is there a vacuum cleaner hanging over my head

[cornerofmadness]

Or is the universe just sucking on its own.

Had to get up earlier than normal on my usual sleep in day to get to the hospital for testing. I'm fasting for 12 hours at this point. I get there and they ask berry or bannana for my barium 'shake'. LIke it matters. While they're getting this, I trundle to the lab next door. Surprise surprise, I no lab work ordered.

Secretary - Call your doc

Me - um...they're not at this hospital

Sec - you don't KNOW their number

Me - have you ever met a patient who knew their doc's number. I don't know they just moved anyhow

Sec - well don't you have a card

Me - they. just. moved.

Phlebotomoist - sec, just look it up on the net (thank you dear lady)

I call my doc, yell a little, give them the fax then go back to imagining while they're waiting on the fax. This 'shake is huge. Like 1500 ml I drink this stuff in tiny sips so not to puke, hit the restroom then head back to the lab since i have to wait an hour after drinking.

Obviously the nurse didn't tell my doc I didn't need ALL my bloodwork since i just freaking had it. They take out four vials and hand me a pee-in-the-cup. SHould have told me this sooner. So now i have to wander around holding this dump cup.

I get into the CT scanner. They remind me I can't take my diabetes meds for several days lest my kidney's die as the meds complex with the contrast dye. THey put in the IV and remind me the dye will give me a foul taste in my mouth then result in a rolling heat wave and the sensation i just peed myself. Have I mentioned how fun this is?

CT scan over (i'm still puzzled at the barium since we're scanning my kidney/adrenal NOT my freaking guts). I go pee in my cup and head to the office...where the contrast dye makes me pee every 15 minutes for hours. And for the first time ever the barium freaks out my GI tract. Let's just say it was a totally unpleasant day.

But it ended in beer andpizza and a Valentine's day gift from my parents since they didn't want me to feel lonely.

I'm having the devil of the time writing. sobs


ETA - oh dear lord big bang is now over 34,300 words and nearly 90 pages long and it's STILL NOT DONE

Comments

[salomesensei.livejournal.com]

Oh I so know whereof you speak. In the space of 30 days, I had cystoscopy, colonoscopy, CT scan, and biopsy (of the uterus). The aftereffects were worse than the actual tests.

That said, not trying to steal your thunder. You have much to gripe about. And I'm having pizza too!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

no no there's plenty of misery to share here. the uterus crap is next month along with the boob squishy where they'll freak because there's something on the film (the same something that's been there for 10 years...)

pizza is food of the gods

[salomesensei.livejournal.com]

Yep, I have a mammogram coming end of the month, and probably a hysterectomy this summer! Huzzah!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

well that'll be less fun

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Awww, how nice of your mom and dad. I didn't even send cards, this year, no $$$$. D:

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i don't bother with cards any more outside of christmas

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm...good point.

Are you getting rid of more beads this Tuesday for Mardi Gras?

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

eh, if i remember

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I gave out some Thursday.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i'll try to rememeber

[tehlobster.livejournal.com]

Ugh, flashbacks to my junior and senior years of high school. I feel for you.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i do this at least twice ayear...sigh

[enemytosleep]

Seems like now might be the time to write the torture scene where they tie [character] to a chair and subject him to all sorts of gruesome things than make [character] sick to their stomach and pee themselves.

Beer and pizza sounds fun. Hope you have a nice weekend after all this.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

snort. right now Temple et al are out in the cold but won't tell me about it so i'm up to torturing ed

[ishte.livejournal.com]

Vaccuum Cleaner of Damocles?

Yah sounds like a fun time. Sorry to say, better you than me.... heh.... *hides from barbarous 'modern' medical techniques* When do we get to have tricorders and stuff?

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

snort Damocles is right

hey, we're getting closer. there is some damn thing in columbus that is doing whole body scans. yeah it's as big as a room but hell so were computers in the 70's. we're getting there

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

That test sounds like a misery. And I come close to vomiting every time I have to drink barium. Truthfully, getting it in the other end is easier.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I've been drinking barium since at least middle school maybe earlier. It never gets easier. SO far I've avoided needing it going in the other end

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

Barium enemas are a thing of the past at this point, so you never will.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

exactly. I'm still puzzling out WHY they keep giving it to me since we're not looking at my freaking guts in these scans

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

We should form an unpleasant medical procedures support group.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

snort. next month is no fun either. mammogram time

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

Ouch ... that's one thing I'll be skipping, although a "friend" reminded me that I was close to the age for a colonoscopy ....

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

those are just so much fun (reminds me i'm beyond my 5 years...time to think bout it)

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

Please, don't make me think about such things! But we must, mustn't we ...?

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yes yes. the way the stomach was hurting all weekend it's probably well and truly time for another looksee in there too

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

Better safe than sorry, to coin a cliche.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

provided i'm not trapped by the predicted snowstorm I'll probably get the ball rolling on tues. (then again I have no one to take me to/pick me up from the hospital since this is all done during the day. Bah)

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

There's one small benefit I have from working third shift; provided I can wake myself up to make appointments.

In any case, severe winter weather is good enough reason to put off almost anything.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah and the snow is here. we shall see what tomorrow brings. luckily it's not until afternoon sooo...

[rain-oubliette.livejournal.com]

Why does your doctor employee idiots? Especially since you have told that her employees are idiots.

Hope things go as you wish. I don't want to say, I hope they find nothing, because that won't solve the problem. But, at the same time, I don't want to say that I hope they DO find something because that comes across as sounding like "DIE! DIE! DIE!"

Oh. When I checked CNN.com for news, there was an article about a college professor shooting up a school. I checked. It wasn't you. (Alabama prof. shot three colleagues over a tenure discussion.) I was relieved.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i'm hoping for nothing worse than anemia btut then it becomes why am i anemic


yeah i saw that. Over tenure...and she's running around claiming they're lying to her because none of them should have died..

[sillymagpie.livejournal.com]

My one and only CT scan was not fun, and I didn't merely have the sensation of peeing myself. Or vomiting. Plus they wound up needing to do an MRI anyway.

I hate barium. Tastes like a fruity yogurt shake, my ass.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

there was no fruity goodness in that barium shake

eh I don't mind CTs or MRIs unless i have to have my arms above my head in that tube for long because of the arthritis