So it's been a year

[cornerofmadness]

Oddly I got til noon before thinking about it. By this time I would have been lying on a cot in the local hospital probably just about ready to be put out and him to reposition the leg. Honestly part of me still wants to scream about that.

the fall is still very clear in my mind. Not how it happened mind you. It was like in slow motion. I remember seeing my legs go up in the air. I hit arms first which is why I still don't get how I did that much damage to my leg but I knew it was bad from the moment I saw it.

I mean I knew immediately I was fucked. The knee was bent backwards and the leg looked my knee was an elbow with the forearm about 30 degrees off the ground. It wouldn't relax. I couldn't move it into position. Luckily I had the phone in hand when I fell (I had just talked to my mom).

I called 911 and they asked is the door open. Well fuck no it wasn't. I inched over on my butt so they didn't have to kick down my door. Every movement was pain beyond anything I'd experienced and this is hardly my first broken bone or dislocated knee. I got the door open and then used the draft stopper weiner dog to put under my knee to keep it from bending further. In retrospect it might be why the blood vessels didn't die right then and there and why I only lost sensory input and not the whole nerves).

I called my parents to tell them and I didn't want to be alone on the floor waiting for help because that was scary as fuck (and yeah honestly when I'm older I'm not going to fight getting a life alert let me tell you.)

It was a blur. I remember my neighbor rushing over to give me her number to come get me. I remember the EMS worker joking about the morphine he was giving me (ah morphine) I remember the doctor and nurses teasing me after I was put out to reposition the knee because that anesthesia makes you hallucinate and talk (I was on kitty island with Lou Diamond Phillips)

And I remember him telling me you'll be going home in a few hours. Think on that and realize why I want to scream. GO HOME. I broke all three bones, tore out the meniscus and all the tendons and ligaments and if my blood supply to the foot didn't go bad (probably helped along by his restrictive dressing) he was going to send me home alone.

Life flighting me to the trauma center was the best thing he did. I have nothing but praise for the trauma center and the care I got there. It even had decent food.

I tell my nursing students the horrors of the nursing home. I don't need to repeat them here. I documented them as I went. Can't say it enough, if you have someone you love in a nursing/assisted living home check on them and go on random days so they can't predict your pattern.

I can walk again which seemed so unlikely last year. I go in a couple weeks to see the surgeon again. I am having pain not in the knee but inferior to it (as I've been saying for a year) I can feel a divot in the bone. I have decided if he doesn't take an x-ray of it then I'll go to my brother's clinic in May and have them do it and switch my care (which I don't really need much of now) there or maybe back here. whatever. I want to know is did the tibia heal because it doesn't feel like it and now that most of the swelling is gone you can see where the issues are.

I haven't been out to the woods yet. I might go next months with friends. I might not ever get to go alone again. We shall see. Lake Alma is where I'd like to start as it's relatively flat.

This is still impacting where I might wander off to this year. Honestly the best vacation I could have taken was my work con and play on the beach but it's Florida and so nope (sorry Floridian friends) It's most likely going to be a history/museum sort of trip wherever it is i go.

And I can't end this anniversary post without another big THANK YOU to all of you. So many of you stepped up to text/email/DM me over those long weeks in the hospital. You sent me little gifts to lift my spirits. I am so happy to have you all in my life. I am lucky.