Okay I get it now
Sep. 13th, 2016 10:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cornerofmadnessI really do. One of the comments in the possible revisions for BRR was 'sometimes the characters are stupid.' I didn't protest that one. I definitely knew there were a few areas of it. for example there's a scene where Arrigo hunts down Luc to give him a picture of Eleni and it ends in sex without him ever giving Luc that warning. Later he admits that was particularly dumb.
Well I'm reading a mystery by the same publishing house which has nearly that exact same scene (cue me being annoyed as it got published....) except only stupider. It was a five star read until I got to this point and it was like huh, you know I'm glad they said something to me (and why not here I'm not sure) But how was it even stupider than mine, at least Luc and Arrigo knew each other a little. These two characters, cop and the antique store owning MC, have had THREE conversations, all of which center around the possibility of the MC being in the picture for three murders and SHOULD have been telling the cop about a threatening note when suddenly the cop says he believes the MC isn't the killer and starts a blow job. Um What the holy fuck? (at least Arrigo didn't think Luc could be a possible murderer) and then it follows up with another BJ in the hospital after the MC was attacked and has a concussion. Head meet desk.
Yeah so I get it. No stupid shit. Arrigo & Luc tried to tell me how to fix it at like 4 AM. It went along the lines of making Taabu incoherent the first time Arrigo talks to her but that might not be enough. I'll have to see when I read through. Basically I don't want him to know it's eleni yet because why wouldn't Arrigo warn Luc? Maybe he doesn't even know he's a target yet so I might have to change Eleni's plans a bit so it's less stupid.
(and hope I can get back into that book as I was loving it until that)
Other things I still don't get. You need to world build (describe the shop) Yeah chapter one THREE paragraphs on that. Luc needs to be less flat. Okay yes I did worry on that and I worked really hard to flesh him out because the original story was entirely Arrigo's pov more or less. So chapter two, there's a boat load of his desires, like all the ones I mentioned the other night. So yeah I'm not sure but there it is. I might need an outside perspective as I go.
I did edit three full chapters and found more repetition than I thought were still in there and still a tons of epitaphs in it. Sigh. SO I guess I'm glad to get another chance at this.
And I noodled a bit on Kaleo's story and the new contemporary that I wanted to try. Only to realize now that I made him the wrong ethnic group. He's supposed to be lily white, red head because that's his natural cosplay. Way to forget.
It's the last Better Late Than Never - I expected a show with Terry Bradshaw, William Shatner, Henry Winkler and George Forman to be funnier. Instead it's four old men acting like they're 12. Sigh. Bits of it are funny. Terry Bradshaw (still my all time favorite QB) is insane. who knew George would be the most sensible.
ETA - On that show they had an elephant painting flowers. I have no words.
Day 13 - 211 words
Well I'm reading a mystery by the same publishing house which has nearly that exact same scene (cue me being annoyed as it got published....) except only stupider. It was a five star read until I got to this point and it was like huh, you know I'm glad they said something to me (and why not here I'm not sure) But how was it even stupider than mine, at least Luc and Arrigo knew each other a little. These two characters, cop and the antique store owning MC, have had THREE conversations, all of which center around the possibility of the MC being in the picture for three murders and SHOULD have been telling the cop about a threatening note when suddenly the cop says he believes the MC isn't the killer and starts a blow job. Um What the holy fuck? (at least Arrigo didn't think Luc could be a possible murderer) and then it follows up with another BJ in the hospital after the MC was attacked and has a concussion. Head meet desk.
Yeah so I get it. No stupid shit. Arrigo & Luc tried to tell me how to fix it at like 4 AM. It went along the lines of making Taabu incoherent the first time Arrigo talks to her but that might not be enough. I'll have to see when I read through. Basically I don't want him to know it's eleni yet because why wouldn't Arrigo warn Luc? Maybe he doesn't even know he's a target yet so I might have to change Eleni's plans a bit so it's less stupid.
(and hope I can get back into that book as I was loving it until that)
Other things I still don't get. You need to world build (describe the shop) Yeah chapter one THREE paragraphs on that. Luc needs to be less flat. Okay yes I did worry on that and I worked really hard to flesh him out because the original story was entirely Arrigo's pov more or less. So chapter two, there's a boat load of his desires, like all the ones I mentioned the other night. So yeah I'm not sure but there it is. I might need an outside perspective as I go.
I did edit three full chapters and found more repetition than I thought were still in there and still a tons of epitaphs in it. Sigh. SO I guess I'm glad to get another chance at this.
And I noodled a bit on Kaleo's story and the new contemporary that I wanted to try. Only to realize now that I made him the wrong ethnic group. He's supposed to be lily white, red head because that's his natural cosplay. Way to forget.
It's the last Better Late Than Never - I expected a show with Terry Bradshaw, William Shatner, Henry Winkler and George Forman to be funnier. Instead it's four old men acting like they're 12. Sigh. Bits of it are funny. Terry Bradshaw (still my all time favorite QB) is insane. who knew George would be the most sensible.
ETA - On that show they had an elephant painting flowers. I have no words.
Day 13 - 211 words
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2016-09-14 10:21 am (UTC)And it's good you saw some other characters' stupidity in action? But yeah, that sort of thing would throw you out of a story.
Esp the bj in the hospital. Not that I wouldn't doubt it happening. One of my friends told me he met one of his boyfriends when the guy surfaced in the lake more or less on top of him, knocking out a tooth or two (or loosening them? I know there was a lot of blood involved) and later, my friend was giving the guy a bj. "Doesn't that hurt?" the guy asked. "Huh?" my friend responded.
no subject
Date: 2016-09-14 03:34 pm (UTC)It did throw me out of the story and the next two chapters are just sex then him being angry about his choices so I'm like GRRRR this had been SO good. I did like that finally an outsider told him 'gay cops aren't accepted much.' because his former boyfriend was in the closet and he kept saying it was because his boyfriend was 'ashamed.' And I'm like NO, that's really unfair. Some jobs you STILL can't be out.
Oh geez, honestly men. (It also bugged me because it seemed to reinforce the gay men are easy stereotype but then again so does your friend I guess)
no subject
Date: 2016-09-14 11:37 pm (UTC)The blind Doxie I posted painting last night, now she does abstracts. :D
Yes, men. Sigh.
no subject
Date: 2016-09-15 01:56 am (UTC)yeah seriously men. Shakes head.