongly.
“And then you left me so how could I believe you?”
“I left you because I didn’t think I worth dragging you down with me. I didn’t take you on that balloon to close the Gate because I didn’t want you to end up here!” Roy punched the ground he sat on over Maes’ grave. “I already buried one of my best friends. I couldn’t live through burying another.”
Riza put a shaking hand over her mouth as she sank to the ground on top of the grave. “Roy…”
“I didn’t take you up in the balloon because I knew I was going to die and I couldn’t kill you,” he said, letting the tears fall. “I wanted you to be with me. I didn’t want to die alone but I couldn’t…I just couldn’t, Riza. I couldn’t let you die, too.”
Riza didn’t know what to say. There was nothing she could say to that. She fished her handkerchief out of her pocket then dabbed at his face with the lacy thing. “Roy…”
“And then you weren’t there. I survived. I was broken and you weren’t there. You never came to see me,” he said, his voice broken. “I needed you and you were gone and it was my fault for driving you off. I knew that it was my fault that I was alone. I kept picking up the phone. I wanted to call you and tell you I was sorry. But…you would have thought I only called because I needed you. My pride wouldn’t let me call.”
She wiped her own face then tucked the handkerchief into his hand. “And mine wouldn’t let me come back to you. I thought you didn’t want me. You lied to me. I didn’t want….I don’t even know now what I wanted. It made sense at the time. You didn’t need me so I wasn’t going to be there begging for you to take me back.”
“I needed you,” Roy rasped out. “It hurt so much and I was frightened and there was no one there but a young girl who had no reason at all to help me. I’ve never understood why Winry has been as kind as she has to me. Why did she care when I managed to drive away most everyone else?” Roy held out his hand.
Riza leaned into his touch. Roy’s arms snaked around her, pulling her tight to his body. He buried his face against the crook of her neck and she felt his tears hot against her flesh. The only thing holding him up was Maes’ headstone. Riza stroked Roy’s hair. Roy lifted his head, looking at her. She captured his chin, drawing him in for what she meant to be a comforting kiss. It quickly turned into an outpouring of need and want. She pressed him back against the stone, trying to devour him. Riza finally broke away. “What am I doing? I haven’t forgiven you.”
Roy’s wet eyes met her gaze. “I missed you so much, Riza. I’m so sorry for what I did. I’ve been sorry every day for years now.” His hand cupped the small of her back. “I can’t do anything but say I’m sorry.”
“I’ve been so angry for so long,” she whispered. “I’m not sure I know how to not be angry.” Roy let his hand fall and he fumbled for his flask. Riza put her hand over his. “You’ve had enough, Roy. You can’t just sit in a cemetery all night crying and getting drunk.”
“I’m neither,” he protested, his voice gravelly. She just gave him a look. “What do you want of me, Riza? All I want to do right now is to hold you and this is all the wrong place…even if Maes probably wouldn’t mind. He’d kick my ass if he knew how things turned out.”
Riza snorted, standing up. She held out a hand to him. “You’re right about that.”
Roy let her help him up. “Thanks,” he mumbled, letting her go even though he didn’t want to.
“I’ll walk you back home,” Riza said.
“Don’t you have a lover to get back to?” he said then wanted to kick himself. Why was he such an ass? “And Hayate,” he added as if that was going to help.
Riza sighed. She wanted to hit him, he could see it, but instead said, “You’re drunk, Roy. Let’s get you home.”
“I’m not drunk,” Roy said. “I only had a little flask. There’s not enough in there to make me drunk. Alcohol is not my problem. My problem is I’m stupid and my mouth needs a filter.”
She shook her head. “You said it.”
He held up his hands. “What I should have said is, I have no right to ask you to stay with me. You have someone else and if he makes you happy, then…I’m not glad, of course, because it makes me sad, but that’s all I ever wanted if for you to be contented and loved.” Roy shook his head. “It’s still coming out all wrong.”
Riza put a hand on his arm. “I think I can figure out what you’re saying, Roy and I do have that, contentment.”
That admission hurt like fire on flesh but Roy pressed on, “That I’m sorry I was such a fool. That I should have known better but still…I just wanted you to be safe even though I’ve always known what you wanted was to protect me and that I liked that. I need you.”
Riza smiled in the darkness, taking his hand. “There, that was the right thing to say.”
Roy pulled her closer for a moment, resting his forehead against hers. “No matter what happens or has happened, know that I’ve always loved you, Riza.”
Riza made a soft noise but said nothing. She squeezed his hand then let go. She didn’t look at him as she finally said, “Let’s get you home, Roy.”
Roy walked towards the cemetery wall in the distance. “I have a new house. They didn’t think base housing was good for a brigadier general and ambassador. I have two new houses, actually, an ostentatious monster here and something more modest in Ishbal.”
“I can’t imagine you living in Ishbal again,” she said softly.
“I don’t sleep much,” he admitted, shuddering, “The dreams are awful.”
“You could have told them no,” Riza said as Roy boosted himself onto the wall.
He held out a hand to her, helping her up. “No, I couldn’t. I have a debt to pay there…one that can’t be paid but I’ll try. My comfort isn’t of concern.”
Riza shook her head. “You’ve always had a sense of honor, Roy.”
“Isn’t that why you trusted me with your back?” he asked quietly.
Riza jumped down from the wall. “Yes.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t want to talk about that now.”
Roy just let the silence enfold them. He didn’t know what else to say, had no idea how to prolong this rare admittance into her space after he had ejected himself for so long. He did the only thing he could, show her to his house.
X X X
Pointing to the brick and wood building, painted viciously red, with turrets that stabbed the sky, Roy said, “This is it.” He looked down the street. “It’s far from the hotel. Let me call you a cab. I don’t want you walking from here…come on in while I do that.”
“All right. You didn’t lie. I haven’t seen anything this big since I left Father’s house,” Riza said, keeping her ‘this place is in so much better shape’ to herself.
“I’m expected to entertain while I’m here. Granted, I haven’t done much of it.” Roy unlocked the door, the brass knob had an intricate flower in the center and more flowers ringing around it. “I’ve not been social. Well, there was more entertaining when I was flat on my back waiting to learn to walk. Gracia, Havoc and the rest of the men did wonders then.” Roy wrinkled his nose. Did that sound like he was blaming Riza for not being there to help? Why did his mouth not work right?
Riza looked at the black and white marble foyer tiles. “I’m glad there was someone here to help. I should have been.”
Roy shook his head. “After what I did, no, you shouldn’t. I’ll go call the cab.”
Riza threw the locks on the door and caught his hand. Didn’t she just tell him she was content with David? Part of her was. Part of her wanted something very different. She dragged Roy in roughly for a kiss.
Shooting her a stunned look, Roy stammered out “R-Riza, what are you doing?”
“Roy, just shut up.” She put a finger over his mouth. “You’ve barely gotten out two words since I got into town that have been the right ones. Talk now and I might change my mind.” Roy just gave her a bemused look but stayed silent. “Show me to your room or…” she looked around him to the intricately carved staircase that rose behind him and she pointed, “I’ll have to make do with that.”
Roy’s eye widened and he took her hand. Riza couldn’t tell what was in the scrollwork of the staircase, dogwoods, grape leaves, demonic faces, Roy hauled her up the stairs too fast to tell. He guided her down the hall, the carpet thick and spongy under her feet, telling her just how much the new State wanted their ambassador and his residence to be impressive to visitors.
Riza’s jaw dropped seeing the bedroom. The huge carved wooden furniture reminded her of home but it was the hand painted silk wallpaper with the blue roses that stunned her. She pointed, giggling. She couldn’t help it. It was something her granny would have loved.
“I didn’t pick it,” he huffed. “You didn’t come up here to laugh at the décor.”
She eyed him sourly. “Roy, you’re talking again.”
“Then give my mouth something better to do.” Roy smirked.
Riza knew that smirk. She’d been seeing it since they were children in her father’s house. Mostly, like now, she just wanted to slap it off his face but a kiss would feel much better so she went with that. Mouths clashed, tongues twisting and probing. She could feel him, already hard, pressed against her. Riza didn’t know why she was here. She was still so very angry with him, so deeply hurt and feeling betrayed by just how much she wanted, no needed him. If she didn’t have him now, she thought she might die but if she did this, there was no going back for her. She wanted to do it anyway.
After kicking off his shoes, Roy pulled her slowly toward the bed. His hand fumbled behind him until he managed to yank the comforter down. He left off kissing long enough to get her shirt off. Riza tugged his belt open and undid his zipper before toppling him back on the bed. Kneeling on the mattress, Riza pulled his pants off. She smiled seeing his readiness then her gaze flicked down. She had seen his metal foot, of course, when he had been dressed for the ceremonies but that seemed somehow different than seeing the gleaming metal as it ascended to just below his knee. She felt like an ass for teasing him about how polished he had it. It hit like a punch, just how much of him he had lost and she had refused to be there for him. She had left him with all that pain. Tears came in a sudden burst and Riza sagged down, her forehead resting against the metal limb.
“Riza.” Roy sat up, stroking her shoulders. “What is it, Riza?”
“I should have swallowed my pride. I should have been with you then.” Her fingers caressed skin and metal.
Roy eased his leg out of her grasp, shifting on the bed so he could take her in his arms. “It’s all right,” he whispered. “I forgive you.” Riza couldn’t help crying even harder. Roy just held her tight and let her cry herself out. “I’m sorry I hurt you so much, Riza. I didn’t mean to. All I wanted to do was protect you. What you needed was protecting from me.”
Riza rested her cheek against his chest, feeling the silkiness of his shirt under her cheek. “We can’t change it.”
He caressed her shoulders, his fingers tripping over her bra straps. “We can only put it behind us, if we can. If you want me to call that cab for you now, I will.”
“Do you want me to go?”
“I never want you to go,” he replied quietly.
Riza smiled, wiping her face. “Finally found the right words,” she said, reaching for the handkerchief she still had in her pants.
“Good.”
Giving her a few moments to gather herself up, Roy let her take control of the night.
X X X
She had missed this, the fire, the way he positively burned in bed. Clinging fast to Roy, her staccato moans sounding in his ear, Riza didn’t know how she lived without this. The way he felt above her, in her, these things she missed maybe even more than she should have. The first time for the night she had drank him down with the same fervor as someone lost in the desert at noon went for water, pinning him down to the bed, riding him until he was chanting her name in nigh supplication.
Feeling the building of the wonderful pressure behind the dam, Riza knew the breaking point was close. She pressed her mouth against the scar on Roy’s shoulder, a souvenir from the Fuhrer. She could taste the salt of his sweat. She didn’t even try to rein in her cries as she climaxed. He quickly followed her into that delicious free flight. She held him for a several long moments before letting him roll onto the mattress.
Roy looked at her, grinning like a kid. “That was like the first time all over again.”
Riza laughed. “No, that was much better. This time I had an idea what I was doing…and you weren’t pretending you had never done this before.” She rested her head against his sweaty chest, trailing a finger over his scar.
“I didn’t want you to think I was cheap and easy back then,” Roy admittedly sheepishly.
“Don’t worry. I already knew you had done it with the floozy in my class and you had been to the Academy. I just assumed you had a clue.”
“I also didn’t want you to think I wanted to be with you just because you showed me your back,” Roy said softly.
She reached down and took his hand. “I knew better than that…but I did worry about it. I couldn’t help it.”
Roy kissed her. “You’ve always meant more to me than that tattoo.”
Riza squeezed his hand. “I know but it’s good to hear, too.”
“I’m not asking you to make a decision tonight, Riza. That would be very unfair, all thing considered but I want you back,” Roy said his voice so soft she barely heard him.
“If I come back, Roy, this is your last chance.” Riza felt a tremor run through her body. As if he thought she could leave him after tonight…Riza shuddered as reality kicked a pleasant fantasy aside. “If you push me away again, I won’t ever come back.”
He caressed her cheek. “I understand. All I ever wanted was you at my side and for our lives to finally make it to a point where we could actually be together as a married couple. I never realized, until recently, how much I envied Maes his marriage.”
Riza pushed up on one elbow, looking down at him. “Was that some sort of strange marriage proposal, Roy?”
He laughed. “No, even I know this isn’t the time.” Roy took her hand, dropping a kiss into her palm. “Would you marry me?”
Riza settled back down. “I’m still too mad at you for that. Ask me again when I’m not furious.”
Roy smiled. “I might even have a ring by then.”
“Knowing you, you’ll have a three piece band and have found a way to alchemize the clouds to read, ‘marry me, Riza’.” She ruffled his hair.
“There you go, giving me good ideas.”
She sat up and tried to remove the eye patch but Roy jerked his head back. “Roy, it’s all right.”
He shook his head, cupping his hand protectively over the patch. “You don’t need to look at it.”
“You don’t sleep in that patch,” she said, sensibly. “If I were to spend the night, I’d see it by default.”
“But you’re not staying. You have someone waiting for you,” he said practically.
Riza covered her eyes. She had tried to forget but that was hardly fair. David was a very good man and had made her happy. He deserved better than this. Riza shook her head; now she sounded like Roy. “I told him we had to stay last after the festival because of the threats.”
“That wasn’t a lie.”
“No, but it’s so late, David probably thinks the terrorists got me.”
Roy gestured to the phone on the bed stand – another sign of the wealth the State had plunged into his home – and got up. “Call him from here, let him know you’re okay. I’ll take a quick shower. I won’t use up all the hot water.” He smiled gently.
Riza felt her lips tremble. She knew it was costing Roy to be so nice about it. “Thank you, Roy.”
Riza made her call, reassuring David and apologize profusely for taking so long to let him know that she was all right. When Roy came back out of the bathroom, his eye patch was in his hand, but he had his eyelid closed over the empty socket. He set the patch on the night stand and sat back down on the bed. She smoothed a hand over his cheek, with its red ridge of scar tissue, carefully avoiding the empty socket. Riza leaned in and kissed the scarred cheek, feeling him trembling under her. She didn’t say anything simply because she didn’t know what to say.
“They need to do more surgery to reconstruct the socket if I want a glass eye.” He lay back on the bed with a shrug. “Towels are in the linen closet.”
“Thanks.” Riza escaped into the shower, turning it on hot. She let the water sluice over her, her tears mingling with it. She’d tell Roy she got soap in her eye if he asked and he’d know it was a lie. She kept her hair carefully out of the spray as much as she could since she couldn’t explain away freshly washed hair to David.
How had she let herself get into a mess like this? What had she been expecting? Mostly she had just wanted to be sure Roy wasn’t hurting himself when she had gone after him in the cemetery. She had seen the mess he had been the day after she saw him in the bar. She knew him intimately, knew his moods, which was why being abandoned had hurt so much. It was unlike him and she hadn’t known how to handle it.
Riza had most definitely not gone after him planning to fall into his bed. Even when she walked Roy back to his place to make sure he wasn’t too drunk to get there safely, she had every intention of going home. It was the house itself, big and echoing its loneliness, that broke her heart. Her resolved dissipated then and there. Now she would have to live with the guilt of falling back into bed with him. Worse, she still had to face going home to David, half afraid it would show on her face.
There was nothing to do for it now. Riza got herself back under control, got out of the shower, toweled off and redressed. When she went into the bed room, Roy drowsed on the bed, the sheets twisted around his feet. He looked so sweet. In spite of all the scars, he was beautiful to her. Maybe it was her imagination, maybe it was the afterglow of sex but Roy seemed nearly radiant. She went over, intending on stealing a kiss before she left but his eye opened and he smiled.
“It’s too late to call you a cab.” Roy roused himself into a sitting position. “and something tells me if I suggest calling Havoc you’ll…”
“Slap you simple, yes.” Riza narrowed her eyes at him.
“Just try not to rap my head off this head board too many times.” Roy patted the frighteningly carved wood. “It might kill me. I’ll walk you home.”
“I was the one walking you home, remember?”
“And I said I wasn’t drunk then. I’m less drunk now.” Roy got up and found his pants. “He won’t see me, Riza. I’ll stop a block away…and even if he did, he already knows you were with us hunting terrorists.”
“Yes, we did ever so well doing that,” she snorted.
Roy grinned, tugging on his shirt. “I’m a target. There could have been assassins in here. Now, thanks to our unorthodox methods we know there isn’t any hiding in my house under the bed.”
Riza couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, when you put it that way.” She abandoned the heavy bath towel and found her clothes where they had been strewn.
Roy offered her his arm and she let him sweep her down the stairs. The night air still had a touch of humidity and warmth to it. Riza wished the festival would call in some rain so they’d get relief. She looked over at Roy. “I didn’t come here…I didn’t come to make you feel worse, that night in the Stumble Inn and I didn’t come here tonight just so we could do…that.”
He patted her hand. “I know. You did though, make me feel worse and I deserved it. I knew what I had done was wrong but I never owned up to it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“If it’s any consolation, I don’t really remember much of what happened in the Stumble Inn.” Roy shot her a sheepish look. “I have a vague memory of waking up Havoc to come get me at last call. He said I had been shooting doubles and there might have been some singing involved.”
“Why do you think I came looking for you in the cemetery? I know how you can hurt yourself. You’re a master at it,” Riza scolded gently.
“I’ve had reason to become so talented,” he replied and, to that, she said nothing.
The rest of the walk to the hotel was in silence. Roy, as promised, stopped a block away. “I’ll watch you until you get inside.” He didn’t offer her a kiss but he did give her hand a squeeze. Maybe he thought it would be crass to send her to David tasting him on her lips.
“I’ll see you tomorrow at the festival, Roy,” she said.
“Good night, Riza.”
She could feel his eyes on her as she walked to the hotel. She ventured a small wave then watched as he retreated into the darkness. Riza turned and went inside. She knew David would be awake. He might even be angry that she hadn’t called him sooner. She felt awful inside, lying in his bed after what she had just done. She did care about the man. Riza wasn’t sure she had ever truly loved him, just that she had wanted to be in love with someone who had an easy, gentle life. She should have known that she was shackled to her past. He didn’t deserve to be sullied by that past which was why she had told him so very little of it.
David lifted his head off the pillow, looking at her blearily, a book dangling in his hand. “Are you okay, Riza?”
“I’m so sorry. We got busy worrying about the festival. I forgot the time,” she said. “I still need a shower,” she said and that was true. Her hair was sweat-dampened and flat from her various romps with Roy.
“Go ahead. I’ll leave the light on for you,” he said and she thanked him even though she didn’t really feel it. She knew that meant he’d stay up reading when what she wanted was for him to fall asleep so she could avoid everything for a few hours more.
Taking a second shower and toweling off her hair good, Riza went back into their room and slipped under the covers with him. She hoped now he could sleep and at least, he turned off the light. David stroked her damp hair. “You look so tired.”
“It’s been a very long day. You didn’t need to wait up for me,” she said, not really looking at him.
“I was worried. Going after terrorists is dangerous work.” David sighed. “Were you with General Mustang again?”
Riza nodded, realizing David wasn’t going to just go to sleep. She didn’t want to have to hurt him until they got back home and she could do it gently. He deserved that much. “I used to be assigned to him.”
“You said. I hope he wasn’t too demanding.”
Riza couldn’t help but laugh. “No more than usual.”
“You must know him well.” David’s blue eyes had an inquisitive gleam.
Yawning, she nodded. “Ever since he was a boy.” She let her heavy eyelids shut, barely realizing what she had just said.
“A boy?” Curiosity laced through David’s voice
“My dad was his alchemy teacher. I’ve known Mustang since his grandfather brought him to see us. Mustang was trying so hard not to talk with an accent. His family used to go back and forth on the Xing trade routes, back before the trains were lost.” She yawned again. “David, can we talk about this in the morning? I barely know what I’m saying.”
He slipped his arms around her, kissing her gently. “Of course.”
She didn’t even have time to compare that kiss to the ones from earlier in the evening. Riza surrendered to sleep.
onto chapter three
Disclaimer - not mine, all characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, Square Enix and funimition.
Pairing – Eventually Roy/Riza but starts out Roy/OC, Riza/OC
Rating – R (for adult situations)
Time Line – anime based, future fic after that movie, with some manga elements like Xing, where Roy learned his alchemy and Armstrong’s other, older sister
Summary – Roy knows he has made a complete and total mess of his life but is he getting a second chance?
Author’s Note #1– This was written for the challenge put forth by
tiptoeinthesnow and she wanted some speculation on whether or not Roy would end up as Fuhrer and some romance (okay this is far more angst than romance.) Also, the spark of this story came before the challenge after hearing some songs by Hinder and a few others (I could easily suggest a listening soundtrack for this one). Special thanks to ishte, mulzrulz, and mjules for helping me with the movie details (since I was unable to actually make it through the movie) and thanks to evil_little_dog and mulzrulz for the betaAuthor's Note #2 - if you saw an earlier draft of this, there have been some important changes
Chapter Two
Guilt is the very nerve of sorrow – Horace Bushnell
“I feel odd.” Roy tugged on the red robe, sliding it around on his slight shoulder. “Do I have this right?”
Aris, the younger of the two priests assigned to the festival, a man about Roy’s age, inspected it. “You have it on right. The robe is just less confining than what you’re used to.”
“I do feel rather exposed,” Roy admitted, walking around the room. A knock on the door saved him from his discomfort. He was surprised when a rather red-faced Riza came in.
“Sorry I’m late, General Mustang,” she said, her eyes widening at the look of him in tradition Ishbalan garb. “General Grumman kept me overly long.”
“I didn’t even know to expect you until tomorrow, so no harm,” Roy replied, hoping he didn’t look as hellaciously hung over as he felt; as if he could ever fool Riza “Captain Hawkeye, these two gentleman are the priests who’ve been helping coordinate the festival here in Central, Aris,” he gestured to the younger man and then to one old enough to be all their grandfathers, and who was actually Mara’s grandfather. “Uzziel. Aris is the Ishbalan liaison I work with daily.”
“Pleased to meet you. Sorry I’m late,” Riza repeated.
“Oh, no worries, young lady,” Uzziel said, fussing vainly with his long white hair, primping for her.
“We’re just trying to get the general properly dressed.” Aris cast a glance at Roy looking unsure of himself. “You said you wanted these.” He picked up a wreath of flowers so colorful that it took a second glance to realize they were made of cloth.
“This is not the headpiece of a rich man,” Uzziel added, his red eyes narrowing. Roy knew the man didn’t particularly like him and was only marginally less resentful than her father that Mara chose him.
“I’m not a rich man,” Roy countered, looking in the mirror as he settled the wreath on his head. He wrinkled his nose. Hell, if Maes and Ed could only see him now, they’d never stop laughing.
“I thought you were a State Alchemist,” Uzziel said, a hint of bitterness in his tone.
Roy faced him. “I am. A good deal of my money goes to the New Beginnings Orphanage in the East.”
“The one that took in a lot of Ishbalan children after the war?” Aris asked, his lips pressing thin.
Roy took off the wreath. “Never think what I was made to do there has ever sat well with me. I’ve done what little I could to help. I guess some might say it’s just something to ease a guilty conscious or appease my own hubris but I really did just want to help.”
The two priests looked at him. Finally, Aris cleared his throat. “It’s not a bad use of your money.” He looked over at Riza. “If you’ll be with the general, we should see if we can find a woman’s outfit for you quickly.”
“Oh, I don’t have to be in costume, if it’s a problem. General Grumman and the others haven’t been very clear on my duties,” Riza said, her eyes cutting to Roy’s robes and assessing quickly if her tattoo would be exposed.
“They were to me. You’re supposed to help me in all my activities for the three days. Sorry, though you should still have plenty of free time to do what you want,” Roy said coolly, hoping he was as chilly as she had been to him. He turned back to the priests. “I was going to tell you about this change in plans as soon as I got my robe on. If you can’t find something for her to wear, would a simple dress do?”
Aris nodded. “We’ll do what we can. As for you, those military boots will never do. We got you sandals. The young man with glasses was very helpful when it came to your boot size.”
Roy reminded himself to kick Fuery later, preferably with the metal foot. He managed a smile. “Sandals?”
“You have to have proper sandals,” Uzziel assured him, taking some out of the box. The old man seemed to sense Roy’s discomfort and was amused by it.
Roy caught Riza’s smirk. He sighed and toed off his boots. Slipping the sandals on, he looked down at the things. At least now Winry’s automail would get a fancy showing off to a huge crowd. He fanned his metal toes. “Now do I pass inspection?”
“You’ve lost a limb,” Uzziel said in surprise. “In the war?”
Roy shook his head. “Not quite two years ago. Explosion and fire, that’s irony for you.”
Riza blinked at him then glanced down at his reflective foot. “That’s quite a shine you have there on that automail.”
Roy scowled at her. “I like to keep it in good shape. Winry hits if I don’t.” He put the wreath back on his head for a final inspection. He turned to the mirror Havoc had found somewhere and put in the office for the occasion.
“You look fine,” Aris informed him. “You can put your uniform back on if you’d like. If you’ll excuse Uzziel and I for a moment, we’ll go see if we can find a robe for the captain.”
“Of course,” Roy said and went back to inspecting his reflection in the mirror. He caught sight of Riza’s amused look. “What is it, Hawkeye?”
“You’ve always been such a peacock. I’m not surprised that you could blind people with the gleam off your automail.”
He rounded on her, his mouth working but no words coming to him. Finally he blurted out, “I’m not a peacock!”
Riza couldn’t hide her snort of disbelief. “In those bright colors, no one will miss you.” Something in her eyes softened. “I don’t think I’ve seen you in red since those first weeks when you came to my father’s home to become his student.”
Roy nodded, remembering. “My grandfather dressed me in Xingese silks. He never did adapt to this country’s clothing style. I’d forgotten that, they were red, weren’t they?”
A hint of a smile kissed her lips. “Like flame.”
Roy had always liked red until Ishbal, until all the blood and fire. The military had ruined that color for him; blue, too. Maybe if he resigned, he’d dress himself in green and pretend he had something to do with new life, like a budding leaf. “I feel funny dressed like this.” He gestured at his silver foot, the sandal thong wedged between perfectly made toes. “Now I can see why Ed always wore that glove. It feels weird having people look at it and I know that’s stupid. It’s not like they don’t have to look at the patch on my face. What’s the difference?”
“None,” she replied, glancing at his foot. “Winry did a good job on that foot. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Roy looked at her in surprise. “I suppose not.”
“If you meant what you said last night, I’m sure David’s kids would like to help with the festival,” Riza said and he could see in her eyes she almost hadn’t said that.
He only vaguely remembered who David was and what he had offered last night so as much as he didn’t want to, Roy nodded. “I’m sure something can be arranged. I’m going to go put on my uniform.” He picked it up and headed for the supply room he was using as a change room.
“Roy, since you asked, Hayate’s fine. He’s outside with Fuery right now,” Riza blurted out and Roy could have sworn he saw in her eyes the same conflicted emotions he felt.
He managed an honest smile. “Thanks. I’ll go see him, if you don’t mind.”
“If you have time, I’m sure he’d like that,” Riza said, her emotions shoved back behind her mask.
Roy let it go at that, locking himself in the supply room. He leaned on the carbon paper stash, telling himself men didn’t cry. Then why the hell did he feel like he wanted to?
X X X
“Boss, you look…” Havoc started, a wide grin on his face, eyeing Roy in his red robe, sandals and flowers, standing next to the fountain in the center of town.
Roy stabbed a finger at him. “Don’t you dare say it!”
“Anything you say, Boss.” Havoc turned to Breda, Falman and Fuery, all four of them obviously struggling not to laugh.
Roy sighed. The opening festivities of the Rain festival was a success. Well, there weren’t too many red eyes in the crowd – though he saw Mara hovering on the periphery of his vision – throngs of Amestrians had turned out for the street food, music and games and surely out of curiosity about it all. Great, nothing like a huge crowd to see him dressed up like some gaudy bird.
“Uncle Roy!”
Roy turned to see Elicia waving at him, slipping her mother’s grip to do so. She retained her death grip on Winry’s hand. The two women smiled at him as Roy stooped to hug Elicia. “It’s nice to see three such lovely ladies,” he said.
“Still a shameless flatterer, Roy.” Gracia gave him a soft look.
“We never see you any more, Uncle Roy,” Elicia said, hugging his waist tight.
He ruffled her hair. “I know but I’m back in Central now. Your mom and I can talk about maybe me taking you to the park or something.”
“I’m sure we could,” Gracia said as Elicia’s eyes lit up.
“Well, Roy, I can see you’re taking care of my automail.” Winry grinned, nodding to the gleaming metal. “I think I might need sunglasses to look at you.”
Roy scowled, wiggling his silver toes. “You keep telling me to keep the stuff in shape and then everyone accuses me of being vain when I do.”
“That’s because you don’t just oil it, you polish it until you can see your reflection,” Riza’s voice carried over the crowd.
Roy turned to see her in her red robes with a veil weighted with sparkling bits of metal and stone over her hair which she had let loose. A wreath of flowers kept the veil in place. Hell, she was so beautiful. It took him several moments to even notice the tall, blonde, blue-eyed man behind her and all the kids behind him. David…so this was what she wanted. A man that was everything Roy wasn’t. Roy couldn’t help the jealousy and he felt the tension mounting as Winry and Gracia both looked at Hawkeye. Somewhere out of the corner of his eye, Roy could see his men regarding them curiously. It was up to him to say something to ease the tension. “I see I’m going to be a target all day.”
“Let’s hope not literally,” Riza said, a grim expression on her face. Roy couldn’t argue that. “Hello Winry, Gracia. Hi Elicia.”
“Hello Riza,” Gracia said, her eyes on David. Winry was less curious as she said her hellos. Roy wondered if Winry already knew about David.
“This is David Calvert,” Riza said, sweeping a hand to the tall man.
“Yes, Captain Hawkeye asked if I could arrange a little something for your class,” Roy said coolly as he pointed to the bleachers set up around the fountain. “We have seats saved for you. Gracia, Winry, you guys can join them later if Mr. Calvert doesn’t mind. I’m sure Elicia would love that. I saved you three seats, there.” Roy pointed. “We were going to use Slate Run Lake for the ceremony but it was too far outside of the center of town. Aris and Uzziel said since the fountain is fed from a natural aquifer, it will do for the ceremony.”
“Thank you. We appreciate it,” David said, in a bluff mellow voice. That and his looks, he reminded Roy of a less robust Armstrong. David looked at Elicia who still clung to Roy’s robe. “She’s a lovely girl. Is she yours?”
Roy flinched, then rested a hand on Elicia’s head. “She’s my niece. Her father was my best friend.”
“Daddy died,” Elicia added solemnly.
David flushed. “I’m sorry.”
Roy waved him off. “You all had better get to your seats. Hawkeye, Aris and Uzziel want a last minute rehearsal with us.” He nodded to the two priests who were busy talking to Mara. Neither of them seemed happy to see her. Winry put a hand on his arm and he met her eyes, blue eyes filled with sadness and pity. He tried to smile, failing and watched her join Gracia and Elicia. Vaguely, he was aware of Riza talking to him and he turned to her, hoping to fake his way through it.
“Is there something wrong, sir?”
He knew better than to lie to Riza so he found something else he was sad about that didn’t involve his feelings for her. “I feel sorry for Winry, sometimes. And guilty that I haven’t done more to find Ed or that I ever sent him to Lior in the first damn place.” Roy sighed.
“You didn’t make them go back across without her,” Riza pointed out gently.
“No, that bit of idiocy was all theirs.” Roy fussed with the cloth flowers on his head. “They shouldn’t have left her like that. Men can be fools, especially when they think they’re sacrificing themselves for what’s right.” Whether he was talking about the Elrics or himself, Roy let Riza draw her own conclusions. From the look in her brown eyes, he figured she lumped him in with the boys.
“I think Aris and Uzziel are ready for us,” she said and he was happy for the distraction.
He nodded and they got their last minute instructions from the two priests. Mara settled herself somewhere close to the proceedings in the ring of honor reserved for the few Ishbalans now living in Central. Roy and Riza followed the priests and kicked off their sandals, stepping into the fountain. He could feel small coins underfoot. Glancing up into the bleachers, he could see Winry and Gracia – in better seats than he had reserved for blondie and his school kids – smiling at him.
Roy watched as the new president addressed the crowd. He wondered if Armstrong was proud of his big sister for winning the role or if he was just as nervous as Roy was. Olivia was frightening as far as Roy was concerned. He only paid half an ear to what she was saying, some pat oratorical wizardry to make the crowd happy. At least she kept it short, introducing Aris, Uzziel, Riza and himself. Uzziel seemed to know how to work a crowd as well, as the old man told the mostly Amesterian bystanders of the pact the Ishbalans had with their God and how this festival was a thank you for the brief rains in the desert. Roy had spent more time than he cared to in that desert and he knew the rainfall there. If that was god’s grace, Roy didn’t want to see god’s anger.
He and Riza kept pace with the exaggerated, almost dance-like movements they had been taught for this part of the ceremony. His tongue stumbled over the ancient prayers in a different language. He wondered if there were alchemic tomes in Ishbalan. True, they seemed to have a dim view of it but Scar proved they were more than capable of alchemy. Should he be letting his curiosity get the better of him at this time?
The opening prayers done, Olivia invited the crowd to partake of the food, games and music. Roy climbed out the fountain, giving Riza his hand by rote, to help her out. She took it before she knew what she was doing. They jerked apart. “They want us in costume for the prayers tonight. I guess we could change into street clothes in the mean time,” he said, slipping his sandals back on. “I feel strange in this.”
Riza just nodded, her eyes cast towards the bleachers and the tall blond man who was making his way free.
Roy moved in so close to Riza he swore he could almost taste her on his lips, then he whispered, “I went to the mountains because I had gone as cold as they were.” He swallowed hard, knowing he was an ass for telling her this in public with her boyfriend nearby. “I left because you deserved much better than me.”
Riza gaped, her fists balling. Roy knew he was seconds from being flattened in public but he wasn’t sure why. He had told the truth. She did deserve better than him. He braced himself then felt small fingers closing over his. He looked down at Elicia who had outdistanced her mother. He scooped her up and turned his back on Riza just as her new lover came over to her.
“What are we going to do first, little one?” he asked the seven year old in a shaky tone, holding her tight. Roy kept his eyes trained on Elicia because he couldn’t hold onto his control if he looked at Riza.
“Shaved ice!” she declared. “I wanna berry one.”
“Anything for you, sweetie,” he said, his heart breaking.
“Roy?” Winry looked between him and Riza who had her back to him now as she concentrated on David.
Roy just gave Winry a look that closed all avenues of conversation.
X X X
“Sometimes I’m an idiot, you know?” Roy took a swig out of the flask. He had enough whiskey with him that he could get pleasantly buzzed but not be hung over for the next day’s festivities. He had traded his robes for black slacks and a ridiculously oversized shirt. Gracia had given it to him when she packed up Maes’ closet. God, Maes had no taste. “I don’t know what the hell I did wrong. I just know I did it.” He could feel the press of the rock against his back as he leaned against the head stone. “See, I really did need you to keep me out of trouble, buddy. I don’t really have anyone left.”
“You still come out here.”
Roy barely kept a girly scream from escaping. He glanced around frantically, trying to find the source of the voice. “Damn it, Hawkeye, you scared the hell out of me.”
“You’re now a general and the ambassador to Ishbal. You’re partly in charge of a festival that has more death threats than you have teeth. Do you think it wise to sit out here in the open, getting drunk?” Even in the gloom, Roy could see her sour look.
“Well, Maes has a little bit of trouble coming to the office to talk,” Roy replied, trying not to remember the time he had picked up the phone and could have sworn Maes was on the other end talking to him.
“God, you’re an ass,” she said, looming over him.
He slugged back some whiskey. “You hunted me down all night, climbed over a cemetery wall to tell me that? It’s not news, Hawkeye.”
“We both know that,” she replied hotly. “How dare you say something like you said this afternoon and then just shut down on me? How do you think it makes me feel knowing that rather than talk things out, you decided you knew what was best and you ran off to some godforsaken outpost?”
“That you were hurt,” Roy replied quietly. “You think I don’t know that? I knew it would hurt but…I never was any good for you and I was even less worthy after the debacle with the Fuhrer. There’s nothing left of me, Riza. Why do you think I'm here, anyway?” Roy threw his arm out, indicating the cemetery in general, though he let his head thump back against Maes' stone in a sort of apology
Roy didn’t expect her hand to be so fast. It came in on his blind side, nearly knocking his patch off his face. “It wasn’t your choice alone, Roy. You left me behind when you needed me and all I could think of was, ‘if I hadn’t blinded him, he wouldn’t feel this way. All of this pain is my fault’,” she said, her lower lip trembling as she fought to keep her emotions checked.
He rubbed his cheek. “You saved my life, Riza. For all I know, it was that thing Archer had been turned into that blinded me. We don’t know it was your bullet.”
“No, I know it. I know what my gun can do…I nearly killed you,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around him.
“I didn’t die and I didn’t blame you. You knew that, Riza. I told you so even while I was still in the hospital,” Roy said strongly.
“And then you left me so how could I believe you?”
“I left you because I didn’t think I worth dragging you down with me. I didn’t take you on that balloon to close the Gate because I didn’t want you to end up here!” Roy punched the ground he sat on over Maes’ grave. “I already buried one of my best friends. I couldn’t live through burying another.”
Riza put a shaking hand over her mouth as she sank to the ground on top of the grave. “Roy…”
“I didn’t take you up in the balloon because I knew I was going to die and I couldn’t kill you,” he said, letting the tears fall. “I wanted you to be with me. I didn’t want to die alone but I couldn’t…I just couldn’t, Riza. I couldn’t let you die, too.”
Riza didn’t know what to say. There was nothing she could say to that. She fished her handkerchief out of her pocket then dabbed at his face with the lacy thing. “Roy…”
“And then you weren’t there. I survived. I was broken and you weren’t there. You never came to see me,” he said, his voice broken. “I needed you and you were gone and it was my fault for driving you off. I knew that it was my fault that I was alone. I kept picking up the phone. I wanted to call you and tell you I was sorry. But…you would have thought I only called because I needed you. My pride wouldn’t let me call.”
She wiped her own face then tucked the handkerchief into his hand. “And mine wouldn’t let me come back to you. I thought you didn’t want me. You lied to me. I didn’t want….I don’t even know now what I wanted. It made sense at the time. You didn’t need me so I wasn’t going to be there begging for you to take me back.”
“I needed you,” Roy rasped out. “It hurt so much and I was frightened and there was no one there but a young girl who had no reason at all to help me. I’ve never understood why Winry has been as kind as she has to me. Why did she care when I managed to drive away most everyone else?” Roy held out his hand.
Riza leaned into his touch. Roy’s arms snaked around her, pulling her tight to his body. He buried his face against the crook of her neck and she felt his tears hot against her flesh. The only thing holding him up was Maes’ headstone. Riza stroked Roy’s hair. Roy lifted his head, looking at her. She captured his chin, drawing him in for what she meant to be a comforting kiss. It quickly turned into an outpouring of need and want. She pressed him back against the stone, trying to devour him. Riza finally broke away. “What am I doing? I haven’t forgiven you.”
Roy’s wet eyes met her gaze. “I missed you so much, Riza. I’m so sorry for what I did. I’ve been sorry every day for years now.” His hand cupped the small of her back. “I can’t do anything but say I’m sorry.”
“I’ve been so angry for so long,” she whispered. “I’m not sure I know how to not be angry.” Roy let his hand fall and he fumbled for his flask. Riza put her hand over his. “You’ve had enough, Roy. You can’t just sit in a cemetery all night crying and getting drunk.”
“I’m neither,” he protested, his voice gravelly. She just gave him a look. “What do you want of me, Riza? All I want to do right now is to hold you and this is all the wrong place…even if Maes probably wouldn’t mind. He’d kick my ass if he knew how things turned out.”
Riza snorted, standing up. She held out a hand to him. “You’re right about that.”
Roy let her help him up. “Thanks,” he mumbled, letting her go even though he didn’t want to.
“I’ll walk you back home,” Riza said.
“Don’t you have a lover to get back to?” he said then wanted to kick himself. Why was he such an ass? “And Hayate,” he added as if that was going to help.
Riza sighed. She wanted to hit him, he could see it, but instead said, “You’re drunk, Roy. Let’s get you home.”
“I’m not drunk,” Roy said. “I only had a little flask. There’s not enough in there to make me drunk. Alcohol is not my problem. My problem is I’m stupid and my mouth needs a filter.”
She shook her head. “You said it.”
He held up his hands. “What I should have said is, I have no right to ask you to stay with me. You have someone else and if he makes you happy, then…I’m not glad, of course, because it makes me sad, but that’s all I ever wanted if for you to be contented and loved.” Roy shook his head. “It’s still coming out all wrong.”
Riza put a hand on his arm. “I think I can figure out what you’re saying, Roy and I do have that, contentment.”
That admission hurt like fire on flesh but Roy pressed on, “That I’m sorry I was such a fool. That I should have known better but still…I just wanted you to be safe even though I’ve always known what you wanted was to protect me and that I liked that. I need you.”
Riza smiled in the darkness, taking his hand. “There, that was the right thing to say.”
Roy pulled her closer for a moment, resting his forehead against hers. “No matter what happens or has happened, know that I’ve always loved you, Riza.”
Riza made a soft noise but said nothing. She squeezed his hand then let go. She didn’t look at him as she finally said, “Let’s get you home, Roy.”
Roy walked towards the cemetery wall in the distance. “I have a new house. They didn’t think base housing was good for a brigadier general and ambassador. I have two new houses, actually, an ostentatious monster here and something more modest in Ishbal.”
“I can’t imagine you living in Ishbal again,” she said softly.
“I don’t sleep much,” he admitted, shuddering, “The dreams are awful.”
“You could have told them no,” Riza said as Roy boosted himself onto the wall.
He held out a hand to her, helping her up. “No, I couldn’t. I have a debt to pay there…one that can’t be paid but I’ll try. My comfort isn’t of concern.”
Riza shook her head. “You’ve always had a sense of honor, Roy.”
“Isn’t that why you trusted me with your back?” he asked quietly.
Riza jumped down from the wall. “Yes.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t want to talk about that now.”
Roy just let the silence enfold them. He didn’t know what else to say, had no idea how to prolong this rare admittance into her space after he had ejected himself for so long. He did the only thing he could, show her to his house.
X X X
Pointing to the brick and wood building, painted viciously red, with turrets that stabbed the sky, Roy said, “This is it.” He looked down the street. “It’s far from the hotel. Let me call you a cab. I don’t want you walking from here…come on in while I do that.”
“All right. You didn’t lie. I haven’t seen anything this big since I left Father’s house,” Riza said, keeping her ‘this place is in so much better shape’ to herself.
“I’m expected to entertain while I’m here. Granted, I haven’t done much of it.” Roy unlocked the door, the brass knob had an intricate flower in the center and more flowers ringing around it. “I’ve not been social. Well, there was more entertaining when I was flat on my back waiting to learn to walk. Gracia, Havoc and the rest of the men did wonders then.” Roy wrinkled his nose. Did that sound like he was blaming Riza for not being there to help? Why did his mouth not work right?
Riza looked at the black and white marble foyer tiles. “I’m glad there was someone here to help. I should have been.”
Roy shook his head. “After what I did, no, you shouldn’t. I’ll go call the cab.”
Riza threw the locks on the door and caught his hand. Didn’t she just tell him she was content with David? Part of her was. Part of her wanted something very different. She dragged Roy in roughly for a kiss.
Shooting her a stunned look, Roy stammered out “R-Riza, what are you doing?”
“Roy, just shut up.” She put a finger over his mouth. “You’ve barely gotten out two words since I got into town that have been the right ones. Talk now and I might change my mind.” Roy just gave her a bemused look but stayed silent. “Show me to your room or…” she looked around him to the intricately carved staircase that rose behind him and she pointed, “I’ll have to make do with that.”
Roy’s eye widened and he took her hand. Riza couldn’t tell what was in the scrollwork of the staircase, dogwoods, grape leaves, demonic faces, Roy hauled her up the stairs too fast to tell. He guided her down the hall, the carpet thick and spongy under her feet, telling her just how much the new State wanted their ambassador and his residence to be impressive to visitors.
Riza’s jaw dropped seeing the bedroom. The huge carved wooden furniture reminded her of home but it was the hand painted silk wallpaper with the blue roses that stunned her. She pointed, giggling. She couldn’t help it. It was something her granny would have loved.
“I didn’t pick it,” he huffed. “You didn’t come up here to laugh at the décor.”
She eyed him sourly. “Roy, you’re talking again.”
“Then give my mouth something better to do.” Roy smirked.
Riza knew that smirk. She’d been seeing it since they were children in her father’s house. Mostly, like now, she just wanted to slap it off his face but a kiss would feel much better so she went with that. Mouths clashed, tongues twisting and probing. She could feel him, already hard, pressed against her. Riza didn’t know why she was here. She was still so very angry with him, so deeply hurt and feeling betrayed by just how much she wanted, no needed him. If she didn’t have him now, she thought she might die but if she did this, there was no going back for her. She wanted to do it anyway.
After kicking off his shoes, Roy pulled her slowly toward the bed. His hand fumbled behind him until he managed to yank the comforter down. He left off kissing long enough to get her shirt off. Riza tugged his belt open and undid his zipper before toppling him back on the bed. Kneeling on the mattress, Riza pulled his pants off. She smiled seeing his readiness then her gaze flicked down. She had seen his metal foot, of course, when he had been dressed for the ceremonies but that seemed somehow different than seeing the gleaming metal as it ascended to just below his knee. She felt like an ass for teasing him about how polished he had it. It hit like a punch, just how much of him he had lost and she had refused to be there for him. She had left him with all that pain. Tears came in a sudden burst and Riza sagged down, her forehead resting against the metal limb.
“Riza.” Roy sat up, stroking her shoulders. “What is it, Riza?”
“I should have swallowed my pride. I should have been with you then.” Her fingers caressed skin and metal.
Roy eased his leg out of her grasp, shifting on the bed so he could take her in his arms. “It’s all right,” he whispered. “I forgive you.” Riza couldn’t help crying even harder. Roy just held her tight and let her cry herself out. “I’m sorry I hurt you so much, Riza. I didn’t mean to. All I wanted to do was protect you. What you needed was protecting from me.”
Riza rested her cheek against his chest, feeling the silkiness of his shirt under her cheek. “We can’t change it.”
He caressed her shoulders, his fingers tripping over her bra straps. “We can only put it behind us, if we can. If you want me to call that cab for you now, I will.”
“Do you want me to go?”
“I never want you to go,” he replied quietly.
Riza smiled, wiping her face. “Finally found the right words,” she said, reaching for the handkerchief she still had in her pants.
“Good.”
Giving her a few moments to gather herself up, Roy let her take control of the night.
X X X
She had missed this, the fire, the way he positively burned in bed. Clinging fast to Roy, her staccato moans sounding in his ear, Riza didn’t know how she lived without this. The way he felt above her, in her, these things she missed maybe even more than she should have. The first time for the night she had drank him down with the same fervor as someone lost in the desert at noon went for water, pinning him down to the bed, riding him until he was chanting her name in nigh supplication.
Feeling the building of the wonderful pressure behind the dam, Riza knew the breaking point was close. She pressed her mouth against the scar on Roy’s shoulder, a souvenir from the Fuhrer. She could taste the salt of his sweat. She didn’t even try to rein in her cries as she climaxed. He quickly followed her into that delicious free flight. She held him for a several long moments before letting him roll onto the mattress.
Roy looked at her, grinning like a kid. “That was like the first time all over again.”
Riza laughed. “No, that was much better. This time I had an idea what I was doing…and you weren’t pretending you had never done this before.” She rested her head against his sweaty chest, trailing a finger over his scar.
“I didn’t want you to think I was cheap and easy back then,” Roy admittedly sheepishly.
“Don’t worry. I already knew you had done it with the floozy in my class and you had been to the Academy. I just assumed you had a clue.”
“I also didn’t want you to think I wanted to be with you just because you showed me your back,” Roy said softly.
She reached down and took his hand. “I knew better than that…but I did worry about it. I couldn’t help it.”
Roy kissed her. “You’ve always meant more to me than that tattoo.”
Riza squeezed his hand. “I know but it’s good to hear, too.”
“I’m not asking you to make a decision tonight, Riza. That would be very unfair, all thing considered but I want you back,” Roy said his voice so soft she barely heard him.
“If I come back, Roy, this is your last chance.” Riza felt a tremor run through her body. As if he thought she could leave him after tonight…Riza shuddered as reality kicked a pleasant fantasy aside. “If you push me away again, I won’t ever come back.”
He caressed her cheek. “I understand. All I ever wanted was you at my side and for our lives to finally make it to a point where we could actually be together as a married couple. I never realized, until recently, how much I envied Maes his marriage.”
Riza pushed up on one elbow, looking down at him. “Was that some sort of strange marriage proposal, Roy?”
He laughed. “No, even I know this isn’t the time.” Roy took her hand, dropping a kiss into her palm. “Would you marry me?”
Riza settled back down. “I’m still too mad at you for that. Ask me again when I’m not furious.”
Roy smiled. “I might even have a ring by then.”
“Knowing you, you’ll have a three piece band and have found a way to alchemize the clouds to read, ‘marry me, Riza’.” She ruffled his hair.
“There you go, giving me good ideas.”
She sat up and tried to remove the eye patch but Roy jerked his head back. “Roy, it’s all right.”
He shook his head, cupping his hand protectively over the patch. “You don’t need to look at it.”
“You don’t sleep in that patch,” she said, sensibly. “If I were to spend the night, I’d see it by default.”
“But you’re not staying. You have someone waiting for you,” he said practically.
Riza covered her eyes. She had tried to forget but that was hardly fair. David was a very good man and had made her happy. He deserved better than this. Riza shook her head; now she sounded like Roy. “I told him we had to stay last after the festival because of the threats.”
“That wasn’t a lie.”
“No, but it’s so late, David probably thinks the terrorists got me.”
Roy gestured to the phone on the bed stand – another sign of the wealth the State had plunged into his home – and got up. “Call him from here, let him know you’re okay. I’ll take a quick shower. I won’t use up all the hot water.” He smiled gently.
Riza felt her lips tremble. She knew it was costing Roy to be so nice about it. “Thank you, Roy.”
Riza made her call, reassuring David and apologize profusely for taking so long to let him know that she was all right. When Roy came back out of the bathroom, his eye patch was in his hand, but he had his eyelid closed over the empty socket. He set the patch on the night stand and sat back down on the bed. She smoothed a hand over his cheek, with its red ridge of scar tissue, carefully avoiding the empty socket. Riza leaned in and kissed the scarred cheek, feeling him trembling under her. She didn’t say anything simply because she didn’t know what to say.
“They need to do more surgery to reconstruct the socket if I want a glass eye.” He lay back on the bed with a shrug. “Towels are in the linen closet.”
“Thanks.” Riza escaped into the shower, turning it on hot. She let the water sluice over her, her tears mingling with it. She’d tell Roy she got soap in her eye if he asked and he’d know it was a lie. She kept her hair carefully out of the spray as much as she could since she couldn’t explain away freshly washed hair to David.
How had she let herself get into a mess like this? What had she been expecting? Mostly she had just wanted to be sure Roy wasn’t hurting himself when she had gone after him in the cemetery. She had seen the mess he had been the day after she saw him in the bar. She knew him intimately, knew his moods, which was why being abandoned had hurt so much. It was unlike him and she hadn’t known how to handle it.
Riza had most definitely not gone after him planning to fall into his bed. Even when she walked Roy back to his place to make sure he wasn’t too drunk to get there safely, she had every intention of going home. It was the house itself, big and echoing its loneliness, that broke her heart. Her resolved dissipated then and there. Now she would have to live with the guilt of falling back into bed with him. Worse, she still had to face going home to David, half afraid it would show on her face.
There was nothing to do for it now. Riza got herself back under control, got out of the shower, toweled off and redressed. When she went into the bed room, Roy drowsed on the bed, the sheets twisted around his feet. He looked so sweet. In spite of all the scars, he was beautiful to her. Maybe it was her imagination, maybe it was the afterglow of sex but Roy seemed nearly radiant. She went over, intending on stealing a kiss before she left but his eye opened and he smiled.
“It’s too late to call you a cab.” Roy roused himself into a sitting position. “and something tells me if I suggest calling Havoc you’ll…”
“Slap you simple, yes.” Riza narrowed her eyes at him.
“Just try not to rap my head off this head board too many times.” Roy patted the frighteningly carved wood. “It might kill me. I’ll walk you home.”
“I was the one walking you home, remember?”
“And I said I wasn’t drunk then. I’m less drunk now.” Roy got up and found his pants. “He won’t see me, Riza. I’ll stop a block away…and even if he did, he already knows you were with us hunting terrorists.”
“Yes, we did ever so well doing that,” she snorted.
Roy grinned, tugging on his shirt. “I’m a target. There could have been assassins in here. Now, thanks to our unorthodox methods we know there isn’t any hiding in my house under the bed.”
Riza couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, when you put it that way.” She abandoned the heavy bath towel and found her clothes where they had been strewn.
Roy offered her his arm and she let him sweep her down the stairs. The night air still had a touch of humidity and warmth to it. Riza wished the festival would call in some rain so they’d get relief. She looked over at Roy. “I didn’t come here…I didn’t come to make you feel worse, that night in the Stumble Inn and I didn’t come here tonight just so we could do…that.”
He patted her hand. “I know. You did though, make me feel worse and I deserved it. I knew what I had done was wrong but I never owned up to it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“If it’s any consolation, I don’t really remember much of what happened in the Stumble Inn.” Roy shot her a sheepish look. “I have a vague memory of waking up Havoc to come get me at last call. He said I had been shooting doubles and there might have been some singing involved.”
“Why do you think I came looking for you in the cemetery? I know how you can hurt yourself. You’re a master at it,” Riza scolded gently.
“I’ve had reason to become so talented,” he replied and, to that, she said nothing.
The rest of the walk to the hotel was in silence. Roy, as promised, stopped a block away. “I’ll watch you until you get inside.” He didn’t offer her a kiss but he did give her hand a squeeze. Maybe he thought it would be crass to send her to David tasting him on her lips.
“I’ll see you tomorrow at the festival, Roy,” she said.
“Good night, Riza.”
She could feel his eyes on her as she walked to the hotel. She ventured a small wave then watched as he retreated into the darkness. Riza turned and went inside. She knew David would be awake. He might even be angry that she hadn’t called him sooner. She felt awful inside, lying in his bed after what she had just done. She did care about the man. Riza wasn’t sure she had ever truly loved him, just that she had wanted to be in love with someone who had an easy, gentle life. She should have known that she was shackled to her past. He didn’t deserve to be sullied by that past which was why she had told him so very little of it.
David lifted his head off the pillow, looking at her blearily, a book dangling in his hand. “Are you okay, Riza?”
“I’m so sorry. We got busy worrying about the festival. I forgot the time,” she said. “I still need a shower,” she said and that was true. Her hair was sweat-dampened and flat from her various romps with Roy.
“Go ahead. I’ll leave the light on for you,” he said and she thanked him even though she didn’t really feel it. She knew that meant he’d stay up reading when what she wanted was for him to fall asleep so she could avoid everything for a few hours more.
Taking a second shower and toweling off her hair good, Riza went back into their room and slipped under the covers with him. She hoped now he could sleep and at least, he turned off the light. David stroked her damp hair. “You look so tired.”
“It’s been a very long day. You didn’t need to wait up for me,” she said, not really looking at him.
“I was worried. Going after terrorists is dangerous work.” David sighed. “Were you with General Mustang again?”
Riza nodded, realizing David wasn’t going to just go to sleep. She didn’t want to have to hurt him until they got back home and she could do it gently. He deserved that much. “I used to be assigned to him.”
“You said. I hope he wasn’t too demanding.”
Riza couldn’t help but laugh. “No more than usual.”
“You must know him well.” David’s blue eyes had an inquisitive gleam.
Yawning, she nodded. “Ever since he was a boy.” She let her heavy eyelids shut, barely realizing what she had just said.
“A boy?” Curiosity laced through David’s voice
“My dad was his alchemy teacher. I’ve known Mustang since his grandfather brought him to see us. Mustang was trying so hard not to talk with an accent. His family used to go back and forth on the Xing trade routes, back before the trains were lost.” She yawned again. “David, can we talk about this in the morning? I barely know what I’m saying.”
He slipped his arms around her, kissing her gently. “Of course.”
She didn’t even have time to compare that kiss to the ones from earlier in the evening. Riza surrendered to sleep.
onto chapter three
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Date: 2007-10-22 10:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 02:33 am (UTC)Wonderful
Date: 2007-10-22 10:55 pm (UTC)Re: Wonderful
Date: 2007-10-23 02:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-22 11:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 02:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 01:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 04:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-26 07:26 am (UTC)Great stuff. And Roy and Riza are slowly climbing out of their respective Wells of Angst, but something tells me you're just gonna kick 'em down again.
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Date: 2007-10-26 03:34 pm (UTC)glad you're enjoying it. hopefully tomorrow i'll have some time to polish up chapter 3
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Date: 2007-11-04 08:30 am (UTC)I like that bit very much. He's feeling a little bit sorry for himself, but also realizes it in his sardonic thoughts. I also enjoyed picturing Roy in his Ishbalan robes, or in the Xingian garb that Riza first met him in. He's like a dress-up doll!
Seriously, this is a good story. It was very touching to read their confessions of what they had been feeling and suffering without one another.
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Date: 2007-11-04 02:56 pm (UTC)I'm glad you're enjoying this.
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Date: 2008-02-28 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-28 03:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-28 05:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-28 05:59 pm (UTC)