Today sucked it

[cornerofmadness]

Woke up to no phone (I have a landline because I have NO bars down in the holler and can't depend on a call phone). AGAIN. Like every 2-3 months. So I chat them (and copy and keep the chat, OMG live chatting customer service reps is the best so I have proof and can weaponize it like tonight). They said hey there's a tech who can be there today. I cancel my plans, edit my upcoming short story for the anthology and then no one came. No one texted. No phone. I wait til 7 pm which was the cut off time.

I chat them again. The first rep ASSURED me not to worry, they'll cut my phone off immediately. WTF are you talking about Jessica you useless twat? This is why I keep the fucking chats. It took me TWENTY minutes to convince her that no one ever asked for that. Finally she gives me over to tech support (okay why isn't there a separate tech support chat line so I don't waste time with people who have no clue?) This one does see that a tech did come but didn't know how to fix it so they're sending a more experienced tech tomorrow so now they want me here from 8-8. I said look you said this today. I have to get my meds so I'll be gone for an hour of that. Live with it. Text me when you're coming.

I drag these Frontier on twitter and they do what they always do. Oh sorry to hear that, DM us for more help. I go to the DMs and you see FOUR other DMS from me about this same issue over the last two years with no response from them. Fun times.

I spent the day depressed and anxious. Rocket has been out all day. I noticed later in the evening he got his ass kicked. He's covered in scratches and bites. I know he needs fixed. I don't have a spare moment for about a month to even try this and I plan to talk to this cat rescue. Rocket really needs someone with a house and a cat door because he wants in and out so much. I can't leave him here when I'm not here. He's a bad fit for me. He's such a loving dude but he is not good for this situation.

I wish editing didn't trigger my low self esteem. It always does (and these edits are mild). It's strange I KNOW why it happens but that doesn't make it better. For years I have never measured up (not so much with my family but for others) I've been told you'll never amount to anything. You're not good at (name a thing). You can't do this. You don't belong. I think a LOT of this was the 70s-80s and me being female in science.

I am good at science. I have four separate degrees in biology and chemistry. My GPA was always between 3.6-4.0 all through high school and college but I was always told I'm no good. Highest scores in biology/chemistry in h.s. but the science award went to a boy. I was the only female scientist in my class in college. I was always assigned someone to help me until I sent them away. In medical school it wasn't much better. You'll never succeed (I was in the top 10% of my graduating class). You'll fail as a surgeon (I didn't).

I guess at the end of the day it's not that shocking I have adverse reactions to editing even though I want to be edited. I want my story to be the best it can be. I have to actively remind myself this story was accepted for publication. Someone liked it enough to say yes. You are good enough.


But it's not all bad news. I paid my student loan today and there was a message from a couple of days ago. My loan might now be eligible for public service loan forgiveness. Let me get on that.

Also silvrethorn sent me National Park teas. The first one was a bit disappointing Blackberry/lapsang sou chong with no smoky taste and it used the leaves of the blackberries which are astringent. However the glacier park tea which is black tea, juniper berries, bearberry leaf, birch bark and huckleberry is SO good that I went looking to see if I can just buy it. I can. here. It's put out by Simpson and Vail in CT.