Things to think about

[cornerofmadness]

Not necessarily good ones either.

Today at work we had a big decision to make and it went the way I wanted to but I had to do a lot of arguing. I'm rather tenacious. I research my position and I go for. I'm stubborn.

I mentioned this to mom. Her reply is 'you don't have to tell me!'

Yeah I've always been stubborn.

To my surprise she said 'no, you aren't. You used to be much more easy going.'

Well maybe I changed in medical school.

"No, you changed when you left Wisconsin."

I honestly can't remember. But she might be right. That's when I was injured. That was the last time I'm honestly smiling in photos. Maybe I did get more argumentative and needing to be right then when I lost control of my life and everything I fought so hard to achieve. When I arrived in Florida to go back to school, I had lost nearly everything which made the depression which had started about four years before even worse (so I think maybe it did start before that). I guess I'll blame Florida for giving me a shitty personality.

On the other hand I get a lot done. I always have done mind you. It's amazing what I can do when I concentrate, like this week. If I told you all I had to do I'd probably wear you out but I'm keeping on top of most of it.

I've been trying not to bitch as much but I do have to say I'm in enormous amounts of pain. It's my right side (no it's not appendicitis) I'm like 95% sure it's a pulled muscle but how and why I have no idea but it's getting worse.

Today someone on my author's group mentioned that she thought her days in our genre were numbered. Part of me felt like this was a fishing for compliments sort of comment (in how it was done) and part of me thought I KNOW EXACTLY how you feel. Day 3 of the sale, where you can get my stuff 40% off and not one sale. Sigh. And no one but tinhutlady looked at my excerpt (thank you!) in spite of the several places I posted it (though I'm less sad about that since it takes ME days to read some stuff people post). The sale hurts. So yeah that feeling of failure is clinging to me.

Comments

[tinhutlady.livejournal.com]

Can sympathize with clinging failure. Wrote a research article the other day. Four out of five scientists loved it. The last one, the one that counted, hated it and said it had bad English and bad science in it. Took it to a technical writer for advice and included any and all suggestions from her and the other scientists (which wasn't much). Now the paper is back in the last scientist's hands for review. Part of me really wants him to like it, but part of me is convinced I haven't ever been and will never be a very good tech writer so I shouldn't give a crap. Haven't touched any of my fiction works in progress in a while because of this. Sigh. I hate funks.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I'm sorry. Funks do suck. And that is another big fear of mine. I HAVE to start writing up my research and I am terrified no one will want it.

Good luck with your article.

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

*huggles* I hope you're okay!

As for your sales, do you have a link? :D

And I promise to read your excerpt. I saw it & just didn't have time to read it & I didn't want to just skim it. XD

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I don't know what's up with my side. It's annoying the hell out of me though.

It was in one of the other posts but here it is if you'd like to share it around. http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/AuthorArcade/jana-denardo

Yeah I figured a lot of people did that (I get insecure when other authors on Jana's fb put up an excerpt and 20 people fall over themselves in an hour to comment and I get crickets)

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

Awe... Maybe it's the weather. It's been raining off & on here today. So my knee has been achy & so has my head. *gets rain headaches*

Thanks! I'll mention it to some friends that are looking for something good to read. :D

Awe... *huggles* I'm so used to the crickets, I don't hear them anymore. XD The only time the lack of feedback bothered me was in a contest comm, especially at this one comm where there was only a winner & it felt like the same group of peeps would rotate the honor. >.>

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

The weather is definitely not helping. Hope your joints feel better.

thank you. I appreciate that SO much.

Yeah I don't m ind so much on fanfic any more but I guess it does bug me on my original fiction

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

Yeah... Thanks. I hope you feel better too!

You're welcoem! I definitely want to get me a hard copy of "Soldiers of the Sun." :D

I hear you on that. Well, hopefully, you'll get some feedback that'll chase those crickets away. :D

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

This week is the time. it probably won't be cheaper than that!

Here's hoping. If nothing else I'm about to send in Blood Red Roulette within in the next week or two.

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

You're welcome!

Yeah? I'd better get cracking then. XD

Here, here! Yeah? Good luck with that one too!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah probably

been tweeting them. not helping.


thanks I'll need it since I'llbe shocked if they say yes

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

Yeah... XD

Yeah? Not good. XD

You're welcome. Awe... *huggles* I hope they do! :D

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah makes me sad

Me too but if not I know where I'll try second

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

Awe... *huggles*

It sounds like you have a plan! :D

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

It's the one from Australia. I dont' know how well they're doing. They're fairly new but they're pretty aggressive marketing wise. They took my short story for that one anthology

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

Yeah? Okay, but that sounds good! And it also sounds like they like your work, do9 hopefully that'll work out for you. :D

(And I picked up a paperback copy of "Soldiers of the Sun." :D)

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Yep I have experience and options now!

THANK YOU! I appreciate it so much.

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

YAY! :D

You're welcoem! No problem. I probably should have bought the paperback in the first place, as I enjoy reading a real book more than an ebook, but then I wanted to have a library of good stuff on my kindle so... XD

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I appreciate it. Maybe one day I'll be there and can sign it. I'm glad you like the story!

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

It's my pleasure. That would be awesome! :D *is glad you're glad*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

:-)

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

:D

[silvrethorn.livejournal.com]

You feel the need to be right...and you chose to become a writer? Where if the editors don't crush your ego and make you feel like a talentless hack, contest judges and/or your reviewers do? You are never, ever right in the writing world. Somebody is always going to find fault with your work, no matter how widely-read or successful it is. Though admittedly, bad reviews are a lot easier to take if you're raking in advances and royalties like J. K. Rowling.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I never said that. Mom did. If I make a mistake I admit it

[silvrethorn.livejournal.com]

I was referencing this sentence: "Maybe I did get more argumentative and needing to be right then when I lost control of my life and everything I fought so hard to achieve." It just reminded me of all the shit my writer friends and I have been through, being forcibly reminded that our creative productions are commodities to be sold, not art for the sake of art. You, the author, are never right. The publisher/editor is right. Period. You modify to meet the buyer's expectations or you forego the paycheck. Ergo, writing is a terrible profession for depressives or anyone with fragile self-esteem. Every rejection, contest loss, bad review, lousy sales, or editorial edict just pile-drives your already wounded ego farther into the dirt. We are all crazy to be doing this. At least teaching gives you a positive boost now and then, because it gives visible results--for a few students, at least. And the failures fail because they want to, not because you failed them.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Yeah not clear there was I? MOM said that about me

[silvrethorn.livejournal.com]

So, are you owning Mom's words or still just taking them under consideration? Because that's valid as self-analysis, but gee, seems a little harsh coming from outside. Mom speaks truth to power, apparently--with the gloves off.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I'm argumentative but yes with DAD I will argue to prove I'm right but mostly because he always assumes I'm wrong.

I don't do that with everyone. Hell I tell the students four times a week 'I don't know that.' (mostly because my field is so broad)

When it comes to editing I mostly just use the ones from the publisher blindly without even thinking much on it. (Though someone needs to educate them that SOME body parts do move automatically) Only once did I come close to calling them out on one story (it was obvious this editor HATED it since it was the third edit which is usually just clean up done in a m atter of days and s/he wanted to rip it to shreds). I did stand my ground on both novels on two things and have the buyer's remorse. In retrospect the editor might have been right but usually when I do that I run it past my betas and ask for their thoughts

[silvrethorn.livejournal.com]

Your dad is a whole other case of crazy juice. Dealing with him would make anybody defensive and paranoid--the more you reveal about him, the more I'm amazed you're as sane and functional as you are.

Pretending to know stuff in the medical field is a good way to kill people. Sometimes "I don't know" is the best and most ethical answer, so kudos to you for saying it as often as you do. I hope your students learn from that.

I've watched my writers' group members show their manuscripts to eight different people and get eight different opinions. One of them is addicted to shopping her stuff around, shoving it in front of any agent, editor, or writing coach she can buttonhole. She never finishes anything because she's always getting conflicting advice and rewriting to suit. It's crazy. You're right to stand your ground at a certain point--so much better than ending up like J. of the neverending manuscripts.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Yeah the weird thing is Dad wasn't like that when I was younger, very hot tempered and screaming a lot of times but this stuff started when I got out of my residency.

What I SHOULD do is bring a tablet and write these questions down and answer them in the next class.

What I do with my writers groups is if two or three people agree something isn't working, I look at what they're saying. Because you're right, you're going to get constantly conflicting stuff. If 3 people say one thing and one says another (even if that's the one I want to believe) I look at it.

I didn't want to remove the bit with the girl's panties from Temple's bit because I'm very tired of bi-erasure. On the other hand I'm afraid people will think it's a bad bi trope because he's a man whore. In his case it's because of the abuse and he has a hypersexuality syndrome but they had no name for that in 1930 (other than maybe satyriasis) and if you don't hit some of these readers over the head with it....

Maybe I should have just removed it