Caramel Rain

Today after getting my blood taken for tomorrow's endocrinologist appt, I stopped at Cafe Mojo which is the coffee shop in the hospital (which has a Gallipolis Best Business sign on it. While that's cool what does it saw about Gallipolis that a tiny hospital coffee shop is one of their best places?) The owner's little girl was there and she's at that age (around 5-7) where she wants to help mom (at 13 she'll want nothing of the sort I'm sure). She desperately wanted to pour my caramel mach but naturally Mom wouldn't let her. She then wanted to put the caramel on it. I'll put on LOTS! I'll make caramel rain all over it.

Little girl I love you. I could use a caramel rain.

Mostly because my place of employment gets more depressing and desperate every day. I am seriously thinking about could I go back to school for yet another degree.

Mom's best intentions didn't go so well last night either. I laid away thinking about it. She logged into higher ed jobs and found several, two of which were actually the right jobs. But I wish she hadn't because a) change can be scary especially if I give up tenure b) the jobs have something that pricks at me.

One was at Villanova up in Erie PA. Good school. Problem, it's CATHOLIC. Yes, yes I was raised Catholic but here's the thing I CAN NOT pretend I'm on the Catholic church's bandwagon. I've seen many firings lately of priests for being pro-gay rights or pro-birth control. I can not pretend I'm not pro-choice, pro-woman, pro-gay marriage. Maybe if I had NO job I could try but it would be like being someone else. Could you imagine if they found out about Jana?

The other was at Nicolet tech college...the school that was my FIRST assignment. I think my mentor there is retiring/leaving. Part of me says YES DO IT. The starting salary is 7 grand more than what my pay was BEFORE it was cut. (probably to offset WI's cost of living). It was beautiful in Rhinelander. I loved da Nort' woods.

Problem - It wasn't all beer and skittles there. As beautiful as I found it, it was remote. I could live with that. Part of me remembers how terrible my depression was. I was nearly committed involuntarily to a psychiatric intensive care unit. I thought about suicide most nights. My student loans sent the POLICE after me. I was pulled out of my eye doctor's exam room at the Wal-Mart for god's sake. So yes, my situation back then is why I was depressed. I was adjuncting making 500$/month. It would be better now. But as beautiful as it was, the cost of fuel could be a problem because it's freaking cold there (as in it was between 20-30 degrees BELOW zero for like 6 weeks). And more of problem would be that it's a community college so I would only be teaching the same two classes every year and nothing else. I would have no pre meds just two year nurses and other allied health. What happens when there are no two year nurses anymore (which is the current push)? and worse, their asshat gov. is busy dismantling their higher education. If he's shutting down huge chunks of the U.of Wisconsin with his funding cuts, what's going to happen to a little college in the frigid tip of the state. Not to mention I'm now almost a full day's travel from Pittsburgh. SIGH. I did love it there though...

Drove into Athens to the writers group meeting. At least Kati noticed I lost weight. When I was home Dad asked me how much I gained. I said I lost and he laughed at me and told me it was impossible because he'd gained 8 pounds since i was home and had all this junk food in the house (thanks Dad. Yeah right. Maybe if you didn't eat constantly...)


the challenge for day 9 of the self-love challenge was to post fashion pictures and how did I get from there to now. ( Cut for pictures )