In a very dangerous place

[cornerofmadness]

that's mostly numb. It's the numb that frightens me to be honest. Like I've cast off my last ties and am ready for free fall.

Spoke the an agent working with the bankruptcy lawyer...and to be honest I don't see an upside to this. If I don't try to get the debt reduced I owe well over 250 thousand just for medical school (yeah, I'm SO glad I did that) and it's in default. I'm not sure what all they can do to me besides garnish my wages.

In talking to the tax person with the lawyer I've learned what I suspected, i can't shield the loans I AM paying nor my credit cards. It's all or nothing. In fact I'm in 'trouble' for paying preferentially if I continue to pay them. The advice was STOP PAYING NOW. But here's the rub. VERY few cases have ever been won in reducing student loan debt (though something just changed that's promising but she couldn't say what) I could be paying this guy 4 grand to start with PLUS screwing over all the credit cards and loans I have now and LOSE. In fact it's likely I will lose. If i want a new car, the trustee has to approve it and the choice isn't mine. She says I'll be able to buy a house. See me not believing it. I'll get new credit cards, she says. Yeah, I've heard that before. And I did but they aren't good ones. Next time it'll be worse.

I guess I need to talk to the lawyer himself and ask him HOW is this any better than the default. Either way I'm going to owe something but in default at least I'm not screwing myself on what I am able to pay. The one positive thing was she didn't think (as I thought) that the last time I was sued they could legally assess 18% interest rate. This is NOT a credit card. if they could at least get that back to what it should be, things would be looking up.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

And I've not been wanting to talk about how sick I am. Nothing strains a friendship more than someone constantly complaining about it. (though when you're chronically sick it consumes your life, believe me). I think all this stress has kicked my fibromyalgia back into gear after nearly a decade. I hurt. Bad. All over. I think I have tendonitis in my hip now since I can't flex it or cross my legs. It's of course on the opposite side of my bad knee and today the stress of trying to cope with the hip pain collapsed my knee. I can hardly walk. I feel so horribly old. Not helping matters is the sudden loss of my period and the pain over one ovary. Yes i go to see the ob/gyn next week and see if this is premature menopause and/or a massive cyst. Then there's something inside my abdomin that feels like it's moving whenever I do, like I have a band around me. I have no idea what that is. This is new that started this weekend and is getting worse each day. It doesn't hurt but it's uncomfortable. ANd the sugar is just getting worse, the more we do the worse it gets. Oddly if I eat carbs (you know the things diabetics shouldn't eat) that are WHEAT based my sugar drops. I have no idea.

And I'm not sad or angry about any of it. I'm just sitting quietly. That's the part that frightens me. it feels like I'm done and I'm just waitng for the end.

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

You're sitting quietly because you're numb. I've been there. Granted, I wasn't sick, but I was certainly on the weird side of nature for me.

I'd say see the attorney, see what he says. If he says it's not going to do much good, I'd take the $4000 and offer it to the student loan people and say, "Look, I was gonna file bankruptcy but I'd rather try to work out some sort of payment plan with you. Here's some money, let's try to do this without screwing both of us over."

Hang in there.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

the problem is they WONT work with me. One way or the other i go to court. I just need to know how best to do it

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Okay, how about asking the attorney if he'd be willing to yell at them for you? I mean, that is another thing they get paid for.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i plan on that too. I could use advice on how to handle a default if i don't do bankruptcy and i don't know where to find help

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I don't know, either but I'd bet one of the credit counseling services might.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

so far...no

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Hrnmmm

[lyricnonsense.livejournal.com]

*hug* *sends good thoughts*

Like evil_little_dog said, just hang in there.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks

[rain-oubliette.livejournal.com]

I really wish I could do something to help. Medical problems should (I hope) be a reason for defaulting on loans. I mean, you were trained to be a surgeon and can't do that because of health. As you are getting worse (because of stress right now), that should be considered. OK. In a happy dreamland of justness it would happen... in ours, doubtful.

When you're numb... try to enjoy it. Once the nerves kick back in, you'll feel sick. Relax and enjoy the tranquility of the nothingness. Zen.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

sadly you'd think that. I mean I WOULD have paid if that patient hadn't wrecked my hand but he did and here I am makiing a teacher's wage not a surgeon's. And the government does not give a damn

[sp23.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry to hear all this. The tension of your financial problems can only be adding, if not causing, a lot of you current health problems.

I think evil little dog has a great idea though. I understand the student loan people want their payments, but, god, there's only so much blood you can squeeze from a turnip, y'know?

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

you'd think that but they can take everything. it sucks

[chaos-by-design.livejournal.com]

*hug* *hug* *hug*

I don't know what else to say. You have my email address if you need someone to talk to.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks. i appreciate it

[anguisel.livejournal.com]

I have no clue if this will cheer you up but...

Today's sunset 1 (http://pics.livejournal.com/anguisel/pic/0002t8sy)

Today's sunset 2 (http://pics.livejournal.com/anguisel/pic/0002wxzy)

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

boy are those gorgeous. Coming home from the lawyers I wished i had my camera. The sun set was violet and hot pink

[sarakat.livejournal.com]

*hugs you close*

I'm so sorry honey. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that everything works out for you.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks. i appreciate it

[silvrethorn.livejournal.com]

Hmm. If the greenback becomes worthless and the government topples into anarchy like 1920's Germany, will your loan crap go away? If you can't be positive, be nihilistic. If you can't even summon up the energy for nihilism, go to a spa and spend your money on a hot mud bath and shiatsu massage before the loan people snatch it away from you. It might even help the joints a little, if not the blood pressure (don't think shiatsu and hot mud are going to do anything for the blood sugar, though).

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i've actually given thought to the spa idea

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry and angry that this is happening. It's insane that your health is being ruined and the government doesn't understand that you are not capable of paying this loan.

If you need to talk, e-mail me and I'll give you my phone number or whatever I can do.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you very much. I appreciate it a lot

[lillypuff.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. So sorry to hear about all this =( I wish I could offer some sage advice, but I have no experiance dealing with these sorts of things, but know that your in my thoughts and I hope like hell you can get through all this!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks. I appreciate it (and honestly I'm glad you have no experience in it. I would hate for anyone to be doing this)

[0-mother-0.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm so sorry Dana

I wish I could help... Maybe we can get a fundraiser going - try to pool some money... If we each sold something or had a bake sale or took up a collection... You have so many friends and so many -talented- friends to boot. We should be able to do something. Hey, I'm certainly willing :)

And your poor body with all of its inherent problems -and- under all this stress... while working and writing and helping everyone else. Gah! I honestly don't know how you do it. You are such a strong person - now if we could just get your body to be as strong as your spirit...

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

you know I thought about writing and whining to someone like Oprah. Want to do my story Oprah? Bet that could get me somewhere.

and thanks

[mjules.livejournal.com]

And you took my installment of the series because I was having problems without telling me you were going through this!?

Dude. C'mon. I'll take it back if you need me to. There isn't much else I can do. (I mean, I'm ignoring the calls from MY collectors...)

And hey, I think silvrethorn had a good idea, ftr.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah i think she does too.

yeah well i don't mind. stress helps me write. (you know the collectors have stopped calling...this doesn't bode well does it?)

if you want it back, okay, if not i just reread issue 59 and have ideas (imagine Roy's reaction to Maes 'bright future' [and his horrified look as he says 'a woman?'] and his reaction to Riza's do you even remember me (which still doesn't make sense to me. HOW does she imagine he could forget her)

[mjules.livejournal.com]

*laugh* If you have ideas, and the writing is good for you, go for it. If, however, you want me to take it - I certainly will.

And I dunno what's a good sign and what isn't anymore. I figure I'll just wait until it's something I can't ignore. *laugh* So far, I've been ignoring things rather well.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i'll let you know. I have all those stupid holiday ones too (well i've completed one and others I took ANOTHER challenge where completing the challenge will in turn fulfill holiday fic)

oh i'm good at ignoring my own personal doom too

and now off for home so i can finish the remaining 35 words to win nano...

[ladystarlightsj.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. *hugs* I'm praying for you.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you

[trixiefatcat.livejournal.com]

...

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

tell me about it

[mulzrule.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about all this. IT just sucks big time. *hugs*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

What everybody else said. Good thoughts winging your way. May your advocates advocate the hell out of the system.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks. i appreciate it

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks. I appreciate it

[mstardutchess.livejournal.com]

I really don't know what to say to this. The government is screwed up. They want people to get educations but then the loan bills come and they won't do a damn thing to help. They don't care about people unless they have a million + in the bank.

I can't offer much words of wisdom except you are in my prayers and if I were there I would give you a huge hug and a shoulder to cry on.


*much love and prayers*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you very much

[purple-smurf.livejournal.com]

I haven't been online in a couple of days, again, and I just saw this. I thought I'd reply and say that you are in prayers, and I just... I worry about you. I don't say it enough, or ever, but I do. You and your health have been in my prayers for some time now, and you are loved and I don't have any advice. Just sending pretty pointless internet hugs, and keeping you in both thoughts and prayers.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thank you very much. I appreciate the prayers