Today was long and hard

[cornerofmadness]

Last night's sleep was the worst in a long time. I actually tossed and turned the fitted sheet off and the pillow cases off the pillows. I dreamed that a friend from work died. We were at a theater production featuring Keiko Ageno. But at intermission they chivvied us all out and onto these outdoors football stadium bleachers. My friend TH (a chemist) was on them with us, much higher up than me and our other friends. He was trying to get my attention to show me what he was doing and he fell off the bleachers to the ground below.

I froze in a panic. I knew he was dead or dying. Finally I swung down the bleachers monkey style screaming for someone to call 911. I was trying to not kneel in his blood and when he saw me he tried to get up but the back of his head was pouring out blood and CSF and I was trying to get him to relax until the ambulance got there but I woke up soon after. Thanks brain.

I had to get in grades today which was a chore as it always is. And then we had a faculty meeting of max boredom. I wish I could get through these things without feeling judged.

And worse, the coworker I subbed for earlier this semester isn't doing well. The emergency hysterectomy was supposedly benign but she was still having pain and now there's a mass in her pancreas. She was asking me about it but we're both doctors. We both know there aren't many benign pancreatic masses and we both know how pancreatic cancer goes. Sigh. She'll know soon. I've lost so many friends at the school to cancer and even more who have had it and survived (so far)

I come home to more fandom drama and I'm getting worn out about it (and no I do not really want to talk about it, sorry)

Comments

[thenewbuzwuzz]

*hugs*

[cornerofmadness]

thank you

[enemytosleep]

Yay fandom drama! Because why not add a little spice to everyone's free time?

[cornerofmadness]

exactly. It's been years since I've been in a fandom this active. I had forgotten how it could be

[enemytosleep]

Funny how I just had this exact reminder a few days ago after like 12 years? of no drama. What a year. xD

[cornerofmadness]

I was thinking the same thing. It's probably been a decade really since I've had any big issues. The ironic thing is there was a dust up a few weeks back, not involving me but the same person was in this one too and I'm beginning to think it's them and now I'm uncomfortable because they need a friend but they're authoring ALL of their own problems at this point as far as the fandom is concerned

[enemytosleep]

It seems my drama from last week has been making the rounds, and the few things I was commenting in over the week got the silent treatment. It's been even longer since I was on the outside of a clique and feeling excluded (literally high school I'm talking here). As of earlier today I've officially decided to take a break from everything other than DW. It'll be good to focus on some art projects. I might even replay one of my favorite video games. Devout my free time to me again sort of thing.

[cornerofmadness]

I hear you. honestly the group that blew up in the Pson fandom did make me feel a little h.s. all over again (I wasn't on the inside and then realized I'm too fucking old to care about this).

On the other hand I felt like that a lot writing as Jana with the pros and i'm like really?

I'm taking a twitter/FB break for the most part right now because I'm gonna miss a deadline if I don't and I feel better

[spikedluv]

Damn, your dreams!

[cornerofmadness]

my head is a great place to be