I feel a little sick

[cornerofmadness]

Not physically (well a little) but emotionally

I lost a brand new lecture. It took me most of a day to do but it is missing utterly from every file folder it could have been in. The only thing I can think of is that it somehow never saved outside of the original folder (i.e. the material I adapted from my anatomy class) and got deleted. Wails)

Sent out two more resumes. One I realized belatedly was probably a waste of time (when the ad publication date is the same as the interview dates you know it's an inside hire they have to, by law, put out). I wish I would read these better. I get so nervous. THis is one of the few things I have serious anxiety issues over.

I was thinking about that tonight. I think it stems back to medical school. I wasn't stressed out about college interviews and the only job interview i had then was waitressing, hardly high stress. Then came med school interviews and knowing that each school had on average 3000 applicants for less than 100 positions. That was stressful. Painfully so. Then came the residency interview. If you did NOT get one, you couldn't practice medicine even if you graduated. They rounded us up for a weekend of interviews, like 20 a day while they orally quizzed you like it was national boards.

Yeah, so issues began to develop around interviewing. Getting a job after residency was on par with the residency interviews but at least it was just one at a time. Grad school zero stress on the interview but now, yeah STRESS. There are like 60 jobs in the entire country in my field. Not the state, the country. Wow. yeah. Needless to say I get overly stressed. I avoid it, i delay it then I fly around and do stupid shit

I need to send in the one but I'm not sure what to say to 'professional goals.' no one has asked me that one. I think what they want is 'what can i do for them' (So translation, go look at the college and see exactly what they ARE doing)

Dies.