The one thing about aging relatives, they seem to get more truthful

[cornerofmadness]

Or at least feel less need to hide things from you. I think I've learned more about my family in the last five years than in my entire life before.

Today was depressing really. We went to see my cousin on my dad's side, one of my favorite cousins in Mom/Dad's age group. Her son and I looked like brother and sister and are very much alike. It's obvious we're family. Her husband is very unwell and she has fibromyalgia and her lakeside townhouse is getting to be too much for her. We expected her to sell it and move into an assisted living locally until he passes and then go into an apt. Instead she's moving across the country with her other son and his family into an environment (cool rainforest in WA) guaranteed to upset her other conditions (arthritis, sinuses etc). I can't think of a single one of us who thinks this is a good idea (and it's pretty obvious he doesn't want to go because outside of that son ALL the family is here including two of husband's sisters who are too old/ill to travel as well so this is literally goodbye forever for him).

But it's not any of our place to say anything really so we didn't. Anyhow I learned that husband hated my grandfather and great grandfather. I knew that my dad had said his dad was hard and his grandfather outrightly abusive but apparently so was my granddad. Mom piped up with the fact that my grandmother had confided in her many times that my granddad was a 'mean bastard.'

I knew that Dad had to work and pay for his dad's house even at a young age (thanks to granddad's brother screwing him over and running off to CA). I didn't know that he wasn't allowed to play around much, couldn't be on any sports teams like he wanted because he had to have after school jobs to help keep the house up. Explains a lot about Dad really.

But I also learned that my granddad had a sister I never knew about who died in just five days (Mary) and that I had an Uncle Joe who I vaguely remember hearing about. I know about Frank who screwed the family over and Judge (George) who was Granddad's twin). My cousin had a picture of him and another grand uncle (with a great or two on that). Apparently Joe was the nice one who died in the coal mines. So that makes two uncles (great) of mine that got crushed to death in the mines.

And oddly dad tells me about Joe (thinking he has before but I'd have remembered this story) where he was very ill and asleep upstairs in his parents bed and woke up sitting up in bed to see a long hallway with torches burning in red and a man watching him from that hall. He screamed that there was a man in the upstairs but none was to be found. Later he saw the picture mentioned above and said that was the man in the stairs. Uncle Joe died before Dad was born.

And this is the man who mocks me and my brother for believing in ghosts.

Speaking of which I don't know why I did it. I should have just said I'm not talking about politics which is my go to answer. I knew what answer he wanted me to say. I knew he'd go off if I did and I did it anyway. I'm an idiot sometimes.

I looked at houses in OH and started crying again because it always makes me cry. I looked for jobs here. There are none. I wish there was a job here. I hate where I am.

And kudos to the wounded warrior project for firing those CEO who spent all the damn donations on themselves and on conferences etc. I want to be able to give to this organization. I want to help veterans. I hate that nearly every charity I want to give to ends up lining some CEOs pocket and the intended recipients of the money never get it.

I'm proud of myself for finishing a damn scene in Weird West

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I generally only give to local groups or Defenders of Wildlife. though Pets for Patriots seems to have a great reputation (so far) and there's a local version of it, too...

Uncle Granddad Joe sounds pretty creepy in the fiery hallway.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Yeah but it's harder to give to just local veterans groups si nce that doesn't usually help the truly disabled ones.

Especially since Uncle Joe was considered about the only truly nice one of the boys

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

This is also true.

And that's even more fascinating.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I thought so

[wildrider.livejournal.com]

I just put that down to "the longer I live, the more I learn."

I was quite surprised when Mom and I agreed that my father was, despite how I loved him, a VERY bad father... She understood. It's interesting, to talk with the relatives as I get older.

(Oddly, I still feel like a kid when I'm with them, though, despite my own age...)

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

true

It is interesting in a way. Especially when your parents start seeing you as an adult with your own opinions and thoughts one minute (and as a kid the next, regardless of how old you are)

and yes, I feel like that too. It's another reason I wish I lived closer then I could see them more often without having to LIVE in the house for days/weeks at a time

[rahirah]

Finding out family skeletons is so weird. When we're kids we never really see our parents as flawed, screwed up people, and it's hard to make the transition when we're older.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

It really is and that's true. And in some ways helpful, at least to understanding why my dad and his brother are the way they are and why me and MY brother are the way we are

[dragonydreams.livejournal.com]

It's always interesting learning more about family histories/skeletons. I feel like I understood my grandfather so much better just before he died than ever before.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

It is and I believe you. That's how it's working in my family.