holiday fic

[cornerofmadness]

Or at the very least, the beginnings of one.

Title – Yeah none yet since not enough of this has materialized to suggest a title
Author – cornerofmadness
Disclaimer – none of them are mine (though I’d like to have Thomas for an evening), all rights belong to Mr. Butcher.
Rating – R for adult content (non graphic)
Pairing – Hints of Harry/Murphy, Thomas/O.C.
Summary – Thomas is having a really bad week
Time Line – Spoilers up to Book 7, set during the time Harry has a roommate.
Author’s Note – Written for lyrangalia for the holidays. Merry Christmas, sorry I didn’t get it done. At least I got an unbeta’ed chapter. That’s progress right? Lyra wanted Thomas: prompt: I'm a sex vampire living with my brother the celibate monk. Or Dresden/Murphy; prompt: maybe it's not wise to piss off a woman you've seen kill monsters with a chainsaw. (I’ll probably work in both by the end)



Chapter One – Thomas

I’m a sex vampire living with my brother the celibate monk. It sounds like a bad sitcom and sometimes it is, like now. I really wish Harry would have told me he was bringing guests home. Granted, it was his apartment but I live here, too. Still, if he had just said I’m bringing Murphy over I wouldn’t have brought home Meg…okay, I would have but I wouldn’t have let her chain me up.

Granted, in hindsight, I shouldn’t have done that period but I don’t mind the kinky and what happened with Harry’s manacles – why does he even have them? Not for sex, that’s for sure – when he wasn’t around was something he never need know.

As it was, Meg talked me into a few pony games before sweet talking me into the manacles. She tasted so good, how could I say no? Besides, maybe being bound down might help me to keep my monster under control.

Lucky me, Meg turned out to be a con artist who stole my wallet, including the charm to get me past Harry’s wards. To add insult to injury, she bitched about the lack of high-end electronics to be found in Harry’s place. She left me where I was now, naked except for Mom’s amulet, a bridle over my face, complete with bit, and a horse’s tail that was busy making my ass sore. She had taken her saddle with her. The other accouterments were mine and hid out in my trunks, which Harry hopefully kept out of.

Oh, I could have gotten out of the manacles, maybe not without damaging the fire dogs I was leashed to, but Harry had come home early. Leave it to my brother to bring guests. Why won’t they stop staring? You’d think they’ve never seen a naked man chained on his back in pony gear with a two ton cat on his chest and an enormous dog head on his belly before. I’ve been worried Mouse might mistake something for a snausage for the past ten minutes.

“Well, Butters, you wanted to ask Thomas for a favor, have at it,” Harry said, way too amused by all this.

I muttered a curse around the bit as Butters stared even harder.

He glanced way up at Harry. “I can’t talk to him like this.”

“I could cover him with a sheet,” Harry offered and I threw more invectives at the metal in my mouth, my teeth clicking against it.

“Shouldn’t you let him go?” Murphy asked, bless her, then she added. “But then you’d have to touch him.”

“Guess I’m glad I have a leather glove.” Wiseass wiggled his burnt hand, such as he could. I glared death his way. They’re all lucky I liked them too much to let my monster loose and make them want to join me…well, Murphy at any rate. I’d prefer not to get involved in incest. My family does enough of that.

Harry did free me and I tore off the bridle, letting out the swears the metal had held in. I got up, walking to the shower with as much dignity as a man could with a two foot fall of latex horse tail brushing his thighs.

The icy shower did nothing to improve my disposition and by the time I walked back out, still starkers, they were sitting around with beers and a spray bottle of 409 and paper towels had been put where I had been tied down. Ignoring my brother’s weak sense of humor, I opened my trunk and started dressing.

Concentrating on his beer instead of me, my brother queried, “Where is…she?” The question emphasized the sex of my lover more than her whereabouts.

“Stole my wallet with the charm and is long gone. Luckily, you’re already dirt poor. There was nothing she wanted in here.” I pulled my jeans up in one smooth move. “Sorry about the charm.”

Harry’s lips tugged down. “Just great.”

“Chances are the charm will end up in a dumpster with the wallet once she cleans it out,” Murphy said, “Which I guess is even worse.”

“I can put a tracking spell on it,” Harry said, sparing me a sour look.

“She’ll get a nasty surprise when she realizes none of my credit cards are active. I only keep them as a second form of identification,” I lied. I kept them as a reminder of how fickle and cruel the Raiths were.

“I’ll start tracking. Dare I ask about the bridle and tail?” Harry’s face said he half wanted to know but mostly feared the answer.

I shrugged. “She had her own saddle. Don’t knock it. It can be fun but how would you know? When’s the last time you got any?”

Harry scowled and Butters asked, “Her own saddle?”

“Makes sense,” Murphy said. “Find a guy into the kink and rob him. He’s not likely to call the cops and tell them what happened.”

I nodded. “Yeah, probably so. Too bad since it could have been exciting.”

Harry snorted at me then changed the subject. “Butters, that’s as decent as he gets, ask away.” He swept a hand toward me.

The little man looked at me as Mouse bulled his way under the man’s hand to be petted. “There is this polka for charity event I’m working for,” he started and I already didn’t like where it was going. “We raise money for children’s charities here in Chicago for the holidays and I wanted you…”

I waved him off. “No.”

“Let him finish,” Harry said sternly and I relented.

“All you’d have to do is maybe serve drinks and get people out dancing.” Butters looked way too excited about polka music.

Great, a bunch of aging polka people clutching on my arms and tramping my feet. Did anyone under fifty even know how to polka, Butters aside? My own superficiality stung. I tried to figure out a graceful way out of this. “I …uh, don’t know how to polka.”

“Oh, it’s not hard. I could teach you how,” Butters said enthusiastically.

“I’m really not…”

“People give more if they’re having a good time,” Murphy broke in, sparing a hard cop look for me.

“And you owe Butters,” Harry said.

My eyebrows went up. “I owe him how?”

“You owe everyone in here.” Harry stabbed a finger at me. “We had to see you like that , you owe us.”

I glared at my brother but it wasn’t worth fighting about. I could do my brother’s friends a favor. I nodded. “All right but if it gets overwhelming, the emotions, I mean, I might have to bail,” I warned them and was met with understanding, almost sympathetic looks. Okay, that really sucks.

“That’s okay. Any little bit helps,” Butters said.

“When is it?”

“This Saturday, starting at seven. Well, that’s when we meet up. The music starts an hour later.”

Only a day after a standing yearly obligation that always made me feel like shit. Some happy polka music might not be so terrible. “I don’t have to wear lederhosen, do I?” Say no , I thought.

“Please say yes.” Harry flashed a grin full of malicious glee.

I shook my hair back. “I’ll make them look good.”

“He has a point, Harry.” Murphy’s eyes swept over me.

“I’ll be in lederhosen,” Butters said, promptly scarring me for life. “A lot of the musicians will be but you can wear what you want.”

“I’ll be there,” I said. I turned my gaze to Murphy who flushed a bit. Hell, I wasn’t even turning on the charm. “What brings you by, Murphy? You’re not polkaing are you?”

“Oh, I’ll go support the charity,” she said. “But I’m here now because Harry and I were going to go to Mac’s.”

“Ah, you’re paying then since it’s not burgers as usual.” I grinned, relishing my brother’s pained moan.

“So she is but now I’ve to track down a lost wallet.” Harry gave me a look that said I’d better put on a shirt and go with them. This was going to be the end cap of a very long week.