I feel a little sick
Feb. 10th, 2009 09:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cornerofmadnessNot physically (well a little) but emotionally
I lost a brand new lecture. It took me most of a day to do but it is missing utterly from every file folder it could have been in. The only thing I can think of is that it somehow never saved outside of the original folder (i.e. the material I adapted from my anatomy class) and got deleted. Wails)
Sent out two more resumes. One I realized belatedly was probably a waste of time (when the ad publication date is the same as the interview dates you know it's an inside hire they have to, by law, put out). I wish I would read these better. I get so nervous. THis is one of the few things I have serious anxiety issues over.
I was thinking about that tonight. I think it stems back to medical school. I wasn't stressed out about college interviews and the only job interview i had then was waitressing, hardly high stress. Then came med school interviews and knowing that each school had on average 3000 applicants for less than 100 positions. That was stressful. Painfully so. Then came the residency interview. If you did NOT get one, you couldn't practice medicine even if you graduated. They rounded us up for a weekend of interviews, like 20 a day while they orally quizzed you like it was national boards.
Yeah, so issues began to develop around interviewing. Getting a job after residency was on par with the residency interviews but at least it was just one at a time. Grad school zero stress on the interview but now, yeah STRESS. There are like 60 jobs in the entire country in my field. Not the state, the country. Wow. yeah. Needless to say I get overly stressed. I avoid it, i delay it then I fly around and do stupid shit
I need to send in the one but I'm not sure what to say to 'professional goals.' no one has asked me that one. I think what they want is 'what can i do for them' (So translation, go look at the college and see exactly what they ARE doing)
Dies.
I lost a brand new lecture. It took me most of a day to do but it is missing utterly from every file folder it could have been in. The only thing I can think of is that it somehow never saved outside of the original folder (i.e. the material I adapted from my anatomy class) and got deleted. Wails)
Sent out two more resumes. One I realized belatedly was probably a waste of time (when the ad publication date is the same as the interview dates you know it's an inside hire they have to, by law, put out). I wish I would read these better. I get so nervous. THis is one of the few things I have serious anxiety issues over.
I was thinking about that tonight. I think it stems back to medical school. I wasn't stressed out about college interviews and the only job interview i had then was waitressing, hardly high stress. Then came med school interviews and knowing that each school had on average 3000 applicants for less than 100 positions. That was stressful. Painfully so. Then came the residency interview. If you did NOT get one, you couldn't practice medicine even if you graduated. They rounded us up for a weekend of interviews, like 20 a day while they orally quizzed you like it was national boards.
Yeah, so issues began to develop around interviewing. Getting a job after residency was on par with the residency interviews but at least it was just one at a time. Grad school zero stress on the interview but now, yeah STRESS. There are like 60 jobs in the entire country in my field. Not the state, the country. Wow. yeah. Needless to say I get overly stressed. I avoid it, i delay it then I fly around and do stupid shit
I need to send in the one but I'm not sure what to say to 'professional goals.' no one has asked me that one. I think what they want is 'what can i do for them' (So translation, go look at the college and see exactly what they ARE doing)
Dies.
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Date: 2009-02-11 03:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-11 03:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-11 03:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-11 04:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-11 03:24 am (UTC)I always want to say to 'professional goals': to be working in a profession. I mean, what else are you supposed to say without being in the job?
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Date: 2009-02-11 03:37 am (UTC)wine drank thx
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Date: 2009-02-11 04:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-11 04:58 am (UTC)i mean I'm happy i HAVE a job. I love my coworkers.
I hate this area. It's not making me happy and that's the only reason I want out.
Sometimes I think I'm sabatoging myself.
Working on Hawaiian philosphy right now. lets see if that's h elpful in any way
(stress is also why I've shelved a few of your critiques. I'm not i n a frame of mind to actually USE them. WHich I need to get over asap for Riding with Strangers. BTW synopsis writing is hard, boring and hard )
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Date: 2009-02-11 05:41 am (UTC)Good luck on the resumes.
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Date: 2009-02-12 03:36 am (UTC)thanks
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Date: 2009-02-11 03:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-11 07:07 pm (UTC)you too
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Date: 2009-02-11 08:10 pm (UTC)At least then, I'd know where I stood most of the time. With my mother there is none of that stability.
Not to mention, my love for the military and how regulated that is. I think I can do it, most of my family thinks I can do it -- my mother and sister keep trying to discourage me.
That, I do not understand and refuse to abide to.
Anyway, just breathe and take it one day at a time. You even know what you're up against, so it's not like you're going into things completely unarmed, as it were.
Now, the original reason I rushed over to your journal -- now, I know you didn't like the movie, but I wanted to share this fanvid with you because it's so beautifully edited and I hope and think you'll enjoy it as much as I do.
Into the Night (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9nLoywNd2M) - an FMA fanvid set around Conqueror of Shamballa, though due to the song's content it really has no...context?...for the movie, itself.
The recurring theme is Noa dancing at Alphons' funeral but I think it truly encompasses Ed and Al's relationships and those of everyone around them with the exception of Pinako. The only homunculi involved are Gluttony and Wrath, for reasons you would see if you chose to watch.
Still, hopefully, this beautifully edited video will help you forget your anxiety for a bit.
Ah, yes -- say hi to Roy for me!
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Date: 2009-02-12 03:35 am (UTC)You'llmake it through. I did. Maybe not with all my marbles b ut I only miss them occasionally.
thanks. I'll try to watch this at work (sadly I have dial up)
also have the first piece of your NCIS/Angel thing. That ought to be interesting
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Date: 2009-02-12 03:37 am (UTC)I won't spoil you (much), but I plan for Ducky and Abby to both want Connor to work with them. *grin*
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Date: 2009-02-12 03:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 03:49 am (UTC)"Double your fun."
*sighs*
Yep, that cinched the deal for me. *grin*
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Date: 2009-02-12 04:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 04:08 am (UTC)Ah, yes, and who can forget the travesty that J.K. Rowling made of the final two books in terms of relationships by shoehorning what she wanted to see in them when the story was plainly pointing elsewhere.
Honestly, I'd've been happy if the entire series had turned out to be gen. But, no, we couldn't have that, now could we?
How dare our hero not end up with a girl he's shown no interest in and who hasn't shown any in him in a few years now?
What nonsense is this?
Um, yeah, I'm done ranting now. *goes back to Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist DVD that my sister bought me*
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Date: 2009-02-12 04:12 am (UTC)Tried to peer back in on House this year. I could slap Cuddy so i jsut stopped
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Date: 2009-02-12 04:17 am (UTC)Honestly...*gives up*
I missed last week's episode because I was in the hospital and I'm...just not concerned.
I watched NCIS last night because Entertainment Tonight spoiled me and all but waved a sign saying WATCH while I was trying to innocently eat dinner.
Bastards.
Anyway, I love how snarky Tony's gotten. I can't wait to see the start of that.
I think them dragging us through that whole thing with Gibbs, the Colombian girl, and her son was just cruel.
CRUEL. *laughs anyway*
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Date: 2009-02-12 04:32 am (UTC)I do love snarky Tony. and yeah I have to agree about last night's eppy. THough I was figuring he couldn't reallybe a son
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Date: 2009-02-12 04:57 am (UTC)There's enough doubt cast on the legitimacy of her license already, writers!
Yeah,
I was thinking -- would they really go there and if they did, how could I work it into my story.
Rat bastards, cheating me out of plot bunnies...
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Date: 2009-02-14 03:49 am (UTC)haha i suppose you could also Alternate Reality that kid into being a Gibbs
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Date: 2009-02-14 03:52 am (UTC)It'll have to be a few years in the future, though, of course, because my story takes place just after 'Hung Out to Dry', which is a first season episode, of course.
*sighs*
I used to respect Cuddy. Then they lobotomized her. They've lobotomized everyone but Chase, House, and -- for the most part -- Cameron.
Holy crap, who'd've ever seen the day when I preferred Cameron to Cuddy? *dies*
WRONG, WRITERS. PLAIN WRONG.
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Date: 2009-02-14 03:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 03:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 05:31 am (UTC)Have you tried putting any unusual word that you know was in the missing material into the search feature on your computer?
That can unearth stuff that seems to have vanished completely - good luck.
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Date: 2009-02-12 01:28 pm (UTC)and thanks
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Date: 2009-02-12 04:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 05:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 05:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 06:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 06:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 06:33 pm (UTC)oh well, better than getting addicted to something actually bad for us
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Date: 2009-02-12 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 07:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 10:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 02:34 am (UTC)