Drowning

[cornerofmadness]

Rather horrid day today. Class went okay except for minor details which is fine. This class is much more outspoken and particpatory. I like that. IT was the home stuff that's killing me. My electric bill went up 15$ and my heating bill doubled to 400$ (I keep it between 65-68 in here. God forbid the house was actually warm, I'd never be able to pay it) Now I wasn't here for 2 weeks of that. I'm thinking estimate on the electric bill and/or the thing that we plugged in to keep the pipes from bursting from the cold. I dunno and since I just rent and all the bills aren't in my name, it's not like I can call and scream and find out. SIgh.

Worse, the med school loan company, the one that won't cut me a break called my dead grandmother for the money today (good luck) unfortunately my uncle who lives in her house gave them my parent's phone and now they're harrassing my parents. I'm calling the lawyer tomorrow. I want to know if there's a way of delaying default until my settlement. MAYBE they can have their damn money if they just wait and NOT default me (which never comes off my record). If I'm defaulted, it doesn't come off my record like a bankruptcy. They garnish my wages until I die and I can never inherit money nor can I receive monetary gifts without them taking it all until my debt is repaid. It's bad situation. ANd of course mom calls in the middle of dinner to tell me this. Nothing like lamb steak curdling in your stomach.

Worse, paying my electric and gas bills hav eleft me with 70 dollars to pay all my other bills and food and gas for the month. Get the feeling that I'm drowning and nothing's going to keep me from going down? And the psychiatrist thinks some stupid pills will help me? You know if my depression was 100% brain chemistry imbalance sure, but this isn't from an imbalance, this is ugly reality.

And I don't even get the stress relief of Law and ORder tonight. Pbttt.

Comments

[bashipforever.livejournal.com]

*huge hugs* Not that that helps. I wish I could do more.

Here stare at the pretty.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks and the pretty is very pretty

[marenfic.livejournal.com]

Can I ask a question? What is your work situation-- do you have another part-time job to supplement your income? It might not be your dream, and it is most likely not where you imagined yourself being but it might give you a little stress relief if you take a part-time job that you are over-educated and over-qualified for so that you can pay your bills and be more financially secure. It wouldn't be forever-- I'm assuming that you're still looking for a more permanent and full-time teaching position-- but it would most likely be worth the hassle to have some additional security in the short term.

And honestly, anti-depressants might help but without talk therapy, they aren't the solution. Please email me if you want to chat.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I tried but I live so far out of town in a town where there IS no work, that I can't find a job. (there might be one for hotel work but at this point with the brutal winters, it's so hazardous that it would be worth waiting until March.

Thanks I appreciate it. I had to cancel my therapist because right now, the deductible is on me and there just isn't any money to pay the master's level therapist let alone the psychiatrist I was sent to.

[aaronlisa.livejournal.com]

That's pretty crappy. I wish that there was something that I could do to help.


**Hugs**

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks. I appreciate it. Sadly this is a hole I dug and need to climb out of myself

[aaronlisa.livejournal.com]

yeah but still it sucks to be there... No matter if you're the one who dug the hole yourself.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

very much so especially since I expected to be in medicine making money and not having to ration out four days worth of food to last a week

[lejlkwiet.livejournal.com]

that's just awful. Wish i could actually do more than just write here but for what it's worth *HUGS*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Iappreciate it.

[lejlkwiet.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. Plus, having you write back to me so often this week has really helped, I was feeling very cut off from everyone, even my friends on LJ and having someone take the time to talk to me a bit helped pick me up. Thank YOU.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. I really can't afford the internet right now but it's the only thing that keeps me connected and sane.

[lejlkwiet.livejournal.com]

Ouch, that really bites.

But hopefully things will get better. We went through quite a bad patch last year too, for a few months after each other money for food and stuff was running out in the middle of the month and it was horrible having to stretch funds like that. And that was even with our overdraft and anything.

At least things are better now, not exactly fantastic but definitely not that bad.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear that. I keep telling myself I will find a better job by this fall. I have to.

[lejlkwiet.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you will, keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks.

gas bill

[demonicamills.livejournal.com]

Hey,
I don't know if they have this where you live, but when I lived in Chicago the gas company has an option called the economic plan where you pay a set amount of money every month. It's kinda nice because you can turn up your heat as high as you want during the winter, and not have to pay it all at once. I think mine was $70 in the winter and $30 in the summer, and I usually had my heat at like 75 degrees.

Re: gas bill

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

My family has that back in PA. Sadly I have propane gas, not natural gas, and offers no such service. My contention is there was no way I doubled my propane consumption since I wasn't even HERE.