Hello Darkness my old friend

[cornerofmadness]

My depression wasn't as bad this year. Things look good for tenure, publishing more, the loans are at least getting paid in part and I'm owning my job in a serious way. Compared to my posts from this time in the last few years I'm doing good.

But not tonight. Sigh. Granted it could be partially PMS or maybe even a little ill. Yesterday's exhaustion carried over into today. I hurt. I cannot believe 3 minutes on an elliptical could make my thighs hurt like this. WTF? that is pathetic. I'm embarrassed.

Also my tooth hurts. I think the filling is leaking. Opps. better make an appt

two-faced people piss me off (and this is direct at no one here but more in my actual physical area)

To prove I have horrible timing, I have to go to columbus on Friday. I thought maybe I'd spend the night, clear my head but guess what, the thing I would have loved to see is Saturday night, a band playing a fusion of jazz and Indian music. sigh.

ETA - A silver lining for today's suckfest. yuukihikari sent me two of her colored illos for my fma Bigbang and they're lovely. Twirls. That makes me SO happy!

Comments

[halighfataliter.livejournal.com]

Don't be embarrassed please, we all have our weaknesses; they just don't look the same :)

I hope you'll feel better soon. From the sound of things you've come from a long way. It is something to be proud of. Courage, you are awesome and I'm sure you can do it (beat the shit of of the depression AND get healthy).

Lots of love xx

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you very much. Though if I wear out this quickly I should be at least a little embarrassed BUT I am doing something about it. I'm working on it and that is key.

also one of my cats is trying to type to you. brat

[halighfataliter.livejournal.com]

Mouahaha, let him type :D

Last year my sister decided to get fit/healthy and so started running. She has a normal built but she sucks even worse at sport than me... At the beginning she would run for 3 or 5 minutes and then rest for 7 minutes. In an unusual bout of unkindness, I laughed quite a lot as she told me about her routine. Well, you know, sisters... Anyway. But she is a very determined person, with strong will and self-discipline (contrarily to me) and she made quite a lot of progress. No reason you won't too!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

glad your sister did it. I do better if I'm in a structure environment for exercise or I wont' do it. I wish we had a REAL gym around here. It's so sad

[bay115.livejournal.com]

Like halighfataliter, I too am sure you'll beat that depression and be healthy too. *hugs*

Haha two of my artists had send me their drawings of my Big Bang recently and that makes me quite happy too after having to take care a few things irl wise.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you very much

that's very cool. It's always fun to see what the artists come up with

[helliongoddess.livejournal.com]

Don't feel bad, you are about the fifth person I have talked to (including me) in the last several days who has been wrestling with a bad bout of rather sudden-onset depression. Must be something in the air or water. Maybe it's all the stupid Republicans... I can happily blame them, myself. Really, just tonight I said to someone how I almost preferred the depression that I KNEW was for a certain reason over these random bouts that just come on me out of the blue, when life is really pretty ok, and have me crying for no reason, at the least little thing, and seeing the worst in everything, when I don't normally think that way (most days....) So I know what you mean, my friend. Hope it passes in a day or so.

Maybe you should try the form of therapy that same friend and I were talking about - settle in with a movie or some anime and something yummy and just vegetate for a few hours - I did Saiyuki anime and pocky this afternoon (it really did help!) - she was planning Titanic and M&M's for tomorrow. Pick your particular poison, and go for it.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Politics sure as hell don't help.

I tried that tonight with a marathon of BBT but felt guilty for not doing my work. I think I need to get more structured with the work, clear up some of it then I'll feel better and can relax some

[helliongoddess.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can understand that. It's hard to relax with crap hanging over your head. Even the minor things I have to deal with, it bothers me to have things undone... (like the mountain of laundry in the bedroom waiting to be put away at the moment.... O___o )

Hope you feel better soon. *hugs*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks. yeah I just need to get moar crap done

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you aren't feeling that great, and that you'll miss the fun thing.

I agree, going to Columbus might be good.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks. the fun thing could have been lots of fun. need to look more to see what's going on friday

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Yes, you do that. You deserve some fun!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

indeed

[winters-queen.livejournal.com]

*gives chocolate* Feel better.

Last night we went up to the barn so I could try a show halter on the mini, because I'm going to try to do showmanship at the shows. I walked with him and only jogged to get him trotting for at least half an hour and my legs didn't like me. I so need to get in better shape.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks

ouch to that. I hear you