I feel a little sick

[cornerofmadness]

Not physically (well a little) but emotionally

I lost a brand new lecture. It took me most of a day to do but it is missing utterly from every file folder it could have been in. The only thing I can think of is that it somehow never saved outside of the original folder (i.e. the material I adapted from my anatomy class) and got deleted. Wails)

Sent out two more resumes. One I realized belatedly was probably a waste of time (when the ad publication date is the same as the interview dates you know it's an inside hire they have to, by law, put out). I wish I would read these better. I get so nervous. THis is one of the few things I have serious anxiety issues over.

I was thinking about that tonight. I think it stems back to medical school. I wasn't stressed out about college interviews and the only job interview i had then was waitressing, hardly high stress. Then came med school interviews and knowing that each school had on average 3000 applicants for less than 100 positions. That was stressful. Painfully so. Then came the residency interview. If you did NOT get one, you couldn't practice medicine even if you graduated. They rounded us up for a weekend of interviews, like 20 a day while they orally quizzed you like it was national boards.

Yeah, so issues began to develop around interviewing. Getting a job after residency was on par with the residency interviews but at least it was just one at a time. Grad school zero stress on the interview but now, yeah STRESS. There are like 60 jobs in the entire country in my field. Not the state, the country. Wow. yeah. Needless to say I get overly stressed. I avoid it, i delay it then I fly around and do stupid shit

I need to send in the one but I'm not sure what to say to 'professional goals.' no one has asked me that one. I think what they want is 'what can i do for them' (So translation, go look at the college and see exactly what they ARE doing)

Dies.

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I remember the horror stories you told me about interviewing. *shudder*

[ladystarlightsj.livejournal.com]

*sends wine*

I always want to say to 'professional goals': to be working in a profession. I mean, what else are you supposed to say without being in the job?

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

it was then and is now terrible. It really did twist a little something up inside my head

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

*keeps mouth shut and nods*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah i mean seriously what kind of question is that? I want to make the biology dept the bestest evah. Gah what a load of crap. (well yes i DO want to be my best b ut seriously now, what do you say to this)

wine drank thx

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

snort

[silvrethorn.livejournal.com]

Stress kills brain cells. Seriously. I do the same thing--when I should be most careful, nerves make me skip things, lose things or not register something even though I looked right at it. Usually important things, of course, and it seems to get worse with age and repeated exposure, like stress wears the insulation off your emotional wires (or the myelin off your nerves). Maybe we should both do some centering exercises before we try to fill out paperwork.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i think you're right because I've done this THREE times alredy in the last three months. It's costing me big time.

i mean I'm happy i HAVE a job. I love my coworkers.

I hate this area. It's not making me happy and that's the only reason I want out.

Sometimes I think I'm sabatoging myself.

Working on Hawaiian philosphy right now. lets see if that's h elpful in any way

(stress is also why I've shelved a few of your critiques. I'm not i n a frame of mind to actually USE them. WHich I need to get over asap for Riding with Strangers. BTW synopsis writing is hard, boring and hard )

[bashipforever.livejournal.com]

It is sickening when you lose files. Especially important ones. I'd say hope you find it but I'm certain you've already looked everywhere it could possibly be. Maybe the File Fairy will return it.

Good luck on the resumes.

[mulzrule.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm, maybe I should just keep the Associate's degree open so I have more options instead of caging myself in one field. I actually have a few opportunities (and a resume!) for once so I know how you feel. Good luck!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks

you too

[angelfirenze.livejournal.com]

I'm only going to tell you one more time to stop scaring me about medical school. *giggles* Nah, I'm kidding. I'm asking for all that, after all -- I think that compared to my mother, medical school might actually feel like a relief.

At least then, I'd know where I stood most of the time. With my mother there is none of that stability.

Not to mention, my love for the military and how regulated that is. I think I can do it, most of my family thinks I can do it -- my mother and sister keep trying to discourage me.

That, I do not understand and refuse to abide to.

Anyway, just breathe and take it one day at a time. You even know what you're up against, so it's not like you're going into things completely unarmed, as it were.

Now, the original reason I rushed over to your journal -- now, I know you didn't like the movie, but I wanted to share this fanvid with you because it's so beautifully edited and I hope and think you'll enjoy it as much as I do.

Into the Night (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9nLoywNd2M) - an FMA fanvid set around Conqueror of Shamballa, though due to the song's content it really has no...context?...for the movie, itself.

The recurring theme is Noa dancing at Alphons' funeral but I think it truly encompasses Ed and Al's relationships and those of everyone around them with the exception of Pinako. The only homunculi involved are Gluttony and Wrath, for reasons you would see if you chose to watch.

Still, hopefully, this beautifully edited video will help you forget your anxiety for a bit.

Ah, yes -- say hi to Roy for me!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

haha call it fair warning so you're prepared for it.

You'llmake it through. I did. Maybe not with all my marbles b ut I only miss them occasionally.

thanks. I'll try to watch this at work (sadly I have dial up)

also have the first piece of your NCIS/Angel thing. That ought to be interesting

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

very sickeneing since this was so important.

thanks

[angelfirenze.livejournal.com]

*claps and grins* I can't wait! I hope you enjoy them as much as I have!

I won't spoil you (much), but I plan for Ducky and Abby to both want Connor to work with them. *grin*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

cool Ducky Abby and McGee are my favorites. I'm more a McAbby shipper but it's all good

[angelfirenze.livejournal.com]

I kind of ship Abby with McGee because they're adorable together, but I was hooked on Abby/Tony the second I heard, "Double your pleasure -- "

"Double your fun."

*sighs*

Yep, that cinched the deal for me. *grin*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

ah, yeah I've never seen Tony and Abby at all (Not too sure I like how hard the show's b een pitching Tony/Ziva either)

[angelfirenze.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've noticed that none of my pairings tend to be quantified in canon. Especially when canon is so likely to foul things up (*coughs and points directly to House writers that I haven't forgiven yet*)...

Ah, yes, and who can forget the travesty that J.K. Rowling made of the final two books in terms of relationships by shoehorning what she wanted to see in them when the story was plainly pointing elsewhere.

Honestly, I'd've been happy if the entire series had turned out to be gen. But, no, we couldn't have that, now could we?

How dare our hero not end up with a girl he's shown no interest in and who hasn't shown any in him in a few years now?

What nonsense is this?

Um, yeah, I'm done ranting now. *goes back to Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist DVD that my sister bought me*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

having recently watch NCIS from start to today I have to disagree a little Tony/Ziva sexual inneundo started day one. It's just more blatant now

Tried to peer back in on House this year. I could slap Cuddy so i jsut stopped

[angelfirenze.livejournal.com]

There's a whole line of people I could slap on House. House and Chase are the only two exempt and that's because they're the most sane ones left.

Honestly...*gives up*

I missed last week's episode because I was in the hospital and I'm...just not concerned.

I watched NCIS last night because Entertainment Tonight spoiled me and all but waved a sign saying WATCH while I was trying to innocently eat dinner.

Bastards.

Anyway, I love how snarky Tony's gotten. I can't wait to see the start of that.

I think them dragging us through that whole thing with Gibbs, the Colombian girl, and her son was just cruel.

CRUEL. *laughs anyway*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah listening to Cuddy WHINE about how hard babies are to take care of leaves me cold

I do love snarky Tony. and yeah I have to agree about last night's eppy. THough I was figuring he couldn't reallybe a son

[angelfirenze.livejournal.com]

I can't help but say she knew what the hell she was getting into and if she didn't, how the fuck did she become a doctor?

There's enough doubt cast on the legitimacy of her license already, writers!

Yeah, tiggpwns YIM'ed me that she called him not being Gibbs' kid. I spent the entire episode on tenterhooks about it.

I was thinking -- would they really go there and if they did, how could I work it into my story.

Rat bastards, cheating me out of plot bunnies...

[londonbard.livejournal.com]

clicked the dragons here cos I like your writing.


Have you tried putting any unusual word that you know was in the missing material into the search feature on your computer?
That can unearth stuff that seems to have vanished completely - good luck.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah i did. I think i know what happened to it. I think i forgot to move it from the source folder then erased that folder off the flash. sigh.

and thanks

[back2real.livejournal.com]

ooh, look at all the babies! *click*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

clicked. Plenty. Passed on some, got me some new ones for tonight

[back2real.livejournal.com]

wow, they're keeping you busy! I have to stop breeding them, it's such an addiction...don't know why! I did get a few of those new green frilled ones, should be fun!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah just got one of them and bred a stone. I have NO idea why i keep breeding so many. totally addicted

[back2real.livejournal.com]

I know, what is it with this little game that makes it so addictive? And it's like every time I get a new hatchling I think "awww, so cute" even though it looks exactly like the other ones!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

ihave no idea but that's the truth of it.

oh well, better than getting addicted to something actually bad for us

[back2real.livejournal.com]

true, true! now I'm going to go crazy trying to get/breed one of those crystals!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

tell me about it and since all my stones are related I'm gonna have to give mine (should I get one this way) a hillbilly name...

[back2real.livejournal.com]

oh no, not *gasp* incest!!!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

well it happened so yeah I think half brother and sister just had a baby. I'll call it Billy Bubba.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

that's my exact thought on Cuddy

haha i suppose you could also Alternate Reality that kid into being a Gibbs

[angelfirenze.livejournal.com]

That is true -- but there's so many hidden progeny popping up already...ah, one more can't hurt.

It'll have to be a few years in the future, though, of course, because my story takes place just after 'Hung Out to Dry', which is a first season episode, of course.

*sighs*

I used to respect Cuddy. Then they lobotomized her. They've lobotomized everyone but Chase, House, and -- for the most part -- Cameron.

Holy crap, who'd've ever seen the day when I preferred Cameron to Cuddy? *dies*

WRONG, WRITERS. PLAIN WRONG.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

see this is why i'm glad i stopped watching when Tritter showed up

[angelfirenze.livejournal.com]

I wish I had...